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eternalfeatherofaeons · 4 hours

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This made me laugh for twenty minutes straight, it deserves a reblog

if the hashira had had the opportunity to try being in an airplane or plane, how do you think each one would be at takeoff and be in the skies at once? it's for a homework *slyly hides papers for an au on dragons*

This Ask inspired me to write Crack Fic. I do not apologize for typos at this hour.

There had been delay after delay, but it’s finally almost time for take-off for this Mugen Airways flight. There was hubbub about changed gates, some boy upset about having to put his sister in checked baggage instead of a carry-on, and a last minute pilot and crew change. It’s a small plane, there are only three rows, and with the exception of the crew and one passenger, none of them have been on a flight before.

In Seat 1A, we have Gyomei. He doesn’t have much anxiety or excitement; this is merely a way to get from one place to another. Next to him in Seat 1B, Shinobu has neatly put a book in the magazine pocket and stowed her bag, though she’s keeping handy some candied ginger. Across the aisle from them, Giyuu is 1C, and he’s taking up both arm rests. In the window seat, 1D, Sanemi is tapping his foot and has his forehead pressed against the window.

Behind them, Mitsuri is in Seat 2A, and dressed up in a beret like in Kimetsu Academy. She’s very excited, and when Obanai in 2B asks her if she’s nervous, she assures him she’ll be fine, as her Breath style often has her up in the air and flipping around, she’ll be fine no matter what this airplane has in store. Obanai, who already doesn’t like the enclosed space, tells her he doesn’t expect it to do any flips.

In 2C, Kyojuro is enjoying the thrill and anticipation. At last he cannot contain himself a minute longer and asks the stewardess with a mole on her face where he can buy a bentou. She thanks him for his enthusiasm but politely informs him that the inflight meal will be served only once they are safely in the air. Meanwhile, Muichiro in Seat 2D has no enthusiasm whatsoever.

In the back row, Zenitsu has found he’s got the window seat, 3A. The view will likely be terrifying so je thinks to offer switching, but then he looks over and sees Tanjiro guiding Inosuke to his seat, 3B. Now Zenitsu has to keep the window seat guarded, lest Inosuke try to bolt out of it mid-flight. Inosuke is on guard and looking all around at everything aggressively, as they are in the belly of a beast.

“You don’t need to be suspicious of them,” says Tanjiro, taking his seat by the window in 3D. “The luggage policy isn’t the desk agent’s fault. I do hope Nezuko will be alright down there, though.”

“I’m certain she will,” says the stranger who puts his suitcase in the overhead bin and brings it to smooth but forceful close. “No bumps and bruises ever bother a demon for long.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. We’re now preparing for take-off, so please keep your armrests and tray tables stowed and keep your seat in the full upright position.”

“I still don’t like the whole ‘no demons in the cabin’ rule. She’s a certified Corp service demon, too! She—” he says, but then gags on the cologne wafting from the man sitting down in Seat 3C.

“At least you’re lucky to be on the same flight as her,” he assures him, but in his mind he remarks that there was no luck about it. He has agents all throughout the Mugen Terminal. He suspected Kamado Nezuko might be capable of mastering the sun and wanted to find her, and then he had the good luck of finding out they were in the same airport. He orchestrated all the delays so that Nezuko would be luggage on his flight headed east, away from the sun. With the cover of darkness, his plan was to push the pilot out the window over the ocean and then return with his new possession before sunrise. The man in Seat 3C is Muzan, by the way.

“Hey. Armrests, Tomioka.”

“I leave seatbelts as a personal choice.”

Shinobu buckles hers demurely, then while staring straight ahead with a smile requests that Himejima fasten his too.

“It’s speaking,” grunts Inosuke.

Zenitsu responds, “That’s the captain, idiot—wait, this voice—”

“Um, sir?" a flight attendant says to Inosuke, "I think you’re a sir? Please remain seated.”

”Your lovely flight attendants will provide our inflight meal service once we reach cruising altitude. Now we invite you to relax and enjoy a very flamboyant ride today aboard Mugen Airways.”

The plane then slams to a high speed, pushing everyone backward in their seats. Inosuke sees this an exciting challenge and jumps to a squat on his seat, one hand on the ceiling and another on the back of his chair which he yanks back and forth. “WHOA!! HAHAHAH!! SO FAST!! IT’S SO FAST!!”

“Inosuke, sit down—” SPRONNGGG!!! “AHHH! Inosuke, you broke the seatback! You were supposed to keep that upright! It’s going to come flying through my head now!”

