evadereality05

[evadereality05]

Is the Mercury Retrograde for real? Because the year 2022 has been a real hell for me. But when 2023 started, I am beginning to see the things lightly and I am not that anxious anymore.

I hope it stays this way. Better yet, I hope it gets even better!

[evadereality05]

This song sends shivers down my spine. The MV was well made, the song is emotional but hopeful and lastly the singers and the band are THE BEST! Kudos to you Jin and Coldplay!

[evadereality05]

Hello

I found my self missing all those things that seemed to add fuel to my heart.  

Things that made my cheeks burn red and my eyes glisten with merriment.

The suppressed giggles.

The endless raves and rants.

I am unaware of the fallout.

Transparency, or the lack thereof, is making me question my self.

Am I too much?

Was it because of my mundane, quotidian routine?

Where less is more.

And seeking closure is too cliche to ask for.

I will face the ghost of the past

And accept that there will always be a goodbye in every hello.

[evadereality05]

i spy with my little eye a sexy hacker

[evadereality05]

"Seoul"

(Mono mixtape by RM)

In the cold dawn air

I open my eyes unknowingly

I'm already too used

To this city's harmony

Even if my childhood is distant

And (the city) is full of buildings and cars

This is my home now

Seoul, Seoul

Why is your pronunciation the same as 'soul'?

What soul do you have?

Whatever it is,

It keeps me at your side

I don't even have any memories of you

I'm so bored of you now

Your ash-gray expressions, the same every day

No, no, I'm afraid of myself

For having become you

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

The bus where the scenery changes even when I stay still

And the buildings that are the same, just barely different

The scent of life that's at once repulsive and not, and

The cold parks pretending to be warm

The people who always must wander and

The river carrying too much han and

Those who can't see the sky on their own

Those are

The ones who are too late

My friends easily say they're getting out

I try to nod but I can't smile

I don't like to admit it, but

I already love your hatred

And your disgustingness

I love the smell of Cheonggyecheon

I love the loneliness of Seonyudo

Even the sigh of the taxi driver

Who told me life would be good soon

I love you

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

I'm leavin' you, I'm livin' you

I'm leavin' you, I'm livin' you

I'm leavin' you, I'm livin' you

I'm leavin' you, I'm livin' you

Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I love you Seoul

If love and hate are the same word I hate you Seoul

Seoul

I love you Seoul

I hate you Seoul

I love you Seoul

I hate you Seoul

[evadereality05]

"Forever rain"

(Mono mixtape by RM)

I wish it rains all day

Cuz I'd like someone to cry for me

I wish it rains all day

Cuz then people wouldn't stare at me

Cuz the umbrella would cover the sad face

Cuz in the rain people are busy minding themselves

Gonna breathe a little slower

Cuz my life and my rap, they're usually too fast

Now everything goes back to its place

My shadow's reflected on the sky

I'm standing on the darkness

Head down, to my heels

Slow rap, slow jam, slow rain

Everything slow

Slow rap, slow jam, slow rain

Everything slow...

Forever rain (forever rain)

Forever rain (forever rain)

When it rains I

Get a little feeling that I do have a friend

Keeps knocking on my windows

Asks me if I'm doing well

And I answer, I'm still a hostage of life

I don't live because I can't die

But I'm chained to something

Just like you, If I could

Just knock on somewhere

If I could kiss

The whole world so hard

Would someone welcome me

Maybe embrace my weary body

Please don't ask any questions

But do keep pouring forever

I'm not lonely when you're pouring

Please stay by my side

Wanna live in the ashy world

I know that there's no forever

Slow rap, slow jam, slow rain

Everything slow

When it rains it pours

It pours...

Forever rain

Forever rain (forever rain)

Forever

Pour on me

[evadereality05]

"Uhgood"

(Mono mixtape by RM)

All I need is me

All I need is me

I know I know I know

I know I know I know

All you need is you

You

All you need is you

You know you know you know

You know you know you know

At times I'm disappointed with myself (disappointed with myself)

Honestly, I trample myself (trample myself)

"Do you only amount to this?" (do you only amount to this?)

