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three years

Its been 3 years already? Covid19 got all of us fucked up. Ive already graduated university. You have finished your NS. Both of us have started working. I cannot thank you enough for always being there for me no matter how tough the situation was for the both of us or even when you couldnt understand what I was going through. My nervous breakdowns, stressed out and hungry self - you handled it all. YOURE THE TRUE MVP! <3 I dont know what I would do without you. Really. Im so happy that youre in my life, taking care of me and always being there for me. Til the next year, mi amor. I love you.

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two years

You with your NS and me with my uni life, it was tough. But hey, its been 2 years already! I was trying my best to be there for you as much as you were there for me. I really do appreciate it. I know how NS life has been tough on you, losing weight, not being able to spend time with me physically and having to share your time out with your family, friends and I. I hope you take good care of yourself and be able to go through this hurdle together. May we be together still in the next one. I love you.

[err0r4oh4]

one year

We have finally reached the one year mark of being together. Here, we have learnt so much about each others’ expectations, body language, likes and dislikes, our families and most importantly ourselves. We have been through the rough times just as much as our highest peaks in life together. The tears, the laughter, all of it, with you.

I had lost people I truly cared about, trying to save them while trying to save us. Its such a shame that it turned out to be ‘me choosing you over them’ but I wasnt planning on giving you up because I saw the potential this relationship had.  May we be together in til the next.

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gonna tell my kids this was the cast of riverdale

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❤ if you save

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credit me @strippedyonce

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We wish you all the happiness in the world, Goo Hara ♡️

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“Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say My tooth is aching than to say My heart is broken.”

— C. S. Lewis

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“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff

[err0r4oh4]

My opinion: Singapore’s “brownface” Issue

Disclaimer: This post is based on my opinion. Please don’t sue me but rather take this as criticism and an area for improvement.

A few weeks ago, Singapore had published an advertisement for e-payment and the ad consisted of a male model who had portrayed himself as the different nationalities in Singapore. It was the same ad that had sparked controversies as that model had painted himself brown to identify himself as an Indian. In my opinion, this whole issue itself could have been resolved if the company who was supposed to make the ad had hired the people from the respective nationalities that represent Singapore itself - Chinese, Malay, Indian. Ads in Singapore are often regulated, as a result, this ad received massive backlash from the minorities as it was deemed a racist ad. To make matters worse, this was not the first time “brownface” has become an issue in itself. 

Preetipls and her brother, Subhas, made a response music video that spoke about how the majority race had privileges and calling them out for their mistake as it wasn't the first time the ‘brownface’ has been thrown around in media. In the  parody video, they used a lot of profanities. I honestly feel that their response was appropriate because it’s 2019 and Singapore is still making the same mistake regarding brownface and the song they used, originally had a lot of profanities. It's a hip hop song, what did you expect to hear? Because of that parody video calling the involved parties on their shit, it had gotten to a point whereby even the government was involved to “resolve” this issue. However, with the minister’s statements regarding this controversy, all of the attention was then shifted from the ad to the video (which tbh is the stupidest thing that could happen because everyone seems to forget that this video was in response to the ad itself and not done without any valid reason). 

Saying that there are other ways to approach this matter is correct however telling how someone’s reaction is invalid because “it sparks racial tension” when the majority race uses casual racism on a daily basis as a fucking joke. “Focused groups, discussion, dialogues” are the channels that you may suggest as appropriate but what if I say that 70% of the population is not ready to face the facts because they know they have the privilege and know that this is the least of their concerns. Racism is taught since young, and when they grow up, they’re going to instil the same backward mindset of a particular race in their own children. This will keep happening if the people with the voices and power don't fucking wake up and quit being ignorant. Don’t talk about how we are not like other countries, look at the US, they too have people of colour. The only difference is they’re allowed to call out for shit they don’t like but here, you're expected to be silent and are singled out if you do wack shit like what preetipls did. 