“Would you mind keeping it down?” hisses Obanai, who must do enough hissing in place of Kaburamaru, who stayed home, as he preferred not to set himself up for bad movie title jokes.

Mitsuri clenches her hands against her thighs. “This is it!” she squeals.

“HA HA HA! It’s very fast!” declares Kyojuro, his arms folded. Muichiro wonders why they’re going so fast all of a sudden. Where are they going, anyway? For the purposes of this Ask response, that is irrelevant information. It is only relevant that their flight is headed west, chasing the sun.

Sanemi, despite himself, is getting excited. He’s never moved this fast before, it’s actually kind of fun. He looks to Giyuu to make a comment as such, but Giyuu is still staring straight forward, his arms resting over his legs now instead.

Shinobu found the initial inertia startling, but she’s already fine with this and anticipating the sensations of takeoff, which she can picture fairly well from a scientific perspective.

Gyomei, however, has found himself gasping. He doesn’t like this.

With an unnecessarily flashy BANG, the airplane takes off. Gyomei really doesn’t like this and his eyes burst with a stream of tears. Shinobu finds it about was she expected and is able to enjoy the sensation, Giyuu is unphased, Sanemi found it kind of scary but in a fun way, Mitsuri has burst out into a wide smile and squeaks a little “kyaa!” of a scream, Obanai doesn’t like the feeling but finds it tolerable, Kyojuro says “hmm!” at this surprising new sensation, and Muichiro is confused but kind of likes whatever is going on. Right behind him, Tanjiro had wondered if Muichiro was doing alright with all this because he was so quiet, but now his thoughts are all on how Nezuko must be getting thrown around. There is no space left in Tanjiro’s mind for any thoughts of how he personally is experiencing this. Muzan doesn’t care. Inosuke is cheering and bouncing up and down on the seat, and Zenitsu is

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

A voice comes up on the PA. “Excuse me, this is your Captain speaking: SHUT UP.”

Up in the cockpit, Tengen slams the microphone down and gets back to manning the controls. “Sheesh, all that screaming isn’t going to let me concentrate.”

Next to him, Kagaya sips a warm cup of tea. He is the honorary co-pilot. Airline regulations wouldn’t allow him to be an actual co-pilot because he’s blind. “That’s amazing, Tengen. I didn’t know you could fly a plane.”

“We learn it in ninja school.”

“Really? Amane had to attend an accredited flight school. It took a long time,” he says, then takes another sip of tea, having no trouble with the physics of the plane still rising.

Meanwhile in the cabin, Zenitsu’s soul has left his body, so he puts up no fight when Inosuke uses him something to lean on while pressing his snout against the window. In the seat in front of him Mitsuri would love to also press her face against the window to appreciate the view of all the teeny tiny houses, but something doesn’t feel right. It’s almost like on those rare occasions when she eats too quickly, but, it’s different, and it’s urgent—

“Kanroji, here’s a bag—”

She stuffs her face into the paper bag Obanai already had open—he saw the change in color in her cheeks and acted on a reflex—and she hurls. When it seems she’s done she whimpers with her head between her knees, and Obanai wonders if he should rub her back. That’s a normal thing people do to care for someone in this circumstance, but not if one is a boy and one is a girl and they are not married, right? “Sorry,” she says, “I thought I wouldn’t have any trouble…”

“It’s not your fault. It’s an entirely different sensation. When performing your Breath technique you are in control of your own movements, whereas in this circumstance you’re getting moved passively by your surroundings. I will fight anyone who tries to fault you.”

“He’s right, Kanroji-san!” offers Tanjiro, leaning over from across the row behind them, “I—GUH,” he gags on the smell, “completely agree so—GUH—don’t worry!”

“No one asked you, Kamado Tanjiro.”

“I’ll take that bag from you, sir,” says the flight attendant. “Not that I can take it far away in a plane this small, though. You’ll still probably smell it just the same back there, but at least you won’t have to hold it.”

Obanai tenses and looks averts his glance away from the busty woman who was talking so close to him, but hands her the paper bag politely.

To his left, Mitsuri has sat up, but is keeping her eyes closed and one hand over her nose and mouth. “Thank you, Iguro-san,” she mumbles, but he hears her loud and clear and blushes mad, the extra heat in his face making this whole contraption feel all the more stuffy and confined.

Now that they are settling into a new normal, Sanemi is enjoying the view out the window. He’s never seen clouds like that before, wow! And now he has, and he’s bored. He flips through a magazine.

