farbelowthewaves

[farbelowthewaves]

I had already made a home for you in my soul, but now I'm just no one to you

[farbelowthewaves]

I told you things I didn't even tell my closest friends, and yet you claimed I did not open up enough, while also feeling I was too much

I could've carved out my heart for you; but it would've been too little for you and too big a burden all at once

[farbelowthewaves]

I fear we might have been perfect for each other before I was abused...

[farbelowthewaves]

is this just how it'll always go?

Once I fall for someone, everything falls apart?

Once I fall, they let me realising that I'm too broken to hold?

[farbelowthewaves]

I'm too scared to know you again.

I'm scared that if you meet me, you will destroy him.

You'll turn him to stone;

the version of you that lives in my mind still...

I avoid meeting your eye because I know

I just know

that you'll wrap your hands around my throat

just so he can't breathe anymore.

But I've kept him.

He's mine.

He's alive

and so am I.

I water his grave and sing him songs that you despise. I laugh at his jokes because you don't make them anymore.

You look at me like I'm dirt.

You once thought I was gold.

You and him are not the same.

What

happened

to

you?

- HB

[farbelowthewaves]

maybe it's just me being weird, but I want someone who is weird in the same way..

I want someone for whom a kiss is not just a kiss, but a meaningful confession of affection

I want someone who isn't fickle in their care for me

I want someone who will compromise with me

I want someone who wants to see me fully and be seen as well, someone with whom I can learn how to love each other so we'll both feel understood

[farbelowthewaves]

now that I'm replaying our memories together I wonder whether you're a bullet I dodged, but at the same time I wonder if maybe I am a bullet you dodged...

I hope I'm not a bullet, but how can I know for sure?

[farbelowthewaves]

I don't understand how some people can kiss and cuddle you and not have it mean anything more to them :(

[farbelowthewaves]

I don't understand how it was so easy for you to walk away. Why did holding me in your arms and kissing me and talking about a future with me not mean as much to you as it did to me?

[farbelowthewaves]

I wonder if one day I'll find out you were a bullet that went through me without hitting anything vital (because I wouldn't have dodged it in any universe), instead of the person of my dreams

[farbelowthewaves]

how do I let go of the hope that one day you'll miss me the way I miss you?

[farbelowthewaves]

You say 'life goes on' and of course it does

But for you it means 'we'll be strangers and I'm ok with never knowing how you are again'

while for me it means 'you will always be a part of me, I will think of you and hope you are happy' and 'maybe one day God will bless me by letting me be in your arms again'

[farbelowthewaves]

You said you wanted to be there for me, and that I would never be a burden, but when I told you how I felt you used it against me and cast me aside like I never meant anything to you at all..

[farbelowthewaves]

I dreamt of you last night. It wasn't much, but I got to see you again bc we ran into each other and you smiled at me

I hope whatever you're up to, you're smiling now too ♡

[farbelowthewaves]

my love for you isn't fickle, so even though you do not want me, I will always care about you

But you said you wanted a future with me and now you're completely fine never speaking to me again

How can your affection for me fade so fast?

[farbelowthewaves]

I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me...

But I still want it to be us

[farbelowthewaves]

I still see you in my future. I daydream about one day seeing your name pop up on my phone or running into you (even though you're moving abroad)

I don't think you'll ever reach out again but I still wonder if you'll ever feel the urge to

I miss your voice, your laugh, the way your entire face lights up when you're having a good time. I miss you complaining about your job. I miss getting to look at you

I know that because you left you can't be the one, but what if one day you would be...