In my fucking conclusion, those who insist that “brownface” is not offensive, y’all are problematic as fuck. It's 2019, get your shit together Singapore, stop making these stupid mistakes and its about damn time we do something about casual racism. One last thing, quit teaching your kids “later apu neh neh come and catch you” cause wtf is apu neh neh?? Teach your kids the good in everyone, not shit like this. I’m not saying I'm not guilty in partaking in casual racism, I'm trying to say what if the roles got switched, yall wouldn't be happy about it right? About the typical stereotypes: never shower, slit eyes, etc. Not very nice right? So stop it with the brownface shit. Once again, this is just my opinion and don't fkin tell me that there's no such thing as Chinese privilege because please get your head out of your ass. 

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I knew you were always kind of a sad person. 

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I went to Cambodia the other day and the group I went with were awesome. I'm not just saying for the sake of saying but, to be honest, they're the only group of people that I’ve travelled overseas with and is perfectly alright with everyone else to go and come back. They’re really a group of wonderful individuals and I wish nothing but the best for them. 

From late-night packing, spilling the tea and even stirring the pot for a new set of tea to laughing at our own mishaps, and helping each other get over our own little struggles. I really like them, they’re precious individuals who deserve nothing but the best. LMAO i really do like them (what a sentimental hoe). 

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letting it go

I vowed myself not to talk shit about you now that we’re no longer friends but I deserve to be free from all this extra baggage from my past. Cambodia happened, and that's when the tea spilt and I decide to come clean about it. I only told my girls about it since the boys were so busy and head over heels because of a “waterfall”. 

I told them about how we were good friends until he came along and how it immediately went downhill during that chalet that night till 6 am when I was alone in the room, sleeping. 

I told them how you would throw shade at me because I had been talking to a couple of boys in hopes to be getting a boyfriend or just for the fun of it because I got my heart, broken. 

I told them how you were jealous of the fact that my current boyfriend’s friend was only doing his friend favour because it was the friend that was interested in me and not because he liked me. 

I told them how you were always striving and preaching to be the mature one but when I call you out on things that you were doing that I didn’t like, or when I genuinely wanted to clear shit up because I didn't want to have bad blood or overthink and overreact with regards to the situation, you’d get defensive. 

I told them how much struggled and weighed on the consequences. If it was worth it to keep the friendship even after all those little minor things that you did to me that eventually made me feel like shit. Talk about being toxic, about being real, talk about being friends forever, about prioritising different group of friends.

I told them how quick you were to jump on to labels, something that you were so against. Most importantly, I told them how painful it was and yet it felt so liberating, letting you go. 

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Utter disappointment

I guess this is what I get, utter disappointment, for expecting much of you.

Saying you were toxic was bad enough for me to do it because I can no longer stand having to deal with someone who is quick to jump to conclusions and labels. However you took that to a whole new level by blocking me on social media, deleting our photos on instagram. You tried to erase me out of your life as if I never existed in it before.

To me, that was uncalled for because if you go around preaching about treating me as a sister and always looking out for me, why were you so quick to make it look as if I have never set a foot in your life? Am i the asshole for simply being true to myself because i cant deal with you anymore?

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whatever.

To me, it doesnt matter if you dont like me because i cut you off for my own well-being, but please dont play victim and make it as if I wronged you to the extent that I am an asshole who ruined your whole life and family.

Call me selfish but honestly, it takes more than just an immediate thought of getting rid of you. Dont say I never weighed the consequences because i clearly did. I cared more about my own happiness because i was starting to get sick and tired of having to be cautious about who im seeing/talking and how i joke. More importantly, im tired of having to pretend that i dont care that you could throw shade about me talking to so many guys at a time or how guys would “prefer me over you” by whatever means. I don’t enjoy things like that.

Just because you said you miss me doesnt mean I am obligated to reply to the text and hope to rebuild that bridge of friendship that I tore down because it was half burnt down. Im not saying im not wrong for being petty, but i would say Im sticking to my word. However cutting people off doesnt mean that I literally clear the existence of these people in my life because i want to remember all these people who ditched me halfway, whom i ditched halfway, people i no longer could understand or even be in their level of understanding. That way, i stay reminded about how people are like and wont be so naive and at the same time remind me about how muh I’ve grown.