Muichiro is entranced by the clouds. Kyojuro asks him what’s out there, Muichiro answers, “Clouds,” and now Kyojuro is more loudly entranced by the sight of clouds too.

If Gyomei weren’t blind, Shinobu would suggest he relax by looking at clouds too. “It’s alright, Himejima-san. The scary part is over.”

“No. No, this the scary part. There’s nothing beneath my feet, Shinobu. It’s completely absent.”

“Your feet are as firmly planted on the floor as mine. There’s no need to be silly.”

“It’s a paper-thin floor looming above nothingness!” he snaps back, whispering as though he doesn’t want to make anyone else panic. "We are paper-thin floor away from falling to our deaths!”

“Himejima-san, please,” she pulls him lower so that she can whisper closer to his ear. “Everyone looks to you as a rock of support, and you need to hold it together.”

“Hold it together? This whole rickety plane, you mean?”

“Here, have a ginger candy.”

“No,” he sits up and turns away with his arms folded very tightly. “It tastes too strong.”

“You’re acting like a child…”

“Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu…”

Sanemi is bored of flipping through the magazine. He looks all around and sighs. The only thing left to do is strike up a conversation with someone, anyone. That 'anyone' is Giyuu. “Some flight, huh?” he says.

Giyuu says nothing back.

Sanemi is annoyed, but then concerned. Could it be that Giyuu has been scared stiff this whole time?”

“Hey. Tomioka. Hey!”

“Yes?”

“I know it’s scary, but it’s going to be alright. The flight will be over before you know it.”

“Air travel isn’t frightening.”

Giyuu leaves it at that, and he totally means it. Sanemi is ticked off and goes back to looking at clouds.

Tanjiro is not at all enjoying the array of smells. It’s getting to him, and he wishes he could open a window. Instead, Muzan asks him to close the shade. “Oh? I can, sure. But wouldn’t it be nice to look at the clouds?”

“Please. Close. The shade.”

“Alright,” he agrees and does as asked. Muzan is getting impatient with how long it’s taking to get away from the sun. As he understands, he boarded an east-bound flight and should be zooming away from the setting the sun, thereby resulting in a relatively earlier onset of night. The problem is that in actuality, he boarded a west-bound flight.

“Attention, passengers. We’ve now reached cruising altitude. Your lovely flight attendants will be serving your inflight meal shortly. Drinks were forgotten at the gate though, I hope you’re not thirsty. Except for you, Oyakata-sama. Have another cup of tea.”

“Why, thank you. The intercom is still on, by the way.”

“Shit!” he yells as he flips it off. He then huffs and concentrates with two hands on the steering wheel.

“It seems you’re still getting used to this.”

“I don’t have many flying hours, you could say.”

“Oh. Is this perhaps your first time?”

“No! I just… I just haven’t flown since passing my test, like, eight years ago. I’d have reviewed if I expected this. There I was thinking I was getting pulled aside and shown to first class because my wives are working the meal service, but then I got shoved up here to the cockpit to pilot the thing. How did they even know I’m a pilot? That’s supposed to be a secret!”

“I think I see what happened now.”

“What?”

“They were only told the pilot would have white hair in a ponytail. You caught their attention before Amane did.”

“Amane-sama was supposed to be flying this thing?”

“Yes. I was very surprised when you showed up instead.”

“You didn’t… you didn’t think to say anything before we took off? What if I hadn’t studied piloting at all, Oyakata-sama?”

“It’s alright. I have complete faith in you. It’s just going to be a simple trip now,” he replies. Tengen hears disappointment in his tone.

As the meals are served in the cabin, the reactions are varied. The food is not especially good or bad, but very blah. Sanemi and Giyuu both eat without minding it or each other. Shinobu knew the environment would make the food bland, but she came with a few seasonings prepared. She offers some to Gyomei, who says he doesn’t want any food if they don’t have vegetarian options. It turns out they do, but he was only saying that as an excuse because he doesn’t trust any of the food on this contraption, but now he’s stuck with it until Shinobu will apologetically hand back a full tray later saying he wasn’t feeling well. When offered a blindfold so that he can rest, she refuses on his behalf.

With such a lack of flavor, Muichiro hardly even notices that he has absentmindly feeding himself. Kyojuro, as a means of convincing himself and looking for the good in everything, declares after every bite that it is TASTY and the stewardesses find this endearing—at first. After five bites he becomes just another annoying passenger. Obanai declines a meal, and as much as Mitsuri was looking forward to trying it, she sadly turns it down too. Now her stomach hurts due to hunger in addition to everything else.

