fearfulhawthorn-blog

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

hadeswrxtes·:

“Calm down, it’s just me.” Hades, atop his mount, Cerberus, stepped out from the thick greenery of the forest, making himself known to the crafter. Hades couldn’t help but smirk at Hawthorn’s reaction, swinging himself off his wolf and making his way towards Hawthorn. “Didn’t scare you, did I?” 

Not the worst of the people it could have been, although there were certainly people he would prefer to see out here. Caj still didn’t have a good read on Hades and he hated not knowing what to expect. At least he didn’t seem the type to attack out of nowhere. Keeping Caraway between the two of them, he shrugged. “Just didn’t expect to see someone out here right now.” Planned on it, really, ran a specific route at specific times so that he could avoid this type of situation. “Guild or personal business?”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

venigmas·:

vanessa was glad to have helped caj. she was no mystic, but she knew the basics of wound-care. she had to, being a mentor and witnessing so many injuries on the job. she chuckles at his words. “yeah, i feel ya there. if i had known this was going to be permanent, i probably would’ve chosen a slightly less obnoxious shade of pink.” her eyes dart upwards at her bubble-gum pink hair. “it gives me headaches sometimes. i sorta miss my brown hair.” the girl shrugs, leaving it at that. she didn’t want to give out too much irl information to the other. 

she nods. “i understand what you mean. i’m a bit wary of people knowing where i live. it’s hard to know who’s at least somewhat trustworthy in this worl–game, in this game.” v clears her throat, attempting to cover up her word slip. 

giving caj a warm smile, v shrugs off his compliment: “hey, it’s no big deal. you can come by any time you’d like – wound or no wound.” and her offer was genuine. the brunette then lets out something in between a sigh and airy laugh. “i’m good on those,” she answers slowly. “just promise me something – next time you get yourself in any kind of trouble, come right to me, okay? i’ll help you sort it out.” and vanessa wasn’t one to hand out these kinds of offers easily.

“I like the hair. It makes you stand out. This is just pretty much what I look like.” He should go. It was getting dark and it was a long way back to his cabin and Caraway must be getting impatient waiting on the ground below. But outside were the crowds and inside it was calm and quiet. Moments like this he really felt like a video game character following certain paths, darting from checkpoint to checkpoint and praying not to get caught between them. It was progress, he supposed. Out in the real world, it had been less of a checkpoint and more of a single base he orbited around, afraid to go too far or he’d fall off the map and disappear forever. 

After two years in some type of exposure therapy now, there were places he could go. And whether the current checkpoint was V’s apartment or just V herself, it was a relief to be at one. “Okay,” he laughed, crossing his arms and resting them on the counter. “Hopefully that won’t be for a long time, though. I try to avoid trouble here as much as I can.”

That reminded him of a specific trouble he’d avoided, and he turned to look at her. “Were you there for the fight?” Caj asked, voice turning worried. “The one up on floor 51, in the lake?”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

I fold myself into dread. I ache like a burning house, waiting for the last beam to collapse, into a newborn silence.

— Lyd Havens, from “”But anxiety’s just all in your head, right?”” I Gave Birth to All the Ghosts Here

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

hisxoasis‌:

There was just something about the forest that released something inside Oasis, maybe it was because one could do so many things here. Hide, attack, ambush, yes there were monsters hidden, but more would fall victim to traps than anything else. He was free when it was a free for all, whether it was his memories on the field, but often than not, he couldn’t control himself when it came to fighting off monsters. This also didn’t mean that Oasis wasn’t aware of the things hidden beneath the leaves. His vision was better in the dark, he excelled in it. When he saw a familiar face off in the distance, he approached quietly.

“Breathe, before you have a heart attack.” he stated seeing how the wheels would turn in the other’s mind. “Why are you out here then? most people may not want to be seen.”

His vision jolted a few feet to the right of where he had been looking, squinting out into the dimming light until the other man’s face came into view. Oh. “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t be.” The next breath was a little easier than the ones before it, and they kept improving as he finished resetting the trap until he was breathing almost steadily. His fingers rested against the dirt and he closed his eyes for a brief moment to feel the connection. It was strange to think that this wasn’t real dirt, just a simulacrum. It felt real, cool and grounding. More than real, considering the way his magic sparked a little at the contact. With a breath, Caj stood again, smiling a little at Oasis.

