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[everydayiwillendure]

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[everydayiwillendure]

“And so she sat there at 2 am with those words dangling from her mouth. “I’m beautiful.” Nothing ever hit her harder that those two words slipping from her lips. Because nothing made more sense than the realization that she didn’t need anyone’s affirmation to her beauty. She didn’t need anyone’s but her own. And so she sat there at 2 am with those words dangling from her mouth. “I’m beautiful.” And so she saw the world start to change.”

— Self Acceptance. |(Morsus Engel)| (via actuates)

[everydayiwillendure]

I am loosing myself again and it never felt better. I missed watching the scale finally go down. I fault so hard against it for months and now I am just giving up. 35 pounds down and counting. I miss my bones.

[everydayiwillendure]

smoking cigarettes

by Wlodzimierz Kuklinski

[everydayiwillendure]

[everydayiwillendure]

I guess right now I don't know what to say or feel. my heart is so broken, and hurts more than I can describe. Almost 11 years ago I lost my dad. I watched my mom lock herself in her room and drink endlessly. Loosing herself in a bottle to take the pain away for loosing her best friend of 16 years. It took years to heal and she wasn't even fully healed when she met David. David came in and help slowly heal my mom's heart and helped open her up again. I watched my mom smile for the first time in 7 years, my brother finally have a father figure in his life, and give my mom a family again. Saturday he asked her to marry him and they picked a ring out together. Sunday morning came and I sat in the church pew when I received a call from my sister. My sister called me shaking asking me where I was. My heart dropped instantly. Not even 24 hours after asking my mom to marry him David died tragically in my mom and brothers arms. My brother, being autistic, called 911 and help try to do cpr on my mom. He watched him choke to death, seize, and take his last breathe looking into his eyes. My mom had to look into David's eyes as he looked at her for help unable to talk and move and not be able to save him. I guess I don't get it. I don't underfuckingstand why God would allow such a fucked up thing to happen. Why he would allow my mom to finally heal and long to get married again, only to get engaged, and take it all away once again. We live in a sick fucking world. My hearts just really fucking hurts. My God it hurts. I feel like I am literally drowning and I can't catch my breath. I just can't deal with this all again.

[everydayiwillendure]

[everydayiwillendure]

I’m in love with dead memories.

Six Word Story #11 (via 00cm)

[everydayiwillendure]

Completely healed already

[everydayiwillendure]

And I know you miss that satisfying bump of bone when your skin was as thin as paper and you could barely sit down on a chair and I know you miss those days when you could sneak tiny scraps and call it a meal without anyone noticing and I know you miss those days when you looked so dead you thought someone would come and resurrect you. But the truth is you seem to have forgotten the days when the bruises lacing your skin disgusted you or the days when your hair was so thin you wondered if you really were becoming beautiful or the days when you were so goddamn cold you could barely touch someone without causing them to flinch and the days when you could barely stand up without watching the world spiral out of your reach and the truth is you seem to have forgotten the fact that no one resurrected you. And I know you are struggling but I cannot seem to keep myself away from looking at how luminous your eyes have become or how rosy your cheeks are or the fact that your skin is so soft you cannot stop from letting pictures be painted on it and I cannot seem to stop admiring the fact that your hair is so healthy that everyone tells you how you smell like flowers in a spring garden and I know you break so often you wonder why you even bother to piece yourself back together, but oh god, piecing yourself back together is much more beautiful than the ghastly thought of you locking your soul up in a mind of negative depictions all over again.

Letter to my recovered self - I like the way you look healthy. (via dollpoetry)

[everydayiwillendure]

Giorgio Kienerk, Youth, 1902.

[everydayiwillendure]

The Martyr of Solway [detail] by John Everett Millais

[everydayiwillendure]

The Artist’s Room in Neulengbach,  Egon Schiele 1911 

[everydayiwillendure]

Gustav Klimt, The Swamp, 1900

[everydayiwillendure]

[everydayiwillendure]

Marc Chagall Deux Têtes à la Fenêtre 1955-1956 Dimensions:  24.65 X 18.31 in (62.6 X 46.5 cm) Medium:  gouache, pastel and ink wash on paper laid down on canvas

[everydayiwillendure]

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Woman #1.