The flight attendent with two colors in her hair is about to offer a tray to the passenger in Seat 3A, but since he’s asleep, she asks the… human boy?... in Seat 3B if he wants two, and he enthusiastically offers to take both. However, he’s very disappointed in what he sees. “What is this? No tempura?”

“What do you think we are, Wisteria Airlines?” she sneers back. But she also counts up the extra trays she’s carrying and offers him those too, which he accepts anyway.

Muzan is very, very quick to refuse a meal. Tanjiro accepts one, he might as well though he isn’t feeling in the mood with all those smells going on, but he knows it’s good to get steady nutritional intake. As he opens it, though, something finally hits him.

“There’s a demon on this flight! I smell one!”

“Of course there is. You must be smelling your sister in checked baggage.”

“Don’t be alarmed, sir. If there is a demon on this flight, the Pillars and I will protect you.”

Muzan is inwardly fuming with impatience for the sun to set. Why hasn’t it set??!?

Back in the cockpit…

“I see. I see. Thank you for calling. Take care. I know. See you later,” says Kagaya, who ends the call on his phone, which is decorated with a crow accessory. “That was Amane.”

“Are you supposed to be able to use cell phones…? Nevermind, go on.”

“There was a mix-up at the terminal. It turns out I’m the one on the wrong plane, not Amane. Silly me, wandering on after seeing one of the other passengers! She’s flying east as planned, and on schedule, too. But in the rush to get extra checked bags on this flight, it seems there was a cargo mix up.”

“…And…?”

“Please fly carefully.”

“My wives are on this flight, I’m already flying carefully.”

Kagaya takes another sip of tea and says, “It was very silly putting all the Pillars on one flight. Very, very silly.” Although he’s smiling, Tengen picks up on a frustrated sound.

Now it’s time for some turbulence.

The stewardesses are unphased. They deal with this all the time, and although Suma is fine with getting tossed around, she is still always afraid of what might be the cause of turbulence. Inosuke throws both hands in the air and cheers, thereby throwing half-finished trays of food in the air. Kyojuro laughs loud, and Muichiro, even as a surprised to himself, smiles!? Tanjiro sticks his hand across Muzan’s chest like he’s acting as a totally unnecessary seatbelt, which Muzan finds almost as irksome as the sunlight peeking through the windows. Sanemi is a mix of amused and scared again but as it keeps going he’s more scared, but with a glance up to unphased Giyuu, he gets frustrated and can’t allow himself feel any fear. Shinobu is surprised that there’s this much of it, but she’s not disturbed, and has the peace of mind to turn and offer Mitsuri a ginger candy to chew. Mitsuri quickly accepts and then swallows it whole. On a particularly rough bump, Mitsuri shrieks and then grabs Obanai’s hand to squeeze. Obanai passes out. Gyomei wishes he had a cat to hold to get him through this.

As Tengen is doing his best to keep the plane steady, Kagaya is doing his best to keep drinking tea, but it’s splashing everywhere. “You know,” he says, “had this gone according to plan, I’d be far over the ocean by now.”

“It would probably be smoother flying—out there—wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, yes. Amane tells me it’s going very smoothly. She even had the leeway to depart the cockpit and serve cocktails personally. We called those cocktails ‘The Sanemi Special.’ Those demons are now all sleeping peacefully."

"Demons? You were going to be on a flight of demons?"

"One in particular. The plan was that we were going to dump them all in the middle of the ocean. If that wouldn’t kill them, then they’d be stranded once the sun rose, we thought.”

There was another big bump. “And you’re telling me this because?”

“Because there was a mix-up in the cargo. Please fly carefully.”

Things have gotten really bumpy, but the stewardesses are still trying to do their job. Makio, who has just finished cleaning up Inosuke’s mess, says to the yellow boy in Seat 3A, “Excuse me, sir. This is a non-smoking flight.”

He hisses out a puff of smoke. “Thunder Breathing, First Form…”

“Let’s do that all again!” Inosuke pleads with her. She is about to explain it doesn’t work that way when they hit another really big bump. Gyomei screams higher and louder than anyone. Kyojuro has finished his meal and at last turns to Muichiro and asks in a very serious tone, “Is it just me, or do you think there’s any demon interference on this flight?” Muichiro ponders it, then agrees.

