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saw a red polo while I was out today... everything makes me think of him

(this post is about charles rowland)

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Guys what if I'm actually a good gifmaker?

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BAU WOMEN IN RED (requested by @crime-bunny)

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-Last word of surgeon Joseph Henry Green while feeling his own pulse || Dead Boy Detectives (2024)

A gift for @mellxncollie and @every-moment-a-different-sound, whose gifs and edits have inspired me so much over the past year!

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Charles Rowland, Edwin Payne, and Emma - The Case of Crystal Palace

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Welcome to Charles Rowland Central!

a blog dedicated to creating and sharing content for Charles Rowland from Dead Boy Detectives 💀🏏

tracking tags: #charles rowland and #charlesrowlandedit (will browse related tags as needed)

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(1x01) | (1x03) | (1x04)

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CRIMINAL MINDS 3.11 'Birthright'

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just. niko and charles hanging out. but it's not all lighthearted and silly like you'd think. it's someone who prefers the positive, happy side of things and someone who puts on a happy face all the time. because the grief and sadness are too much to bear. it's "she just wants to hear that I'm not sad anymore, but I can't lie to her." and "I'm mostly happy. I try to be extra happy for all of us." it's "I know what it's like to want something you can't have." and "I do know what it's like when you can't go home." recognizing the little cracks in each other so maybe they can break apart completely for a bit. maybe cry about the heavy stuff together. then comfort each other the best they can. until there's smiles again. until there's uncontrollable giggles and silliness again.

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Ashe Vernon, "Lonely Poet Puts Words To It" || Crystal Palace and Charles Rowland, Dead Boy Detectives (2024)

Gift for @atelierdemoras!

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(1x01) | (1x03) | (1x04)

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we should talk more about the things the night nurse said to charles in episode 4 during the traumatic flashbacks. like.

watching charles get abused by his father until he's begging him to stop and pleading that he'll "make it better" and she says "no, you can't make it better. you never made it better, then you died. that is the point."

his "friends" attack and antagonize him and while he's standing in a freezing lake, she taunts him "even when you try your best, be your best self, this world beats you down for it."

and the thing about it is that these statements are cold and uncaring but also cut right at the most vulnerable and hurt parts of charles, and that's why they're so cruel. and I mean, it works, just not in the way she was expecting, I'd assume. it didn't make him want to go with her. and he still cries out a belief in his own purpose as he attacks her. but. it doesn't matter. because then his friends stare at him like he's the crazy one and it all shatters. he's left breaking down about how he's never been good enough, no matter how hard he tries. voicing it out loud in a way he probably never has before

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"I am the stone below the water, cold and hard to touch

just when you think I can't get lower, I turn my back and fuck it up"

Drag the Lake - The Amity Affliction

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PSYCH 3.11 — "Lassie Did a Bad, Bad Thing"

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A few years ago while trying to find ways to commit suicide as painlessly as possible, I came across a PDF of Dr. Paul Quinnett's The Forever Decision. Thinking it might go into actual methods of suicide (I read an article once that actually did that and was trying to find it again) I started to read it, and I think I only got about two pages in before I was crying too much to actually see the words.

I downloaded the PDF to my hard drive and I open it again whenever I'm feeling too suicidal to do much else, but not enough to start booking a ride to the hospital. And every time without fail I only go up to a few pages before backing off and choosing to live another day just because suicide suddenly seems even more unbearable than whatever the hell upset me in the first place.

All the book really does is [I'm pulling a summary from GoodReads here as, again, I've read no more than 5 pages] "discusses the social aspects of suicide, the right to die, anger, loneliness, depression, stress, hopelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, the consequences of a suicide attempt, and how to get help."

But it also starts with the author kindly asking the reader to complete the book before going through with anything, and for some reason I'm compelled to really just try to read it all before finalizing everything. Despite not yet completing it (hopefully never will) I think I can safely say it's saved my life at least a few times now.

It's intentionally legal to copy and redistribute this book to keep it as accessible as possible, and it's very easy to find, but here's a link for it anyways.

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DEAD BOY DETECTIVES - 1.01 'The Case of Crystal Palace'