fallbeforethefight

[fallbeforethefight]

horrible sinking feeling that i'll never belong anywhere

[fallbeforethefight]

i’ve been a ghost my entire life. what difference would it make if i died.

[fallbeforethefight]

Are you a bad person who convinced everyone they were great, or are you a experiencing life for the first time and secretly a good person

[fallbeforethefight]

I need to cry to feel better—I must, but I can't.

The tears won't come, and neither will relief.

They're stuck, just like this weight pressing down on me.

So I take the metal to my skin again. It’s the only way to drain what’s rotting inside me..

[fallbeforethefight]

On the verge of giving up entirely.

[fallbeforethefight]

[fallbeforethefight]

[fallbeforethefight]

waiter! a bullet in the head for me please

[fallbeforethefight]

What the fuck did I gain by being so loving and caring?

[fallbeforethefight]

[fallbeforethefight]

But anyway, yeah,

my dad's in hospital because some dickhead ran a red light while driving, had one major surgery the day it happened, was in icu for days, has now been moved out of icu but was rushed into another surgery today unexpectedly because his pain levels aren't improving how they should be and even having his bed mechanically lifted slightly so he can eat is leaving him in agony

My grandmother is also in hospital with a respiratory virus and chest infection, she's in her 80s and asthmatic, they've said minimum 4 weeks until she'll leave hospital and that's if she actually makes it through

I had covid for the third time and it's caused my cfs to flare

My windscreen cracked so badly while I was driving that I almost didn't make it to my destination, a replacement is going to cost me over $500 (that I don't have) and there is no direct public transport link for me to get to work while I don't have a car, so I have to take a bus and then a train, or two busses, and either way what is normally a 35 minute drive each way is now going to take about 2 hours

I have been having an absolutely terrible month and I just... idk, I don't want to self harm but at the same time I want to feel like I have control over something, you know?

[fallbeforethefight]

I have been having an absolutely terrible month and I just... idk, I don't want to self harm but at the same time I want to feel like I have control over something, you know?

[fallbeforethefight]

I mean, that's better than being left on seen???

I feel marginally less dehumanized at least.

[fallbeforethefight]

ℋ𝒶𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉ℴ 𝑔ℴ ℴ𝓃 𝒶𝒻𝓉ℯ𝓇 𝒾𝓉．．．𝒾 𝒽𝒶𝓉ℯ 𝒾𝓉

[fallbeforethefight]

I'm so fucking tired of feeling fucking guilty about fucking everything

[fallbeforethefight]

If I were anyone in my life, I’d hate me too

[fallbeforethefight]

watching yourself spiral into a mental breakdown while knowing you can't stop it is a different kind of heartbreak