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only princesses allowed at tea party

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How To Make Your Writing Less Stiff 5

Movement

Dredging this back up from way back.

Make sure your characters move, but not too much during heavy dialogue scenes. E.g. two characters sitting and talking—do humans just stare at each other with their arms lifeless and bodies utterly motionless during conversation? No? Then neither should your characters. Make them…

Gesture

Wave

Frown

Laugh

Cross their legs/their arms

Shift around to get comfortable

Pound the table

Roll their eyes

Point

Shrug

Touch their face/their hair

Wring their hands

Pick at their nails

Yawn

Stretch

Sniff/sniffle

Tap their fingers/drum

Bounce their feet

Doodle

Fiddle with buttons or jewelry

Scratch an itch

Touch their weapons/gadgets/phones

Check the time

Get up and sit back down

Move from chair to tabletop

The list goes on.

Bonus points if these are tics that serve to develop your character, like a nervous fiddler, or if one moves a lot and the other doesn’t—what does that say about the both of them? This is where “show don’t tell” really comes into play.

As in, you could say “he’s nervous” or you could show, “He fidgets, constantly glancing at the clock as sweat beads at his temples.”

This site is full of discourse on telling vs showing so I’ll leave it at that.

Epithets

In the Sci-fi WIP that shall never see the light of day, I had a flashback arc for one male character and his relationship with another male character. On top of that, the flashback character was a nameless narrator for Reasons.

Enter the problem: How would you keep track of two male characters, one who you can't name, and the other who does have a name, but you can’t oversaturate the narrative with it? I did a few things.

Nameless Narrator (written in 3rd person limited POV) was the only narrator for the flashback arc. I never switched to the boyfriend’s POV.

Boyfriend had only a couple epithets that could only apply to him, and halfway through their relationship, NN went from describing him as “the other prisoner” to “his cellmate” to “his partner” (which was also a double entendre). NN also switched from using BF’s full name to a nickname both in narration and dialogue.

BF had a title for NN that he used exclusively in dialogue, since BF couldn’t use his given name and NN hadn’t picked a new one for himself.

Every time the subject of the narrative switched, I started a new paragraph so “he” never described either character ambiguously mid-paragraph.

Is this an extreme example? Absolutely, but I pulled it off according to my betas.

The point of all this is this: Epithets shouldn’t just exist to substitute an overused name. Epithets de-personalize the subject if you use them incorrectly. If your narrator is thinking of their lover and describing that person without their name, then the trait they pick to focus on should be something equally important to them. In contrast, if you want to drive home how little a narrator thinks of somebody, using depersonalizing epithets helps sell that disrespect.

Fanfic tends to be the most egregious with soulless epithets like "the black-haired boy" that tell the reader absolutely nothing about how the narrator feels about that black-haired boy, espeically if they're doing so during a highly-emotional moment.

As in, NN and BF had one implied sex scene. Had I said “the other prisoner” that would have completely ruined the mood. He’s so much more than “the other prisoner” at that point in the story. “His partner,” since they were both a combat team and romantically involved, encompassed their entire relationship.

The epithet also changed depending on what mood or how hopeless NN saw their situation. He’d wax and wane over how close he believed them to be for Reasons. NN was a very reserved character who kept BF at a distance, afraid to go “all in” because he knew there was a high chance of BF not surviving this campaign. So NN never used “his lover”.

All to say, epithets carried the subtext of that flashback arc, when I had a character who would not talk about his feelings. I could show you the progression of their relationship through how the epithets changed.

I could show you whenever NN was being a big fat liar about his feelings when he said he's not in love, but his narration gave him away. I could show you the exact moment their relationship shifted from comrades to something more when NN switched mid-paragraph from "his cellmate" to "his partner" and when he took up BF's nickame exclusively in the same scene.

I do the same thing in Eternal Night when Elias, my protagonist, stops referring to Dorian as "it" and "the vampire" instead of his name the moment they collide with a much more dangerous vampire, so jarringly that Elias notices in his own narration—the point of it being so explicit is that this degredation isn't automatic, it's something he has to conciously do, when everyone else in his clan wouldn't think twice about dehumanizing them.

—

Any literary device should be used with intent if you want those layers in your work. The curtains are rarely just blue. Whether it’s a simile with a deliberate comparison or an epithet with deliberate connotations, your readers will pick up on the subtext, I promise.

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other words to use instead of walk?

