falloutnewnobody

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https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw

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me leaving the theatre with two roasted turkeys in my shoulders

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uhhhh le angry cop i wish fr*nch people were real send post

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disco elysium is a game that makes you feel bad for hours on end and you absolutely should play it during a transitional period of your life and when you have a lot of other problems you arent dealing with. advice from me

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Hey, man, c'mere. Listen. Get in real close, this is important.

You're gonna make stuff again. You're gonna make stuff you're proud of. You're gonna make stuff you're excited to share. You're going to feel that overwhelming drive to create, not just the frantic I want to want to you're stuck in now. You're going to have awesome ideas, and you're going to make them into reality. You're going to create again. You're still an artist. You're still a writer. You're still home to the same passion you had before. You'll find it again. It's not gone. It's just resting. Let it rest. You're going to make stuff again. I promise.

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big contender for my fav bit of tbk is when alyosha and rakitin are kicking it with grusha, and grusha notices alyosha is experiencing intense grief so she asks what's up and raktin, instead of actually explaining the situation says "yeah he gave up on god and tried to choke on sausage if you catch my drift lol," and grusha is like "girl what?" and rakitin only adds "the elder zossima died," as if that explains the previous thing he said and grusha, entirely forgetting about the genuinely insane thing Rakitin said beforehand is like "WHAT?? ALYOSHKA I AM SO SO SORRY OH MY GOD????"

like i assume grusha just spent the rest of their lives fully convinced Alyosha tried to fuck Rakitin and that Rakitin only changed the subject to the elder's death to avoid talking about it

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idk one of the most interesting things about rakitin to me is that he can be argued to be a foil for all of the karamazov brothers. While his relationship to Alyosha is more complex than that of his with ivan, mitya, or pasha, he carries a lot of thematic weight in terms of foiling them. (cut bc long ass post)

His foil to alyosha is extremely obvious, especially if we're just thinking on a surface level. put simply, alyosha forgives and restores the faith of others, rakitin is spiteful and schemes to tear down the faith of others. Alyosha's character arc is all about him learning to love humanity and the people close to him, even through torment finding love for his brothers. Rakitin ends the story incredibly bitter towards fucking everybody in his personal life, having cut all ties with his previous friends. Also the fact that Zossima's death played a major turning point in their progression as characters. Obv it's a hell of a lot more complex than this but i'll shut myself up in the interest of brevity

His foil to ivan is also pretty apparent. they both share the same violent temper and attitude of antagonizing people into debate to prove an idea. in my interpretation as well, he mirrors ivan's crisis of faith as well. It's no coincidence that Rakitin's fall into increasingly more zealous atheism+socialism coincides directly with ivan's in terms of progression with Ivan's return to faith. both their characters tackle the ideas of logic and rationality, plus a focus on the material world over the spiritual one, as a corruptive force (see Ivan's influence on Pavel and Lise against Rakitin's unsuccessful influence on Alyosha and Kolya respectively (which of course, these corruptions were unsuccessful both due to outside intervention from a forgiving, godly, self-sacrificing person. Grusha in Alyosha's case and Alyosha in Kolya's).

Imo the most interesting example of the contrast between Ivan and Rakitin, despite their aparent similarity, is how they react to their Certified Onion and Subsequent Judas Allegory Moment (tm). put simply as possible, when Alyosha forgives Ivan at the end of Grand Inquisitor Storytime, Ivan shakily but surley starts on his path to better himself. Meanwhile, at the end of The Onion, after Alyosha forgives Rakitin for his Grusha Scheme, Rakitin gets angry and snide, outright saying to Alyosha "You're not Christ and I'm not Judas," then storming away from Alyosha quite literally in the opposite direction of the monastary. Truly one of the most heavyhanded moments in the story and i love it dearly.

Also i'd be remiss not to note that the core of Ivan's arc is eschewing materialist rationality for faith through repentance, suffering, love, all that jazz (ik ik oversimplification) while Rakitin basically has a classic corruption arc spiral.

His foil to Mitya i most evident in their relationships to Grusha. In the beginning of the novel, they both for lack of a better term, objectify her and express shame about their respective relationships with her. However, as Grusha develops as a character and has her whole Certified Onion Moment, Mitya without even thinking accepts her wholeheartedly while Rakitin crashes tf out and cuts ties with her. Imo its representitive not only of their contrasting attitudes towards god, redemption, all that jazz but also their own connection to other people. Again, at the end of the story Rakitin is a totally free man with nobody in his corner. Mitya is in jail, sure, but over the course of the story he's managed to build strong bonds with the people around him, while Rakitin has done nothing but tear those bonds down.

Last but not least. Pavel. Rakitin and pavel are two sides of the same "clever man," coin, the major contradiction being in their violence and devotion to their spoken cause.

One of Rakitin's major defining character traits is that he is a massive, massive hypocrite. At the trial he says a lot of things that he very clearly does not believe. While Rakitin and Pasha do share a degree of malicious cunning, they apply this in vastly different ways. Rakitin talks big about ideas but he himself would never actually participate in the violence he pays lip service to. Meanwhile, Pavel, so devoted to his idea, did an actual murder about it and killed himself when that idea fell apart. Say what you will about him and money, my darling put his money where his mouth is. And i think this willingness to enact violence in the name of an idea is a part of a broader contradiction between them, intended to show the two major types of serf-born, self taught intellectual socialist atheists.

fuck this got longer than i hoped it would be. oopsies. post incoherent rant to blog.

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picking up my favorite characters like this and carrying them around with me

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not very new hyperfixation rediscovered write a poem abt it

edit: made another one :D

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wake up in the morning. see picture of blorbo. im not dead and i can still look at pictures of blorbo. it'll be alright as long as i can still look at pictures of blorbo. you agree.

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I would like to share with you all: my favorite image of all time.

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If your life is horrible and you need a new source of meaning and direction.... Do NOT find religion. Learn to identify plants.

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Rakitin and grusha

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i think a lot about the time i tried to watch this youtube video on sexuality in ancient rome and at the line "there aren't many writings on sex and sexuality from the romans," laughed so hard i knocked a full can of diet coke over my desk.

like brother THAT IS ALL THEY WROTE ABOUT

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If you could take one historical person with you to visit some thing or place for a few hours, who would you take and where?

I'd take Beethoven to a rave. Not because I'd think he'd particularly enjoy the scene, but he would have loved experiencing an event where you're supposed to feel the music vibrating through the air and the floor.