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pink faces and ivory paper — Nozomi Uchiha reference sheet

I forgot to add this but on the back of her dress when she’s 6 and the back of her sweatshirt when she’s 11, she has the Uchiha crest. Her 11 yr old outfit is just her school uniform and a sweatshirt she pulls over it when she’s gets home lol

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pink faces and ivory paper — blurb #4, Nozomi Uchiha headcanons

A Naruto OC fic

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a/n: technically they’re not headcanons since I created her but lol

She’s actually decently popular in school. This is a recent development, as she was incredibly preoccupied with her family troubles. After Sasuke left, she had this major shift in focus to normalcy. It wasn’t all bad, she was able to reconnect with her friends. She kept these connections largely surface level, but she did open up slightly at times. However, she still didn’t entirely show up as herself. This led to her being liked by a large group of people, but not super close with them. People like her because she works hard in school and is decently polite, offering to share her notes.

After Sasuke left the village, she didn’t display the Uchiha crest on her clothing anymore.

Even though she has activated the sharingan, she doesn’t use it. This is mainly due to her not having anyone to help her develop skills. Kakashi is there I guess but his team is a handful enough and she wouldn’t even know about his sharingan until years after she activated hers

Her favorite color is ivory.

She can tend to be a wallflower in group settings. She likes learning about people by listening to them and watching them, and she has gotten pretty good at reading people. This is also a contributing factor to her school popularity, as people project themselves onto her a lot.

In a similar vein, she really likes people who are themselves through and through. She regards Lee and Guy very highly as they show up as themselves entirely in spite of other people who may be judgmental or not understand. That being said, if someone does put on a front, she won’t hold it against them. It would be pretty hypocritical of her to, and she can understand that usually someone has a reason for putting on a front.

Holds grudges. This will be talked about in later chapters, but she does not easily forgive. She heavily dislikes the Sand Siblings even after the time skip because of events in the chunin exams. In order for her to forgive, she needs to see consistent effort and proof of change, and she doesn’t know any of them well enough for that to happen. This would be reasonable, but she also has no interest in trying to forgive them.

On a related note, her main hindrance after Sasuke leaves the village is that she sort of stops trying to make things better for herself. Her locus of control becomes largely external, so whenever she started associating the shinobi of the village with chaos and pain, she ran away from that area of her life entirely. Through her observation of other people she becomes pretty self aware, but she doesn’t use this to make any positive changes in her life. She accepts it as “the way things are” until later down the line. During Part One, she tried to take life back into her control, but Sasuke not being receptive to any help and eventually leaving caused a huge relapse

Speaking of the sand siblings, I haven’t decided if “pink faces and ivory paper” will have many appearances by them but just so everyone knows if she and Kankuro are ever in the same room they ragebait tf out of each other. ESPECIALLY in Part One. Not in a fun playful way either, they just don’t like each other. She dislikes Kankuro because of his proximity to Gaara and Temari and Kankuro dislikes Nozomi because she doesn’t like him. It’s just teenage pettiness I fear.

Nozomi: “Your brother wears shitty eye makeup”

Kankuro: “Oh yeah where’s your brother?”

Nozomi: “You fight with Barbie dolls on strings please don’t piss me off”

Shitty ass liar. Cannot lie to save her life, so she usually just avoids answering.

Addictive and obsessive personality, but in a more covert way. She gets hooked onto certain activities and social groups to fill an emotional hole. Due to her age, this looks like the usual teenage girl cycling of interests, but would become more apparent with age.

She knows Sasuke has fangirls but doesn’t feel any sort of way about it. Since Sasuke is very popular, I imagine people in the civilian school would also know about him and bring him up to her. She would probably be like “…idk what you want me to do about that lol”. Although I think when she picks up on Sakura’s interest in him, she would think that Sakura is lowkey too good for him.

On that note, she would definitely approve of Sakura and Sasuke’s eventual relationship. She thinks highly of Sakura and thinks that Sakura could be good for Sasuke. In earlier years, she would be hesitant about it just because she doesn’t know if Sasuke is necessarily good for Sakura and wouldn’t want to drag anyone else down the pit that both Nozomi and Sasuke have been sinking into since the massacre.

When she finds out that Itachi joined the Akatsuki, she wasn’t shocked. After your brother kills your clan not much can shock you after that. She is judgmental about it, though. She thinks that the cloaks look like a goofy school uniform and that they’re cultish.

I swear she’s not a mean girl, she just has strong opinions.

Naruto spends a lot of time reaching out after Sasuke leaves. She pushes him away because of her own issues but also because Naruto is sort of projecting his need to save Sasuke onto her. She recognizes this and doesn’t want to enable it.

Again I currently haven’t planned this fic in much detail, mainly just a bare bones outline, but if she and Sasuke come face to face in Shippuden it is the most bland ass reunion ever. They both express themselves so subtly that it looks like two brick walls talking to each other.

Although she trains with Team Guy, she isn’t the most refined of taijutsu users. If she’s ever in a battle with actual stakes, she looks more like a cornered rat.

Believes in the paranormal. Thinks the Uchiha District is haunted. She reads a lot of ghost stories. In the right circumstances she would probably end up in some weird cult but they have never happened lol

Talks to herself a lot when she’s at home, the habit sometimes transfers to whenever she’s out and about and around people.

Either sleeps a bunch or not at all, no healthy medium

Hanae, Yuna, and Kino are aware of Nozomi’s family situation and want to help but they aren’t able to entirely understand the nuances that come along with being from a ninja clan, let alone the experience of your entire family being murdered.

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pink faces and ivory paper — chapter three, sasuke leaves

Naruto OC fic

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a/n: lol if you haven’t already noticed, this fic takes a nonlinear approach to the timeline. A lot of key points of the chunin exams will be explored in depth later.

4 years prior

I gingerly open the door, poking my head outside. The rain is beating down, and yet Sasuke continues to train. I guess the Ninja Academy doesn’t preach the dangers of pneumonia.

“It’s raining,” I call out. He shoots me an annoyed look.

