failureismynemesis

[failureismynemesis]

2021 log

Heya.

I lost half of this post because that's how it is apparently, but the gist of it was that I finished my degree, did my internship, presented my work orally on Teams with my school and company supervisors as a jury, because this pandemic is set to take the little joy I can have left in this world, did great and boom.

Also, I didn't get a party but it be what it be or something.

And just like that, I'm done, I finished my aerospace engineering degree. FINALLY.

The graduation ceremony will likely be held next year, but in the meantime most of us are working/looking for a job. I'm in the latter category.

This degree was tough to get. What helped me make it through the whle five years of it was likely a mix of stubborness and passion for the field. I'm very happy.

My personal happiness about it is important because I've learned over the years that other people's reactions to my achievements are likely to be underwhelming at best, disappointing at worst. Either it's "we knew you would do it" or when I say "finally" it's "what do you mean?", to add on the "this was one chapter, the next is already open".

If that's supposed to be encouraging and congratulating me, it is not. But it doesn't matter, I knew this would be happening and it does not affect me that much anymore. Yes, I would have hoped for some sort of celebration after being denied my last year of courses and the physicality of my oral presentation by the pandemic. I would have hoped for pure congratulations and not more unsollicited advice that only leads me back to triggering thoughts. But part of me knew that this was what I would get instead of my party.

None of this will be enough to undermine my joy about such an accomplishment, though. Because I did something great here. Now, I will be making my way, and I think it might come as a surprise that the "right" path for me isn't the one some wish for me- even with the best intentions at heart.

During my studies, I juggled with a lot emotionally. I sacrificed a lot too, and from now on I am going to do less, because I feel like I gave what I had to. If I am wrong, that will be judged by God.

In the previous paragraphs I listed two elements of my recipe for success. I omitted to mention faith, which undoubtedly keeps me on my feet today.

There were some great moments, some sad, some anxious and some boring moments. I thought of all of these as time that needs to pass, and will regardless. I could sleep during five years or study during five years, in the end this degree still costs five years. I feel like sometimes, what we do with time doesn't matter, the most important thing being that this amount of time needs to pass, like sand falling from one half of the hourglass to another.

"This too shall pass", as one said.

And eventually, it passed.

I don't know if this is a new beginning yet. It pretty much feels like an end and I would like to revel in the closure instead of hopping from one battle to another already.

It's cool. I just finished my degree. I'll bask in that joy.

About this blog now, I'm not sure what will become of it. I had originally planned to make it about my studies and posted sporadically. That said, the title could be about any goal I seek to reach and maybe I could make it about my job search and if possible, my job when I start working.

We will see!

[failureismynemesis]

Update #3

I have just binge-watched Netflix's "Never Have I ever - season 2", and it's totally fine.

It's fine because I PASSED FOURTH YEAR. AND MY SEMESTER ABROAD, IN CHINA. AND I PASSED MY ACADEMIC SEMESTER FOR FIFTH YEAR. AND I FOUND AN INTERNSHIP.

Three months in, three more to go. Fuck. I'm doing it.

I got therapy, too. I was in a relationship for almost a year and then I ended it. So much happened and I realized a few weeks ago that I didn't have the time to actually sit in peace since this last post, maybe. To be more accurate, hell broke loose after my return from China. So, it's been two years, more or less. I was challenged on a personal level, but I'm still here.

I got a job offer lately, but the pay was shit and even though I was told to lower my expectations for an entry-level job, I will not. I worked hard to be sitting in front of the recruiter, I should at least get enough to live decently. I've seen what it's like, someone in their mid-twenties trying to live on minimum wage.

I'll avoid doing that as much as I can.

And it's not like I've got no options, you know? My internship isn't over and companies are already contacting me. I've got time.

Plus, I just need to take a break. As I said, I haven't had the time to do so. I feel like I'm running on my last drop of emotional gas every day. I don't know how I can still come across as decent to the people around me, work, family and friends.

I'm the closest I've ever been to my dream of being an aeronautical engineer and I need to cherish these moments. They are unique. I am so grateful for everything. Sometime I'll just randomly start tearing up as I remember how far I've come, who I was and what I was struggling over a few years ago. I am still struggling. But I'm making it, too.

