everynameitrytogetistaken - Tumblr blog

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

ARE THERE ANY FELLOW CANDY JEM FANS HERE?? I FEEL LIKE THERE ARE BARELY ANY POST FOR IT ; ^ ; I wanna find PPL to talk to it abt

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

me too!!

Which fruit are you? Find out here!

Tagging: @actuallysaiyan @beneathstarryskies @akiraiscute @randoimago @multi-fandom-imagine @iambilliejeanok @icycoldninja @abellaheart-blog @terabyteturtle @philistiniphagottini

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

I'm back in this fandom again 😭

To the person who asked why Keefe is complex, I thought I’d try to give my two cents on the matter.

Also it’s totally fine if you dislike Keefe! He’s just complex, is all. You can dislike him anyway, this is soley about why I think he is a complex character. Not an attempt to sway you to like him or anything!

He’s introduced pretty early as though he’s going to be a silly, funny, flirty side character, and a lot of that falls away as the series goes on. He’s always had avoidant defense mechanisms, which used to look like deflecting with humor and as his trauma worsens turns into a lot of literal running away. We learn in book one that he has really bad parents and it’s like oh, okay, so he has a hard childhood and covers for it with humor. Pretty classic way to round a character out, but it works. Sure. But he wasn’t too complex THEN.

I think the way finding out his mother was with the neverseen impacted him was far worse than the fandom gives it credit for. It was a huge turning point in his life. He breaks down more. He can’t keep up his defenses as much.

Did you hear that? He can’t keep up his defenses as much. Deflecting isn’t working.

And then, at the end of Neverseen, he literally runs away.

Direct correlation.

He goes to be a “double agent” and hopefully be able to help his friends from the inside. But really… he wants to do something useful without having to face his friends. He’s avoiding. He’s running.

The reveal of his mother being with the neverseen was also more than figuring out his parent was a villain, which is bad enough. He also learned that the parent who had always been slightly better, slightly kinder, slightly more caring was actually the evil one. It isn’t talked about nearly enough the amount of trust issues he must have gotten from that. It also adds an extra layer to every time he’s betrayed a friend’s trust or told a lie. He doesn’t think it’s right, but a part of him is still processing what happened with his mother.

He searches through his memories like crazy. He wondered how he, an empath, managed to miss that his mother was evil. He questions everything the knows. How does he know if someone is lying? He doesn’t. He doesn’t know if someone is lying. He lies. He lies and lies and lies.

He holds on to every scrap of paper with every detail he’s ever remembered about his childhood and his mother and questions everything. This is actually a huge part of what makes his character complex, since that’s the question—the way he clings to every. Single. Detail. Because he’s NOT just avoidant, he’s also unable to let go, and somehow he is absolutely both at the same time.

Constantly running from the painful things he clutches close to his chest.

That sentence alone might actually explain what makes him complex, but I’m going to go further.

I think his execution of research and ideas and reckless plans without telling his friends, betraying them and lying to them, is both a product of the fact that he’s never considered himself someone who gets listened to seriously and the fact that he’s still processing his mother’s betrayal. (Let’s not gloss over that. He’s still grieving from that.)

“Are you afraid of me, Foster?” It isn’t a question. It’s a realization. In this moment he realizes what he’s really done. He has flashbacks to the mountain, to finding out about his mother, and he wonders if too much of her is in his blood. Of course he rushes to explain his double agent scheme, but he’s in pretty deep and this isn’t going to be his last betrayal. The scene where he steals the alluveterre crystal and Alvar might be his worst betrayal. But there’s so much behind it.

So many complexities.

So many underlying thoughts, some of which I don’t think he’s even aware of.

He’s trying and he knows he’s wrong but he does it anyway and focuses on everything right about the wrong.

Being literally, physically changed by his mother so that he has new abilities that could actually hurt people is another huge turning point. Now it isn’t, “are you afraid of me, Foster?” It’s “you should be afraid of me, Foster.” All pretense of laughter and humor and jokes is gone. The Leo Valdez side has evaporated.

If he was worried that too much of his mother was in his blood before, well, he’s definitely worried about it now. Because she changed him and he hates it and he’s afraid of himself.

He’s afraid of himself and he’s afraid for his friends (because even amongst all of this he cares, he loves his friends and he specifically loves Sophie) and his deflection is once again entirely gone and he does the thing we should have all seen coming.

