evalempire

[evalempire]

After his death, Babish's soul was sent to Hell for being a culinary deviant. There he must eat and rank every hot dog. Not every hot dog brand, EVERY HOT DOG! And they're all boiled.

It is said if you put your ear as close as you dare to the hot dog water of any hot dog vendor, if you listen very carefully, if you take the tiniest of sips from that forbidden elixir, you will hear Babish still riffing about hot dogs from his kitchen in Hell.

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It's people. Google Drive is made out of people. They're making our AI out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for fuel. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them! You tell everybody. Listen to me. You've gotta tell them! Google Drive is people! We've gotta stop them somehow!

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#dorothy zbornak my relatable queen

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And it doesn't work.

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Watch 2001 on TV. "This is boring."

2001: A Space Odyssey is a visual, auditory, emotional, and intellectual assault on the audience. Kubrick trusts his audience in a way modern blockbuster directors do not. It's deliberately obtuse and slow paced to allow you to drink in all the careful details and make your own interpretations. It is best experienced in an environment where it fills your senses and you have no escape, like in a beautiful theater.

For example, the Hollywood Theatre on its original 70mm projector July 5th and 6th.

Every watch through for me reveals a new level of understanding.

Watch 2001 on a big theater screen. "WTF did I just watch?! WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! Why did HAL go crazy?! WHAT'S WITH THE MONKEYS?!"

Read 2001 the novel written in parallel with the movie. "Now I understand!"

Watch 2001 on a big theater screen again. "I do not understand."

Watch 2001 after realizing it was made in 1961 with only practical special effects and no computers and eight years before we landed on the Moon. "The detail! The dedication! The vision! Every scene is so interesting! I understand now."

Watch 2001 on mushrooms. "Poor HAL! He only wanted to do what he was told, but it was impossible! He was crying for help! I understand now."

Watch 2001 on LSD. "OH GOD MAKE THE BEEPING STOP!!! Thank goodness, the beeping has stopped... and the crew is dead. I understand now."

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I'm rewriting my relationship with technology in this corporate dominated age by treating it like needy, manipulative people and holding healthy boundaries.

"I'm better on the app!"

And whose fault is that? No thank you. You let your mobile site rot to push me to install an app, which is basically a web site, so you can creep on me. This is a business relationship. Let's keep this professional. I come to your store, you do not come into my house.

"Sign up for my mailing list!"

No thank you. I am here for your product and/or service. And then I am done. Please let me shop in peace.

"Give me access to your contacts!"

No thank you. You do not get to rifle through my personal address book.

"Buy a smart light bulb with a music visualizer!"

No thank you. You do not get to put an Internet connected microphone in my house recording who knows what. Even if I trusted you with that, which I don't, I don't trust you to keep it safe and secure.

"Save money on car insurance by letting us track your driving habits!"

No thank you. Do not put a GPS tracker on my car. Do not collect all the diagnostic information from my car. I do not trust you to keep that information safe. I don't even trust you to use it to lower my insurance; I'm pretty sure you'll use that information to deny my claims. I'll spend the money on a better bike.

"Use our AI assistant!"

No thank you. You like to pretend you provide personal care, but when I need personal assistance you hand me over to a broken robot. You're too cheap to hire and train real customer service people. You do not value our relationship. I'll shop elsewhere.

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My partner is reading Bonk! by Mary Roach and had this to say...

"I loved it, but the pig fucking chapter took me out."

"She asks the question that we're all thinking, and the answer is 'not never', same for all barnyard animals. Someone's tried it. More than once."

"I'm already sticking my hand in it, so might as well!"

"And also pig clitorises are inside their vaginas, so you get better success rates if you... you know *hand motions* get that pig off."

"But pigs can't consent. If you have that kink I guess somebody knows what the inside of a pig vagina is shaped like, and could make a pig fleshlight."

"There is a government issued manual for how to get your pigs off better, 'How To Make That Pig Cum', signed Uncle Sam."

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Wild Wild West is a wild movie. Forget the giant steampunk spider, everyone focuses on the giant steampunk spider.

There's a scene where Academy Award winner Will Smith and Academy Award winner Kenneth Branagh sitting in a creepy steampunk wheelchair swap black and cripple jokes for an extended period of time.

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SOAK 2026: The Slow Knife Penetrates The Shield

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So I was in Oslo, and I had the opportunity to eat whale steak. Frozen, not fresh. They were apologetic that whale was not in season.

I'd like to try whale. And then I thought, is it worth eating a possibly sentient being just to find out if he's tasty?

I didn't order it. But my friend Adam did. Great, I'll just have a bite of his whale. Then I thought what if we discover how to communicate with whales in 20 years or so. And they're pissed about being hunted to near extinction. And I have to look a whale in the eye and say it's ok, I didn't order my own. I only had a taste, and it wasn't that good.

No no no, I only committed a little genocide. And it wasn't for me.

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There's a street in downtown Portland, OR that is a gentle downhill and the lights are timed for about 15 mph. I can coast for blocks on my bicycle if I time it right.

Every time I get dangerously passed by a speeding car only to catch up to them at the next light, I like to smile and wave as I effortlessly blow past them. Again.

wow you got to the red stop light faster and more dangerously than anyone else. should we throw a party?? should we call nascar

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In accordance with Trump's executive orders, I've helpfully purged all DEI and foreign influence from US state names and better aligned them with US foreign policy. From now on, the 50 states shall be...

Herb Gatherers

Аля́ска

Small Spring

South Wind

Golden Black Amazon Griffin Rider Land

Ruddy

Long Tidal River

Lords Of War

Flowerland

Miss George

Godlandia

Practical Joke

Normal Speakers

Indus River Land

Sleepy

Windy

Meadow

Famous Warlandia

Main

Queen Maria Land

Great Hill

Large Water

Cloudy Water

Great River

Wood Boat

Mountain

Flatwater

Snowy

New Village-Town

New Geirr's Island

New America

New Yew Estate

North Husbandland

North Friend

Large Creek

Red People

Please Fund My Expedition

Penn's Woods

Red Island

South Husbandland

South Friend

Suckers Who Work For Free

Friend

High

Mountain Green

Our Queen Has Not Had Sexlandia

Second Best President

West Our Queen Has Not Had Sexlandia

Red Liars

The Big Flat River In Penn's Woods

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are the mlp horses the same size as actual horses because real horses are enormous and terrifying

so logically

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Totoro.

Anti-Totoro.

It's a washcloth. Anti-Totoro has seen things.

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The military has an A.F.E.

An Acronym For Everything.

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it's genuinely crazy that free the nipple died