everything-is-vent-blog

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #5 - Saturday, March 31, 2018

:P how’s it goin

So what has happened, I’ve been having half days and those were cool, I’m still working with Insert in my lab group in bio and I’ve been really hating his fucking guts

In gym, Natalie has been telling me about everything but sex her and her boyfriend have been having and it’s been grossing me out verily, but I’m happy that she’s happy.  Also the fact that she’s talking to me might clear up the fact she might have started hating me, idk

On Sunday I saw Love Simon with my sister because planning with friends is fucking hard. It was an amazing movie and it had so much thought and care put into it and it was just amazing and yeah, I don’t want to go into too much for spoilers for both the book and movie but it was amazing. Then on Monday I saw it again with my friends and english honors class, which was also cool except I have two aquantinances that came along. 

One her name is Parrot because she’s annoying like one. The only way to explain her is cringe and gay. She goes out of her way every single day to remind every single person she ever talks to that she is gay, then she is a huge FNAF, Bendy, Overwatch, DDLC, etc. fan and she just bogs so much shit down that people once found enjoyable. She went crazy inviting non-English Honors people to the movie when we first got allowed to. She always gets into other people’s business even though she isn’t part of the conversation. So when she invited all these people she invited the next person

Her name is Sam. She’s that kind of person who thinks hurting people is the way to make friends. News flash it isn’t. In the past she has broken my Jughead beanie so I had to get a new one, and been just overall kinda very abusive. So Parrot invited her and because Parrot was late to the book talk before we saw the movie etc. I was stuck with Sam, and I couldn’t go over to my rfiends who probably were glad not to have me over there as I was only close with two of them and slightly close with the rest. Then she just stuck with me and Kate and Ruby for the rest of the day. It was somewhat fun, when ***SPOILERS*** Simon and Brahm first kissed, I started the applause and the entire theater applauded it was awesome.

What else has happened, I had tons of tests and stuff because spring break is coming up, they were eh. My history teacher had us write a very last minute essay on a topic form the 20s, I chose early movies so I hope I did good. 

Passover has started and I’m already dreading not being able to eat things because my mom forces it upon me when I can eat whatever i want because 

A) My dad is christian so i can just say I’m taking part in his religion

B) I’m actually an atheist so I don’t think any of the God shit for this holiday is real

My cousin drew me further into Fortnite, it is still an okay game but eh I don’t care much for it

Oh also on Thursday, Emma lost her dongle for her phone so I tired looking for an extra dongle but I didn’t have one but I did have the apple brand headphones that had the lighting cabe end already so I gave those to her and she tried to hug me, I just stood still, I feel kinda bad and that i should apologize but I can’t find a good time. She did put on her story a pic of the headphones with “I love my friends thank you C” (my name obviously blurred out) so yeah that felt good-ish.

Greg’s been getting suicidal and depressed again and even though we all say that he belongs and that he is our close friend, he still thinks it’s all bullshit and stuff. But sometimes I don’t feel as bad like when he sends a sentence long text and then ‘tries to delete it’ when it is obvious he sent the “accidental” message on purpose

I was excited about the announcement for Season 2 of TAZ, which is Griffin’s Amnesty arc so yeah. 

Oh also there’s these new accounts for confessions and advice for our school so me and Sistine are trying to figure out who runs the account like a murder mystery

Anyways, Easter is tomorrow and i can’t wait to go to the car shwo like we do every year :P

Happy Holidays I guess,

Sincerely,

C 

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #4 - Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Lots of stuff has happened

First, the plans to see Love Simon are falling apart, Emma keeps getting grounded or she has track and no one is responding and just ugh, but more on that later

I think Natalie is starting to find me annoying. She is talking with other people more and that’s not a bad thing in any sense it’s just I get a vibe from her that she just doesn’t want to talk to me and that she finds me annoying etc. So I try to only talk to her when prompted by her

On Saturday i watched Fiddler on the Roof at the Kelsey Theatre, I really liked it, although the songs weren’t extremely extremely memorable it was a great production none the less. Later that day, I watched the finale of Scream with Sistine, it was awesome we had tons of fun, we got pizza, looked at memes, threw a ball around, played weird water bottle soccer, etc. Also we watched a bit of Degrassi on Netflix and dissected all the cringy moments :P

