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i love autumn, autumn loves me 🍂

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hiding here

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at the beginning of the hell, I wrote constantly —

how many air alarms have sounded (finally stopped counting after 100);

the most gut-wrenching news;

bits of dialogues with family and friends;

how surrealistic it felt to graduate in the same year when EVERYTHING you live with seems to fail.

by failing I don’t mean actual home, friends or university, it is about failing of safety, it is about non-stop doubting whether God exists because if “yes”, why did he let all of this happen, however, I am more afraid of „no“ answer, which means there will be no revenge and no responsibility.

that’s why I watched House’s dialogues with Eve like ten times for the last 2.5 years, how did he manage to find the words to calm her mind?

it is the weirdest feeling in the world, to know the fact that somebody wants you to hurt only because of the place you were born, the more crazy thinking — it was inevitable from the second your parents decided to have you.

for now, I almost stopped writing

not because there aren’t topics to write about, there are more than enough

but because I cannot find the proper words

no matter how hard I am trying, all the words are just not enough.

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litteris et artibus

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Bye bye july u fucking bitchh

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small collection of some of my favorite shots in house md (not in chronological order)

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what if wind would blow everything away?

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— And why did you hide here from people?

— If I tell you, you will be laughing, — replied the Sheep Man.

— Why should I laugh? — I said. There was no reason to laugh.

— Won‘t you tell anyone?

— I won‘t tell anyone.

— Because we didn‘t want to go to war.

//A Wild Sheep Chase - Haruki Murakami

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eight years later, here we go again