fadingfall

[fadingfall]

Dear Tumblr, it's been "x" days since my last confession

Do you ever feel like you're back at high school? I accidentally set my supervisor up with my dad. Long story. But because I told people my supervisor had been on a date with my dad, she heard it back and became upset. And in the cornering of being asked who I'd told, I only managed to mentioned one member of staff and my supervisor said, "oh so she's told everyone!"

I panicked because this was getting beyond my control so I told her maybe others overheard it there was a Chinese whispers but really it was me. And now half the staff are ganging up on me for lying and upsetting her.

But.. it's a fucking weird thing to process isn't it. Also the hurt on her face that people knew panicked me. I'm not good with people being upset.

I'm not exactly looking forward to work now. Feel a bit sick actually. I've never felt so bad for talking too much 😮‍💨😥

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START WEIGHT 166lbs

CURRENT WEIGHT 154lbs

I know I'm still a big fat bastard so hardly inspiring but at least I've gone back down a dress size

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I am just

fantasising about how I will look "when I lose weight". Over 3 weeks I'm down 9lbs which doesn't seem like much of a feat BUT I suppose it's relatively healthy. Any quicker and it'd likely be just water weight. My measurements are down, my trousers are much looser already. I should really take some pictures to mark my progress. I currently stand at

157lbs

down from 166lbs starting weight. Pretty sure that's the heaviest I've ever weighed. It was my first time feeling like a size 14 (UK) fit perfectly and I don't remember ever being quite so close to 12 stone before. My 12s fit fine again now so I don't have to replace my whole wardrobe.

I just want to be skinny. I'm still overweight. I can't keep pouring over clothes on pretty slim models and wishing it were me because it's getting me down. I'll get where I want to be eventually but these things take time. I hate that.

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11th March 2021

Apparently my mum isn't leaving my dad now, what a wild ride.

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14th October 2020

What a shitshow the year has been. 2 days ago, found out me mam has been seeing someone and wants to leave my dad. Not sure how, there's been constant lockdowns and he's not been working nights. Think there's more to it but I don't really care to ask her.

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Me: Yeah, I have babies, look

*opens my phone to show pictures of my cats*

Them: Oh I thought you meant you have kids

Me: Yeah I have those too but why would anyone want to see them?

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I'm just now watching The Masked Singer (UK). I know who some are and they're really.. z list celebs. How is Ken Jeong going to guess anybody?

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24th October 2019

The baby is fine! It doesn't have gastroschisis.

We found out a while ago. I've been so busy with Harry.

Look at him, he had zero idea what that is in front of him. He looks so happy though!

I can't wait to find out the gender of the baby.

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Yo, wtf.

My other half gets in at half 7 and tells me he's got me a present. And he produces a fucking cat lol

His birthday is the 13th August 2019 so he's almost 9 weeks. Full black. I don't know what to call him!

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Am I feeling like I'm going to collapse with dizziness and a headache because my scrunchie is too tight or am I actually dying?

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12th October 2019

My boy who is 10 months old is teething and it's a nightmare. He's not napping, he's not eating and when he is eating, he working himself up so much that he's projectile vomiting. And he's done that tonight. Everywhere. The floor. The bed. Over me. Over himself.

On top of the stress with this pregnancy and the tiredness and irritability that comes along with being pregnant in itself, I just couldn't cope. I had to walk away. I had to sit and leave my boy crying and covered in vomit.

After 5 minutes, I managed to compose myself and clean everything up and get him to sleep. But I feel so close to breaking down. It's not his fault he's grizzly, but I'm so exhausted.

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i should shower soon *lies down for 5 hours*

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10th October 2019

I'm 12 weeks pregnant. I've been so tired. I'm already tired but now it's as though I'm waking up in the morning and a vampire had sucked most of my blood and life force out.

We went for the scan on Tuesday. There may be something wrong with the baby. We won't find out until next Tuesday.

Now I'm tired and deflated.