Then on Sunday i didn’t really do anything I don’t think except homework and start rewatching 13 Reasons Why

During the week: people are still obsessing over Fortnite, I basically finished filming for my filmmaking class movie, idk what else I can’t really remember

But today, sowhat happened today

it was a half day so we started the period at period 5/6, which is ceramics for me, nothing new there, I made zero progress

Then in english we had a mock trial for Romeo and Juliet which accused Romeo of pressuring Juliet into suicide (The State of Verona vs. Romeo). My group got demolished (we were Prosecution) and my questions for cross-examining Romeo were all answered so it all just went to shit.

In bio we just watched a bit of a movie about a primate fossil from an organism called Ardi

Then in gym we had a study hall because our teacher was absent. Natalie didn’t really speak to me as expected. but when she does talk to me she talks about hr boyfriend a lot and how they might have sex soon, I’m not too phased by it with my partial asexuality (greysexuality?) also just about school stuff as well but mostly drama.

The big news today was however that the first semi proposal happened. It was to Sistine’s friend/my very very very very slight partial friend from a kid in my filmmaking class. Everyone was talking about it in bio because most of my class are thots and now everyone is talking about semi proposals even through semi is in June. This is high school a relationship won’t last until June unless by some miracle. Sistine’s friend was talking about how I should propose to Sistine while me and Sistine were talking and how we would make a great couple etc. But I just rebutted with my usual “relationships are stupid and so is semi” spiel. Even my sister and mom are giving me eyes like you should ask her out but I don’t wnat to ask anyone out. Like any time they see me even conversing with a female they immediately think I like her or that I should date her. Like what if I was gay? (I’m not this is just a hypothetical) Like seriously, sometimes I fucking hate them

BREAKING NEWS: As I’m writing this the school called and now we have a snow day tomorrow (in the start of spring??? It’s crazy). Now we have two days off of spring break

Also, my friend ripped my Jughead beanie so now I have to get the 2nd replacement after someone threw it to the ground and broke the pins. I can’t not be angry at him after it, because him taking my beanie was over some stupid shit but still, ugh

Now onto the main event.

WARNING: Emma, if you are reading this, idk what to say, you probably know who I am at this point so sorry for spouting my thoughts and putting this whole conversation on here.

 So, the night of Friday, March 16, 2018, I was trying to coordinate the love Simon plans once again and Emma didn’t even know what the movie was about so i sent her the trailer and she said she wanted to go. Then after the chat died down a bit, she either personally messaged me on Snapchat or I replied to her goodnight streak snap and she replied back. Either way we talked again and she asked

“Can I ask you a question”, in my mine I went - (*insert John Mulaney voice*) “Never a good sign”

So I just said “yeah sure”

So she said “I hope you don’t get offended, but are you straight”

This wasn’t the first time someone has thought I was gay, I have been asked at least 3 times before in recent memory. But it made sense that she would think that now as I was inviting 5 girls to to see a movie about a gay guy coming out.

So I just chuckled a bit and explained my whole situation where I think i’m either asexual, romantically asexual, greysexual or just straight.

Then this fucking blew my mind and caused my anxiety to go into ludicrous speed, she said (something along the lines of):

“Oh , I (it was either sued to or have, I can’t remember) used to have a crush on you”

“Realyl? You serious?” I say

“yeah”

“Well if we’re being honest, I also had/have a crush on you”

And from there we talked about dating but not really and how I used to date Kate and that people who wanted me and Kate to go out would be all riled up and all that. Etc, etc, lots of conversation about stuff like semi and from there she said she would teach me how to dance, I said that would be awesome so now, I can put that card into play either around the time of semi or just in the next two months or something. Either way that night was awesome but after I started talking to her, like Natalie I started to get the same I don’t really want to talk to you vibe. So yeah, now I only respond to her streak snaps and only talk to her when she starts a conversation which isn’t happening soon because she keeps getting grounded and having her hone taken away.

