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fantasybewritten · 11 months ago

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❝ our secret ❞

-ˋˏ MASTERLIST ˎˊ-

to my rafies babes with baby fever

PAIRING : dark! kook king! rafe x rootledge! pogue queen! reader

CONTEXT : a few days after telling rafe he was going to be a dad, y/n tells sarah and kie...

WARNINGS : pregnancy stuffs, reader vomiting, rafe spying on her.

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𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬

y/n leans against the toilet bowl. she vomits, her stomach lacerated by an invisible rope, she grimaces as she runs a hand over her belly. she spits into the bottom of the bowl. around her, Kie and Sarah exchange a knowing glance, they don't need to put words to this feeling because they know this dark fear lurking in their consciousness.

"we were supposed to have your period in the same time, don't we?" kie asks, frowning.

"i didn't have my period this month." y/n admits.

she bends over the bowl again to vomit. the girls look at each other, a shared expression of shock, they turn to y/n who swallows loudly.

"did you- you want me to go get you a pregnancy test?" Sarah worries.

y/n continues to vomit and Kie grabs the strands that have escaped from her bun. y/n spits as she inhales deeply, grabs a napkin and awkwardly wipes her mouth.

"i took three already. i'm preg-"

another gag lifts her stomach and she continues to vomit as the girls panic. Kie asks lots of questions about how it happened and whether she told the baby's father. Sarah is much more worried about her situation, she's rational and pragmatic like her brother, Sarah reminds her that y/n is only eighteen and can't raise a child alone. y/n grumbles as she drops her fist on the toilet bowl.

"how did it happen?" kie asks.

"and what you're gonna do now?" sarah questions.

y/n grunts, a hot flush makes her dizzy. she feels like she's facing Rafe again.

"shut up" she shouts.

she spits the remains of vomit into her mouth.

"i told the father and he told me exactly what you're both saying so please, let me finish okay?"

she inhales deeply, the nausea unbearable, her stomach churning and her control over what's happening. Sarah looks at her and her heart sinks as she realizes that her best friend isn't frightened like she would be. that's the problem. Kie seeks Sarah's gaze, and she too understands that y/n need support more than ever.

"sorry, i thought…"

"yeah, i would be so freaked but of course you're not scared, you already are raising a seventeen year old ADD dude" Kiara laughs.

Sarah giggles, running a delicate hand down y/n's back to show her presence.

"two actually. there is JJ." Sarah smiles.

y/n smiles before spitting again. she sighs before Sarah passes a wet towel over her forehead.

“So you want to keep the baby ?” Kiara asks.

y/n nods gently, eyes full of tears. she drops against the wall behind her, exhausted, breathing deeply.

"yeah…" she breathes, her eyebrows furrowed, her lips trembling, she makes a little pout.

she can't hold the gaze of her friends, who stare at her worriedly, she bursts into tears, Sarah leans close to her and puts an arm behind her back.

"heyy…. dont cry-"

"babe its okay" kie tries to comfort her.

y/n wipes the tears from her face, shaking her head frantically.

"i just- i don't know… i feel ready and i really want to be a mother you know?"

Kiara nods frantically, running a hand over her shoulder. Sarah smiles as she squeezes y/n's hand.

"so … you're going to have a baby?!" Sarah smiles, excited.

Kiara flashes her prettiest smile, y/n nods gently, a faint smile wiped from her lips.

"and… the dad? what did he said?" Sarah asks, grimacing, scared of the answer.

y/n looks at her and bites her lip to keep from telling her how her brother reacted to the news.

"he didn't like the news…" she pouts. "he said i was only 18, i didn't have money or family and-"

“what a fucking jerk! you have us!” kiara exclaims. “you’re not alone.”

y/n smiled, touched by the sweetness of this snarky comment.

"he said i was ignorant and irresponsible, so he is not getting involved."

Sarah grimaces as she shakes her head in disgust, but Kiara would never let such a morbid mood invade them. she smiles as she pats y/n's hands.

