fineliines

[fineliines]

i know that nobody’s going to either sit through this entire video and the people who do will rip me apart etc. etc. this is just my final commentary on everything that’s transpired over the last 24 hours. i tried to touch on everything i could, i made this without seeing the posts made about me so i’m going off what i saw last night and what i was told. 

also wanted to touch on the subject of blocking the people i did last night because i didn’t talk about it in the video because it was already too long. i don’t need to justify blocking anyone but i didn’t do it because i was being called out, simply because i was already overwhelmed and having a panic attack and all the stuff nobody is going to care about coming from me so. sorry i blocked you but i needed to do it for my own mental health in order to get some semblance of sleep before work. 

to the people i’ve hurt along the way, i’m really genuinely and deeply sorry. i don’t expect forgiveness nor do i want it but i am sorry. to the people who have stuck with me throughout this and checked up on me, thank you. you know who you are and i love and appreciate ya’ll. and to the entire rpc, this is a goodbye. i will NOT be commenting on this further, i will NOT be coming back to indie and i will NOT be coming back to this blog as this will be my final post before logging out forever. 

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okay so before things get misconstrued, i have seen the post @pocmuzings posted and i have quite a lot to say at least to explain my side of the story. you guys can make the choice to believe me or not but everything on this post is the truth on my end. this is very long and i hope everyone takes the time to read it but it’s just a warning this is long.

first and foremost, you need to understand that i have never once in my entire life said the n word. i grew up in a household where i always knew the weight of that word and it’s heavy connotations my entire life; my mom, grandma and cousins always used the word despite being spanish because they were very racist and stereotyped the black community. i knew of that, i was young when they used the word (probably around elementary school age) and never spoke up because i was a child. however, i’ve always known it’s not the right word to say or is it my place to say it as a non-black poc. i’m unsure if the person sending the anon meant to say i was using the word or if it was my friend at the time in the post but i have never EVER said that word. i would never use that word, i’m not ignorant on it and have always known what it’s implications were.

secondly, the problematic friend in question was someone i knew in my real life. we went to high school together, we met through a mutual friend who looking back on it, that mutual friend sexually assaulted me at one point and BECAUSE of that incident and numerous other things that happened in that small friend group, i pulled away and found solace in this person. his name was cameron, he’s no longer in the rpc so i really don’t care about putting his name out there to help keep track while i write this out. to give more background on this, cameron wasn’t the kind of person i could simply “get rid of” like i could have if he’d been someone i met online. like i said, we went to high school together, we lived in the same town, we became INSEPERABLE-- i vacationed with him and his family on MULTIPLE occasions. my mom and his mom became friends, we spent holidays together, etc. this wasn’t someone i could write off. we met when i was around 15 years old and he was 17 and we stayed friends from me being 15 to around the age of me being 21... in fact, i believe our last outing together was my 21st birthday but that’s irrelevant. i am now 24. throughout the time that we were best friends, however, i got him into rping and we were in the rpc together for an extended period of time. cameron has always been extremely problematic and this was something i didn’t necessarily become aware of until later on in our friendship. we started rping together in american horror story roleplays which is where i first started and in general, those rp’s were very very problematic and dark; it was a completely different time in the rpc compared to now and i am 100% aware of that. 

cameron became notorious for causing drama wherever he went. in the ahs rp we were in, something happened between my character and someone else’s, anon hate was sent to the gossip blog or w/e about my character and it got to the point where i, myself, was being told to kill myself through anon hate because of whatever ship drama was happening. i was 15 years old and people on the internet were telling me to kill myself. cameron stepped in, defended me in the only way he knew how, started drama with the admins for not doing anything to stop the stuff being sent to me or help me and we got kicked out of the group as the solution to their problem. from that moment on, cameron simply never stopped causing problems and i often found myself getting dragged into things with him because we were friends and i stuck up for him because he usually stuck up for me. at some point as i got a little older, maybe 17/18, i can’t remember, me and him joined this subplot rp that this person who sent in the anon was running. yes, cameron and i became friends with the person, she was the admin, things were fine for a while and eventually, things in the group started getting slow so cameron wanted to leave and me, being the person i was at the time, followed him because he was my best friend. i remained somewhat friends with the anon but i always felt like things were strained between us BECAUSE cameron was always up to something; whether it was causing problems in the anon’s various groups she joined or simply leaving because he got bored or just being a general bully, befriending people and manipulating them and being ugly and problematic and racist. i can’t remember the anon ever talking to me about being uncomfortable with his actions because it was years ago and i’ll admit that at the time, it wasn’t important to me because i thought things were fine because her problems with cameron weren’t ever explicitly told TO me. i will admit that from the ages of 15-18, whenever cameron started drama or was problematic or did shitty things, i blindly followed him and never spoke up. i didn’t speak up because i felt like he helped me and defended me and PROTECTED me from my assaulter in real life and all the anon hate i got from this group that i owed him my loyalty. again, please keep in mind, i’ve been friends with him since we were both in high school, he wasn’t someone i could simply write off or get rid of at the time.