But in out conversation I was talking about how I didn’t want to submit to these feelings because she was way out of my league and popular and she didn’t think so and I just smiled a bit

But anyways after all this, my anxiety still thinks that this is all and elaborate ruse or prank. Idk I fucking hate my mind, I can’t take anything at face value and I disregard all meaning for even the nicest of statements and somehow find a way to make me think that it’s sent fro a negative purpose.

Feelings suck

Until next time,

Woefully yours,

C

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #3 - Friday, March 16, 2018

:P Hey

So what has happened this week,

On Monday, I probably failed a french quiz and I played with the Oculus Rift at the public library, a few other of my friends and I played Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, it was really fun.

Tuesday, idk really what happened probably nothing much

Wednesday, we lost Stephen Hawking, I was very sad, he was an amazing scientist and did so much to further our understanding of just so much. It was also Pi Day and I involuntarily volunteered at the library so that was okay :P But I invited my friends from Ruby’s birthday to see Love, Simon.

Thursday again nothing much happened but I got some games on my calculator finally and they’re really fun XD

Today, the Infinity War trailer came out and it was awesome, the whole shot with Cap stopping Thanos was breathtaking, just seeing the culmination of this entire universe nearly brought me to tears. 

Yeah not that interesting of a week

Other things:

I started using my textbooks as weights again. Since I don’t have time to go to the gym (It’s funny how I say that like I went regularly when in fact I went like once a week) so I use two of my textbooks to lift like dumbells or benchpress. It doesn’t help that much, I am still a toothpick weighing like 93 lbs so yeah

But during my late night attempts of lifting, Emma sent out her “gn streaks” thing and in ht epic was a book turned to the page 69. When I snapped back, I said 

“goodnight, nice page number” and she said back

“ayy” or something 

I responded with finger guns probably and she responded with pics of kit-kats that she was eating and I said something like

“Aw lucky I don’t have any candy lol” then she sent another pic of the candy and I sent a video of the large amount of candy wrappers I have hidden around my room and I said something like 

“Even after eating all this (not all at once lol) I’m still thin”

and she responded something like 

“I think you’re fine”

To spare y’all the grudging and cringy play by play essentially after a few min she said something about me being handsome and I laughed and she said no seriously and when we were going to bed she said “gn handsome, ttyl” so yeah. Then the next night I said thank you etc.

I don’t think she actually meant it in a “hey you’re handsome/cute” kinda way, like as if she were to like actually have feelings, but I know she doesn’t.  Either way, it was still a nice gesture in my book :P

I still realize she’s out of my league but I mean you can’t just get rid of feelings so easily.

God everything is so complicated XD

Sincerely for now,

C

[everything-is-vent-blog]

PS

Also for the non-daily posts I’m going to recap the interesting stuff from the intermission between posts while on daily posts like hopefully tomorrow I’ll just talk about my day

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #2 - Sunday, March 11, 2018

Hey people!

So a lot has happened in like two weeks kinda. First I blazed through Simon vs The Homo Sapien Agenda, we’re reading it for english and it was so good, I nearly cried. It mad me think a lot about my sexuality, I want to say I’m a romantic asexual but I don’t want to say anything and regret it for the rest of my life. But I’m sure this means that Natalie was wrong and I’m probably still straight no matter how much I think that sex is really weird. But yeah that was cool, I am now listening to a lot of the songs from the soundtrack and the song from the trailer and they’re really good. Speaking of music I discovered the desktop section of Spotify and I went all out following tons of playlists and made my own. Then, I followed my kinda friend Tina on Spotify as well, she has a youtube channel and has a decent following but she makes these amazing playlists of different things like certain emotions of ones for certain months etc. Me and Ruby are working on  our (what was originally my) movie idea and we’re having Tina be our musical manager because she is so good at finding indie/slice of life like music. So yeah we worked a bit on the script/screenplay :P. 

We didn’t do much this week because on Wed. and Thurs. we had snow days, although we now have one day off spring break so :P

I was out on Friday because I was sick, all I did was listen to  music it was amazing

So anyways, what else is happening, I saw the Spongebob musical today it was surprisingly really good! I loved the set design and the costumes, the music, everything was so good! I also saw the high school’s production of Rogers and Hammerstein Cinderella which was good as far as high school acting goes

I saw the Terracotta warriors at the Franklin Institute, they were also super cool.