And then an explosion happens. It’s really flamboyant.

Tengen is doing everything in his power to deliver everyone to as safe a landing as he possibly can, but it’s still going to be a hard hit. “Eject, abort, whatever, hit the deck!” he screams into the intercom, but when impact happens, he has to make the difficult split-second choice to save Kagaya instead of going to the cabin to collect his wives. Lucky for him, Kyojuro is also on this flight, and saving this number of people from death in a crash is easy-peasy for him. It’s even easier when not everyone needs rescue; he’s got the three stewardesses safely handled, while Muichiro has saved himself, Sanemi has saved himself (having been alerted by Giyuu very calmly telling him to be prepared an instant before Sanemi would had thought to), Giyuu looks like nothing has happened whatsoever, Shinobu has saved herself, Inosuke has saved himself and had fun the whole way down, Mitsuri has saved herself as well as acted as a cushion to Obanai’s fall, Zenitsu had Thunderclap and Flashed his way down through the exploding cargo area to rescue Nezuko and her box, Tanjiro is somewhat injured but more or less alright and Kyojuro reminds himself that he should make a Tsuguko out of him, and that leaves the last passenger as a demon so it’s rather disappointing that he won’t be injured even if he stays in his seat. That does leave Gyomei, though, and he’s heavy, so this gives Kyojuro some difficulty.

They’re all alive! Kagaya calls Amane to give her news and tells her to enact Plan B, open the trap door under the demons and then fly the plane back. Everyone is accessing themselves and each other for injuries, and then out of the wreckage comes Muzan. He laughs about that isn’t enough to kill him, and thanks to them all being such sissy rule-followers, none of them had their pesky Nichirin blades in their carry-on baggage.

It’s as he’s cackling that another explosion goes off behind him. The wreckage of the plane falls away in the wind, and then there is nothing left to cast a shadow. Muzan gets burned up by the sun.

And now I’m going to go crash into bed. The end.

#not my writing

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eternalfeatherofaeons · 7 hours

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I fully admit half the reason I keep reblogging these is because I know my sister will LOVE them.

If we imagine that Kanao volunteered herself to go with Tengen in Aoi’s stead while purposely knowing that she was going against the fact that she needs permission from Shinobu, what do you think would have happened? IIRC, wasn’t Kanao entering the final selection one of the only choices she made for herself behind Shinobu’s back? I’m kinda basing this scenario on that.

Yeah, dang, things believably could have gone that way! Kanao will act as she sees right even if she doesn't expressly have permission... and in fact, she might even justify some actions as not having been told not to. That seems like a very plausible start for the Uzui & Kanao show.

And what a pair to work with since it's just going to be the two of them, as Uzui will probably take Kanao and run off before Shinobu can come and say no!

So if we go back to that scene...

Instead of Kanao just wordlessly grabbing Aoi & Naho (already a big step for Kanao, the other girls were stunned), she instead takes to yelling like she did at everyone to shut up because Tanjiro was asleep. Uzui is probably not impressed, but then after that when Kanao grabs on, he decides that since she's a Tsuguko and has a higher rank, she'll probably be more useful anyway, so he agrees, but they have to make it quick. Before they know it Uzui has ninja'd off and Aoi & the little girls are stunned and by the time Tanjiro gets back they're all going to be sobbing messes. Tanjiro will try to track Kanao down by scent, but he won't get very far. They all wait for Shinobu to get home so they can tattle on her fellow Pillar, but she doesn't go home that night... or the next night... dang those Pillar missions being so demanding! Rather than hoping for her to come soon they all instead start dreading her return.

So Uzui takes Kanao off and gives her the same talking to that he gave the boys. His word is god! Whatever he says goes! If he says to be a monkey, she's a monkey! If he says to be a dog, she's a dog!

And Kanao, being very, very good at following instructions, replies in all seriousness, "Yes."

Uzui wasn't totally expecting that, it steals his thunder with how bland a response it is and he just says "tch" and they get going. Since she's a girl and it would be looked at differently than taking a bunch of boys around, he skips the tour and goes straight to the Wisteria Mansion to give her the briefing. The goal is to have her get inside the houses his wives have disappeared from. They try to target Tokitoya first where Suma was, but the yarite from Ogimotoya where Makio was spies Kanao first by to take beautiful Kanao for a handsome price. Uzui responds well on the change in plan, Kanao is a little more bewildered because she was supposed to go to Tokitoya first, and she runs back from the yarite to whisper a question to Uzui.