He runs away.

But I think unraveled will show us that once again, even in running away, he can’t let go of the things he wants to leave behind. They stick to him and he takes them everywhere he goes.

In unlocked he writes in his journal that Sophie deserves someone like Fitz. He hates himself for having betrayed her and having made her lose faith in the good of the world. He loves her enough that even when he wants her to be with him, when he believes she’ll be happier with his friend, he wants that for her.

(He can hardly believe it when Sophie chooses him. “I don’t want to mess this up,” he says. “Please don’t let me mess this up.” He knows he’s a mess. He’s worried he’s too much of a mess to preserve the one thing he’s always wanted.)

And even in the end of Stellarlune, he takes the knife from Sophie to attack his mother, without telling her. In that moment I wonder if he was even thinking about his own stupid bad patterns, or if he was so determined to end things with his mother that he didn’t even consider that in some small way, he was sort of doing just the sort of thing he swore to himself he’d stop doing.

So what makes Keefe a complex character?

The way he cares so impossibly deeply for his friends while also doing things he knows will hurt them and feeling in his mind like maybe he can’t even stop it, maybe he’s just a mess that can’t be fixed and the best thing he can do for his friends is never see them again—

The way he runs, avoids, escapes, NEVER confronts his issues, but also is never able to leave them behind, dragging them with him wherever he runs, every single detail running through his head—

The way he’ll never say it out loud, but some part of him is worried he’s too much like his mother, wishing she’d get her hands off his life and stop changing him before he can’t deny it anymore—

The way his bad habits mirror each other even as he changes and develops as a character—

It’s not just his trauma and his coping mechanisms, or his feelings for Sophie and his friends. It’s the layers upon layers in his character, thick as shadowflux and so buried that even Keefe doesn’t know about some of them. (Even I can’t articulate them all. I’m able to really get into a state of feeling his character but these are the only things I’m able to get into words.)

This is about as much of his complexities as I can explain using actual words in the English language and not just transferring emotions. To the anon who was wondering how he’s complex, I hope this helps!

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

I've been really busy with school as well, I'm sorry I can't think of any rqs but I hope you get some soon 🫧☺️

Thought I'd just check in ^^

How's the studying/cleaning/reading/drawing/workout/cooking/resting/writing/ going?

My studying is going great. I've now learnt the Russian alphabet and a few basic phrases :)

How's yours @desi-girll @elu-xx @chemblrish @kraro-school-life @winryrockbellwannabe @stem-diaries @paledinosaurrebel @neet-aspirant @bookmarkbuttercup @gabyreads2much @cyberstudious (and anyone else's)?

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

I’m curious to see who y’all ship with the eah side characters 🤭 reblog with your answers to each character listed….

Melody-

Justine-

Meeshell-

Nina-

Farrah-

Jillian-

Lily Bo-peep-

Humphrey-

Gus-

Helga-

@emixion @eahravenmh @ratfullyeverafter @roybelmirrorcast @oklotea @smileyfacemojisworld @gumjester @athena-xox @blajah-blaster

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

OMG. For me sanrio, winx and I can't pick between EAH or MH

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

Hairflip

Expectations:

Reality:

No hate to Rarity, I love her🥺

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

@smileyfacemojisworld my first candyjem moot 🥺💌

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

I wanna be someone's dream girl so bad

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

Dazai sending this to Theo before getting his ass blocked

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

i need everyone to pay attention to the hinomori sibs rn. read moon rabbits guys.

shizuku's and shiho's dynamic is criminally underrated because many just kind of see them as clingy older sister and distant younger sister when. that's not all they are.

back in middle school, they both had to suffer the guilt of never telling the other shit. they had to suffer the guilt of trying to stay strong so the other can keep going forward when it was so, so terribly hard to do so. they knew that the other knew that they weren't doing well.

yet they didn't press on either the topics.

because sometimes, the only thing you can really do is watch.

and that is the most painful feeling of all.

(I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you.)

I'm always thinking about how shizuku stayed strong for shiho, and knows her like the back of her hand. I'm always thinking that it's because shizuku promised herself and shiho to always be there for her little sister, no matter what.

and yet, because of idol work and shiho constantly isolating herself (it's what she thought was best, after all), she couldn't do that when it mattered most. she couldn't help shiho at all with shiho's friend group drifting apart.

(I know that if something happened with them, you would start avoiding me too.)