I was looking into buying equipment for the movie but to buy a shotgun mic form Røde or in this case Amazon or Guitar Center because Røde doesn't do delivery, but it was really expensive. And I don’t want to do a kickstarter, patreon etc. for the movie because we have to provide rewards for the donators but we don’t have anything so it would be useless. But having a kickstarter could provide some advertising and get me and Ruby out there so I can get some money off when I go to college and my parents don’t have to pay the full price after my sister goes off to college in a year give or take.

I still have mixed feeling for Emma, we talked a bit and it was fun but still I know that she is in a much higher league then me no matter how much I want to respond to her snapchat and instagram posts

I talked a bit with Kate too, she’s still bueno and I’m still trying to figure out what I should do if I ever want to “go out” with her again. I might ask her to semi but I still think semi is stupid and just ugghghhhhhh

Also I have to work on a presentation about organisms in bio so my group chose the Peacock Mantis shrimp (check out the web comic by The Oatmeal of why it’s so cool) So anyways I got put in a group with a smart kid this one unbearable kid, imma just going to call him Insert because he doesn’t even deserve a name. First, he is sooooo annoying like holy shit I would punch him but he is so obese that It would be like punching a pillow. He looks like a demented stay puft marshmallow man. I’m retty sure he only has like six shirts that even though they’re probably max size, still don’t fit him. He wears this neon orange coat and it is so dirty and disgusting just aaahhhh. He is a trump supporter and he has a neck beard, idk why I put those two together but yeah. Then in class he’ll start talking and it is so fucking obvious he’s trying to get attention like he’ll shout “Yummy” when an animal gets eaten or bring politics into an ordinary conversation. He dressed up as Bernie Sanders for Halloween. I could go on but he is just not worth the time and I am going to tell my bio teacher to never pair me with him ever again because he is just unbearable to the most infinite level.

Next, I can’t wait for the new smash bros even though the most updated console I have is the original Wii

My friend Sistine recommended me the MTV series Scream, and I have two episodes left of the second season which is the final one. It was really good and kinda cheesy as well. But the character Noah I related to at a genuinely scary level, except for the last few epsiodes

 I started re-watching 13 Reasons Why for the like 5th time to fill the void of Scream while I wait to finish it with Sistine.

I can’t stand everyone posting about Fortnite, no one gives two shits that you are better at a free game than 99 other people. I’ve only played 5 games and lost all of them but still I find it stupid, also the only reason it’s popular is because it’s free.

I also realized how much I suck at Overwatch, i can barely get a single kill in an entire match as my main, Sombra lol

I’m trying to think of what else to say. I am continuing to fail french probably, getting better in my other classes, my film class is doing good, we’re doing a silent film about an apple that is evil. I got my ceramic teacher to listen to The Adventure Zone after she was wondering about my TAZ themed vase, everyone gave me looks as we talked about Klaarg the Bug Bear and more, it’s cool to have someone to talk to about TAZ because my friends never make any more progress in listening

I don’t really know what else to say, so until next time,

Love,

C

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Inconsistency

Sorry about the lack of posts, I get pile drived with homework so finding time to do this in between and at night, gets hard especially when you start losing a lot of sleep over the course of the week. New posts should be coming ASAP so for whoever reads this, more incoming. Goodnight for now!

[everything-is-vent-blog]

Entry #1 - Monday, February 26, 2018

The day started out like any other, waking up at the crack of dawn to get ready for school.

I got ready, my dad drove me and I waited in the cafeteria until my friends came to talk.