Advance - to move forward; proceed

Amble - to go at or as if at an easy gait

Canter - to move at or as if at a canter (i.e., a 3-beat gait resembling but smoother and slower than the gallop)

Footslog - to march or tramp through mud

Hike - to take a long walk especially for pleasure or exercise

Journey - travel from one place to another

Lumber - to move ponderously

March - to move in a direct purposeful manner

Meander - to wander aimlessly or casually without urgent destination

Mosey - to move in a leisurely or aimless manner

Pace - to walk with often slow or measured tread

Pad - to traverse on foot

Parade - to march in or as if in a procession

Patrol - keep watch over (an area) by regularly walking or traveling around or through it

Perambulate - to travel over or through especially on foot

Plod - to walk heavily or slowly

Prance - to walk or move in a spirited manner

Promenade - take a leisurely public walk, ride, or drive so as to meet or be seen by others

Prowl - to move about or wander stealthily in or as if in search of prey

Ramble - to move aimlessly from place to place; to explore idly

Roam - to go from place to place without purpose or direction; also to travel purposefully unhindered through a wide area

Saunter - to walk about in an idle or leisurely manner

Shamble - to walk awkwardly with dragging feet

Shuffle - to move or walk in a sliding dragging manner without lifting the feet

Slog - to plod heavily

Stalk - to walk stiffly or haughtily

Step - to move (the foot) in any direction

Stride - to move over or along with or as if with long measured steps

Stroll - to walk in a leisurely or idle manner

Strut - to walk with a proud gait

Stump - to walk over heavily or clumsily

Toddle - to walk with short tottering steps in the manner of a young child

Tour - make a tour of (an area); a short trip to or through a place in order to view or inspect something

Traipse - to walk or travel about without apparent plan but with or without a purpose

Traverse - to move or pass along or through; to move back and forth or from side to side

Tread - to step or walk on or over

Trek - to make one's way arduously

Troop - to go one's way

Trudge - to walk or march steadily and usually laboriously

Wander - to move about without a fixed course, aim, or goal

Hope this helps. If it inspires your writing in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!

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Do you have any good words to use instead of exclaim?

Thank you, I love this blog so much!

So glad to hear this. Thank you! <3 I love making these writing references as well.

Exclaim - to cry out, speak, or utter in a strong or sudden burst of emotion

Assert - to state or declare positively and often forcefully or aggressively

Aver - to allege or assert in pleading

Babble - to talk enthusiastically or excessively

Bellow - to make the loud deep hollow sound

Bewail - to express deep sorrow for usually by wailing and lamentation

Blabber - to talk foolishly or excessively

Blat - to declare positively; to utter loudly or foolishly

Blunder - to utter stupidly, confusedly, or thoughtlessly

Blurt (out) - to utter abruptly and impulsively

Bray - to utter or play loudly or harshly

Burst out - to say (something) suddenly

Caterwaul - to make a harsh cry

Chirp - to utter (something) with a cheerful liveliness; to make sharply critical, complaining, or taunting remarks

Clamor - to utter or proclaim insistently and noisily

Crow - to utter a sound expressive of pleasure

Gab - to talk in a rapid or thoughtless manner

Gabble - to say with incoherent rapidity

Gush - to make an effusive display of affection or enthusiasm

Hoot - to shout or laugh usually derisively

Howl - to cry out loudly and without restraint under strong impulse (such as pain, grief, or amusement)

Inveigh - to protest or complain bitterly or vehemently

Orate - to speak in an elevated and often pompous manner

Perorate - to deliver a long or grandiloquent oration

Repine - to feel or express dejection or discontent

Roar - to utter or emit a full loud prolonged sound

Screech - a high shrill piercing cry usually expressing pain or terror

Shout - to utter a sudden loud cry

Shriek - to utter a sharp shrill sound

Shrill - to utter or emit an acute piercing sound

Snarl - to give vent to anger in surly language

Spout - to speak or utter readily, volubly, and at length

Squall - to utter in a strident voice

Squawk - to utter a harsh abrupt scream

Squeal - to cause to make a loud shrill noise

Vociferate - to utter or cry out loudly

Wail - to express a prolonged cry or sound expressing grief or pain; loud lamentation

Whine - to utter a high-pitched plaintive or distressed cry

Yammer - to utter repeated cries of distress or sorrow; to utter persistent complaints; to talk persistently or volubly and often loudly

Yawp - (or yaup) to make a raucous noise

Yowl - to utter a loud long cry of grief, pain, or distress

Hope this helps. If it inspires your writing in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!

More: Word Lists

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THESE ARE SO COOL

What are some chronic illnesses that can only occur in a fantasy setting?