“As much as I’d like to stay inside all day, animals and materials aren’t delivering themselves to my door and I need to make a living.” Caraway, losing interest in the conversation, snorted and lumbered forward to sniff at Oasis, presumably looking for food. “What are you doing out here? Usually, no one’s here right now.” 

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

venigmas·:

vanessa knew how much caj hated crowds, so it touched her that he had made the effort to seek her out. as much as she didn’t want to form deeper connections with people in the game, v had a soft spot for him. he was a good guy, and one didn’t see much of guys like him around velia.

v wasn’t the best at patching someone up, but she did her best to clean out the wound. she nods along as he explains what happened, adding a simple, “you’ve got to be more careful, caj.” applying the bandage as gently as she could, v’s eyes flicker downwards from his forehead for a brief moment, catching his smile. the corners of her mouth twitch upwards ever-so-slightly in reply. “i see,” she continues patiently. “i don’t think scars last long in-game, but you never know.” the brunette finishes up bandaging him and hops off the counter, instead focusing her attention on cleaning up her little wound-care station.

“i’m surprised you came to centria, and to me of all people,” she begins casually, paying attention to her task at hand instead of the young man sitting at her counter. “could you not find a mystic on your floor?”

The antiseptic wasn’t so bad in the end. It stung like hell, of course, but at least V was gentle with the bandages. And it was nice to just sit with someone for a bit, though Caj knew saying that out loud would make him sound desperately lonely. He wasn’t really. Just a little. As she finished, he reached up to touch the bandage, making sure that it was secure. “I can hope. If I’d known we’d be stuck here, I would have made myself look cooler in the character designer. All I did was get a tattoo.” 

“I don’t really know the people on my floor,” he replied cautiously. “I mean, there aren’t a lot of us. But I try to avoid people knowing where I live and I guess I feel like the closer they live the more likely they are to come by.” He glanced around the room, lit in the persistent dull glow of firelight. It was nice here, open enough to breathe, and in the darkness, you could barely see the city outside. Could pretend that it was quiet and they were the only people around. “Thank you for helping, especially since I just sort of showed up.” Leaning back in his chair he looked up at the ceiling, then back at her. “Anything I can do in return? Do you need a new sheath or armor or something?”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

padmeonline·:

Honestly, Padme wassurprised she hadn’t seen him earlier; but then, maybe the sound of his beast’sfootsteps on the leaf-strewn forest floor had covered up her unsteadyfootsteps. Padme was not great at navigation–tended to be loud wherever shewent, and each adventure took her ten times longer than it should have, becauseshe’d find herself distracted by every flower and leaf she passed. Still, ithad been worth the trip down to floor 49. She was tired of Floor 51′s fishsmell, tired of everyone banging away at that locked door, tired of hiding fromher own guild members. 

“Uh. Hi! Not a threat. Not lurking.” She held up both her handsin front of them, waving them wildly to make herself known. Stepping forward abit more, she held out her hands, palms up, and let light glow, magically,small orbs rising up from her fingertips and illuminating herface. “Howdy. Please don’t fight me and make me hurt you.” The chances ofPadme hurting anyone were slim, but confidence was key, right? 

The dim light revealed an unfamiliar face and Caj’s stomach curled into a knot. There were fewer new people these days, whether they were dying off or he just knew most of the people who frequented his paths, but it was still as nerve-wracking as ever. There were so many variables, even more than there had been in real life. His mind had always supplied the possibility of being hurt, of dying, but with enough effort, it could be reasoned away as unlikely. Here in Velia it was a distinct possibility that a new person would be the last one you saw. His eyes flickered to the cursor above her head and almost choked on his relief at finding it green.

“I won’t.” Short, a little abrupt, but it was what he could manage. He distracted himself with checking and resetting the trap, always keeping one eye on the woman in front of him. “Sorry, I’m a little defensive.” He laughed hoarsely, standing back up and packing Caraway’s bags. “There just aren’t usually people here at this time. Which is why I’m here. Sorry.” 

