fearlessartistry

[fearlessartistry]

Yup. This is me too.

I bought the Cursed Child the first day it came out back in July, but to this day I still haven’t read it because of all the bad critics I’ve seen about it. I’m apprehensive because I don’t want it to spoil the idea I have of the characters.

[fearlessartistry]

Of course he’s only about to speak with me at stupid o clock in the morning. I can totally see me destroying what little sleep pattern I have just to share a few more sentences. I have a problem.

[fearlessartistry]

Ugh what are feelings? Do not want. I don’t know how to deal with things like this. I SO RARELY develop crushes. Like, hardly ever. Yet every time I do, it’s just so awkward. How do people do this? I’m too awkward for life, I swear. I want to talk to him, all the time, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be annoying. I thought maybe there was something, but I can’t tell the difference between friendly or flirting and I barely know him, don’t really know anything about his life, what if it’s all just a lost cause? And why does it always happen that I end up wanting someone who lives so damn far away? Fuck.

[fearlessartistry]

20 minutes into X-Files and chill and he look at you like

[fearlessartistry]

There should be a word to describe that horrible feeling you get when you realize halfway through telling a story that it’s not as funny as you thought it was, but it’s too late to back out. So you just finish the story and everyone listening does that awkward polite laugh and then it gets quiet, so you burn your house down, fake your death, move to Chile and start a new life as a loner fisherman.

[fearlessartistry]

the bad part about being an introvert is that you feel like you get left out of everything but at the same time you’re not sure you wanted to go out and do the thing anyway…

[fearlessartistry]

[fearlessartistry]

Heathers (1988)

[fearlessartistry]

Oh fuck, what have I done? So much money... all gone. I don’t even know how much I’ve spent tonight. Or how many stress cigarettes I’ve smoked. Booking flights, hotels, fucking Amtrak. All to coincide on a ridiculously short time frame and (hopefully) be within what I can (not really) afford. 

Still though, 2 more William Control shows. Minneapolis (an afternoon with my cousin and her wonderful family) and Chicago (with a couple days tacked on because Chicago).

Worth it. Right?

[fearlessartistry]

[fearlessartistry]

I've lost hours staring at a screen today. I've gained nothing from it. I hate it. But what else can I do when everything is too much? I don't know how to live my life. My life is so normal but it's still fucking terrifying. Can't. Do. This.

[fearlessartistry]

things i’m bad at:

eye contact

expressing feelings

making decisions

telling someone what i want

explaining why i act a certain way

getting motivated to do stuff

knowing what i want

paying attention to people

[fearlessartistry]

[fearlessartistry]

via

[fearlessartistry]

sometimes i forget im a real person

[fearlessartistry]

[fearlessartistry]