"it's even better this way." kie nods. "think about it, you don't have to deal with a stupid man and besides, you'll have all your baby's love to yourself."

y/n looks at her out of the corner of her eye, her smile growing slowly, the idea warmed her heart.

"plus Jj and Pope and John B could be … an healthier father figure for the baby. you don't need that fucker around" Kie smiles.

Y/n giggles at this curious idea that the boys could be role models. she finally sketches a smile.

"so you don't think it's a mistake?"

"no, it's your thing." kie smiles.

Sarah giggles, shaking her head.

"a child could never be a mistake." sarah states.

Kiara points at her and smiles, completely agreeing with her. she nods frantically.

"and… can we ask who is the father? i'm quite curious, you have always been above all the relationships stuff…" sarah asks.

"he must be special if he had your attention."

y/n frowned as she looked at them one after the other. was she selective? why were they saying all this? y/n had never really had a boyfriend, she was the one who gave the best relationship advice, yet she'd never introduced anyone to her friends. and for good reason, the one who'd caught her eye was none other than the Kook King himself.

"what? i'm not that selective!" y/n tries to defend herself.

kie and Sarah giggle as they exchange knowing glances, y/n looks at them uncomprehendingly, she straightens up. Sarah grabs a glass to fill it with water, she hands it to her with a smile.

"JJ told us." kiara smiles.

y/n hides her face to try and disguise her blush. a few weeks earlier, Jj had tried to kiss her. it hadn't gone much further, in fact, y/n had told her it was a bad idea so they'd given it one night. just one night.

"what did he told you?" Y/n asks.

Sarah giggles.

"that he tried to kiss you and you told him no."

y/n bites her lip, her heart beats fast and for a second, she almost forgets that she's in Sarah's bathroom and that Rafe could hear everything. she doesn't suspect for a second that the father-to-be hasn't missed a thing of this discussion.

the second he heard her vomit, he hid, his ear pressed against the door. Rafe listens to every word they exchange, a mixed feeling between his desire not to interfere and his relentless desire to know everything.

"okay, okay. i might be a little- but he is like my best friend, i can't have something with him!"

Sarah hands him his glass of water with a smile. y/n stands up, she grimaces as she looks over the sink.

"do you have mouthwash?" y/n asks.

Sarah opens the cupboard, reaches for a bottle filled with a blue liquid, y/n grabs it without hesitation. she hates that unbearable smell of vomit. Kie flushes and she lowers the toilet so she can sit on the seat.

"Don't try to change the subject." smiled Kie. "who is this guy?"

y/n rinses her mouth with a grimace, spits out the mouthwash and wipes her lips, shaking her head. with his ear pressed against the door, Rafe misses absolutely nothing, listening intently, biting his nails, panicking at the thought of y/n revealing his name.

"yeah… i can't tell you. he doesn't want to get involved so… his name is not going to change anything" y/n lies brazenly.

she knows that if she told Sarah it was her brother, she wouldn't stay another second without trying to make things right. she'd go and talk to him without hesitation. Rafe stepped back, suddenly realizing his mistake.

"Not even a little hint?" Sarah insists, nonchalantly.

y/n turns to look at Kiara, she makes a little pout as if to persuade her to reveal something, faced with her two best friends making a pout to make her give in, y/n couldn't resist. Rafe sticks his head against it again to hear what she's about to say.

"okay he is so handsome i'll be lucky the baby got his-"

Rafe couldn't help but crack a smile before lifting his head, one hand resting on his chest as he finally imagined this baby. of course this baby would be beautiful, because it was y/n's baby. Rafe couldn't erase that thought, that furtive thought that brought him so much joy before it drowned in the raging ocean of thoughts that overwhelmed Rafe. it was at that door, listening to the entirety of y/n's conversation that he realized he'd reacted badly. of course, he should have tried, he should have listened to her… Rafe ran his hands through his hair, new worries submerging his mind.

"that's not a clue! do we know him?" Kiara interrupts.

y/n looks at Sarah out of the corner of her eye before nodding.