i started realizing he wasn’t a good person when i got a little older. i decided to open up a group that was based off college kids and it was based off the college i currently attend, ucf--- genuinely i don’t remember the url of the group but @wonclerland was in it with me because we were friends. cameron joined, obviously and at the time that i was admining, he didn’t do much. people joined who i’d met through a previous rp and to be honest, that group of people and i were 100% a really stupid clique of mean people. they were really mean and petty and ugly and i never said anything to them or about what they said because i wanted to fit in and again, i admit to that. some girl joined the group who went by the name athena or it was her alias, i don’t really know but apparently, she had beef with that group of people who joined and they claimed she was racist but could never properly pull up proof to show me or whatever. as an admin, i was caught in the middle trying to hear every side of the story. cameron befriended athena and all hell broke loose.  i ended up going to playlist live for a day and mistakenly, i had asked one of the people in the little clique of mine to run the main while i was gone for the day. in the span of the 8 hours i was gone, the clique had posted athena’s unfollow despite her not wanting to quit and blah blah blah. i shut down the group because i didn’t know what to do and it make me anxious and stressed. cameron and athena formed a group of friends FROM that group and started to go on the girl who posted the unfollow’s instagram and comment hateful, bodyshaming things. they went as far as editing a picture of the girl on photoshop to look like shrek. i saw this all unfold and realized what kind of person cameron was and decided to TRY to sever ties with him. multiple times after this, i attempted to call him out on his ugly behavior on the tail end of our friendship. we would get into really violent fights in person and he’d come to target where i worked at the time to scream at me and yell at me in person. i called him out for being racist and problematic and using the n word- in return, he took down an entire roleplay we worked on together because he made all the graphics and left the page empty and blank while i was at work and couldn’t do anything about it. him and his boyfriend would call me names, made fun of me when i confided in them and came out as bisexual and told me i was just looking for attention and many other fucking instances where i was made to feel like shit. every time i called him out about stuff he did or said at all, i had to deal with abuse from in person and because i didn’t know how to approach the situation or deal with it, i let him get away with treating other people in the rpc like trash.

cameron and i grew apart after he quit the rpc. he ran out of aliases to use to destroy groups and i was working on actively trying to get out of the wake of destruction him and the friend group that yes, i followed around, left behind. i put forth the effort to work on learning about racism more in depth, i went to therapy to deal with the assaults and stuff i was going through and i used writing to cope with it and found a solid group of people that were actually decent. i admit that i was part of the problem by not saying anything to cameron, i was terrified of him and losing the only friend i had in my real life at the time. i know what he did hurt a lot of people in the rpc, including now the anon, and i realize that my silence until much later was not of any help at all. my activism now isn’t performative--- i’ve tried so hard over the last few years to learn and educate myself on the blm movement and i’m still learning every day. my intentions and heart have never been malicious and i deeply apologize to you, oksi, if you read this because i know it’s you that sent that anon. i’m sorry that my silence and lack of maturity and balls to confront cameron hurt you and i’m sorry for being a part of the problem. i’m sorry to whoever knew me back then and saw the people i surrounded myself with and that i was so focused on fitting in and belonging to a group (even a really fucking shitty one) stop me from speaking up when it mattered the most. i wish that this had been addressed to me privately so i could’ve talked to her and heard her side of the story but i understand that she probably felt uncomfortable and unsafe given our past and who she used to associate me with. i do not and will not ever stand for racism, i’m working every single fucking day to learn and spread resources and educate myself and to not overstep my boundaries or talk over the black community because it’s NOT my place. i can’t speak for the other person mentioned in this post and i hope she comes forward if she feels inclined to and tell her side of the story but this is mine. holding myself accountable for being a part of the problem. 

i’m sorry if any of this upset anyone and if this means i’m going to lose friendships or mutuals over this. i understand and it’s fine. i’m not looking to victimize myself at all and i’m admitting to the fact that i was complacent and silent and i’m really sorry. i’m not like that anymore and i’m always one of the first people to call horrible shit out, probably too much because i spent so much time NOT saying anything out of fear. and if you read any of this, thank you? i don’t know what this is going to do but i hope it helps shed light on my side of the story. again, oksi, i’m really fucking sorry- you don’t have to forgive me at all and i don’t expect you to but i hope you’ll at least hear this out and try to understand i’ve changed and i actively try every single day to be better than i used to be. thank you and sorry again.