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

defenderadora·:

          moonlit blues rolled at the males dramatics, basically able to feel his unnecessary terror. all the blonde wanted was to have a quiet walk in the woods with okami. apparently, that wasn’t going to happen any longer. ❝ i have no idea what you’re talking about, idiot. ❞ as if she could see a damn thing the male was doing. she only knew someone was near because okami ( her white wolf mount ) had foolishly lead the two of them towards the noise instead of away from it. damn his curiosity. letting out a sigh, the warrior ( with a touch of elegancy ) dismounted off okami, her boots lightly hitting the damp grass below. ❝ if you’re so fucking scared why are you out alone at night? ❞ the second questioned, stepping into moons light so the male could finally see the blonde. once revealing herself, she knew it could go one of two ways. either the male would be even more afraid at seeing her due to rumors of the catalyst’s seconds ruthlessness, or he’d go on the defense. as much fun as it would be to see someone cower before her, she’d prefer it was the latter. ❝ well? are you really so harebrained that you traveled alone at night when you’re clearly scared of your own shadow? ❞

And there it was. On a certain level, Caj understood how trauma and fear could twist people, could make them into something they weren’t before, but he wasn’t entirely sure that people like Adora weren’t like this before. Practically monsters in player form who got off on picking fights and feeling like any of them were bigger than they were. Didn’t stop the tightness in his lungs, of course. The feeling that all of the trees were bending down to crush him into the dirt, the black spots that began to float in front of his vision.

“Not quite dark yet, Adora,” he said, eyes staring firmly just over her left shoulder. “I have to finish my work before going home.” If he concentrated, his voice barely shook, despite the way it felt that the air had hardened around him, something alive and hostile. Caraway, either sensing his fear or forming her own opinion on the Catalyst woman, began a slow growl deep in her chest, lips peeling back to reveal sharp teeth. “We’ll be on our way unless there’s something you needed.” 

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

lilymystic‌:

every floor had a spot that lily had dubbed her own. a little corner that she was certain nobody else had found yet, where she was able to hide some items that weighed down her inventory, as well as hide away if she felt so inclined. there was a little stream in the wooded area, and next to said stream was one of lily’s spots. she had just finished tucking a low-level sword she got off of an equally low-level monster into the empty animal den (she didn’t use swords, but she was sure she could find someone who would want it), and was about to head to the beach when she spotted a familiar face. she headed towards him, not shocked at his immediate defensive words. 

“thank god, would’ve felt like a big ol’ bully if i’d have to fight you for it all.” she teased, approaching hawthorn with her hands slightly raised to look as non-threatening as possible, “don’t worry, it’s not the bogeyman. and i’m not actually after anything, either. but since you’ve already offered to share whatever it is you’ve got, i won’t say no, either.”

At the sight of her face, he forced himself to relax, relieved that if he had to come across someone out here it was at least someone that he knew. Caraway snuffled, having lost interest in the situation once it became clear that Lily was neither a threat nor a bearer of food. Caj smiled a little and ruffled her fur, taking the chance to calm his shaking hands. “Because you’ve never been a bully before,” he joked back. It sounded good to his ears, not too wobbly at all. Much better than it would have been two years ago.

"Do you have anything on hand to trade?” He asked, tugging open once of Caraway’s saddlebags to check the contents. “I wasn’t really looking for ingredients today-” Every six days, his internal schedule reminded him. “-but I picked up a few rosehips I was going to make tea with if you’d like those. Or I’ve just got food.”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

userminerva‌:

sometimes she could forget that she had spells easily accessible to her, now. that she could have easily conjured a flame at her fingertips to light the way instead of stumbling through the dark woods for the past few yards. she had invested a few levels into night vision, but not enough. most of her levels had gone towards enchanting and farming. both of which seemed useless as she tripped over tree roots and jumped at the sounds of leaves crunching beneath her own feet. it would have bruised her ego a little, had she not been the only one to witness it. or so she thought. she flinched at the sound of caj’s voice breaking through the darkness. she thought she heard the sound of other footsteps ahead of her, but she couldn’t properly hear, before, over her wounded pride. it dawns on her then that she quite easily can conjure flames at her fingertips. it bathes everything in a soft, warm glow, but casts strange shadows across her face, and his, the more she looks at him. “i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to sneak up on you–” i’m lost she means to say. i’m supposed to be patrolling, but i’m actually an idiot and got lost and subsequently forgot i’m in a video game! “i just don’t have a ton of points in night vision.” she admits softly.

There were very few people in Velia that Caj wasn’t anxious around, and fewer still were those who made him feel actually safe. With a quiet thank you to whatever had sent one of those people his way instead of the many other options, he relaxed and smiled at her. The dim light felt familiar after two years of cooking over an open flame and waiting through the night with a single candle. If they ever made it out of the game, he imagined that electricity would be hard to get used to again. Weird, considering they were inside of a video game.