Then i met more of my friends in the area outside the cafeteria. I forgot what we talked about, it might’ve been the drama club show, they put on Anne Frank & Me and the last night (last Friday) I filmed it so they have a copy of it. Anyways let’s dissect this group of friends, although I’m only going to be talking about three of them because they are my closest friends and will definitely be reoccurring (remember fake names) also this officially the point in which if anyone from school or my friends or family are reading this, I’ll be screwed or at least people will draw comparisons if anyone hears about this, oh boy

Kate - Knew her since 6th grade english, a nerd like myself, and although we ‘dated’ for a bit and we’re friends now, and also the fact that I might be asexual (or romantically asexual) I think I still like her. She likes D&D and we’re planning on co-DMing a game for a D&D club. Everyone ships us but, when we ‘dated’ I had such a lack of confidence that I did jack shit and now we’re back right where we were. and I only asked her out cause my ‘friends’ slightly pressured me. Idk what else to say, I guess more will be revealed

Ruby - Knew her from same 6th grade english class, really really close friends with Kate, basically sisters. We both really want to be directors and we are currently trying to find an idea to pursue and film. idk what else to say, more to be revealed and rememebred

Greg - Best way to describe him is a dick but a friendly dick, idk really how to explain the enigma that is him. A) somehow he got a girlfriend (who’s a year olde than him) B) he draws smut and just causally brings it up every now and then. He is/used to be very depressed but we cheer him up and he seems happy now. Idk what else, leaving a bit out and also not remembering a bunch

So yeah, then we went to class after discussing something, I can’t remember. History class was normal, i like my teacher, she’s nice and cool but sometimes she uses memes or is trying way to hard to be hip and cool like that one Steve Buscemi meme. Then is Geo where I blaze ahead of everyone, I got a 100% on a quiz from last week and had to tutor two kids in the class on questions they got wrong. 

Now lets get to french. In 6th-7th grade I had the single greatest teacher I have ever had in my entire ‘academic career’ she was fun, nice, caring, helpful, and the amount of happiness she emitted everyday just can’t be described with words, she was just an amazing teacher, at the end of the year me and a couple other students made a small movie with clips of students saying thank you or saying why they loved her and it was intercut with the speech before she received the teacher of the year award that year and we premiered it at our french production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs as a complete surprise to her, one of the greatest moments in my life I think. Since then, my 8th grade french teacher was the same teacher that my sister had had up to 8th grade so she knows my family pretty well, there wasn’t much that important for last year’s french. But then this year, we had french honors and our teacher is atrocious, she barely explains things in english and expects us to memorize things in a day, and also to understand her when she’s using words we don’t understand. there’s so much wrong with her as a teacher but I can’t get into it all. But it has occurred to me more than ever this year that I want to pursue film and be a director and i want to know when there are people whose job it is to be a translator for movies and also we have the internet, when the fuck will I need a language, if I go to another country I can hire someone or I can just try another means of communication and it’s not like the only foreign country I’m gonna travel to is France so yeah. 

Now my next class is filmmaking where we just watched our short films on different angle shots. Then in ceramics (which I didn’t even want but I ended up with for some reason) we just started decorating our pots and also because people in another ceramics period did bad on a vocab quiz, she’s making everyone take a new quiz on more shit to memorize. Ugh. Then was lunch, which was normal if not a bit lackluster, we talked about the normal stuff, playfully roasted someone at the table for reading the entirety of twilight and being an emotional wreck afterwards. Then we had english where we talked about an article we wrote a response to about cloning and also plans to make a mini book club to read Simon Vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and then skip school to see the movie version Love, Simon. Then in bio, where I am one of the top 3 smartest kids in that class because at least 75% of the kids are popular thots or fuckbois and can’t do work for themselves and are mind numbingly stupid. Like usual I speed through my work with extreme accuracy. Then in gym I talked with my friend Natalie (again fake name), she’s usually the one I console in a lot, i used to have a small crush on her back when we had health together last year and when I first talked to her I was more nervous than the most nervous person you’ve seen in your life but times 10. Anyways we’re close friends now and we just talk about life, how people suck, ideas, etc. It’s dun, our teacher is laid back so instead of doing actual PE we just walked the entire time like a lot of classes.

Then when i got home my mom and I went to McDonalds to get the resurrected Szechuan Sauce which was amazing and worth the wait. Then I just did homework and shit for the rest of the night. I started watching Heathers (the original) because I watched the new reboot TV show and it was really fucking bad. i also listened to the musical soundtrack and that was good.