"yes. very, very well."

y/n's cheeks flush, she bows her head, Sarah puts a hand on her shoulder as she approaches y/n.

"okay, and we like him…?"

Rafe's heart beats so fast, as if he were with y/n, he feels all the pressure this question puts on her. she can't be very honest, otherwise they'd know right away who it was. y/n points at kie.

"not at all and…" y/n points at sarah, grimacing "sometimes… i think. i don't know."

kie takes offense, covering her mouth and hiccupping in shock.

“why did you sleep with a guy i can’t stand?” kie jokes.

“yeah, why him?” Sarah questions.

y/n winced as she felt her cheeks burn, she couldn't escape their curiosity. her girlfriends wondered, not about what was to come, but about how she'd come to be so pregnant by a mysterious man. he must be special for her to want to raise this child. y/n puckered her lips, she looked around, as if she knew Rafe was standing in front of the door drinking in every word breathed between its four walls.

"at first i hated him and one night we… yeah, and i don't know- he is so passionate and special-"

Sarah giggles, tilting her head.

"did you have an enemies to lovers arc without telling you?" she smiles.

y/n laughs softly, biting her lip, she nods, her cheeks flushed. it was so good… that good time when they didn't assume they'd be seen together, or even spend time together. she inhales, smiling.

"everyone thinks they know him but no one really does… he is surprisingly loyal and smart, he is thoughtful, protective and- anyways… i realised i hated him cause i am kinda like him. and he … yeah it was only for sex at first but the past few months he was calling me to drink, to watch a movie, or something…"

"are you telling me it was getting serious between you two?" kie asks.

Sarah bites her lip, eyes squinting, even though she has a huge doubt, she's beginning to realize that the portrait y/n is drawing is of her brother.

"no, i don't think he could have been ready for this." y/n smiles, shaking her head.

Rafe was still at the door, biting his fingernails, his hands clammy and trembling. his heart was beating wildly as he had just one question on the tip of his lips. what about her? was she ready for this? she'd implied she was far from hateful with him, she didn't hate him… well, before Rafe fucked it all up.

"and you?" Sarah asks. "you, did you feel ready to commit to a relationship with him?"

Rafe clenches his fist, a sigh escapes his lungs, he doesn't hear his little sister behind him. she steps forward silently, arms crossed, waiting for him to turn. but Rafe is impatient to hear the answer. the silence seems long…

"yeah, maybe…" y/n stutters, she grimaces before inclining her head. "yeah, yeah i wanted so much more."

Rafe's eyes widen, his breath catches, he realizes how much he's just lost in the space of a few days. He'd imagined that the worst thing that could happen to him was to have a baby so young, but what he's really afraid of right now is losing the only person he's ever really connected with. he winces as he steps back, stepping on Wheezie's foot as she mechanically steps back, she grabs his arm and pulls him further away. he widens his eyes, biting his lip to keep from screaming at her. Wheezie pulls him into her room and slams the door.

"you're so ridiculous rafe."

Rafe paces back and forth in the room. He begins to panic as he realizes that it was his little sister who was right all along.

"i fucked up, and… but- this time i- how could i be so stupid?" rafe exclaims, losing his shit.

he turns around, takes five steps, before turning around again, he takes a few steps, biting his lip nervously. Wheezie rolls her eyes, shaking her head, and lies down on the bed.

"that's your thing rafe." wheez smiles.

Rafe glares at her, stops dead, his eyes have that dark glint that frightens his younger sister. she straightens up, swallows as she sits up.

"you can still talk to her. she knows you damn right. she's probably waiting for you to come back."

He looks at her, remembering all the times they'd argued, every time their opinions differed, Rafe getting carried away easily, but always patiently waiting for him to come. once, she'd even rolled a blunt for him because she knew exactly when he'd come. he grunts, nodding gently.

“but after? what do i say?”

wheezie looks at him with big round eyes, she's both shocked by this total lack of emotional intelligence and surprised that he's trying to dig into it with her. he could have talked about it with topper, or kelce.