“I’m aware,” he responds.

“You’re going to get sick.”

“I’ll be fine.” Yeah, right. I turn around and walk inside. A few minutes later I return with a towel thrown over my shoulder and two cups of tea, the steam wafting up and warming my face. “Take a break.”

“No,” he states as he remains engaged in whatever exercise he’s doing.

“Sasuke.” He huffs, facing me with a look of contempt. Still, he walks over to where I am. Before he can cross the threshold into the house, I push the towel into him. “Dry off first, you’re dripping.”

We both sit in the doorway across from each other, in silence. Sasuke has the towel thrown around his shoulders, and he sips his tea while looking out at the wet yard. I look at him. Silence is the trademark of this house. Of the Uchiha District. Its people are merely an echo, an echo only we are present to hear.

I find myself considering the old question, if a tree falls in a forest but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Are the echoes here because we’re here? Are we the echo? Do ghosts still exist if they don’t have anyone to haunt?

Regardless, we’re here right now, and so are the echoes. So are the ghosts. The voices of those past bounce around the house and the yard and my head. I wonder if Sasuke hears it too. To my surprise, Sasuke breaks through the sound.

“You need to be training more. Once a week isn’t enough.” He doesn’t look at me when he says this.

“Once a week is fine, I don’t go on missions.”

“I’m not talking about missions.”

“Then what are you talking about?” He turns to face me, and I turn to look at the yard. We sit in silence for a while, a tense silence. Even the echoes seem to pause. Finally, he speaks in a soft voice, but there’s darkness underneath his tone.

“You know what I’m talking about.” I do know what he’s talking about. But talking about it is fruitless. He doesn’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. I want to help him.

I can’t help him.

—

I haven’t been training with Guy, Ten Ten, Lee, and Neji for the past few weeks as they had to focus entirely on the Chunin exams. It wasn’t a total loss, as I took an opportunity to catch up on my schoolwork. Living in two separate worlds is hard as fuck, but I somehow manage the balancing act.

Sasuke had scarcely been around the past few weeks. I understand, but still, I can’t help but worry. To my surprise, he was home right now. He looks like he’s on his way out, but he’s just completed the second round of the exams, which I’ve heard scary things about. I sigh in relief at the sight of him.

“Good, you’re okay. How did it go?” He hums. Great, got him on a talkative day. I’m about to let him off the hook, when I notice something on his neck. I lean forward, grabbing his arm and pulling him down.

“What’s that? Is that a bruise or something?” I squint to get a better look, but he yanks himself away from me, grumbling in annoyance. It definitely wasn’t a bruise.

—

Hunting Kakashi down proved more difficult than I imagined, which makes sense I suppose. It would probably be pretty concerning if finding Jonin on a whim was easy. But for my purposes, I’m finding it pretty annoying. Even more difficult is catching him alone. I have a training session today, which surprises me as the final chunin exam rounds are in a month. When I show up to the training grounds and see Kakashi alone reading some novel, I take the opportunity to march up to him.

“Oh, hello Nozo-“

“What’s that mark on Sasuke’s neck?”

“Oh, okay. Getting down to business I suppose.” Who knew an old man could carry so much sass? He slides his novel into a back pocket, crossing his arms and looking down at me.

“I saw a mark on his neck when he got home.”

“It’s probably a bruise.”

“Sir, respectfully, please no bullshit. It wasn’t a bruise.” I cross my arms, frustration bubbling up inside of me.

“I’m sure it was just a scratch or som-“

“It wasn’t a scratch!” He looks taken aback by my outburst, but sighs.

“It’s called the Cursed Seal of Heaven.” I blink at him, not understanding. “It’s a mark that was branded onto Sasuke by Orochimaru, a rogue ninja who wants to use Sasuke’s power for himself, to corrupt him.”

I freeze, taking in what Kakashi said. It finally dawns on me, and I look up at Kakashi with an incredulous expression.

“Someone’s after my brother, and it took me hunting you down for you to tell me?!”

“I assumed he would tell you himself.”

“Then clearly,” I scoff, “you haven’t been paying very close attention to your students.” I look down, my face heating up in anger. Kakashi kneels down in front of me.

“Hey, I dealt with it, okay? As long as he chooses to resist the mark, he will be fine.”

I look up, my face contorted with a myriad of emotions. Terror, rage, confusion. I can’t place the source of my distress. Kakashi is a skilled shinobi. If he dealt with it, it should be fine, right? Nothing he’s told me so far gives me any reason to think that Sasuke would willingly be corrupted by Orochimaru. Still, there’s a knot forming in my gut that tells me otherwise, tells me to know better. We stand there, staring at each other, before I nod.

“Thank you,” I mumble. I hurry back over to where Guy is holding training today, and try to pull myself together. During warm-up, I lock eyes with Neji who is examining me with an expression I can’t quite place. I turn away.

—

Following the stress of the invasion by Sunagakure and Orochimaru, I was less than pleased to find out that Sasuke was going on a mission. If I was less than pleased to find that out, then I definitely wasn’t pleased to find out the mission hospitalized him.

If I wasn’t happy before, right now I’m absolutely pissed.

“You started a fight with Naruto? In the hospital? What could you possibly have been thinking?” Sasuke sits quietly as I scold him. “That’s your teammate! I understand that rivalry is normal, but that was way too f-“

“I saw Itachi. A while ago.” I freeze, entirely. It’s like my brain shuts off, my body shuts down, ceasing all function. In my silence, Sasuke continues. “I couldn’t beat him.”

“He’s five years older than you.”

“That shouldn’t matter!” His outburst scares me, and I look at him with a wide-eyed expression. “Why do you do that?”

“Do- uh, do what?” My voice shakes with confusion and fear.

“Act like it never happened!” I say nothing. “I have to get stronger. I have to…” he trails off.

“Kill him?” His silence confirms my suspicions. I knew this. I’ve known from the beginning. Sakura told me how he introduced himself on their first day as a team. He seems less bold saying it in front of me than in front of a bunch of strangers. Typical.

