externalizedmonologe

[externalizedmonologe]

as much as i agree i cant with your tags

did you guys know mlm ships don’t need to consist of a huge macho loud one and a tiny petite shy one? you don’t need to pick one to feminise and infantilise to make up for the lack of straightness. that’s the whole point. they’re not straight. they’re both men.

sometimes it’s GREAT! but it’s not… a requirement.

thanks for coming to my ted talk

[externalizedmonologe]

[externalizedmonologe]

losing my shit over this

[externalizedmonologe]

The Alpha King's Lost Mate (alterations)

I don't mean any hate to the original author of this (Graceless on Wattpad) when I say this was one of the hardest things to read. I don't know how genuine she was when writing this, I just saw it, read it and found myself consistently breaking down every to every other paragraph. If you want to read it yourself you can read it here. I'm just covering character's in this post, plot and world building will be in a different post.

FIRST UP OUR CAST:

Every character is like cotton candy, disappointing and lacking in substance. It's difficult to read them since there's absolutely no resistance to anything, they're about as endearing as a screaming baby on a 8 hour flight.

Seven is our MC. She's 20 going on 21 and more hollow than an aluminum bat. She's an omega and a slave-I mean servant for the Blood Moon Pack. She's physically abused, low self esteem. she reads like a 16 year old with the maturity of what an adult thinks trauma does to a child.

Alpha King Ambrose Fitzgerald, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried or unless I was high and/or 12. I assumed (incorrectly) he would be 20-21 as well, seeing as he was Seven's mate and that made sense, but boy howdy, I was super wrong, he's actually like 54 so no thanks. personality wise, he's weird. he has no grit, he's king and middle aged, you'd think he'd use that to his advantage but he never does, not to mention he gets angry over literally anything and everything which is a big red flag tbh. Every exchange with Seven makes me cringe, and he calls her "little one" which is an automatic nope without any further questions, there's one person who can call another person little one and it sure as hell ain't him. Despite being king he gives absolutely ZERO push back when denied answers.

Madam Olympia ping pongs between morals and goals. She's an omega who oversees all the omega servants and their punishments for like literally just breathing. She claims in later chapters that she's been trying to """protect""" Seven yet there's not really any evidence of that and she never behaves that way and I'm just supposed to be believe her. I'm a big believer in show don't tell.

Gama Thomas is some old git, he never mated (ha, sucker) and hence why Olympia over sees the Omegas. He has no character if I'm honest, like he shows up once and does nothing but threaten her. Otherwise he's a useless old bag who's motives also unclear but Graceless landed on Antagonist for the next 15 (could have been like 5 at most) chapters. I don't think he ever shows up again but then again I only have access to like 21 chapters right now and it's still ongoing so who knows. After reading a little more I got that he ranks third in the pack hierarchy.

I have one Honorable Mention: Eleven. She's just another omega servant and the only person who actually seems to care about Seven's well being. After over hearing a conversation that sounded like Seven had been SA'd she makes sure she was ok.

and a Dishonorable Mention: Beta Warrior Asher Donavan, another one of those names I could never have come up with myself, we don't meet him we just hear about him from Seven. He talked to Olympia to arrange being mated with Seven once she's 21 so I think we're supposed to assume that's what was going to happen there had Ambrose not showed up. We're told he's an ass, he walked mud across the floor where she had just cleaned, so ass.

Generally what I noticed while reading was that every character was a stereotype, cliché or an archetype, which are the building blocks to characters but that was all they were. They are like skeletons of characters but nothing else. Within the first chapter Seven is our best example of that, she's just a weak abused girl who doesn't know anything else and she needs a big strong man who will save her and she's secretly this over powered chosen one but doesn't know it yet (watered down Cinderella, pick me girls etc.). Later on we get an even better example with the Hot Seductress woman who belittles our mc who doesn't know how she (mc) could possibly compete, and shows off how she's going to be the one Ambrose choses in the end because "look at this beautiful necklace he gave me and you're just nobody" (Ignoring the fact that mates exist? And that if she were his mate he would have picked her already).

"SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?" so glad you asked.

First on my hit list is the age and maturity gap. 20 and 54 makes me squeamish and I don't really care if you like an age gap, you can't pretend like there isn't a maturity gap and a big one at that, it's practically a drop to hell. There's some comment about "alphas don't make mistakes" absolutely not, that's getting cut so fast.