(I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you.)

on shiho's side, she saw shizuku as a sister that never gave up, a sister that always was there, and a sister that always stayed strong.

but she knew something was up.

and she couldn't help at all.

(I had to hear from the news that you resigned from Cheerful*Days.)

(I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you. I'm sorry, I love you.)

the hinosibs are characterized by so much love, and there's definitely some guilt involved with how they could never help the other with their problems, because the other never talked about it

yet. they continued on forward, because they always had the other to look towards for encouragement.

and look where they are now.

(I'm proud of you, I love you. I'm proud of you, I love you. I'm proud of you, I love you.)

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

Iove this analysis it's so in depth and we'll explained!!!! Literally wanna eat it

do u know who each of the virtual singers r supposed to represent in each Sekai? I think some are more obvious than others (Saki and Ena for Rin), but I’m not sure about everyone

The general concept of the Leo/need Vsingers seems to be derived from Saki's idea of an "ideal high school experience", so there's a big focus on senpai-kohai dynamics.

Luka is pretty much entirely based on the ideal senpai that Saki wanted in high school. She's kind, responsible, mature. She's what you'd expect from a good senpai.

Miku takes some traits from Ichika. Both of them are somewhat insecure about their abilities, but nonetheless hardworking. Also both of them are easy to embarrass.

Rin is literally just Saki - she’s energetic, enthusiastic, and nicknames all her friends; they have similar interests, such as hairstyling, and Rin has even read some of Saki's manga collection.

KAITO seems to take traits from both Ichika and Shiho: he's shy and underconfident like Ichika, and introverted yet passionate about music like Shiho. However his introversion is dialed up from Ichika and Shiho’s, and he doesn’t think he would be able to handle the social life that the girls have.

MEIKO acts as a foil to Honami, being more confident and better at facing conflict, but she does have some similar traits to her as well, such as being the "team mom" figure.

Len is usually associated with Honami and is sometimes used to reflect her conflicts in stories. His personality doesn't seem to heavily influenced by anyone though.

MORE MORE JUMP!'s Virtual Singers seem largely inspired by Minori's idealistic view of the idol industry.

Specifically Miku seems to be based on the idea of a perfect idol, or, Minori's impression of Haruka before actually meeting her in-person. Also this Miku starts off as a pretty flat character and is gradually given more personality and character quirks, which might reflect Minori learning about the real Haruka.

Rin is based on Minori. They’re both amateur idols striving to be at the same level as their peers. They’re also both upbeat, optimistic and somewhat naive. Rin looks up a lot to her fellow idols, yet another trait shared with Minori. Huh.

Len is based on Haruka. He has her “princely idol aura” that is practically just his actual personality, as well as Haruka’s level-headedness and maturity.

Luka is based on Shizuku, she's the “perfect”, elegant idol who's actually more of an airhead than her image lets on. There's a reason she first appears in Color of Myself! and acts as Shizuku’s main confidant

MEIKO is more difficult to place, but I think she might be derived from Airi a bit - her speciality is interacting with the audience, something Airi is good at thanks to her TV work. Also both of them have a similar sort of peppiness.

KAITO is more of a composite character - he's a huge fan of idols, just like Minori and Airi, he has Haruka's workaholic tendencies, and Haruka and Airi's responsibility and organisation. There's probably something that links him to Shizuku that I'm forgetting.

next three are much longer because deeper lore and because i found a better writing flow, so they’re under the cut

Vivid BAD SQAUD's virtual singers are an odd case in which it's not extremely obvious which member they are derived from.

MEIKO is very clearly meant to be a Vsinger equivalent to Ken, instead of any of the members. She acts as a sort of guiding figure to them and has a sort of parental vibe similar to how Ken is with all the VBS kids. Neither of them are active as singers either. I also read an interesting theory that she's based on Kohane recently, which you can find here (near the bottom of the first section).

Miku has traits of everyone in VBS except Kohane: Akito's competitiveness and sore loser tendencies, Toya's more cool/calm demeanour, his love of coffee, and abysmal cooking skills, and An's passion for music (which all of them have but An’s is what unlocked the SEKAI). Someone also sent in an ask one time saying that she might be based on Nagi to some extent, which I think makes sense but is probably just coincidental since I think Nagi was added to the VBS story pretty late.