“Why? You don’t want me to?” This conversation is just us taking turns at shutting each other up. This is the longest conversation we’ve had in a long time.

“I guess not, no.”

“You know what he did, right?”

“I know.”

“He caused all of this!”

“I know.”

“Then why are you so against this?!”

“I don’t know!” I sit at the foot of his bed, gazing at the various machines he’s hooked up to, the bandages around his body, the empty glasses of water on the bedside table. “He’s our brother.” Sasuke’s face contorts in anger at my words.

“Why are you defending him?!”

“I’m not!” I rub my face in distress, a piercing headache emerging within my skull. The knot inside of me feels like it’s going to explode. That would be less painful than what’s happening right now. “This is a dangerous path you’re headed down.”

When I lock eyes with him, his determined and angry expression tells me that knows. He just doesn’t care.

—

Sasuke’s home from the hospital. At least, his body is. Whoever is inside of it isn’t any version of Sasuke I recognize.

He doesn’t speak. He barely eats. I don’t even think he sleeps. He won’t look at me. On top of that, I’ve overheard troubling rumors when I’m out and about.

This ends now.

He’s about to go into his room, until I slide in between him and his door, wearing a wide faux smile.

“Hi.” Nothing. “How are you?” Again, nothing. “I heard something crazy today. Do you want to hear about it?” His expression told me that I needed to get to the point, and fast. “I heard a rumor that you were going to run away with Orochimaru. But that’s crazy, right? You wouldn’t do that?”

He stays quiet, averting his eyes to the floor. My fake smile wilts.

“When?” Nothing. “Sasuke, when are you leaving?”

A pause.

“Tonight. I’m leaving tonight.” He says, the hint of guilt behind his words being overwhelmed by the determination. It feels like the breath is being knocked out of me.

“Were you planning on telling me about this?” Silence again. “You can’t do this.”

“I have to.”

“Sasuke, please.” I plead, tears starting to build in my eyes for the first time in five years. “Just stay. Please.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can!”

“You know I can’t.” He frowns at me.

“Sasuke, please, for once, listen.” I grab his hands, begging at this point. “This isn’t going to work. You’re walking into a lion’s den.”

“Orochimaru will make me stronger.”

“He’ll end up killing you! Do you realize that this goal of yours is going to kill you? This isn’t safe.”

“Do you think that you’re safe now? The man who killed our clan is out there. What’s stopping him from finishing the job?” He looks at me with an intensity that shoots ice down my spine.

“Itachi hasn’t been back for five years. Why would he wait so long? He’s not coming back for us.”

“Still, he needs to be brought to justice.” I feel a tear roll down my face. His gaze follows it, his eyebrow twitching slightly. “I want to serve that justice.”

“Please, don’t leave me.” He says nothing, walking around me into his room. I fall to my knees, a stabbing pain in my chest. He grabs a bag that’s clear he had ready to go, and walks around my crying form out the door.

At the sound of the door closing, I break out into heavy, ugly sobs. Sobs that make it hard to breathe. Sobs that unsettle my stomach. I run to the bathroom, throwing myself on the ground as I empty my past meal into the bowl through crying and coughing.

Shakily, I bring myself to the sink. I run my hands under the cool water, and run my hands over my face, muffling my crying shouts. As my hands fall from my face, I lift my head to the mirror.

A sob or a scream or both rips itself from my throat and the knot that has been in my chest and my stomach undoes itself with an explosion as I come face to face with the scarlet gaze of the sharingan.

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pink faces and ivory paper — blurb #3

a/n: I’m rewriting Sakura and Ino’s relationship slightly because I don’t love how it’s done in canon, also do you know how hard it is to make an Uchiha oc light hearted 😭

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4 years prior

“I’ve really been looking forward to lunch today,” I say cheerfully to Ten Ten.

“Oh?” She raises her eyebrows.

“The energy at home has been really off. I’m glad for a chance to get out a bit.” Describing the energy as “off” isn’t quite the right word, but I don’t really have the words for how Sasuke has been, and how it’s been making me feel. I don’t necessarily want to get into it with Ten Ten. The sympathetic look she gives me tells me I don’t have to.

“I think it’ll be nice. Have you met everyone?”

“No,” I say. “I know Sakura, since my brother is on a team with her. We’ve talked whenever we cross paths, she’s cool.”

“That she is. You haven’t met Hinata and Ino?”

“Nope.” I don’t think I even know what they look like.

We eventually arrive at the restaurant that everyone decided on, and I start feeling my stomach twist up a bit. I feel off, this isn’t a group I’m a part of, and it feels like I’m encroaching. Shinobi are so busy that they rarely have time to hang out with their friends, so the fact Ten Ten and Sakura vouched for me to be invited is a huge honor. I don’t want to mess it up.

As we enter, I see three girls sitting in wait, one of which being Sakura. Sakura turns and spots me, grinning and standing up. She wraps me in a hug.

“Nozomi! How have you been?” I take a minute to recover from the contact. It isn’t that I don’t like the physical affection, mainly that it’s unfamiliar. It’s like playing an instrument after years away from it. I wrap my arms around her.

“I’ve been good, busy with school, how are you?” After exchanging pleasantries, she takes me over to the other girls. One girl is blonde with eyes that carry confidence. She has an intriguing vibe about her that entices me toward her. She’s introduced to me as Ino.

The next girl has dark purple hair that flows down in a waterfall behind her back. There’s an evident sense of anxiety carried in her shoulders, but it’s not so overpowering. This same anxiety is projected as a hint of worry in her eyes, eyes that look familiar to me. She’s Hinata.

Something I appreciate in people is unabashed authenticity, and that’s one of the first things I notice about Ino. She carries confidence like a crown on her head, and it’s not like the overcompensating arrogance I’ve seen frequently in this village. She’s not using her attitude to hide something, to hide herself. No, this is her. She knows who she is, which I marvel at.