Uzui supposes this is important to the mission and he squats lower so she can reach his ear. He can hear her fine among the crowd, but it's important that no demons hear.

She asks, "What do I do?"

"What? What do you mean, 'what do I do?'"

"What am I supposed to do at Ogimotoya?"

"Look for Makio, dummy!! Cook and clean and sing and play cards for all I care, but that's your mission!"

"Is there some problem?" the yarite comes back. "I believe we had a deal."

"Sorry, sorry, she's feeling nervous! Don't worry, I told her you'd show her a-a-a-ll around Ogimoto and that she'll learn all the ins and outs! Bye, Kanao! Be a good learner!"

Kanao has no idea what she's in for, and does everything she's told. They are thrilled to have not only found such a pretty girl, but a docile one who does everything she's told! What a good find! Although Kanao is still being used as a general servant while she's new, she's very aware of what staying here longer would mean. While looking around for clues about Makio, she ponders how sad and trapped the women there are, and how close she came to this having been her life. She'd have stayed completely closed off and numb, had that happened, so maybe it wouldn't had actually bothered her all that much, but Tanjiro's words echoing, 'live according to your heart,' makes her feel pain in her chest.

She happens to hear of Makio being sick, and goes to investigate, and opens the door just in time to see the obi swallow Makio up and slip away. There's no chase necessary, for Kanao has seen that it moves between the cracks, and she already knows it's long out of her reach by the time she's started chasing it.

She of course reports this to Uzui, and this is valuable intel which makes sense of a lot of tricky parts of this mission. He's worried for Makio, but also knows that it's useless now to keep Kanao at Ogimotoya because the demon knows it was spotted there (Kanao's flustered, she already had jobs to do as a servant in Ogimotoya waiting for after she made her report to Uzui). He'd like to backtrack and go to Tokitoya next, but it'll be difficult since that annoying yarite from Ogimotoya will probably recognize her property over there and cause a fuss. Maybe he should had brought one or two more of Shinobu's girls after all, at which Kanao frets and insists that she'll do everything.

Uzui gets crabby; how is a know-nothing like her going to make a promise like that!! There's no weight to her words!! What was she even thinking when she offered to go?

At this, Kanao answers him honestly, she was doing what her heart told her to. Uzui finds himself curious about the tone of voice she used to say this, and with a wide-eyed stared with interest, he tells her to go on. She isn't sure there's much more to say, and explains that she had always not cared one way or another about anything, and nothing ever hurt that way, just to do what she's told or flip a coin. It was all the same to her. But now that she's been told to live according to her heart, she's trying, and it's harder to live this way... but it's nicer. She likes it better, even if it's hard.

Uzui, having also had to listen to his own heart after spending all his life doing what he was told and to be unfeeling, feels some sympathy for her. He asks, "Well then. What do you want to do?"

"Eh?"

"You're on your own for this mission. Kochou's not here to tell you what to do. You've got to think for yourself. What do you want to do out here, in the pleasure quarters? What's your heart telling you?"

Kanao furrows her brow and thinks a moment, then asks, "I have a Corp salary. How many girls here can I buy?"

Uzui nearly falls off the roof. "WHAT!?!?" he recovers, "THAT'S what's on your mind when you should be doing the mission!?!?!"

"Eh? But--their contracts--if I buy them--then they get to be free, right? I'm sure--I'm sure Shihan would let them live at the Mansion--"

"That's not what I asked about it!! The mission! The mission, Tsuyuri, we're here to fight a demon! It's an Upper Moon, you got that!?!?"

"H-Hai---"

"I don't hear you!!!"

"HAI!!"

"Drab!! Weak!! Do you use any Breath in those lungs or not?" he pinched her cheek and jostled her back and forth. "LOUDER!! MORE FLAMBOYANT!!!"

"HAI!!!"

"That's more like it," he let go of her cheek and rubbed her head, pushing and pulling her hair into complete disarray. Though he meant to be light, the grip of his thumb had left a big, unsightly red mark on her face. His first inclination was to be sorry and his second was to be aggravated with himself for how that would make her a harder sell, but then he got an idea.

That evening, he brought Kanao to market again, covered in thick white makeup, cheeks like apples, and eyelashes for miles. To his irritation, however, even with the thickest of his charms, he couldn't get Tokitoya to take her, so in a crabby mood, he brought her over to Kyogokuya to dump her off for free to clean toilets and such. He then sent his mice to go investigate every nook and cranny an obi could slip through (unfortunately for the mice, many of them found themselves too bulky to fit).