Last bit of the day, so a few weeks back at ruby’s birthday party she invited one of her friends Emma, and it was the first time I had talked to her (she was more of a popular kid and I am in no way popular lol). It turns out she’s not like the thots at all and is genuinely nice. We finished the night off with like a 40 minute gossip session where we talked about her terrible boyfriend and how I nor Kate had had our first kiss and other gossip which was nice to hear for once as I am someone who is always on the outside looking in (DEH reference). But anyways i might have developed a tiny tiny bit of feelings but I know she’s out of my league and would not at all be compatible with me, I mean she came to school high once so yeah. And also the only times we talk are just saying hi in the halls or as we’re leaving school and even then we don’t actually talk. She said she would try to help me overcome my confidence problems and also she joined the group of my friends who said they’d bust down my door and drag me to semi even though I think it’s really stupid. Anyways I bring this up becuase she posted on her snapchat a thing about that if “anyone wants to be friends or doesn’t want to fade away and all that then actually hmu and don’t wait” something along those lines. and I’ve been debating doing this, it’s already too late because it’s like 11:00 and idk when I’d do it tomorrow. Also there’s the whole thing of us not really knowing each other that well so it would be weird if I, a nerdy, acne faces, semi-nobody just sent her “hey’ in an attempt at making friends and all that. Here’s a perfect example of my confidence and anxiety issues. Ugh everything just sucks sometimes.

That’s all for now, fml

Yours truly,

C

[everything-is-vent-blog]

A Prolegomenon

Hi, welcome to this little corner of mine. idk what really to put here so I’m just going to make this introduction quick.

I am C (name censored for obvious(?) reasons) and I’m doing this because I have no one to talk to and I need somewhere to talk. I’m just going to talk about my day and feelings and all that stupid bullshit, kinda like the ‘letters to yourself’ shtick from Dear Evan Hansen or Perks of Being a Wallflower. So to start I’m just gonna say a bit about myself:

Name: C

Age: High School age for now

Gender: Male

Sexuality: I believe I am straight but I think I might be asexual, still have to ponder a bit

Interests: Comics, D&D, The Adventure Zone, Movies/TV, Video Games, Writing, Reading, Marvel, DC, Ready Player One, Stranger Things, Gravity Falls, Star Wars, Pixar, Overwatch, Archie Comics (not Riverdale, although I watch it anyways for some reason), and much more that I’m forgetting

Favorite movie: Perks of Being a Wallflower

Music taste: Lots of Broadway (Rent, Les Mis, DEH, Aladdin, Great Comet, Hamilton, etc.) , Nothing but Thieves, Fall Out Boy, The Adventure Zone OST, Billy Joel, The Beatles, most 80s Pop and Alternative, Queen, Ninja Sex Party, GOTG Awesome Mix Vol. 1 & 2, Disney, AC/DC, Vampire Weekend, a bit of Green Day, Led Zeppelin, Journey, Rush, Movie Musicals (Grease, The Greatest Showman, etc.) idk what else

^ those are the basics I think but basically imagine every nerdy thing (except anime) and throw it all together an you basically have me.

Personality: I am almost 99.999% sure I have anxiety (and depression?) so that impacts me on an almost daily basis, I am kinda smart, I don’t like promoting myself as smart because although i do smart things, they’re overshadowed my the numerous idiotic and stupid things I’ve done. Basically take Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower, give him a bit more social experience, make him very skinny and frail and you have me :P (also I like memes and have a slightly dark but overall normal sense of humor). Also I am very teenager-ey (if that is even a word) so expect a lot of stupid ranting and all that about how life sucks and other teen things

What I will be writing is just descriptions and thoughts that flow through my mind during the day. I might also do other stuff if I’m up to it like movie reviews and things like that? Who knows time will tell

Names will be changed, and events if too identifiable will be altered as well  (I’ll try to stay away from altering events). 

Feel free to pm me if you have any questions I guess (idk if anyone is gonna read this so idk if anyone will even message me)

My schedule is gonna be all over the place for posting but I’ll do my best

To finish up, if you are a friend or family of mine and are reading this, I am screwed in so many ways.

Yours truly,

C