[failureismynemesis]

Update #2

I PASSED THIRD YEAR some time ago and am now in China for the first semester of fourth year. Passing third year wasn't easy, I had to retake exams and all but it's: over!

Classes are so easy now, I'm travelling and having well-deserved fun. See you later for more details!

EDIT: I had forgotten about my countdown, 648 days to go!

[failureismynemesis]

💪 thank u smol rock 🖤

[failureismynemesis]

I PASSED FIRST SEMESTER OF THIRD YEAR.

After retaking exams, but I passed. That's it. One more to go and I'm onto fourth year.

[failureismynemesis]

Update #1

(I keep creating new types of posts. The title is likely going to change soon.)

Long time ! I had to retake exams, hopefully it went well and I’m still going to pass. This year feels endless, though I can see the end now. The classes are not that hard, it’s about holding on against time. Keep attending, stay motivated.

[failureismynemesis]

2019 log #1

I've got to score A+ grades in two of my final exams to pass. Not gonna lie, the stress is eating me out, but I've been working hard enough to do it.

It has to work, you know ? Because there's just no other way.

It just sucks to notice that I'm so influenced by the emotional atmosphere around me that it can nearly jeopardize my semester. Then again, thank god the bad times happened earlier— so that I can fix this shit now.

[failureismynemesis]

[failureismynemesis]

Good luck on mid terms yall

Or if you already did them prayers you pass

[failureismynemesis]

Third year so far #2

I take notes in every class, attend every single one of them whether the teachers keep attendance records, so that’s good.

I’ve had good grades so far. There are two exams I know I did poorly. Hopefully, only one of them is not the final.

Above everything, it’s just so slow. I want this year to be over. I can’t feel stressed for some reason, like I’m above everything when I know I’m not. I miss the places I’ve been to this summer. My personal life is keen on taking a toll at me every time before an important test. This is annoying.

This post doesn’t convey how great the year is going. It’s hard to reconcile opposites. That’s what third year feels like.

The point in first year was to make it. Second year was to be organized. Third year ? I haven’t figured it out and we’re halfway through. Somehow, it feels like it’s going better when I don’t ask myself questions. I start to get it, in a way.

[failureismynemesis]

*hitting depression with a stick* i have to pass this class

[failureismynemesis]

Weekly log #3

I spent the day highlighting notes and catching up : phew. Good thing I did it, I feel much lighter now.

We had a test in class, it was kinda strange (not the test itself) but I did good ? I know this isn’t much of an update but aha, third year is still overwhelming af. See ya, stay focused !

[failureismynemesis]

Daily log #7

So far so good; I’m ahead on most classes and I’m starting to see where this is going. That doesn’t mean course material has stopped being confusing... I wish.

Our first tests are around the corner, I’m hoping it’s going to be splendid.

Other than that ? I have been elected class delegate ! Responsibilities, yes. I have left many activities I was doing last year, so I want to find new ones.

Organization is the key, more than ever.

PS : I have started a countdown to the day of my birthday the year I’ll graduate. Still more than a thousand days to go.

[failureismynemesis]

Third year so far :

I put a lot of pressure on myself to kick it up properly, these two weeks of classes had very a-okay time tables but the lessons, oh god. Some teachers are as lost as their students which doesn’t help. Self-study appears the key to success this time, as the lessons are barely summaries of what we’re supposed to know.

Anyway, I bought a new folder and supplies to organize my lessons. Our directors told us that the key is also to stay ourselves (while suceeding), so I’m trying to balance everything. My first exams are scheduled for the end of October... so far yet so close.

This year I do not only need to pass; I’ve got to reach the top.

I was quite unproductive today, but I’m getting back to the strong rythm tomorrow. Taking a break once in a while is more than needed, so take care of yourselves but don’t overdo it, folks !

[failureismynemesis]

I PASSED

I am in third year, engineering major !

I’ll make another post with more details. Have a nice summer !

[failureismynemesis]

[failureismynemesis]

I PASSED I MF PASSED

Semester one is over and behind me yall.