He smiled, leaning down once more to pull the rabbit from the trap and place it in one of the bags thrown over Caraway’s back. Resetting it was muscle memory at this point, and left him free to focus on the conversation. “It’s okay. I’m...jumpy.” Inadequate, but if anyone in Velia understood what he meant by that, Minerva would. “Do you want help finding your way where you’re supposed to go? Caraway can see pretty well and it might be a better idea to stick together.”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

fmk scarlet, enigma, nike

“I don’t know who Scarlet is, sorry. So I guess she would get kill at default? Sorry, whoever you are. Uh, fuck would be Enigma. Marry Nike, I guess? I don’t really think of her that way, but she’s nice and if I’m going to spend time with someone she’s as good an option as anyone else.”

@svcrlets @venigmas @nikehq

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

@venigmas

vanessa’s shoulders drop as she lets out a long sigh. “what the hell did you do now, caj? she opens her apartment door wider for him to get through and motions for him to follow her into the small kitchen. she pulls out the counter stool and pats for him to sit down.

v then busies herself with grabbing a few antiseptic supplies, as well as a wet paper towel and bandaid, and hops up on the counter in front of him. the brunette leans towards him, gently pressing the damp paper towel to his bloodied forehead. her eyes catch his; she mumurs under her breath, “seriously, what happened? are you okay?” 

It was probably a testament to how much he trusted V that he had been willing to make the trek through Floor 25′s crowded streets. At the very least it was evening, nearing nighttime. The daytime was nearly unbearable: a crushing throng of people, loud and forceful and everywhere he looked. It was a relief to step inside V’s apartment and shut the door on the noise outside. “Sorry,” he mumbled, following her into the kitchen.

Caj sat on the stool obediently, wincing a little in advance of the antiseptic. He probably could have found a mystic and avoided the sting but there weren’t an overabundance of them and he didn’t particularly feel like hunting one down. “Caught something in a trap that didn’t like being trapped.” He offered a lopsided smile. “It’s dead, don’t worry. But it got a couple good swipes in at me. Maybe I'll finally get to keep a cool scar, huh?”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

reveplays·:

location. floor 25. status. open to all!

          “so. completely hypothetical question,” reve starts, easily sliding into step beside the other near the marketplace, his eyes carefully darting between every stall as though looking for something. his voice is levelled and calm, though his fingers tap restlessly at the side of his thigh. “let’s say, okay, that someone — and i’m not saying who, exactly! — managed to catch about a dozen frogs.” he glances at the person he’s talking to, slowly gauging their expression before he continues, “and let’s also say, right, that those frogs managed to uh, get loose around the marketplace, where it’s dangerous for them to be. and i’m not saying that these hypothetical frogs did, or anything! just, what if?” he winces at his own obviously crumbling lie, and then finally utters the request he’s been poorly working up to, “so with all that in mind, if they did get loose, would you possibly find it in your heart to help the person who lost them… you know, un-lose them?”

There were a lot of terrible places in Velia. Places where people died, where freezing winds tore at your skin, where monsters dragged you down into the water and you were never seen again. Somehow, none of them compared to the market place. Shopping used to be easy. He could place an order online or make a phone call and a single person would show up and leave. It wasn’t like...this. Leaning against Caraway’s side for support, Caj kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground ahead of him. The list of supplies he needed ran through his head on a loop like a mantra, anything to distract. So he was more than a little startled when someone called him out. “Uh.” This person looked familiar, at least, even if he couldn’t place him exactly. “You brought live frogs to the market?” That at least was easy to focus on, the absurdity of a dozen frogs bounding around the marketplace. “Where did they get out?”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

floor 49 open

The forest was cool at this time of day, the sun just beginning its descent out of view. It was quiet here, a different kind of quiet than a real forest would have, but one that Caj had grown used to. Ears pricked for the sound of a monster or another player, he leaned forward and nudged Caraway to move faster. He knew this area well, had traced each path time and time again until he felt sure and steady, but that wouldn’t be much help if a high-level monster decided it wanted a snack in the dark. His fingers wound around Caraway’s thick fur and she came to a stop, letting him slide off and drop to the ground to check the last of the traps. It had been a good haul that day: he would have food to store away and be able to make enough leather that he might have to head into the market sometime soon. 