[fineliines]

RACHEL NAOMI HILSON as MIA BROOKS in LOVE, VICTOR (2020)

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she took my evil powers in the divorce

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so many self-care posts on tumblr just tell you to eat chocolate and watch movies, but that’s not gonna help much if you’re in a depressive episode, or something worse. sure, that can help if you have a bad day, but if you’re struggling with a mental illness, it’ll just make things worse. so i created this list for other mentally ill people who are sick of seeing those posts and need some real tips.

hygiene. it’s really hard to feel better when you’re greasy and you haven’t changed your underwear in two weeks. if you can, shower. that’s gonna be the best thing - by far - that you can do. but if you can’t? i get it, it can seem like a lot. spray some dry shampoo in your hair and brush it through; change your underwear and your socks, even if you put your same clothes back on; brush your teeth, or at least swill some mouthwash around your mouth; rinse your face with some warm water and dry it; put on some deodorant.

eat something. forgetting to eat is so common, but is one of the first steps to dragging yourself out of a depressive episode. eating anything will help, but preparing something nutritious will go a long way. it’s okay if all you can manage is a granola bar or some cereal, if that’s the case, grab a piece of fruit or some veggies too. your body and your brain will thank you. drinking is also so important. grab your biggest glass or bottle and fill her up with some cold water, and drink the whole thing. fill it up again and take it to your room. i keep a full water bottle in my room, along with some relatively healthy snacks, so that this step takes minimal effort.

environment. struggling with your mental health often leads to your bedroom or home becoming messy. it’s okay ! it happens to most of us. but cleaning it up will really help. it’s okay if you can only manage one room, or one section of one room. start with your bedroom. crack open a window. take out all the cups and plates. put away any clothes - even if you just stuff them in your closet. pack away any stuff you won’t need for the rest of today - school supplies, books, etc. you’re probably spending most of your time in bed, right? change the sheets, if you can. if not, pick up your blanket and shake off any crumbs, and turn your pillow(s) over.

exercise. before you skip this section, you absolutely do not have to go the gym or go on a five mile jog. you absolutely do not ! you just need to move your body for a lil bit. taking a walk is something that really helps me. go out in the fresh air for a bit, don’t go on your phone, look at pretty flowers, and clear your head. yoga is also supposed to be very useful, though i’ve never tried it. if this seems too much, at least stretch your limbs and wrists/ankles, especially if you’ve been sat in the same position for a while.

reach out. letting someone know what’s going on and how you’re struggling will help more than you know. having someone there, to distract you or to just talk it out, will be the thing that helps you the most when you feel like this. this person can be anyone you trust - a friend, a parent, a sibling, grandma, literally anyone you can rely on. if you do only one of these, please choose this one.

relax. make sure this is the last one you do, if you choose to do multiple of these. now you’ve taken care of all the stupid things that humans need to stay alive, you can take it easy. this is the time for the cutesy tumblr brand self-care - watch a movie, listen to music, eat some candy, whatever you want to do that will make you smile. 

be kind to yourself. i know it’s hard, but you’re trying. that’s all that matters. i’m so proud of you for hanging on and pulling yourself out of this spiral. please know that you’re loved, cared about and needed. you’re going to be okay, and things will be brighter soon, i promise.

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Starbucks funded the police in Atlanta so here’s their recipes

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zynjm:

Since I am always looking for more mumu plots, I’ve put together a list of everything I’ve ever wanted in a multi-muse plot. 

summer camp counselors: between the ages of 18 ad 21, volunteers from colleges around the country (BONUS: around the entire world) flock here to guide children through the summer of their lives, coincidentally also making this the best summer of their own lives.

co-ed college dorms:  Simply a group of students living in one building, trying to get along and figure themselves out in the process. 

tour: There’s a band on the rise to fame and they’ve brought along two opening acts and entire crew that helps make the entire process that much smoother. Heads will clash, too many personalities together for too many months on end. 

sleepy beach town: Every summer there are quite a few families that spend their summers unwinding in a town far from home. There are families that have become quite close due to the three months spent out of every month in this small town. There are also those families that are spending their first year here. This could test friendships and even relationships that have already developed. 

kids of famous people: over the years, it’s been no secret that the celebrities we’ve known to love and care for from afar have grown to have families of their own. Now, it’s their children’s turn to make something of their lives. Do they follow in their parents footsteps or do they do something entirely different? Are they snotty self absorbed or do they give back every chance they get? There are millions of possibilities.

apartment complex: A bunch of diverse people all living in one building together. There’s this small family type bond between them but they still aren’t afraid to start crap when it’s necessary. At the end of the day, they will always have each others back when it’s needed

moving out of the suburbs: This group of now adults are moving out of their comfortable living and into the real world. Which direction will they choose? Will they decide to stay as close as they were while growing up together all those years?

