faithfullychancing

[faithfullychancing]

every overthinker should have someone to fuck them stupid

[faithfullychancing]

[faithfullychancing]

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

[faithfullychancing]

Remember to be patient and to be kind. He will not leave you behind.

oh noooo the mortifying ordeal of loving you on your bad days whatever will i -- i'll do it anyway.

[faithfullychancing]

A chonky fella

[faithfullychancing]

“I don't like you thinking you're not the center of my fucking world, yet here we are.”

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,812: Trial & Error Talks

I'm not the easiest person to speak to. I can go from being rude, angry, and yelling to sad, sensitive and crying in moments.

Biggest "emotional gangster" ever. (Going to therapy to heal that, though.)

Tonight, he told me how it was. He chose his words carefully, making sure each one landed in a way I would be able to both hear and understand.

And I did. I understood.

And I thanked him.

And I praised him.

"You've grown so much."

"Thank you. Trust me, I know when I miss. I airball when I miss."

Great the improvements made on how he--how we--speak from about 2,800 days ago.

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,746: Mid-Feb Reflection

Two weeks until his first fight of the--this--year.

One morning (afternoon?) after a hangout with a group of friends from the night before. Mostly strangers to the both of us. (We were only their for one set of friends.)

Him, a bit grumpy--from lack of caffeine--but still full of love. Me, walking into the coffee shop, whole-heartedly laughing. Not caring about the people watching, turning their heads, giving concerning looks; just laughing.

Laughing because I love how he knows me more than I know myself, because I genuinely love him, because I love laughing with him, and because he's always made me feel safe.

Sitting with our coffee & tea order in the café, waiting for him to get back from a trip to the lavatory; reflecting.

I'm constantly chancing my life with this person. Believing that these chances will lead up to the rest of our lives together.

There's nothing else I can do, but love and trust him to do the same.

[faithfullychancing]

I just wanna go to the beach at night and listen to the waves with you next to me

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,341: Olives

"The contrast is nice? Because I'm olive colored?"

Him: Hmm?? What kind of olives are you eating? You're brown. IF ANYTHING, you're bean sprout colored and I'M a refried bean color.

"Oh, the irony."

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,220: Memories - Fireworks

I'm reading and was reminded of the time we were at my old Grad School house.

It was late at night during the beginnings of the global pandemic. Each person in the house soundly sleeping. He was sleeping soundly next to me.

A not-so-distant whistle.

We both stir.

Loud BANGS go off in the middle of the street.

I wake in a panic and immediately reach to pull back the tapestry-for-curtains.

The room ignites with red and gold shadows.

Your first instinct was to grab me and cover my head.

No hesitation. No thought. Only the instinctive reaction to keep me safe, even on the second story and corner parking lot away from where the surprise fireworks were set off.

I love you for that. And more.

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,158: Sleepy Mornings

I am not doing too well. Nothing crazy, just a small stomach bug, but it has hindered our Sunday morning swim routine.

Nonetheless, he's here. Sleepy-headed after taking my sibling out for an early morning driving lesson. But here, cuddled up next to me, using my Grogu squishmallow as his pillow.

Simple memories like these make me happy. ✨️

[faithfullychancing]

Day 2,109: Sunday Active Recovery

Having full weekends is nothing new to us. Sometimes too full to be with one another. We spend more time apart, but we know it's not going to stay like this forever; just for a little while longer.

Morning swims at the gym--he's training for fight two--for active recovery, boba runs, homemade Laobodian food, movies & shows, and afternoon cuddles while making out first reel. (Yes, we are BOTH out of touch with the tech in that department.)

I got him hooked on my guilty pleasure show--the show that kept me company while I slipped into a depressive state during our second year of college--which he genuinely enjoyed watching with me.

Another show to watch together.

[faithfullychancing]

Many relationships would be a lot healthier if we romanticized honest, open and direct communication instead of idealizing the idea of a partner who's intuitively in tune with your every need. You don't need someone who can read your mind, you just need someone who's willing to listen when you speak.

[faithfullychancing]

“Love is not a relationship, love is a state of being; it has nothing to do with anybody else.”

Osho

[faithfullychancing]

Day 1,574: Tricky Car Dinner

Normal day—whatever constitutes as normal during the times of a pandemic—where, as the day went on, he suggested we fast that evening.

Not odd for us to fast—we fast regularly on out own—but odd to mention fasting together on that specific day.

He called me after his training. We talked about our days as usual, staying on the phone through silent pockets if there were any.

He then asked if I was hungry.

"Kind of, yeah?" I was trying to figure out if there was anything for me to eat.

"Good. Bring a tray, I'm outside."

I smiled, and almost squealed.

How could I not? It had been so long since being able to see him because of the pandemic.

We enjoyed a beef larp dinner in his car talking about our days and random events before he had to head back home again.

I love his surprises.

[faithfullychancing]