Second, everyone who's relevant is getting a hobby, this is pretty much just Seven and Ambrose but you've got to understand nobody else we meet in the first couple of chapters are like ever relevant again. Graceless tries to convince us that Seven and the rest of the omega servants don't get any down time so they're not friends with each other and have no time for themselves it's jut work until you drop type shit, but I'm scraping that, I'll go into why in anther post, but TLDR she's getting hobbies and friends.

and Finally but not least EVERYBODY IS GETTING A PERSONALITY!! this is so hard to read because nobody has any grit, and everyone is so stupid. Characters hold onto information like their brains are slip 'n' slides covered in baby oil and they have the personalities of watered down soda that's been sitting around for 6 hours.

Not everything about the characters are bad and there are things about the characters that I won't dispute Graceless on like the fact that Seven enjoys making bread. There are a few motives I'll also take at face value or traits that I wont change too much.

Without further ado:

There's one moment like a good few chapters later where Seven manipulated fire magic so we're gonna use that as the basis for a few things. I'm gonna say she's fiery and passionate, not in the usual loud roaring fire sort of way but in the gentle flickering candle flame sort of way. Trauma can make you immature but doesn't do so by default, I also find it more relatable for characters with trauma to be more mature so we'll start there. We'll say she's a bit more skeptical about things, usually things that come from people outside the Blood Moon Pack. I think it's not unlikely that she found a few things while doing chores that she enjoyed, obviously she likes baking bread but lets extend that to cooking and baking as a whole, I also want to say she enjoys embroidery, the times she has to mend her own clothes she practices bits of embroidery and doesn't mind sewing so much. I want give her something she's always wanted to pick up so lets say she's always wanted to pick up painting.

Ambrose is getting de-aged to 20-21, and he's losing the king title. he's Prince Ambrose, heir to Royal Pack and throne. We can keep his short temper, however seeing as he is royalty he's better at keeping it under wraps, to stay true to the original text, we can make him impulsive as well, we'll also call him forward. Now what I'm adding to his character, he is royalty so he's polite, well mannered, we're gonna make him less sure of himself (this will be the first time he's beyond the Royal Pack however, once he makes it back home again he's more confidant), he's honest and no one would ever call him out for this but he's a romantic. He enjoys being romantic and dates and giving whoever he's courting gifts. My man need's a few hobbies, hunting (they are werewolves after all and he is royal), billiards, chess and lets slap well read onto that bad boy and call it a day.

Madam Olympia will have been protecting Seven but seeing as Olympia is an omega who's also trying to survive in the same environment she can't have be showing favoritism or else she looses the comfortable place she's worked hard for. Let's say she never participated in the corporeal abuse of the omega servants but was not of help to them before, after or during. We're gonna say she doesn't know much about Seven's origins and she was still abusive just not physically. I'm aware this does not make her a good person, I'm not trying to redeem her, I'm trying to clarify motives to the reader. To physically abuse everyone but Seven would be pointless to the favoritism bit and not participating in any punishment for any of them would be counterintuitive to her keeping herself alive. Olympia wanted to protect Seven but she would not protect a stray over herself.

I'm not gonna do much to Gama Thomas, if I were to write beyond Chapter 1 he'd be more important. He'd be trying to keep Seven from whatever her destiny is, there'd be some big something that's trying to stop Seven form fully realizing her power and had Thomas keep her beat down and so on to prevent her from becoming a fully realized whatever. But since I'm not there isn't much change to his character since he doesn't do much in chapter 1.

Honorable Mentions: Elven is now Seven's friend. I don't really care what reasons Graceless gave as to why they weren't, servants talk to each other when no one is looking, while doing laundry or making meals when it's just them.

Dishonorable Mentions: Asher isn't getting anything done to him either. If I were to keep writing then I'd add some conflict between him, Ambrose and Seven before they leave but otherwise he's not particularly relevant.

There are a lot more changes I'd make to this but again, I'm gonna make a separate post about them. I am likely taking something that's satire way too seriously but that's just my personality apparently so I'm just gonna keep on going. I would like to emphasize there's no hate to the author and this is a long ass post so I'll leave the link here as well if you want to read it yourself.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk :)

[externalizedmonologe]

so this is going to be the first thing to go uh right next to his whole thing about calling her "little one". this is really weird imo sooooo nope not happening.

Ew no.

[externalizedmonologe]

Ew no.

[externalizedmonologe]

I have a great bad idea

This is self inflicted at this point but I've started reading "the Alpha King's Lot Mate I" (apparently there's more) and I absolutely hate it. I'm gonna keep reading