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Post from my main. Gemstone feat. the smallest image size ever for some reason

Hand painted gem for your pleasure (WIP) Part of the accessories that come with my upcoming kobold model. Painted with Substance Painter </3 Need to try 3Dcoat

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! IMPORTANT INFO ABOUT THIS BLOG ! This blog is a sideblog of my main that used to be a fan art account. I stopped posting fan art a long time ago and want to repurpose it as my original artwork/content blog. I'm going to attempt to migrate this account's follower base to my main, @vichimera. I will be reblogging posts I make on there to this one so folks can stay up to date, but whenever follower counts even out I'll probably be repurposing this blog for something else. I didn't foresee my work getting much attention at all and it is getting very annoying switching to this sideblog whenever I want to post something. Plus, I want people to know that it is me that is interacting with them and not some random fandom blog.

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Trying to post more so have a sneak peak at an upcoming model of mine! Been reworking textures & appearance :) Has three horn options, two tail options, an outfit and an interactable bag in the works! All meshes are already done, I just need to texture them now. Maintaining a follower base while struggling with avoidant behavior is hell, pardon the sporadic posting :,)

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It's finally out after way too long!!

My Slugbeast avatar is done and available to the public now. I hope you enjoy 🐈🐌

Working on getting a public test avatar out sometime, I kind of forgot until today, lol.

Links if you want to obtain the files & support a small creator:

https://xylanderworks.gumroad.com/l/svkji

https://ko-fi.com/s/410980c987

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Army of them So close to release... soon...

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Guys I have also been making a slugcat VR base

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Attack for Rune732 on ArtFight :3 I love this little pan kitty

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neurotypicals will be like "you can't self diagnose" and then diagnose everyone they dislike as a narcissist

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Reblog to get whacked by this thing

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Guys I can't believe they'd do this 😢

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Swishy!

Unity has been a PAIN but bringing my models to life has been so much fun

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Been working on a new model >:)

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Green woodpecker (I love them)

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Imagine someone struggling with a mental health symptom, like sensory processing disorder, for instance. Now, imagine someone comparing them to an abuser, because, "this abusive person definitely had sensory processing issues imo, because they'd blow up out of nowhere over the tiniest things."

That's what a lot of the stigma against npd feels like.

For one, I think a lot of people don't necessarily understand what a symptom actually is, like with the above example. For another, even if someone actually does have a symptom, it's a whole different issue if they choose to display it in an abusive way--and the same goes for any other symptom in any other disorder.

My grandiose sense of self doesn't mean that I'm going around yelling at retail workers or exploiting people to feed my ego or turning every minor conflict into an emotionally blackmailing pity party. It means I have incredibly high standards for myself that I don't hold anyone else to, and when I inevitably can't measure up to my perfect, flawless, godly self-image, I crash very hard and have to fight back intense urges to punish/hurt myself.

My arrogance doesn't mean that I'm criticizing, cutting down, and silencing others. It means that I feel like I'm the best at everything and am incredibly over-qualified and that I can do anything, which results in me struggling to actually do anything, because if I run into a road block my mind will go "this is boring and not worth my time right now, let's drop it" instead of acknowledging that I just haven't learned how to do it yet, and if I try to learn, my mind goes "no, you already inherently know this better than everyone, so their flawed teachings will only corrupt your natural talent". It means constantly changing goals and dropping hobbies and feeling directionless and passionless because I'm so high above everything that I can't reach anything, and if I try to reach, it inevitably means a long fall and hard crash.

My sensitivity to criticism doesn't mean I harm people who I felt slighted by, or that I refuse to acknowledge and improve on behaviors that may be harmful to others. It means I withdraw from people or groups easily, keeping everyone at arm's length and hiding any part of myself I view as a "flaw". It means I beat myself up over absolutely nothing, and that I deny any perceived weaknesses and let them fester and grow and disrupt my life because I can't bear to acknowledge they exist.

My low empathy doesn't mean that I ignore people if they say I'm doing something that's hurting them, or that I inflict pain on others for fun, or that I refuse to listen to and compromise with loved ones. It means that I grew up surrounded by emotional blackmail and severe second-hand trauma, and to survive, my brain numbed out that part of itself. It means I don't feel much when someone around me is extremely upset, and that I usually prefer that people don't vent to me because I mostly feel vaguely anxious in response, and my urge is to distract the person, not listen or sympathize.

My need for excessive admiration doesn't mean that I threaten or guilt people into giving it to me. It means that my motivation plummets without consistent praise, and that I'm driven to do whatever gets me positive attention, even if it's dangerous or self-destructive. It means I feel lost and hollow and depressed without positive reinforcement, and I struggle to find self-fulfillment in many of my passions.

I don't really know how to end this post, but... I do hope this can help some people understand misconceptions about narcissistic personality disorder.

Also here's a post I wrote about subjective and emotionally-charged wording in the DSM.

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I kept seeing this one image of a snailfish as it wearing a party hat

(First piece done in Procreate)

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CW // Depressing, discussing personal stuff

If you allow me to be candid for a moment, I've been dreading the start of this year.

I'm not okay. I didn't expect or plan to get this far, or this old. I can't remember the last year I could've said I was consistently content or happy. So much is out of my control, so much has been thrust upon me that I have no possible way of dealing with. Family that does not take me or my depression seriously (or gender/name me correctly for that matter even after being forced to come out four times total.) I resent other people's happiness. I'm not happy to be alive and I'm tired of pretending nothing is wrong.

Sometimes I'm convinced I deserve this, or I've been cursed.

I need help. Badly. And it feels good to admit all of this.

My only resolution is to start being kind to myself.

Other than that, I have a variety of projects I want to start on to keep my mind off of things. Some 3D, some video, and some environment and bird studies.

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Little thing, made of stardust