As soon as the makeup was off, Kanao was the talk of the establishment the following early morning, which of course made their resident star, Warabihime-oiran, curious for a look at the newcomer. Kanao could tell with one look that the woman smiling at her was a demon, and she was terrified to her knees and knew she had to hurry and tell Uzui, but how? Run? Escape? Get the demon's attention? Tell everyone she's a demon they're in danger? Scream for Uzui? Risk being caught in the obi? Coin? Shihan? Coin? The mission? Hinatsuru-san? Coin?

She makes it through most of day keeping her head down and doing exactly as told, but then when that little girl was being abused, Kanao's heart makes up its mind and Kanao decides she wants to protect her.

Flamboyantly. With her sword. She calls for it from the mice while going in first with a hidden weapon laced with wisteria poison. Daki already saw Kanao coming as soon as she had murderous intent but didn't foresee Kanao sproinging out of the way of her swift backhand intended to know her head off, much less Kanao twirling over her with a knife sticking out the heel of her sock. Startled, Daki swoops the obi toward her, but Kanao rips it and the wisteria poison momentarily immobilizes it, given the mice just enough time to stomp holes through the ceiling and drop Kanao's Nichirin-to down to her, and for Kanao to catch and take to a low ready stance.

As she and Daki stare at each other hatefully, the little girls scream, two at the door, and one inside the room.

"You demon hunters sure know how to make an inconvenient fuss. Look at the mess in here, I can't work like this."

Kanao says nothing in response. She knows she's against an Upper Moon and without being conscious of doing so, she's analyzing her opponent and making judgements for what to do next.

Dropping the part of the obi melting under the poison, Daki then shoots a healthy part of it toward the girl in the room, forcing Kanao to move to protect her. As soon as she kicks off, though, another part of the obi goes for the two girls in the hall, forcing Kanao to have to choose between them.

Coin--coin---Shihan--live by her heart--coin--defeat demons--just take the demon's head!

She again takes Daki by surprise by not fruitlessly trying to save any of the girls and instead going straight for a shot at Daki's neck. Daki snaps the obi back to defend against the blade, but their stride is in Kanao's favor, and with their strikes and parries she forces Daki back and toward to the window, notwithstanding sharp cuts and scrapes, giving the girl inside the room a chance to run for the hall and for all three to get away and alert the others to evacuate.

As their fight gets louder, so do the screams, and Uzui is alerted to the commotion. He shows up just as Kanao takes a hard hit that threw her backwards hard enough to break through a wall. Fortunately for Kanao Uzui was sturdier than a wall, and a better catch.

"Nice going," he assures her, "Your mission was to find my wives, not the demon, but I'll accept this as a pass. Hmm... then again, not the right demon. Get everyone out, things are going to get a lot more flamboyant after this one."

Kanao runs downstairs to tell all the people to leave, but the obi comes from the walls--from seemingly everywhere in the walls!--to block her path and taunt her with a big ugly face, and Kanao takes quick notice of a person in part of the obi. She fights and frees that person, then before some of the rest of the obi can retreat, she grabs it and pulls, exposing another person, whom she cuts free. It's Makio and Suma! They pin the obi to the walls and leave room for Kanao to make it down the stairs to ensure that everyone is evacuating. The owner, having known something was wrong with Warabihime-oiran and sorely missing his wife Omitsu, is cooperative and uses his position of influence to start telling other places to evacuate too. Kanao, still having a mission to complete, desperately asks him where Hinatsuru is, and he tells her she's in the kirimise. Kanao barely gets a chance to pass this info off to Makio and Suma, for Gyutaro's already entered the party upstairs, and Kanao needs to go back.

And then.... Iiiiiiiiii don't know, things get ugly, Kanao is probably really, really gonna struggle, and I don't know that she's able to take Daki's head on her own at this point. But look, see, I'm fixing things by already having started the evacuation!! Look at all these lives getting saved!

Anyway... eventually Shinobu had to get home. Everyone is very, very sullen to see her and Aoi is really doing her best to say everything she's rehearsed to explain and apologize for everything, but she's making no sense. Tanjiro tries to help, but he smells that Shinobu is already really tired and not in the mood for bad news, and he struggles, and finally Inosuke just butts in and says Kanao went off with some flashy guy. Zenitsu yells at him that he's insulting Kanao's maidenly honor by putting it that way, but some key words caught her attention.

