faela444

[faela444]

TW: mentions of throwing up

i have had the worst term when it comes to my health omg-

i was getting better but nope tomorrow i fainted 30 minutes into my first class and now i can’t keep anything down so i didnt eat much but that didn’t change anything cause the first thing i did this morning after throwing up was take some medicine and then instantly throw it up with bile💀 and then i threw up bile again an hour later im gonna cry

(this is all a v long rant cause im sad im sick but also to lyk there probs wont be an update today)

[faela444]

relating a bit too hard to thinking out loud by ed sheeran 0:01

[faela444]

im out of surgery now woo <3

bros i have a date tmr🤭🤭

[faela444]

v tired but im out of surgery now <3

[faela444]

my hair’s finally been dyed again wooo!

the underneath is white not pink, the purple on top just bled into it when it was washed lol💀

[faela444]

okay this is gonna be kinda serious and a pretty damn big rant so just excuse this-

tw: mentions of seizures, fainting, paralysis and self harm, blood

for context, i have a condition called FND (functional neurological disorder) that causes me to have non- epileptic seizures, faint and temporary paralysis. it sucks but, it surfaced when i was 13 as just shoulder tics and it just kept progressively getting worse and worse, it however has only been as bad as it is for about a year.

i don’t want to live with this condition anymore, it genuinely is ruining my life, it used to be okay. i mean sure i didn’t like having it, but a seizure or paralysis would only happen like once or twice a month so i figured i could just learn to live with it but, now i know i can’t. don’t worry, i’m not planning on doing anything harmful to myself it’s just becoming too much for me, i need to get this all out yk.

for the past year it’s been getting worse and worse, seizures happening 3-4 times a week, sometimes 2 in one day, fainting happening even more, and the paralysis happening in any of my limbs as a result of either the seizures or fainting and it’s been hell. i’ve been missing far too much school, either cause i was sent home after a seizure or i couldn’t even move my legs to get there, and it’s starting to feel like i’m just going to rot away in my room. i have to use crutches just to get to the other side of my room and every muscle in my body is constantly hurting.

the worst part is, i cant even do anything about it. there’s no medication to treat it specifically, practically no doctors in my area have even ever heard of it, and it’s scaring my parents. i know they won’t admit it but, i can see it. they try to stay positive about it but, i can hear them talking about it in the other room, i’ve seen my mum cry about it before, and i just hate that i’m causing them to worry so much.

i used to think i could distract my brain, to stop the signals from misfiring as bad as they do. i know i did it in the wrong and very harmful way. i would scratch away at my skin for hours, until it was bleeding, i even ended up doing this on my thigh in the middle of one of my gcse exams and covered it with my skirt. i would blame my condition for my self harm, saying i was spacing out and didn’t realise what i was doing until it was too late. but, i knew exactly what i was doing. i thought it was my fault that i was born with this, that i had to punish myself in order to get rid of it. i’m lucky i realised that it wasn’t helping at all, and that this wasn’t my fault and i couldn’t do anything about it. i haven’t done this in over a year but, i still have the scars from it and occasionally i do think that i need to do it again, that it did help. but, i know that’s just a lie i’m telling myself.

i wish i didn’t have this, i wish i could go out with my friends or to school without having to bring a walking stick with me just in case, i wish i could walk around without worrying that something’s gonna happen. i don’t enjoy the sympathetic looks i get from strangers, or not being able to even hold my own bag or walk to the bathroom on my own. i’m a very independent person, i like doing things for myself but, this is just stripping me of that and i don’t like it at all.

the only reason i’ve decided to talk about this now on here, is because it is getting worse. yesterday i had no movement waist down for 6 hours after a seizure and today one of my legs stopped moving without having a seizure or fainting. it’s getting worse and i am so scared.

i wanna be a paramedic when i’m older but, this condition is starting to make me believe that i won’t be able to do that anymore. and i’m scared.

i’m really sorry for ranting like this but, i really needed to get my frustrations out.

[faela444]

thanks for the tag ness <3

i defo have way too big of a thing for white-haired guys lol💀

i also posted this on the wrong account at first😭

🏷️: @ilovekazuha271 @forget-artemis @neigesprincess @tobiasdoesstuff & anyone else who wants to join <3 (no pressure btw🫶)

this picrew is way too cute, i had to share🥺 just me and kento enjoying an early spring morning 😭

no pressure tags: @shamelessperfectionhideout @afortoru @softsatoru @luckimoon @sokivv @a-nuisance-called-sam + everyone who wants to join ✨

[faela444]

idk why i even make plans for the library

they all end up with me just making fun of y/n💀

(i coloured over any spoilers dw <3)

like wtf is this helping me with?

the plan is literally just an excuse for me to simp for kazuha and be mean to y/n💀

[faela444]

it’s my first day at my job today-

im v nervous but i acc know one of the other new girls so ig i wont be completely alone but i doubt my boss will put us together 💀

it’s working at kiosks in a football stadium and there is a lot of kiosks so the chances of us being together are v slim-

i really hope the people i work with are nice, and that the till doesnt break down as much as it did on the tour💀🥲

[faela444]

birthday fit-

(todays been like really good, we had a dissection in science, which ik is a weird thing to be excited about, but i was really excited for it! and i was offered my first job woo)

also ig this is kinda a face reveal but, it’s really only to @whipped-for-fictionals and @ilovekazuha271 so i’m not too bothered-

[faela444]

i’m genuinely so upset about this omg💀

i hit it on my wall im so sad man omg-

the day before my birthday as well omg :(

it took so long to grow these outwjkskwkdkwkkskwk

[faela444]

me when you say "i love you more"

but that's impossible bc i love you most

~ ness ♡

never, my dear! i love you the most <3333

me when you exist:

[faela444]

ALSO I REREAD YOUR CARD

SASAKI TO MIYANO FAN? 😍

HELL YEAHHHHAJKDKSKGMSMG

bro i still need to watch the final episode but i'm waiting until my friend and i are both free pahaha i want to watch it together so they can see my live reaction

BUT I LOVE IT SM IT'S SO GOOD

living for that slow burn 😩

~ ness ♡

OMG ITS SO GOOD!

I WATCHED ALL OF IT ON NEW YEARS EVE AND FINISHED THE LAST 2 EPISODES ON NEW YEARS (like i literally was watching sasaki to miyano, celebrated new years, then went straight back to watching💀)

i wanna rewatch it so bad, it’s so good man omg! i love it more than anything in this world (thats a lie i love you more mwah)

i hope you and your friend enjoy the last episode! (IK YOU WILL IT’S LITERALLY INCREDIBLE AND THE ANIMATION OMGSKKSKWKLSKWKDKOE)

[faela444]

watch me switch between them bc i can 😎

LOL I'M SO ANNOYING HAHAJDKAJFJSF

but dw i do it bc ily :3

~ ness ♡

i will happily answer you between them both, my love <3

I LOVE YOU TOO <333

(an accurate depiction of us <3)

[faela444]

*has a crisis* WHICH BLOG DO I INTERACT WITH YOU FROM NOW THEN LMFAO /nm

~ ness ♡

AHH YOU CAN INTERACT FROM EITHER IDM! this blog is just more of a way to separate my fics from my rambling, i still accept random asks on my mains it’s all good my love🤭 <33

[faela444]

welcome to fae’s side blog <3

fae, 7teen

she/they

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{💌} ACTIVE ON: @faela404

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{💌} this blog is just to rant and interact with people! go to my main blog for fics!!

{please refrain from asking anything about them here, ask about them on @faela404 }

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