At first, I thought her digs occasionally given to Sakura were a toxic byproduct of her self esteem. However, as I watch them interact I come to realize that they aren’t challenging each other to tear each other down. They’re doing it to lift each other up. It’s weird, almost. Rather than the competitiveness between them being a desire to beat the other, it’s like they want to lose. They want to see the other become better. There’s a clear camaraderie between them that manifests as competition. If I had the time, I’d observe them further.

Authenticity appears within Hinata in a different way. She’s a nervous thing, but she has an air of gentleness around her. Most shinobi in the village understand strength as brute force, which makes sense, but there seems to be a power in Hinata’s gentle and careful approach to the world around her. Still, she carries herself like she’s being hunted for sport.

Regardless, these girls are strong, and I feel myself sort of shrinking into myself throughout the lunch. I feel intimidated, while also in awe. Sakura notices this, and comes to my rescue.

“Nozomi, you’ve started training with Ten Ten’s team, right? How are you liking it?”

“I like it a lot, actually.” I smile. “I didn’t expect to, I find gym class absolutely miserable.” This elicits a laugh from the group.

“She does pretty well for someone building from the ground up,” Ten Ten comments. I feel myself flush from the praise.

“I have good role models,” I say simply. “I like that it’s something to do. I used to just go between school, home, and the market, and none of those are very exhilarating places.”

“Really? What about your friends at school?” Ino questions. It’s not that I don’t have friends. I do, Hanae, Yuna, and Kino are a great group of girls. They’ve asked me to hang out plenty of times, and keep asking even though I almost always say no. Frankly, I’m lucky they haven’t given up on me yet.

It’s weird, though. I want to hang out with them. I just worry that if I don’t keep a close enough eye on Sasuke, something bad will happen. All he talks about is training, all he thinks about is getting stronger. He’s going down a dark path, and I can’t blame him, but I’m honestly scared. I can’t shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen.

Anyway. I shrug at Ino’s question.

“They’re busy.”

—

Current time

I sink my teeth into the food I packed for lunch. It’s surprisingly bland for the amount of spices I put on it.

“So, how’d the test go for you guys?” I ask them offhandedly.

“I got a 100,” Kino shrugs. “What about you?”

“80,” I say. Hanae looks shocked.

“Really? What happened? You usually do great.”

“I don’t know, I guess I’ve been distracted this semester.” They all exchange a worried look.

“We know,” Yuna says. “You know you can talk to us about it, right? I mean, we may not understand entirely because we aren’t from a ninja clan, but we’d listen.”

I smile. That’s really sweet of them. Absolutely not.

“Alright, if I need anything, I’ll let you know, but I’ve been rebounding lately. Don’t worry.” They look satisfied with that answer.

I don’t need to drag them down this hole with me. I love them too much to do that.

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pink faces and ivory paper — chapter two

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Current time

Flashback

Anxiety sits in my stomach like a brick as I approach the training grounds. Well, anxiety and guilt. With the way I reacted to Ten Ten and Lee? I don’t deserve the right to come back. To be their friend again.

I’m sure Neji would agree.

It isn’t even that I wasn’t considering how my actions were affecting them. I knew that when I left it hurt them. It felt justifiable compared to the alternative of staying.

Isn’t that evil? It’s like the regret is burning a hole through my chest.

What I didn’t expect was for it to be such a big deal three years later. I wouldn’t describe myself as insecure, but I wouldn’t say I was such a key component to the team. Christ, I only trained with them for maybe two hours a week. I can’t figure out why Lee and Ten Ten would show up on my doorstep three years later.

To make matters worse, I’m the last one to arrive. Everyone is standing, engaging in preparatory stretches. I lock eyes with Ten Ten, who freezes, followed by the rest of her teammates. We stand there in a painful standstill until Guy notices me and breaks into a smile, walking over to me and patting me on the shoulder.

“Alright, team. We’re having an old favorite return. Nozomi decided to start pursuing her journey with us again. I’m sure we’re all excited to have her back, but you can catch up later. We have work to do.”

I observe all of them, taking in their reactions. Ten Ten’s expression carries a clear hesitation. She returns my observational attention, and we stand there sizing each other up. Looking for a threat. Looking for the truth.

Neji’s gaze is so cold I could shiver. His face doesn’t twist up in anger or disgust. It doesn’t move an inch, actually. His walls are up. I think I’d rather be yelled at.

Lee’s face has a clear look of hurt. Despite this, his lips turn up into a hesitant smile. I return the gesture, and his smile begins to look more genuine.

—

So maybe I got here a little too early. Look, when Guy approached me about training with his team, he said that they like to show up early to their sessions. He never said how early, so how was I supposed to know that an hour before was too early? Whatever, I shouldn’t just stand here. Should I stretch? In gym class we stretch… I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brothers stretch before they train? Well, Sasuke begins training before I wake up and stops after I go to sleep on most days, so I wouldn’t know regardless. As for the other brother, most memories of him are pretty fuzzy. I should probably just do my gym class stretches.

Other people start arriving in the area, eyeing me curiously. I take note of their attire, suddenly becoming hyper aware of my own. The shinobi of the village wear distinctive clothing, which makes sense as they need to be able to move comfortably to fight. As for me, the thing I fight is boredom in class and Sasuke’s polarizing personality. I showed up in my school’s gym uniform. They probably think I got lost.

Thank god Guy shows up. I hurry over to him, desperate for a familiar face. The other people who showed up earlier walk over to him as well. He stands next to me, grinning and gesturing to me.

“We’re going to have a guest in some of our training sessions. This is Nozomi, a civilian who wants to learn some basic combat. Nozomi, this is Ten Ten, Neji, and Lee. We’re gonna take today to get her accustomed to our routines.”

I observe the three people in front of me. Ten Ten, a girl with twin buns and a lovely round face, seems to be taking me in. The kunoichi in the village always have a cool, put-together vibe about them. If I regret anything about going into the civilian school, it’s that I don’t get to interact with them as much. I bet there’s a lot I could learn from them.