"Flashy guy?"

"Yes," says Tanjiro, wilting with bad news, "the Sound Pillar, I was told..."

"Even though he said he couldn't take her without your permission," cried Aoi.

Shinobu smiles her hardest and thanks them and assures them she'll handle the matter. Unfortunately none of the teary-eyed children heard where he was taking Kanao, so Shinobu had to sacrifice her sleeping hours to send out a few crows and pay a visit to Oyakata-sama to inquire where Uzui's mission was. Kagaya sighs and says he wishes Tengen wouldn't had borrowed Shinobu's Tsuguko without permission because rules are rules and that is how they run the Corp, and he'll scold Tengen for it later. However, he had allowed his because his understanding of the situation was that this was Kanao's choice. Shinobu's a bit shook by that, but is understanding. Kagaya assures her that Obanai is nearby so he'll send him over right away to help.

Iguro, getting a mission from Oyakata-sama, of course drops everything he is doing to start running in that direction, listening to the details as he goes so as not to delay. He's already made it a long way before the crow mentions anything about it being Yoshiwara, and Iguro grinds to a halt. Then then says to the crow, "Yoshiwara? That place is crawling with women."

"C-A-A-A-W. YES. YOSHIWA-A-A-R-A-A-A, C-A-A-A-W."

"But that--you see, I--hm," he looks back and forth at the ground, until Kaburamaru bites him and Iguro realizes he's being ridiculous and a mission is a mission. He continues running and arrives when Kanao is in dire straights. He winds up saving her from getting sliced to bits, and Uzui feels just enough freedom in his fight with Gyutaro down below to smile and yell his thanks up to him, after all, he's just borrowing that Tsuguko.

"I may have saved her," he says, with Kanao under one arm like a rolled up rug, "but I can't do anything for you once Kochou gets her hands on you."

So then we get SNAKE BREATH .VS. OBI and it looks a-m-a-a-a-zing especially because Ufotable likes to show off with twisty objects throughout the air snaking their way through and against each other in the first place. Kanao finds herself back on the ground, helping Uzui against Gyutaro. She manages well in avoiding Gyutaro's attacks, but dodging isn't going to get her any closer to Gyutaro's neck! She considers using the Final Form to find an opening, but then she's distracted by the perilous state Uzui is in under the poison. His hand gets chopped off, he's going down, stopping his own heart... but fortunately for Uzui, this is Shinobu's Tsuguko, and she is well-supplied! She pulls a surprise all-purpose anti-poison potion from her belt (she has a lot of those, it seems) and stabs Uzui with it, Uzui gets the recharge he needed, and having been so close to death, he gets the last burst of inspiration he needed to complete his Score! Plus, all that stuff about Red Blades? Yeah, let's give him one. Uzui uses a Red Blade to behead Gyutaro, with Kanao's help to do stuff like hit Gyutaro with a wisteria-laced sneak attack and slice off his arm before he gets a shot at Uzui's eye. Look! I'm not just saving lives, I'm saving eyes!!

So Uzui and Iguro take the heads at the same time, Iguro not taking much credit because of course Daki wasn't an Upper Moon, she was weak, Uzui might as well deserve the credit. It was only Upper Moon Six, after all.

"Only Upper Moon Six? My, my, then I suppose you didn't need any extra help from Kanao."

"Kochou... hi..."

Shinobu was late to arrive, but she's armed with medicine to treat Uzui right away. He'll need some time to recover and won't be walking off the battlefield without extra help to keep him from toppling over, but the poison isn't going to have lasting effects. Shinobu has let him off easy for now, he knows she's going to give him an earful later.

Actually, what she has in mind is worse, and sends chills down his smile as she smiles and says, "Oyakata-sama would like a few words with you once you're feeling better." As for Kanao, she goes up to her already intending to do the lecturing herself, and though she's very angry, she can't fight the tiny tears in the corners of her eyes now finally finding their way out, for she was so worried.

"Hey, Tsuyuri!" Uzui calls over his shoulder to her just before Shinobu is about to open her mouth. "Looks like you got to do what you wanted to!"

Shinobu looks over her shoulder at him and Kanao blinks, confused. "Eh?"

He smiles, looking over all the wreckage. "They're all free now, aren't they? Phew! That's one flamboyantly selfish heart of yours, better keep listening to it and don't let anyone stand in its way."

Kanao smiles, then feels some peace come over her nerves as she faces Shinobu. "I'm sorry, Shihan. This was what I wanted to do."