KAITO is derived from the BAD DOGS members, even if it isn't apparent at first because of how outwardly different he is. He's more of a foil to them, but has a lot of their personality traits. He has Akito's sweet tooth and tendency to be lazy about things that don't interest him, and Toya's air-headedness and strong skills in his field of interest.

Luka seems a lot like An, she's energetic and carefree, though I also believe that these could be taken from Nagi as well, since Luka was added after Nagi was first mentioned (but just before she first appeared) so they were probably written at the same time).

Len is a bit more obvious - he takes a lot of traits from Akito. Both of them want to be respected by the people around them, and hate it when people treat them as inferior. Akito has a lighthearted rivalry with An but has a lot of respect for Toya, while Len has both of these with his own partner, Rin.

Rin has traits from multiple characters like Miku does. She bickers with Len just like An and Akito do with each other, and she's the most affected by An's grief in Light Up the Fire. Both she and An are pretty energetic as well. On the other hand, she has Akito's stubborness and more tsundere-ish traits. As a third option, Akito and Rin's first kizuna title is "Speaking of pancakes" and their third kizuna title is "You remind me of...", suggesting that Akito might see Ena in her.

Also Rin and Len are usually used to reflect any conflicts that Vivids and BAD DOGS have, for example in the main story when Rin and Len split and then BAD DOGS did later in the story.

WonderlandsxShowtime's VSingers are fun for me to explain actually, because while it's explicitly stated that everything in the SEKAI reflects something from Tsukasa's psyche (#5 & 6 here), there's still the fact that fate might be real in the game.

Since everything in the SEKAI is a part of Tsukasa’s psyche, this has to extend to the Virtual Singers. They even have stars on their costumes just to make it clear. Think of it like in cartoons and comics when a character gets split into all their different personalities. Presumably: KAITO is his responsible older brother side, MEIKO is his creativity, Len is his curiosity and enthusiasm, and Rin is his more childish/playful side. The SEKAI is formed from things from his childhood (keep that in mind), which is probably why Miku acts like a kid (same applies to Rin. and Len. and a lot of things). Luka is from his desire to make people happy. Now in more detail:

KAITO is by far the most responsible and mature Vsinger in Wonderland SEKAI, and also happens to be their troupe leader. He's very caring in an older sibling-type way; Emu even calls him KAITO-nii-chan (big brother KAITO). That said, KAITO is sort of a foil to Tsukasa, being much more level-headed and humble than Tsukasa is. I think that may be to highlight the idea that he's created from specifically the reliable older brother part of Tsukasa' personality.

There's some older stuff on this blog where I wasn't sure exactly where Luka came from, but apparently it's explicitly stated in her debut card story that she comes from Tsukasa's desire to make people happy. My bad. She only sleeps when everyone is smiling, and will be wide awake when something is wrong. Makes sense, since she debuted in Tenma Household's Hinamatsuri, in which Saki and Tsukasa had a falling out, and Saki is the source of Tsukasa's drive to make people smile.

Now we get into weird fate shit and SEKAI physics. Miku is quite childish and is implied to be younger than the members of WxS, which makes sense when you consider that the Wonderland SEKAI draws from Tsukasa's childhood memories and the shows he put on for Saki. That said, she also heavily draws from Emu, with them both using the same type of speech, being very hyperactive, full of childlike wonder etc. Miku existed before Tsukasa knew who Emu was, so it could be that Miku is entirely based on Tsukasa's experience with childhood, but also Miku knows who Emu is when the SEKAI forms, so it could go either way. or both.

Len is very enthusiatic and loves learning new things. Out of everyone, Len is closest to Rui (while also being a foil to his personality, with Len being more energetic and open than Rui is). This makes sense actually, when you consider that although he acts annoyed at times, Tsukasa does gradually get more enthusiastic about Rui's stage directing and stunts. Another thing that occurred to me is that Len first spawns in not too long after the main story, and first meets WxS in Wonder Halloween, both of which involve Tsukasa and Rui getting into a fight followed by a look into Rui's past of being outcast by everyone for being "weird". So maybe Len was partially created because of Rui wanting people to not distance themselves from him and actually take an interest in his work. Maybe this is something Tsukasa picked up on as well, it is his SEKAI after all. I don't know whether this was intentional, but I think it could be. Most things in this game are lol.