recording studio: There’s a new recording studio in Hollywood that’s taking in fresh faces and strong new voices. Everyone is fighting to get to the top and will step on any toes they can in the process. Some will make friends but there’s also those that will definitely make enemies

strip club: Most of the girls here have been dancing on the pole for as long as they can remember, some are new to this lifestyle but have a clear idea of what’s going to go on. There are also the ones who are completely doe eyed and scared out of their minds the second they step inside. The girls have seen customers from all around and each one are different, but they have their regulars and those are the ones they really choose to please. They also have lives outside the club that they are trying to keep as simple or as wild as they possibly can.

shameless inspired: a twenty-something is struggling to raise her six younger siblings. With a drug addicted father and a mother who fled as soon as she got the chance, they’re all on their own. Bring in outside friends and guys who make her think they’ll stay but never do and you’ve got more drama than one person should be able to handle on their own.

zombie apocalypse: Four friends venture out on their own in search of a safe haven after being away in an underground room while the zombie virus spread across America. Along the way, they pick up others they’ve found in need of rescuing. It’s no longer just the four of them and they’re forming bonds with people they would have never spoken to if not given this situation. Previous friendships are tested as new ones begin to form. Nothing is easy when the whole world seems to be ending right in front of your eyes.

gossip girl: it’s been 25 years since Dam Humphry came out as Gossip Girl. There have been plenty of fakes trying to capture the things he’d been able to for all those years but no one could ever live up to the greatness that was the true Gossip Girl. Until now. There’s a new gossip site online that’s got their eye on everything happening around the New York elite. Rumors spread that Dan’s back in the game after all these years but there’s someone greater wreaking havoc on these young adults lives. (Could be the kids of the former group and their friends or an entirely different crew of elite)

3 a.m.: there are only two things that this group has in common and those two things are they live in the same big city and somehow most every morning at 3 am they find themselves after a long night of partying at the same hole in the wall bar the locals frequent. They’ve all got separate lives and try desperately to keep these things separate but sometimes your night life entertainers with your normal everyday life and it’s not something you can actually stop from happening.

Class reunion: ten years ago they thought high school would be the hardest time of their lives but they were quickly hit with the curve ball that is adulthood. They’ve mostly all lost touch and lead their own lives. Some moved out of state and some stayed right their in their little hometown. No matter where they ended up, they’ve all had it a little rougher than they expected. There are past loves brought face to face for the first time in years and enemies still holding desperately on their past grudges. Who started a family and who lives alone in their one bedroom apartment? Did anyone really achieve the things they imagined they would? (BONUS: someone is murdered at the reunion and they’re all forced to stay in town as long as they are still investigating)

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End of Sentence (2019)

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Just a reminder that we’re still in the middle of a global pandemic and that over 110,000 people in the US (412,000 globally) have died. Some experts think the US will hit a death toll of 200,000 by September.

This is not over.

STAY. HOME.

If you are not going to stay home or you are not able to stay home (please) wear a fucking mask and take other precautions.

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what are songs that make u guys ache… they don’t even need to be very sad songs, really. just songs that make your heart hurt in its place in your chest

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hi i think you're an incredible writer bye

omg 🥺 thank u so much!!! believe me, this means a lot and is really appreciated always.

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click the 🌼 to be taken to 𝟖𝟎 𝐆𝐈𝐅 𝐈𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐒 of chinese-indonesian actress 𝐁𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐉𝐔

𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓 : original gifs by @anxhaustedgifs​ || 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐈𝐅 𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆

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if you would be so kind as to reblog this if you feel insecure about your writing skills.

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I know someone who can. Someone whose probably more fun then me anyway. You remember my boyfriend, Bram?

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since i have to spell it out for some of you, here it is.

the rpc is open to people of literally any age. everyone is welcome to come write, world build, enjoy themselves alike. that’s not what this is about, so don’t come to me saying i don’t like older muns in the rpc. that isn’t true.

as adults it is your duty to stay the fuck away from children in this community. you have no business interacting with them in character or out. what place do you as an adult have to be doing anything with a minor besides maybe providing them with support and advice as the adult figure you should be.

that’s the fucking point. don’t be nasty.

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~ LEAH LEWIS GIF PACK ~

by clicking THIS LINK, you will be redirected to a page with 219 gifs ( 247x140 ) of LEAH LEWIS as ellie chu in the half of it (2020) made from scratch by me, ya girl, sophie ! leah was born in 1996 ! please don’t edit these or add them to gif hunts and like or reblog if you use them ! :)

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Bands have to find different solutions to release their content mostly turning to creative performances like this!