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[findthelines]

Lines on paper

The bell on the door rings as the first customer of the day walks in. He seems to be a tourist, carrying a large backpack and a camera hanging around his neck. I look at him from behind the counter and smile when we make small eye contact. He continues looking around the store and hums. Eventually, I decide to walk over to him to ask if he requires any assistance.

"Hi," I smiled

He turns around, surprised, and quickly shoots a smile back.

"Hi"

"Are you looking for anything in particular?"

He turns to look around the shop again and shakes his head. "Ah no, my friend asked me to buy her a painting as a souvenir but I don't see any here unfortunately."

"Oh, yea we only have line art in stock sorry" I run my hands through my hair and bow lightly in apology.

"Ah, that’s a shame. Thank you." He lightly smiles and turns to walk out of the shop.

I go back towards the counter as he walks towards the exit. He opens the door and lets the breeze in. My diary pages flutter against the wind and I rush to close it shut. The door rings shut and the store is masked in silence once again. I prop my chin on my hand and sigh as I look down at my diary. Flipping over to a blank page, I pick up the pen on the counter and begin writing.

The golden glow of the sun setting streams through the store windows and I'm jolted out of my reverie by my mom.

"Bethany, what are you doing?"

I look up, embarrassed and quickly try to hide my diary. I shrug.

"Nothing, there's nothing to do around here.”

Mom looks at me, confused and asks. “No one came in today?”

I stare at her. “No one comes in anymore because you never put out anything new. All you do is draw the same lines on paper and hang it up on the wall, everyone's seen it all. They won't bother coming in again."

Mom looks down as if in thought and bites her bottom lip. She hesitantly opens her mouth then quickly shuts it again.

"Exactly, you can’t say anything back because you know I'm right. You told me to work for you here, and I've been trying to earn some money from it so I can move out and live my life. But if you're not earning any money, how will you even pay me?"

"Honey, I-"

"Save it. You always come up with the same excuses. If you can't come up with a new design as an artist, then maybe you shouldn't have become one in the first place."

Mom hangs her head lower and lightly nods. She looks at me for a moment and goes to touch me.

I jerk away and come out from behind the counter after picking up my diary.

"A guy came in today and we had a chance to make some money, but he only saw your same, boring designs so he left. Did you know your art has become a topic of disinterest? No one in this town comes in anymore, only wandering tourists who don't know any better. I’m tired of wasting time here, I wanna work somewhere else. See you tonight, don't wait up." I say as I turn away from her and walk out the door.

(572 words)

[findthelines]

source: Jio Tattoo on YouTube

[findthelines]

looking back at the exchange at the store

this really touched me

[findthelines]

Love or Hate

"Oh, Esther. Yes she was such a good friend, even though she was busy she would always call me to check up on me and make sure I was okay. We first met when we were both in college, she was my first friend and we quickly became close because we both had an affinity with art. She was particularly interested in painting and drawing all sorts of colourful landscapes, animals, and portraits. It wasn't until she met Jason that she began doing line art.

Hmm, Jason was what you would call a bad boy and oh man was she swept off her feet. He worked as a tattoo artist, and I guess because she wanted to get closer to him she started doing line art. I was her roommate at the time, and the day she met him, she came back and gushed about him all night saying 'he was the one' and that she was in love already. She's always been one to fall too quickly. And yea, I was worried, of course I was. She was the type of person that people wanted to protect because of how innocent she seemed. But she was having none of it, she insisted on seeing him and I guess it worked out for them in the end. Well, at first anyway. They got married like a year after we graduated college and she had Bethany the year after. Yea, of course I know Bethany, I didn't get to see her a lot while she was growing up, she was busy with all these drawing and music classes and when she turned 16 she immediately went to work for Esther. I don't really know much about her because I barely even got to see Esther anymore. On the off chance that she did come out to take a breather, she would talk endlessly about Bethany. She loved that girl so much.

She raised Bethany all on her own, people always said flash marriages rarely work out, and I had hoped she would be the exception. But after finding out she was pregnant, Jason instantly packed his bags saying he wasn't ready to settle down yet. She was heartbroken because she really thought Jason was the one and after he left, she called me crying every night. She told me she hated him and was mad, rightfully so in my opinion. But now that you tell me she began drawing only that design, I guess she couldn't forget him after all. There really is such a thin line between love and hate. If you ask me, she never stopped loving him and I guess her doing the design Jason first gave to her is her way of reliving the times they had together. She was so strong, raising Bethany on her own like this. From what I saw, Bethany didn't really talk to her and Esther would sit waiting for her to come home and talk to her every night. She never complained though and I noticed in the later years she started taking medication for her depression and anxiety. My only regret is that I didn't check up on her more before like she did me."

- an interview with Esther’s best friend. 

(536 words)

[findthelines]

Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned.

Terry Pratchett - Masquerade (via terrypratchettparadise)

[findthelines]

beginning of Esther’s pregnancy

[findthelines]

unspoken words

Source: Soulbrothanumbahone on YouTube

[findthelines]

Bloodline

Hi old friend,

I used to write in you a lot, but when I abruptly left home I decided to leave you at the house too. I was packing mom's things up and found you under her bed. I don't know if I have the courage to say this to anyone, so I'm coming back here – the place that used to store all my darkest secrets and unreasonable complaints.

When I was looking at mom for the last time today, she had more lines on her face than I noticed before. They were faint, but there was a lot, scattered all over her body. Wrinkles are seen in such a bad light, aren't they? We grow up being surrounded by all these anti-aging creams and anti-wrinkle solutions. People don't like showing signs of ageing and old age. But mom wore them on her face proudly, she never tried to hide them from anyone and was unabashedly herself, wrinkles and all.

I grew up looking at the lines she drew, and they were such beautiful pieces. But I've never seen lines more beautiful than the ones on her face. It showed her life journey, all that she's experienced and all that she's had to endure. Without the need for words, I was able to see her – stories that have always been there but ones I have never bothered to listen to. These lines, although faint and small, are a sign of a life that has been lived.

The lines around her eyes were most prominent. They showed where her laughter and smiles once were. The laughter that carried so much of her strength, the smile of a warrior. As Aunt Christine would say, these are memories of her youth. They show a map of the life that she's lived, and the journey that has brought me to her.

The lines she once drew on paper to give to people are now etched onto her face in a beautiful pattern of life. There's so much more I want to say about her, but so little I can turn into words. When I look back at the relationship we had, I feel a lot of regret. We had a rough relationship, and I regret our exchange in her shop all those years ago to this day. I was so afraid of being vulnerable, but she loved me through it all. I used to throw the word hate around like it cost nothing, I used it to mask my emotions. But isn't hate just another form of love? I'm willing to admit now that I love her.

All the fine lines she displayed so proudly will be carved into my memory forever. She gave me so much, but there's nothing now that I can give in return. I just wish I could tell her all the things I've yet to say and see her again at the end of my line.

- excerpt from my diary entry on the day of her funeral

(481 words)

[findthelines]

Wrinkles, grey hair and scars

[findthelines]

Don’t worry about me anymore mom, I’ll be alright.