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Small romance things that make me go FERAL

A very totally incredibly non-delulu list by Writerthreads

arm/shoulder/waist/SMALL OF THE BACK touches

HANDS BRUSHING, BUT TOO NERVOUS TO DO ANYTHING MORE

calling them by their name ("What's your opinion on this, X?") (they way they say their name makes their heart do funny things)

the way their voice goes heavy/breathy

CHIN RESTS ON THEIR SHOULDER

whispering into their ear and the way their breath tickles

non-affectionate nicknames just for them

recognising their laugh and trying to make them laugh just to hear it again

little private smirks/winks, watching their reaction when someone makes a joke

sniffing their hair/recognising their on their shampoo

eye contact so deep they feel like sinking

SMALL PECKS ON THE CORNER OF THEIR MOUTH/CHIN/FOREHEAD

recognising the sound of their footsteps

co-existing in the same space, acknowledging their presence and feeling safe

CARESSING THEIR CHEEK WITH THEIR THUMB

recognising their nervous ticks and comforting them, like putting a hand on their bouncing leg

tracing scars, freckles, moles, lines of their muscle, you name it (SCREAMS)

grinning when they blush

watching with pride as the other does a presentation/leads a mission/takes charge

making up private signals for each other

HAND KISSES

NECK KISSES

playing with their hair/brushing their hair/braiding their hair

Ah, love. That lingering warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest. I love love.

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Stop being mean to me it’s pride month it’s illegal

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Bee and Puppycat icons

Space Outlaw Puppycat and Violet

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Reblog if goober

Like if not goober

both if quantum superposition

reply if swiss cheese

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JUST FOUND THIS HEADCANNON !

regulus: “you have your-”

harry: “my mother’s eyes, i know”

regulus: “your father’s grin.”

SOBBING

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:)

Reblog if you want an Anon's honest opinion of you.

GO

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my turn to do this because a.) my motivation is at the lowest it's ever been and b.) I don't have the confidence to do this without you slightly crazy people cheering me on

100 notes and i'll attempt to drink an adequate amount of water a day

edit: ✔ glugged a bottle of water and set reminders so I don't forget

200 notes, i'll turn my blog lime green for one week. (after that one week pasts, I'll try to make my blog aesthetically pleasing or whatever)

edit: ✔ turning it lime green for ONE week. shrek can live on my blog for now

300 notes, and i'll post a fanfic about a random character- just send me an ask and I'll write for whomever (not posting a fan fic about shrek.)

edit: ✔ character taken!

400 notes, and i'll stop procrastinating and do the missing assignments that've been piling up on me (I have... over seven overdue assignments 🤡 )

edit: ✔ working on them right now :')

500 notes, and i'll audition for musical theatre (surprise I can sing)

edit: ✔ in progress....

600 notes, and i'll start practicing my violin at least 5-6 times a week

edit: ✔ found my violin in its dusty cave and tuned it :D

700 notes, and i'll open writing requests on this blog for two days. (no more no less. anything after that, will be deleted.)

edit: ✔ requests are now open. please be specific who you want to be written, and I'll write it to the best of my ability. please keep in mind that nsfw/smut/dark content will NOT be written for. x readers, platonic relationships, and sfw requests only. thank you :3

800 notes and i'll start saving up for a new laptop

edit: ✔ started saving up so I can get a new laptop! the laptop I'm using now is alright, but I could use an upgrade

900 notes and i'll start a corpo blog

edit: ✔ its @furby-unofficial

1k notes, and i'll ask my parents to take me to a doctor to test if I have adhd

edit: ✔ just scheduled an appointment. thankfully it didn't take that much convincing and didn't turn into a argument

[bonus stuff:]

1.5k notes and i'll start a micro-nation blog

2k notes and i'll come out to my parents

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<3

Reblog if you want one of these in your ask box:

•A compliment

•A story

•Why you follow me

•A cute message

•One thing you want to tell me

•One thing you want to know about me

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owie

10 things only James Potter knew about Regulus Black

1) In July 1976, he came to the Potters through their floo together with unconscious Sirius. He left again before Effie and Monty came.

2) After his brother got away from home, he continued to secretly check on him.

3) He threatened Snape into not spreading the information about Remus being a werewolf.

4) He hexed another Slytherin for insulting Pandora.

5) He got punished for it by his mother. That was the second time he came through the Potters's floo.

6) He spent most of his nights at Hogwarts in the astronomy tower.

7) Regulus had violent nightmares that left him shaking. Sometimes, the shakes didn't stop for hours.

8) His touch was like the ocean - engulfing, gentle, but also powerful.

9) Before he left for the cave, he obliviated James in his sleep.

10) The obliviate didn't work.

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this is so cute wtf i’m crying

Can you imagine how flustered James would be when he and Regulus start dating and Regulus starts actually being really affectionate and soft with him?

Like of course Regulus still teasingly bullies him (it’s one of his love languages and James loves it dw) but when he starts also complimenting him and giving him random hugs and stuff? James would melt and blush and not know how to respond.

And Regulus would love the fact he can shut James up better than anyone so he’d just do it all the time. Everyone round Hogwarts would be so confused about how The Regulus Black, who seemingly only had two moods: indifference and annoyance, suddenly started being so sweet and soft to James Potter.

He’d chase him down the halls when he forgot a textbook in his room calling for his “Sunshine” and James would be speed walking away blushing the entire time but absolutely adoring the attention at the same time.

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