"do you like her? or you just want to take your responsibilities with the baby? you can try co parenting or maybe try to date her to see-"

Rafe blinks a few times, his hand resting on his chest, unable to understand a single word that comes out of her mouth. he stops her with one hand, shaking his head.

"okay stop i think i'm going to faint."

Rafe tries to breathe, missing the air and his legs feeling cottony… this was all so huge, how could he cope with it all… this wasn't just a baby, no. it was their whole relationship in question. Rafe would never again be able to have a light, unattached relationship with y/n, she was going to keep the baby, and he couldn't pretend it never happened. if he didn't take responsibility, he'd never be able to see y/n again, not like he used to. if he didn't provide, he'd lose the only person he'd ever really had a connection with.

he'd never been very good at relationships, he'd never managed to keep anyone in his life as long as y/n. it was very chaotic, Rafe had been so ungrateful and unbearable with her these last three years, he was still lucky to still have her by his side…Rafe inhaled deeply before sitting on the floor, elbows resting on his knees, his hands on his temples.

what if he didn't take a chance with her? what if she raised the baby with another man? probably a blond arrogant surfer loser pogue whom the baby would adore because he didn't run off like Rafe… what if she didn't want him after that reaction? what if he'd already lost any chance of finding y/n?

he tried to make sense of it, his mind flooded with incessant new thoughts. Wheezie couldn't ignore the panic attack her brother was going through, she stood up and opened the window. she grabbed a magazine and shook it to give him air as she knelt beside him.

"i can't imagine how much is it for you, but you know you can't let her handle everything. she knows you so well, do your best and she will see it."

rafe keeps his head down, trying to keep the knot of tears stuck in his throat.

"you think?"

she nodded softly, waving the magazine beside him with perfect rhythm. the fresh air hitting his burning skin, Rafe felt himself coming back to himself. Wheezie's right. he couldn't leave y/n alone to deal with this.

"i don't know if i can be a good boyfriend how would i know i can be a good dad?" he sighs. "what if i make things worse and maybe she is better without me?"

wheezie shakes his head, a half smile on his face.

"this baby needs a dad, even if he's stupid and clumsy. and you're the dad."

rafe chuckled briefly before turning his head. yet another sentence that brought him a little closer to reality. reality was that he'd conceived a human being, growing in y/n's womb, this child was going to be born whether rafe was ready or not. he didn't have time to throw tantrums like a kid. Rafe ran his hands over his face, he was coming to, his face closed, cold, distant, Wheezie could see the window of vulnerability closing before his eyes. Rafe got to his feet, smoothed out his clothes, walked unhesitatingly to the door but stopped before touching the handle.

"we never had this discussion." her voice sounds cold, almost icy, to counterbalance this moment of weakness.

he turns to look at her over his shoulder, waiting for an answer, the one he expects every time, the one of knowing that his moments of weakness are safe, kept in a grave Wheezie would have dug.

"as always rafe." Wheez smiles.

that night, y/n had decided to stay at Sarah's to sleep. she lived next door to the clinic and y/n had her first appointment for a baby ultrasound. Sarah had left her bed with y/n, putting a mattress on the floor to sleep next to her, like the sleepovers they used to have when they were little. Y/n kept telling herself that here, she could sleep peacefully, Rafe would never come looking for her in this room. he would never take the risk of Sarah seeing him, and Y/n was aware of this. yet all she dreamed of was Rafe's sheets, wanting to wrap herself in that blanket that smelled of security and protection from an unstable man who haunted all her thoughts. she had noticed that she was no longer governed by anything but her raging hormones and she couldn't help but return to Rafe, constantly. sarah wasn't sleeping either. she stared at the ceiling, her mind full of questions.

"hey… y/n?" sarah's voice softly breaks into the silence.

"yeah?" y/n answers.

her heart beats fast, she bites her lip as she turns her head towards her best friend. she already knows what question was burning Sarah's lips. the only problem is that it was late, y/n was tired, she knew she was vulnerable and if Sarah asked too many questions, y/n would never be able to lie. Sarah straightened up, looking into her eyes.