Rin is very playful and childlike in a similar vein to Miku. She’s also closest to Nene out of all of WxS, and acts as a foil to her in the same way Len is one to Rui. Rin is extroverted and childish in comparision to Nene who’s shy and acts as the straight man within her group. Rin initially doesn’t understand Nene’s shyness, probably because of how different her own personality is. Considering that Rin first spawned in just after the main story, her relationship with Nene might reflect the differences between Tsukasa and Nene (and the fact that Nene’s social anxiety was something that Tsukasa snapped at her about in the main story). Also Rin and Len are considered as best friends in this SEKAI, which makes sense considering that they're foils to childhood best friends.

MEIKO is the most creative of the Vsingers and comes up with very imaginative and wacky ideas, much like Emu and Rui do. However her creativity probably stems from Tsukasa, who writes a lot of WxS’ plays, and then she gets the wild imagination on top of that from the other two. MEIKO is also known for her strength, which comes from Rui, and her good hearing (first shown in POP IN MY HEART!!), which comes from Emu.

And now you have to hear something similar with Mafuyu.

The 25-ji, Nightcord de. Virtual Singers are a bit more complicated than the WxS ones. While all of them draw from Mafuyu to some degree, some of them were created more by something that she needs than something that she is. There’s also far more obvious influences from the other N25 members.

Miku and KAITO are more obviously created by something Mafuyu needed, even though they both have traits of Mafuyu as well. Rin and MEIKO are more influenced by the other members, and Luka is a bit of both. Len is influenced by Mafuyu’s emotions alone. Now in more detail:

It’s very apparent that Miku exists to be a comforting figure to Mafuyu. The SEKAI manifested at a point when Mafuyu was extremely depressed and suicidal, and just needed someone to listen to her and understand. That said, Miku starts out quite similar to Mafuyu, rarely experiencing any strong emotion if any emotion at all. Both of them gradually start to feel more as the story goes on, and both are seen smiling more often than they used to nowadays.

Rin is very strongly influenced by Ena. She’s outwardly irritable and moody, but actually does care and enjoys the company of those around her, even if she doesn’t show it a lot. A tsundere, if you will. Despite her usual attitude, she does actually want to help the N25 girls, which she also shares with Ena. Rin’s connection to Mafuyu is less obvious, but I think it might be through her pretty blunt way of speaking and the fact she quite often just says whatever she thinks.

MEIKO is heavily influenced by Mizuki. She represents the distance that Mizuki puts between themself and the other N25 members, keeping herself away from the other Vsingers and from the N25 girls. She first appears in Secret Distance just to make it extra obvious. However I think she’s also influenced by Mafuyu’s very passive approach to her situation. MEIKO often just watches from a distance and sees how things go, which is close to what Mafuyu did at the time. Mafuyu doesn’t do a huge amount to help herself early on in the story, she does try to feel more, but relies a lot on Kanade. It isn’t until KAITO appears that she’s given more of a forceful push to actually face how things are, stop distancing herself from her problems, and take action.

Luka is derived from the people around Mafuyu who are trying to help her, particularly Kanade and Ena. In Luka's Doing Things My Own Way card story, Mafuyu says that Luka reminds her of Ena, specifically her perceptiveness and tendency to point out things about Mafuyu that she herself isn't aware of. She quickly takes this back though, and then says that Luka is more similar to Kanade because of her ability to understand what Mafuyu is feeling when Mafuyu isn't sure of it herself. In terms of personality, she is closest to Mizuki, being more on the playful and teasing side, mainly towards MEIKO. Luka is like a lighter version of what KAITO ended up being. She's not afraid to be honest and realistic, and is a bit firmer than the other vsingers are. She's not afraid to give them a push when she thinks they need it, as seen in her debut in Carnation Recollection.

Len spawns during Guiding a Lost Child to What Lies Beyond, where Mafuyu's mother starts to find out about Mafuyu doing music and taking action. He's sort of similar to the Wonderland SEKAI Virtual Singers, in the way he represents Mafuyu's emotions in a very childlike way. He's scared because Mafuyu is scared of her mother, he's sad because Mafuyu doesn't want music to be taken away from her, he feels lost and alone because Mafuyu feels that way too, he's close to Miku because Mafuyu is and needs her comfort. Some of this is stuff that Mafuyu doesn't even realise, which brings back the idea from Wonderland SEKAI that the SEKAI can create things on the basis of your subconscious.