"Need to do so much better" (need to do so much better)

"You need to be so much cooler" (you need to be so much cooler)

"If you're going to be defeated, might as well die" (if you're going to be defeated, might as well die)

"You have to win, you, you, you, you"

To be out of place, it hurts so

If you want to experience it, it cannot be known

My every day and [what is] reality

It's so far, far away

But I still cross the bridge

I want to reach myself

Truly to myself

Yeah yeah

To the real me

Yeah

All I need is me

All I need is me

I know I know I know

I know I know I know

But why do I feel lonely (oh yeah yeah yeah)

I feel so lonely when I'm with me

I feel so lonely when I'm with me

As one lives, one may receive rain

For days on end, the rain may fall

Even in the desert the rain may fall

But I'm sorry, I can't give up on myself

I can't let the me I know, go

For within my head, everything's so whole

It's so whole

To be out of place, it hurts so

If you want to experience it, it cannot be known

My every day and (what is) reality

It's so far, far away

But I still cross the bridge

I want to reach myself (yeah yeah)

Truly to myself

Yeah yeah

Truly to myself

Yeah

Truly to myself

Yeah yeah

Truly to myself

Yeah

[evadereality05]

"Moonchild"

(Mono mixtape by RM)

We're part of the moonlight

Ain't no fantasy

Can't bring you the sunlight

Gotta hide your heart

We're born to be sad, sad, sad, sad

Suffer to be glad, glad, glad, glad

C'mon yo moonchild, moonchild

That's supposed to be

Yeah all the pain, all the sorrow

That's your destiny, see

You know my life is like this

We gotta dance in the rain

Dance in the pain

Even though we crashed now

We gonna dance in the plane

Uriegen nuguboda bamui punggyeongi piryohae

Geu eoneu nugudo anin neomani nal wirohae

It's okay to shed the tears

But don't you tear yourself

Moonchild, you shine

When you rise, it's your time

C'mon yo

Moonchild, don't cry

When moon rise, it's your time

C'mon yo

Moonchild, you shine

When moon rise, it's your time

C'mon yo

[evadereality05]

"Tokyo"

(Mono mixtape by RM)

Wake up in Tokyo, feel like a torso

I know it's time to go

I see Pinocchio wearing a poncho

That's me some time ago

Do I miss myself?

Do I miss your face?

I don't know, I don't know

Life is a word that sometimes you cannot say

And ash is a thing that some day we all should be

When tomorrow comes

How different it's gonna be?

Why do love and hate sound just the same to me?

I can't sleep

Home sick

Babe I just wanna

Stay right next to you

If I could choose my dream

I just wanna

Stay right next to you

[evadereality05]

Tonight I found my self listening to RMs Mono, RMs 2nd mixtape that was released in 2018. I don't really know exactly what the genre is, but when I googled it, it says HIP HOP.

For me, the overall feels of this mixtape is sort of gloomy, not too sad, just gloomy. When I listen to the songs it's like color Gray all over the place. It is like, Namjoon created the songs for this mixtape while the rain is pouring, in a dark room, while drinking wine, kind of tipsy, drowning in confusion.

And that is the very reason why I love Mono. It is soothing but it makes me anxious. Uplifting but a little melancholic. A paradox.

[evadereality05]

Recently, I saw a post about body shaming and it made me think about the experience I went through because of my weight.

I was in 6th grade when my classmates started teasing me about my weight. Calling me, Piggy, OinkOink etc. Back then, my mother comforted me by saying, "it's just baby fats". And when I reached highschool, it's the same thing, my classmates often tease me, calling me names like, Porky, Piggy, Chubbilita, Fatty and all sort of things. They even went further by saying, "if you are not fat, I will date you" I wonder back then, why are they always teasing me when there are a lot of other people at school who are way heavier than me. Back then my friends comforted me by saying, "they just want your attention because they like you" But seriously, it was downright bullying.

Now, I am still the way I am, still on the heavy side, still hearing the same things about me; Fat, Heavy etc. Honestly, I am still pissed-off everytime I hear people talking about my weight, how big I am and all. It's like my weight is an issue to them, like their lives depend on it. I don't understand why being heavy is a big issue. Sometimes a good day gets ruined by just a mere, "You're fat!" Can we just greet someone without pointing out their flaws? Can we not talk about someone elses weight like it is some kind of a curse? I know some might say, "you are just being sensitive" Well I guess I am. But why are these people so insensitive?

The post is too long already, I got carried away hehehe. I just want to say that, the world can be cruel, so let us just think of it this way, Our weight does not define us. Let us just accept our body. Just like what BTS always say, Love Yourself. Let us accept the body that we have. Be happy. Just don't forget to check on your cholesterol levels, uric acid, sugar etc.

[evadereality05]

You got You... 🖤

📷 ctto

[evadereality05]

my mind is a pretty dark place

[evadereality05]

Rosario Castellanos, tr. by Julian Palley, from Meditation on the Threshold: A Bilingual Anthology of Poetry; “Presence”

[evadereality05]

[evadereality05]

[evadereality05]