Neji, a boy with long brown hair and sharp eyes, gives me a look that tells me I’m not worth his time. The arrogance seems to radiate off of him in waves, immediately giving me an uneasy feeling. However, there’s something else there as well. Anger? I don’t know, it’s different anger than I’ve known before, but he’s clearly trying to cover it up. Either from us or himself. Regardless, I don’t buy whatever show he’s putting on.

Just when I feel myself reconsidering this deal, I lock eyes with Lee. He gives me an automatic smile that makes me relax. He has an infectious energy that matches that of his teacher. However, he holds himself with the same distinct poise and discipline that seems to be the trademark of this team.

This should be interesting.

—

When you train with Team Guy, they will put you through your paces. It was already difficult to keep up with them years ago, but now it’s nearly impossible. They’ve spent the last few years getting stronger. I’ve spent the last few years cycling between laying in my bed and sitting at my desk. Just when I think the warm-up and individual work would send me to the ground, Guy calls us to our final activity.

“Alright, we’re going to be doing some partner work. Ten Ten and Neji work together. Nozomi, you’re with Lee.”

Lee and I stand across from each other, entering into a fighting stance. His is more offensive, mine is more defensive. I have no hope of actually winning this spar. Just hoping to not get smacked in the head. However, this feeling wanes slightly when I lock eyes with Lee, taking in his determined expression. Still, limited hope for the outcome of this match.

I was right. I held my own decently well, relying on muscle memory from years prior, but he was still able to disengage me effectively. I end up back first on the ground, feeling the resounding thud throughout my body.

“You okay?” Lee gazes down at me in slight concern. I nod. The physical pain feels more like pressure. I notice it, I know it’s there. But it doesn’t necessarily make me feel any sort of way. It just is. I stand up.

“Don’t hold back too much, Lee,” Guy comments. “Neither of you will learn much like that.”

—

If I thought gym class in school was bad, this is on an entirely different level.

Turns out their poise and discipline isn’t just an attitude they carry, but rather a key element thoroughly intertwined with their every routine and technique. Not only do they push, but the standards are high. Guy is a meticulous instructor, refusing to move on until the current activity meets his standards. We’re nearly reaching our third hour of training, and have only touched a warm up and a few taijutsu techniques. I’m exhausted, and soreness resonates throughout my entire body.

“We’re going to do some partner work. Nozomi,” he addresses me directly, “this is so you can learn from each other. Even the best of instruction can replace real experience. It’d be too dangerous to send you into real battles, so this is what you’ll be learning from mostly, so pay attention.” I nod while trying to catch my breath. He pairs me up with Lee, who seems to be just as perky as ever. I huff. What is this guy on?

He gets into his beginning position like it’s second nature. I mirror the fighting stance that Guy briefly demonstrated. I don’t even realize the fight has begun when I end up on my back, Lee grinning down at me. My landing knocks my breath clear out of my chest and frustration bubbles up in my chest.

“One more time, team. Then you can get a short break.”

—

All of our water bottles are convened in one spot for the sake of maximizing training space. When Guy calls for a break, we all grab a drink. Neji grabs his water and walks off without even sparing me a glance. Ten Ten and Lee shoot me a pitying glance, unsettling me deeply.

“I wouldn’t take it to heart,” Lee says. “He’ll come around.” Even Lee doesn’t sound like he believes that.

“I’m not, don’t worry,” I say, but something doesn’t feel right.

Is it possible to be jealous of your younger self?

—

During the break Guy called for, I started actually talking to his students. Ten Ten is as cool as I suspected, and Lee’s kindness and enthusiasm dismantles whatever hesitation I had about approaching these people.

“So you don’t use any ninjutsu, but you’re still a shinobi? That’s really impressive.” I say in awe. Lee nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, it’s hard but worth it. Hey, why didn’t you want to become a shinobi? The Uchiha were known to be pretty strong.” Ten Ten looks at him incredulously, as if he had said something forbidden.

“Lee,” she hisses. I laugh awkwardly, shaking my head.

“No, it’s okay.” Sasuke and I used to carry the Uchiha name with pride. Now we carry it like a chain. People avoid bringing it up, for a number of reasons I imagine. Usually it’s better this way, but Lee had innocent intentions. “I just thought if Sasuke was going on dangerous missions, it would be better for one of us to stay back just in case something happened.”

I notice Neji in the corner, who was stand-offish for the majority of the conversation, scoff at that last comment and mutter something under his breath. Whatever it was, it was clearly some smart ass remark about what I said, I turn to him.

“Want to speak up?” He returns my gaze with as much sharpness.

“You’re choosing to stay weak. Like it’ll do anything.” I raise my eyebrows at the actual audacity of this guy.

“You don’t know anything,” I retort.

“I know that you threw away power some would kill for and made it our problem. Babysitting civilians isn’t what we’re here to do. This is pathetic.” At this point I’m walking towards him, the other two glancing between each other and us nervously, like they’re worried about how this guy may react. Like he’s not the one who started this bullshit.

“Yeah, I did choose not to enter this world you’re in. But that doesn’t make me pathetic.” That same arrogant expression flashes over his face, filling me with a desire to shut him up. “You’re not a shinobi because it’s what you want to be.” I was about to continue with some biting remarks, but it’s clear that this first line was enough to strike a cord. I decide to back down, and Guy steps in noticing the tension. He separates us, citing the need to continue our final exercises.

I can’t help but look over to him, trying to read him. What’s this guy’s deal?

—

At the end of training, Guy, Lee, and Neji decide to stay longer for more training time. I expected Ten Ten to do this as well, but she surprised me.

“Actually, I’m going to head back with Nozomi.”

We walk in a tense silence, so much unsaid and many broken promises never addressed.

“I’m sorry,” I say, breaking the silence. “That’s not nearly enough right now, but.. I’m sorry.” She nods, thinking about what to say. She looks distressed.

“Just… why? What happened? Did you think that running away would bring him back?” I look ahead. My brain feels disconnected from the rest of my body, like I’m watching my life through a movie.

“I don’t think I was thinking at all.” She looks unsatisfied with that answer, but it’s all I can give her right now. “I’m here for good this time.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it.”