KAITO definitely embodies that idea. He's Mafuyu's anger, yet she's never angry. He's from all her repressed anger. He appears when Mafuyu's mother makes her life well and truly miserable, attempting to cut her off from N25. Mafuyu hates this, but she doesn't want to admit that her mother is the problem, she doesn't realise just how angry it's making her, how angry her mother is making her. She's holding all of it back, but it manages to leak out in the form of KAITO. As soon as he arrives in the SEKAI, he wants to talk to Mafuyu, find out what's going on and what caused the Empty SEKAI to be, well, empty. As soon as he finds out this is Mrs Asahina's fault, he tells it to Mafuyu's face. Mafuyu was never going to accept it on her own, she needed a push, and a strong one. KAITO does what needs to be done, and he's similar to Luka in that way, he's just way more aggressive and unapologetic. He's almost... bitter, for lack of a better word. Like I said earlier, he's here to help Mafuyu, as well as represent her.

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

man all my plans are literally ruined now

found out today that the “no don’t [action] your so sexy aha” meme is, in fact, NOT well known outside of internet circles and you should not just Say That to an unsuspecting coworker

[everynameitrytogetistaken]

I could totally be wrong abt this, since I haven't actually read most wxs stories, but from the ones I did read, I noticed that Tsukasa sometimes... weaponizes his insecurities and struggles? I shouldn't use the word weaponize, more like he uses them as a tool to enhance his acting? The biggest example being Pheonix at the Sky's Edge CH 7 & 8, where he feels like he'll never reach the goal he set for himself and uses it as a way to improve his role as Ryo? Or Dazzling Stage, where he turns his loneliness as a chid into a way to relate to Torpe? I think he does it all the time actually, since he's super loud and dramatic but his internal dialogue is so much quieter. He takes any emotion he feels and bass boosts it, which actually makes a lot of sense since we've seen him when he's not acting like that and Nene was actually kind of put-off that he wasn't yelling and being theatrical (wonder magical showtime CH 8).

Yeah, you're right. Tsukasa is probably best described as a method actor. He struggles with characters that he cannot relate to (emotionally), and has to find a way to connect himself with them in order to play them, such as Torpe and Rio. With Torpe, he was only able to act the character as best he could once he came to terms with his lonliness as a child/younger teen and realised that he used the piano in the exact same way Torpe looked at the stars. Same with Rio, where he tried starving himself like the character does first, only for that to not work but then forced himself to face his inferiority and hopelessness, and was able to connect that to the character. He always finds a way to relate to the character emotionally in the end, but both times it’s required him to uncover/face something unpleasant (that being his loneliness and inferior talent). So yeah, he's good at fairly flat 'hero' or otherwise mostly positive characters, but when he gets given a more emotionally complex character, he has to use his personal struggles to get into the mindset of the character.

I think that Tsukasa is the kind of person who doesn’t like to dwell on the past too much, but also he doesn’t seem to like to think about things that aren’t, y'know, mostly positive. Like, the reason he wanted to become a star, as well as his loneliness when he was younger both stem from Saki being really ill, which is not the most pleasant thing to think of. He doesn’t think about the group splitting up in future as much as the other members do, he is aware of it but doesn’t face it. Mr. Showtime and some brief scenes in Lion Dance New Year are the best look at that we get. And he has to force himself to face that he has less talent than the people around him in Phoenix at the Sky's Edge and breaks down crying (this is not healthy jeez).

There's an area conversation from a while back where Rui asks Toya if Tsukasa has always had the confident and showy personality and Toya says that Tsukasa adopted that personality as a kid because he felt he needed to be more outwardly confident for Saki, and it just stuck. (note: EN translated the first sentence a bit weird. As far as I can understand, in the original text Toya says that Tsukasa did do the persona deliberately as a child, but here it makes it sound like he didn't). I think that alone explains the difference between how he acts outwardly vs inwardly.

He projects everything big and loud because it makes him appear confident, and he had to be brave for Saki so he could make her happy. Not all of the projecting is for confidence reasons, he's generally pretty emotional when the emotions are positive, and always projects them up to 11. I'm assuming that with the length of time Saki was in hospital for, he got so used to his persona that it just naturally became his normal personality. So maybe as that happened he started to amplify how he expressed everything, not just his courage. When we get to see his inner self, I think it's more toned down because he doesn't need to project when he's alone, and I'm guessing that this is how he acted before the persona, or at least somewhat close.