“please tell me it’s not my brother.”

y/n closes her eyes, biting her lip harder, her heart exploding in her chest, she's unable to respond. Sarah climbs onto the bed, eyes wide.

"oh no it's Rafe?!"

y/n shakes her head as she straightens, Sarah runs her hands over y/n's arms to hold her tight. y/n smiles with a sigh.

"of course it's him…" she sighs.

y/n runs her hands over her face, exhausted, she'd like to hide and avoid this discussion, but Sarah's shocked expression shows her she's never going to give up.

"how- when- since when? how did he… you can do so much better why him?"

y/n frowned as she looked up at Sarah, she couldn't be serious. if there was one lucky girl between the two of them it was y/n not Rafe. even though he was her brother, for y/n it was impossible not to notice that he was a charismatic and incredible man…

"you kiddin? i'm the lucky one bitch i dated rafe cameron."

Sarah rolls her eyes, grimacing.

"he is such a jerk and … how did he get a girl like you? you're so nice and caring, sweet beautiful girl and he is…"

she mimes a look of disgust and tilts her head, an expression of incomprehension on her face.

“and he is protective and hot”

“he is emotionally unstable !” sarah yells.

y/n giggles, she nods, biting her lip, it's true he was totally unstable.

"that's what makes him so charming!" exclaims y/n.

sarah widens her eyes, completely shocked, a smile piercing the expression of surprise.

"you're so fucking weird. when did it happen first?"

y/n inhales deeply, a smile on her lips as she tries to avoid his gaze. she knows this part is going to be complicated.

"it was when your dad took us skiing three years ago… i think"

Sarah stares at her, eyes wide and round, completely shocked by what she hears.

"it's been three years that you… do this secretly?" she asks.

"something like that. he's got a bad temper so we often stopped… then we started again… then he pissed me off..." y/n smiles.

"why are you smiling?! he is such a-"

she frowns as she looks at sarah, disagreeing even before she finishes her sentence.

"he is not treating you right!"

She'd realized it by now, but she couldn't help it. She kept coming back to him, like a butterfly drawn to the light.

"yeah but he tries so hard… you really don't see him like i do."

"yeah clearly not." sarah adds.

y/n bites her lip as she grabs sarah's hand.

"he's unpredictable, impulsive and unbearable, it's true… but he never let anyone make a comment about my body, he always walked me home even when he was upset for some reason…" y/n runs a hand through her hair. "you know, he always put snacks I liked at my height, because I was too small to take them… he taught me how to drive a catamaran!"

sarah frowns, tilting her head.

"he let you drive?"

she nods, a proud expression poorly disguised.

"Okay, i don't want to trigger you but you seems like you like him more than a lot, may i remind you he left you with a baby in the oven?"

biting the inside of her cheek, she harbors a secret hope that rafe will back down. she brushes aside this far-fetched idea with her hand, putting back on her mask of a strong, independent woman.

"that's hormones girl," she smiles. "i can't tell you what's on my mind lately."

"ew." sarah grimaces. "gross."

she pulls away and drops into her bed, wincing as she gently shakes her head. y/n drops back against her pillow.

"i still can't believe you made a baby with my brother."

"i can't believe it either." y/n sighs.

sarah straightens up, a smile on her face.

"when i find out about this he's going to go completely mad. you've completely passed him over for king of the kooks" sarah chuckles.

she drops her head on the mattress as y/n realizes she now has to tell the boys. damn it.

"no, no, no! there is no way i'm telling him, it's rafe. he doesn't want to get involved anyway." Y/n insists. "you're not telling everybody, okay?"

sarah looks at her, shaking her head.

"it makes me feel special that i'm the only one to know about this" she smiles.

TAGLIST :

@dustbunniess @rafeinterlude @willowalexissss @chenslucy @maybankslover @thewalkingdeadsmut @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @mageidmcls @dilvcv @blisslove @drewstarkeyslut @madsnxo @thewalkingdeadsmut

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