—

At the end of training, everyone seemed to have gone off on their own activity. I remain on the training grounds, trying to balance a compact mirror on my knees.

A simple ponytail was not nearly enough to keep my hair out of my face today. Fly aways wisp around my head, getting in my face and knotting up. I groan, annoyed.

“Need help?” I turn around, seeing Ten Ten.

“How much of that did you see?” She snorts.

“Enough to know that you need some help.” I nod sheepishly, and she starts doing half of my hair in a Dutch braid, instructing me on how to do it. “That should keep your hair out of your face. I did this a lot when my hair was much longer. Now you try.”

We fall into a comfortable silence as I do my hair. She smiles.

“You didn’t do half-bad today.”

“I got my ass handed to me. I think Lee left bruises,” I say laughing bitterly, to which she returns a light chuckle.

“You definitely have some progress to make.” She falls into a contemplative silence. “You know, being a shinobi doesn’t have to just do with your physical strength. It's a mental game too.” I raise my eyebrows, curious. “Guy is great, he’ll help you catch up physically in no time. But your reactiveness is holding you back. Lee was able to take you down because you weren’t really focused. In a real battle, that could be fatal.” She hesitates, then softly says “Neji has a… strong personality. But you can’t let it get under your skin.” I roll my eyes.

“So, what? I just take it?” She chuckles.

“No, sometimes calling him out is necessary. But arguing pointlessly and with the intention of winning… well, everyone loses.” I nod, taking in her words. I’m reminded of the comment I made to him. That was unnecessary, I now realize. I just said that for it to sting. I guess I have a lot to learn.

I finish braiding my hair. It’s not as neat as her work, but it gets the job done. I smile up at her.

“Thank you.” She nods.

“Of course. I’ll see you next week, right?” I laugh.

“Right.”

[etudearchives]

pink faces and ivory paper — nozomi shippuden art

masterlist

I finallyyy drew Nozomi I didn’t make her design too like crazy or anything because she’s literally a civilian and in my brain there would be a school uniform at her school LOLL

Also chapter two is gonna be kind of unhappy so blurb three will be a little happier haha

[etudearchives]

pink faces and ivory paper — blurb #2

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4 years prior

I stand outside of the training grounds, checking my watch and groaning.

He said he’d be done by now. My book bag is digging into my shoulders. He always does this.

Finally, he seems to be finishing up. He makes his way over to me and acknowledges me with an eyebrow raise, walking ahead.

“You’re late,” I say with a hint of annoyance as I follow behind him.

“I was training.” I roll my eyes. Obviously I fucking know that.

As we’re walking off, I catch the eye of a girl slightly taller than me. She has pink hair and green eyes, with the kind of face people write songs about.

She pauses slightly when we lock eyes, catching the attention of the blonde boy next to her. He turns to see what she’s looking at and his face screws up in confusion.

“Sasuke,” he calls out. “Who’s that?” Sasuke looks like he’d rather keep walking, and shoots me a glare when I stop.

“He’s talking to us,” I mumble sharply. “It’s rude to walk off.” He sighs unhappily but stops anyway. I turn to face them, smiling and sticking out my hand. “I’m Nozomi.”

They glance at each other, before the girl takes my hand.

“I’m Sakura.” I turn to the boy expectantly.

“I’m Naruto.” Something seems to click in his head, and he breaks into a grin. “You’re Sasuke’s sister, right?” I try to not let the annoyance read on my face. The worst thing about being a younger sibling is being turned into “Someone’s Sister.” I know he’s just asking a question, but the discontent bubbles inside of me slightly. I snuff it down.

“Yes, that’s right.” A tall man walks up behind them. I can tell that this is their teacher. He has the attitude of a parent checking on their kids when it gets too quiet.

“What’s going on here?” Naruto points at me, slightly startling me. Dude.

“We’re meeting Sasuke’s sister.” I roll my eyes.

“Nozomi. I’m Nozomi. Nice to meet you.” I force a smile. The man seems to pick up the hint I’m displaying.

“Hello, Nozomi. It’s nice to meet you.” I exhale slightly. “I’m Kakashi.” There’s a bit more small talk between us, before the topic delves into shinobi training. Sakura looks at me.

“You should be graduating from the Ninja Academy soon, right?”

“Actually, I’m not in the Ninja Academy.” This makes them pause. “I’m enrolled in the civilian school.” This spurs questioning from Sakura and Naruto, questioning that comes too quick to respond to. Kakashi doesn’t have much of a reaction, but I catch a hint of a look flash behind his eyes. Sasuke takes this as an opportunity to interject.

“We need to go. Come on, Nozomi.” This time I agree with him.

—

(Third person POV)

“Kakashi, what’s all this about?” Guy crosses his arms, turning to his friend. “You want me to start training a civilian?” Kakashi sighs, pinching his nose.

“Sasuke will start going on extended missions soon. We have one soon in the Land of Waves. I don’t think it’s a good idea for one of two remaining Uchiha clan members to be alone without any defense.”

Guy mulls over Kakashi’s argument, commenting “I have my own team to train.” Kakashi nods.

“I know. It wouldn’t be all the time, anyway. She’s in school.” Guy still looks hesitant. “Guy, this village isn’t always as safe as we would like to think. You don’t have to wear a headband to get caught in the crossfire.” Guy considers, and relents.

“Alright. If this is that important to you, I can spare an evening session once a week.”

—

(Nozomi’s POV)

I sit down across from Sasuke, who’s sitting quietly and picking at his food.

“How was training today?” He hums in response.

“It was fine.” An awkward silence settles over us.

“Your teammates are really nice.” He hums again.

“I guess.” Jeez. Talkative today. Almost as talkative as he was yesterday.

I relent, focusing on my own food which I start to pick at. I guess this absolutely riveting conversation killed my appetite. Must be the excitement. He suddenly gets up.

“You didn’t finish eating,” I call out.

“Not hungry, I’ll clean up later.” He walks away.

I slam my utensils down, letting out a groan of contempt. After a moment of unhappily staring at the half-eaten food on his plate, I begin eating again in silence.