His grimace at the thought was interrupted by the sound of footsteps and his head whipped around, immediately wishing he’d put more levels into night vision. Caraway huffed but didn’t seem to be afraid, and his posture loosened slightly. “I have plenty to share, if that’s what you’re after.” Easy, calm, breathe. “But I’d rather not have someone just hanging around where I can’t see.”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

favorite and least favorite thing about the game?

“There’s not much good here besides Caraway. She’s pretty much the only consolation.” A huff of air as the bear heard her name, heavy head bumping into his back. “It’s kind of nerdy, I guess, but spending time in nature like I did before, there was always this hope of finding some wounded animal and nursing it back to health. Something they’d put on the Dodo YouTube channel.” His smile faded. “There’s a lot of competition for least favorite but the main thing is that we’re just…trapped. The sky isn’t really the sky, the horizon is going to stop at some point. It’s a big fishbowl but we’re all in it and there’s absolutely nowhere to go.”

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

STATS

BASIC INFORMATION OUT-OF-GAME !!

full name & nickname(s), if any: Caj Aditya Sankar

age: 25, almost 26

date of birth: february 24, 2007

hometown: Chicago, Michigan --> Monarch, Montana

nationality: American

gender: Cis male

pronouns: He/him

orientation: semi-closeted bisexual

religion: agnostic

occupation in real life: nature photographer

highest education level: bachelor’s degree (through online course)

language(s) spoken: english (fluent), hindi (passable)

FAMILY !!

father: Dhani Sankar, birth father

mother: Anya Sankar, birth mother

sibling(s): Sooraj and Abhi, older brothers in their late 30s

children: none

pet(s): a terrier, several goats, chickens

family’s financial status: upper middle class

who did they arrive in the game with ? who did they leave behind ??: entered the game alone

HEALTH !!

physical ailments, if any: none

neurological conditions, if any: agoraphobia, panic disorder

allergies: none

extrovert or introvert ? introvert

do they partake in drug/alcohol use ?: occasional drinking

part two.

BASIC INFORMATION IN-GAME !!

username: hawthorn

cursor color: green

player class: mage

choice of weapon: staff

guild, if any: N/A

guild position, if any: N/A

occupation/profession in game, if any: crafter

do they own a residence on any of the floors ?: an out of the way cabin on floor 37

favorite floor: 37

floor they can be most often seen on: 33 for searching for materials, 37 the rest of the time

past guilds/professions, if any: N/A

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE IN-GAME !!

hair color: black

tattoos: silver tree on his back with branches winding along his arms

piercings: none

clothing style: mostly wool and linen tunics/trousers. leather boots and gloves with a few nonrestrictive pieces of leather armor. he wears a long coat with a deep hood.

other distinguishing characteristics: n/a

do any of these characteristics exist outside the game ? what’s different and what’s the same ?: in real life he doesn’t have any tattoos. otherwise, he’s largely the same although a little more attractive in game.

SKILLS !! CAN BE FOUND HERE.

which skills have they mastered ? crafting, farming/gathering, searching, enchanting

which skills are they proficient in ? blacksmithing, alchemy

PETS/MOUNTS !!

pet, if any: none

mount, if any: Caraway, a large brown bear. Caj saw her being harassed by a pack of wolves and scared them off. Since then, they’ve been inseparable.

part three.

PERSONALITY !!

character label: the hermit

positive traits: kind, generous, protective

negative traits: reclusive, paranoid, territorial

goals/desires: in game is very immediate: to survive and escape. out of game he very much wants to reintegrate with society

fears: dying, crowds, being trapped

hobbies: if he weren’t a crafter by trade, he would certainly craft as a hobby. he finds it grounding and he likes knowing that the things he makes and enchants are helping other people.

habits: very habit-driven. tends to follow the same paths and is cautious about exploring new areas.

EXTRAS !!

zodiac sign: pisces

mbti: infp

enneagram: the individualist

temperament: melancholic

hogwarts house: ravenclaw

moral alignment: neutral good

primary vice: envy

primary virtue: kindness

element: water

[fearfulhawthorn-blog]

i’m going to sleep because it is v late but !! like this post if you’d be interested in plotting something with caj (one of your connections, one of his, or something new!) and i’ll message you tomorrow. night!