(a/n: pre-lobotomy Nozomi for the win ����)

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pink faces and ivory paper — chapter one

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Naruto is back

I found this out whenever I heard his distinctive voice coming from around the corner of some market stall. I turn in the opposite direction and begin walking.

“Is that Nozomi? Hey, Nozomi!”

He calls after me but I pretend not to hear, quickening my pace. I, of course, have never been that lucky, so he’s able to catch up to me, tapping me on the shoulder. Can’t ignore that. I turn around, forcing a tight, uncomfortable smile.

“Hi, Naruto. Welcome home.” Sakura stands next to him, looking cautiously between the two of us, but not saying anything.

“Long time no see. How have you been?” If he noticed how awkward the conversation was he didn’t act like it.

“Good, thank you. Nice to see you. Excuse me,” I say as I turn around and walk off, leaving a confused Naruto and a frowning Sakura.

—

(Third person POV)

Naruto watches Nozomi all but run off, face scrunching in confusion.

“That was weird, right?” Sakura sighs, crossing her arms as she thinks on how to describe the current situation, hesitant to even get into it. Whenever Naruto turns to her expecting an answer, she relents.

“Nozomi runs with a different crowd these days.” Naruto turns to fully face Sakura, his confusion only made worse.

“What do you mean?”

“It sort of came out of nowhere from what I heard.” Sakura gazes at the ground as she thinks about one of the more troubling moments from the past few years. “ Ten Ten said that she quit training out of nowhere. She found new friends, she stopped talking to me, Ten Ten, Lee, Neji.” Naruto looks slightly taken aback at the new development.

“That’s nuts, I thought she loved training with Lee’s team. Did she say why?” Sakura shakes her head.

“Something about school getting busy. I’m not sure I believe it.” Sakura spaces out into the distance, lost in thought. Naruto begins marching off, startling her out of her daze. “Naruto? Where are you going?”

“Where’s Lee?”

“His team is training right now. I thought you had to see Lady Tsunade?”

“This won’t take long.”

—

(Nozomi’s POV)

I shut the door to my room, and slide down the wood onto the cool floor. Memories of the past few years run through my mind. There’s a tight painful feeling in my chest that makes it hard to breathe.

Moments like this, I feel like a little child again. It’s like the past 9 years didn’t happen, I’m 6 years old again. I want to cry. I want to hide.

Instead of doing that, I hug my knees to my chest and wait for the feeling to pass. In its place is a numb ache that resonates throughout my spine, and an exhaustion I feel deep in my stomach. I sigh, standing up and walking to my bed.

I stare at the schoolbooks and undone homework on the sheets, and throw it on the floor. I climb in, and my limbs feel as heavy as lead as I settle into the mattress.

I’ll do my homework in the morning.

—

(Third person POV)

Kicks fly and punches land as Ten Ten, Lee, and Neji engage in a focused training session while Guy stands to the side and shouts out encouragement and corrections. Naruto and Sakura stand for a moment, admiring their technique. The young shinobi notice that they have company, and pause their movements.

“Naruto, welcome home!” Lee catches his breath, but manages to muster up his usual good-naturedness and give Naruto a friendly clap on the back. “When did you get back?” Naruto returns the gesture.

“A few hours ago. It’s good to be back.” Naruto and Lee pull away, settling down into a more casual tone. “Hey, could I actually talk to you three for a second?” Ten Ten looks hesitant.

“We’re still in the middle of training…” The three exchange a look. Neji clears his throat.

“Is it urgent?” Naruto and Sakura are the ones to exchange a look this time. Urgent? Not really. But important? They’d say. Luckily Guy cuts in.

“It’s alright, you three have earned a break. Be back in ten minutes.”

—

The five of them settle down as Ten Ten, Lee, and Neji sip on water and catch their breaths.

“So, what’d you want to talk about?” Lee leans forward curious. Sakura carefully considers how to broach the topic.

“We wanted to talk about Nozomi.”

You could hear a pin drop with the silence that settled over the group. Ten Ten and Lee freeze at the sound of her name, exchanging a glance. After the feeling of being caught off guard subsides, Neji stands up.

“Excuse me,” he mumbles as he walks away from the group. Naruto watches him walk away with a slight alarm and confusion. Ten Ten is the first to fully recover, clearing her throat.

“What about Nozomi?”

—

(Nozomi’s POV)

I wake up in a daze from the previous day. I realize an entire day has passed, meaning I was asleep for nearly 20 hours. Groaning, I rub my head and sit up, my feet crinkling the paper I threw on the ground the night before.

This has to stop. It’s time to get a grip.

Pushing through the screaming in my body and my mind to climb back into bed, I throw the piles of papers on the bed and stumble to the bathroom.

The way I run through my daily routine is almost desperate this morning. I cling to normalcy, cling to comfort. Whether or not it works isn't always something I have control over.

The knock on my door is definitely not something I expect this morning. Confused, I walk to the door and gingerly open it.

Ten Ten and Lee are standing outside of my door. They carry a palpable tension in their shoulders, the same tension I feel right now.

“Hello.” They exhale lightly, relaxing a bit.

“Hey,” Ten Ten answers. “Can we talk?” I hesitate, then nod, stepping outside and shutting the door behind me.

“We talked to Naruto and Sakura yesterday,” Lee begins, and I once again nod wordlessly. “They had some concerns about-“

“No.” I cut him off, knowing where this is headed. “No, I’m going back to training. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Really? This didn’t work three years ago, why would it work now?

It’s Ten Ten’s turn to cut in, “Nozomi, just talk to us.” I walk back inside, shutting the door.

—

“Hanae, babe, you’re getting increasingly hard to defend.” Hanae, Kino, Yuna and I fall into a fit of laughter. Hanae swats at me for my comment.

“What?” She exclaims defensively. “I know what I want.”

“You’re playing with that poor boy’s nerves. He’s going to combust if you don’t pump the breaks.” She rolls her eyes.

“If he can’t handle a little flirting, the world is going to chew him up and spit him out.” We laugh again. We sit on our school steps, talking about whatever falls out of our mouths. Kino groans.

“It’s getting late. We have that stupid test tomorrow. I should probably head out.” The others murmur in agreement, and I give a faux pout.

“Aw, okay. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” We part ways and I find myself on a bench.

I’m leaning back, letting the sun fall on my face while I consider the past day, what work I need to do when I get home, what is in the days to come. The warmth pierces my skin and for a second, I forget who I am and where I’ve come from, and where I’m most likely going. The reprieve doesn’t last long.

I lift my head at the sound of a throat clearing. Guy stands over me, smiling.

“Good afternoon, mind if I sit?” I hesitate before nodding cautiously. We sit in uncomfortable silence that he tries to break with polite conversation. “Nice weather we’re having today, yeah?” He looks to me expecting an answer.

“Yeah, it’s warm. I like it.” He nods.

“Me too.” Uncomfortable silence again. Poor man takes the responsibility of breaking it once more. “Did you have school today?” I nod. “Did you like your classes?” Poor, poor man.

“Yeah. I really like the history class I’m taking right now. I like history.” This time when the silence falls, I decide to break it. “Lee and Ten Ten came by yesterday.” His sympathetic smile tells me that he already knew.

“They mean well.” He thinks, before continuing. “I know they’re two years your senior and extremely proficient ninja, so they probably seem much older in your eyes. But they’re kids too.” He takes my silence as an invitation to continue. “I’m not going to pressure you to come back. I don’t think you should if you don’t want to. Just… listen to me.”

He moves to face me, resting his arm over the bench. “I like to think I can read people decently well, so I know you built a bond with them. But that bond wasn’t one-sided. They’re kids reacting to a friend they cherished all but vanishing from their lives, so they won’t always do it in the most graceful of ways.” I look down at my hands, guilt, shame, and regret settling like a brick in my stomach. “Your leaving hurt them, and I think it’s hurting you as well. You’re hiding. I won’t pretend to know from what, but I know hiding when I see it.” I nod, sighing as I chew on his words. “My students mean a lot to me. I don’t like to see them hurting.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Nozomi?” I look up from my lap and meet his eyes. “You were my student once too, in a way.” With that, he stands up to leave. I watch him leave as the anticipation of action builds in my gut before I call out.

“Guy?” He turns to face me. “If I wanted to come back…” He smiles.

“You know where to find us.”

[etudearchives]

yeah alcohol is cool but have you ever been someone's first choice? me neither. pass the bottle.

[etudearchives]

pink faces and ivory paper - blurb #1

nozomi’s day-to-day (set during the time skip)

masterlist

Walking out of the doors to the Leaf Village Civilian School, I take a deep breath of the fresh air. I sigh in contentment.

My peace doesn’t last for long. I let out a startled yelp at the sudden contact of an arm being thrown around my shoulders.

“Yuna, really?” I roll my eyes.

“What?”

“You know I don’t like it when you do that.” She thinks for a second, then shrugs.

“Sorry. I think it’s funny.” I can’t help but smile. “Where’s everyone else?” I look around, shrugging.

“Kino and Hanae were talking about ditching at lunch. I guess they actually did it.” I put my arm around her shoulders as I walk. “They always talk about ditching their last class. It’s 50/50 for if they actually do it or not.” Yuna groans, moving out from under me and shaking my arm.

“Ugh, I wanted to skip my last class. I hate that I have a different lunch period than you guys. I’m always out of the loop on plans.” I chuckle, pulling her back in and patting her on the shoulder comfortingly. “Hey, why didn’t you ditch too?” I give her a sideways look.

“You’re joking, right? When have I ever agreed to ditch school?” She rolls her eyes.

“Whatever. You need to have more excitement in your life.”

“I get my excitement when we hang out in the hours outside of class.” We walk for a bit, before the question dawns on me. “Where are you headed?” Yuna shrugs.

“Home.”

“You mean your home? The one that required you to turn in a different direction than me like ten minutes ago?” She sighs dreamily.

“I was blessing you with my company. Beats silence, right?” I raise my eyebrows at her and she huffs. “Fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I laugh, and wave her off.

Despite my banter with Yuna, I wasn’t headed home either. Groceries are running low, and I’d rather grab food before I officially run out.

Eventually finding myself at some market stalls, I inspect some fruit at a produce stand. I look up briefly to smile at the stall owner, a woman in her late sixties.

“Hey, Ms. Suzuki.”

“Good afternoon, Nozomi. Here for your usual?”

“Yes ma’am, just checking out the options.”

“You took longer to come back this time.” I shrug.

“I guess I got more food last time.”

“No, it was the same. Are you eating like you should? You’re still growing, your brain needs food.” I wave her off.

“My friends are on some restaurant kick, so I’ve been eating at some weird places.” She looks dissatisfied with that answer. “But none of them have potatoes as good as yours, Ms. Suzuki.” She smiles, pleased. I buy my usual selection and head to the butcher. I duck under into the stall cover, and make eye contact with someone.

Sakura Haruno, looking just as surprised and conflicted to see me as I am to see her.

I turn around immediately, leaving the stall. I’ll come back tomorrow.

The walk home was peaceful enough, though my shoulders felt tense the entire time. My footsteps echo against the floor as I beeline for my bedroom, shutting the door and sitting at my desk, where I will spend my evening studying until I can’t keep my eyes open.

(a/n I do not know the japanese terms of respect so to avoid getting it wrong and being incredibly disrespectful I just used the English ones LOL I’m also operating off of vibes and mojo in terms of technology so it may get inconsistent)

[etudearchives]

First, foremost, and forever ❤️

[etudearchives]

Sometimes you forget that you’re in the middle of what you prayed for.

[etudearchives]

◜⁠✧ I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to this month.

◜⁠✧ I trust the process and embrace every challenge as an opportunity to grow.

◜⁠✧ I am focused, disciplined, and committed to my goals.

◜⁠✧ I am stronger than any obstacle I face this april.

◜⁠✧ I am ready to make this month my best one yet.

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