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hi girly we’re at 4 books now!! with 2 unfinished. i think it’s okay, it’s like listening to albums. you can listen to an entire one and not come out with any favs, you can realise that earlier too, halfway into an album. it’s okay

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personality patterns vs. temporary emotional regression normal: briefly losing emotional control or becoming impulsive when tired or stressed pattern of emotional immaturity: behaviours show up repeatedly

emotionally immature people do not think about how their behaviour impacts others, they seldom apologise

*defining emotional maturity* -capability of thinking objectively and conceptually while sustaining deep emotional connections to others -differentiate from original family relationships sufficiently enough to build a life of their own -pursue what they need without exploiting others -treasure closest relationships -interested in others’ inner lives and enjoy opening up and sharing with others in an emotionally intimate way -know themselves well enough to admit their weaknesses

*traits of emotionally immature people* -can reach high levels of success and prestige -struggle with the absence of a clear, direct path -*rigid, single-minded* in relationships and emotional decisions -close-minded once an opinion is formed, cannot tolerate others’ opinions

*low stress tolerance* -have trouble admitting mistakes -coping mechanisms that deny, distort, or replace reality in times of stress -discount facts, blame others -expect others to soothe them by doing what they want instead of calming down on their own

*does what feels best even when it isn’t the best thing to do* -what is true < what feels true -assess situations subjectively *have little respect for difference* -annoyed by others’ differing thoughts and opinions -believe everyone should see things their way

-lack awareness of others’ individuality -only comfortable in role-defined relationships where everyone shares the same beliefs *self-involved, egocentric* -self-centredness is commanded by anxiety & insecurity; fear they will be exposed as bad, inadequate, unlovable -keep defenses high so as to not let anyone threaten their shaky sense of self-worth -defenses work seamlessly to keep underlying anxieties below the level of awareness, will never see themselves as being insecure or defensive *anxious self-preoccupation*: constantly monitoring whether their needs have been met, whether something has offended them self-esteem rises or falls depending on how others react to them -cannot stand to be criticised, minimise own mistakes -their own needs eclipse other people’s feelings -they have no choice in the matter of being self-absorbed, have fundamental doubts about their core worth as human beings -development was stunted by anxiety during childhood

*self-referential, not self-reflective* -turn what is said to them back to one of their own experiences -in any interaction, all roads lead back to them -focus is not about gaining insight or self-understanding, it is about being the centre of attention -lack of self-reflection -> do not consider their own role in a problem, do not assess own behaviour or motives -dismiss self-caused problems by centering intent

*like being the centre of attention* -in groups, the most emotionally immature person dominates the group’s time and energy -different from extroversion, extroversion is craving more interaction that introverts do, not craving an audience. extroverts are interested and receptive when others participate

*promote role reversal* -parents relate to the child as if they were the parent, expecting attention, approval, validation, praise, & comfort -expect own children to show parental-like admiration for them

*lack empathy, are emotionally insensitive* -impaired empathy -avoidance of emotional sharing and intimacy -blind to others’ feelings as they are out of touch with the deepest of their own -> empathy is not just a social nicety, it is necessary for true emotional intimacy

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from my old booktwt

6:19 PM · Jan 15, 2022 i hope to get out of my reading slump soon >< i read just 3 books last year :( i know the way to get out of it is to just start reading but it’s been so long since i’ve finished a book that i’m finding the prospect of starting one so daunting TT i’m gonna get into one now, hopefully i actually finish it and don’t lose the motivation to read more books once i do

You Retweeted amanda @thecoolissue 60% of womanhood is just writing rubbish in a journal so you don't go insane 5:18 AM · Feb 2, 2022

IT ENDS WITH US

iirc, Colleen Hoover’s name showed up when I was looking for author recs on literature map. I decided to read this because I saw that people who liked The Love Hypothesis liked this book too, very excited :))11:27 PM · Feb 2, 2022

i’m done, that was heavy it’s a bit weird to me how fast allysa became lily’s best friend how come she didn’t have an inner circle before meeting these people? i know her roommate, lucy, was gone often but who else was in her life? plot device gay best friend devin? that’s it? i didn’t really feel the closeness between lily, allysa (i keep typing alyssa), and marshall. how’d she become besties with someone within like, i don’t know, a week? and start calling that person’s child her niece? we literally never see devin interacting with lily again after she invites him to allyssa’s party to make ryle a bit jealous he’s mentioned just twice after lily achieves her goal at the party and gets with ryle, but we never get more dialogue from him i do give colleen props for subverting my expectations and not making the first guy we see lily having a connection with her end love interest, there were red flags in the beginning and i didn’t believe they were serious until things got really bad. this should have been just 1 thread, i wrongly thought i reached the limit with the first one. this book was ok, i want my own atlas now. he’s not realistic either lmfao, but i want one. also, ryle kincaid is not a hot name, what was i thinking?

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Excerpts from Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saénz rating: 3/5

“Dante shook his head. “We’re too nice, you know that?” “What do you mean?” “Our parents turned us into nice boys. I hate that.” “I don’t think I’m so nice.” “Are you in a gang?” “No.” “Do you do drugs?” “No.” “Do you drink?” “I’d like to.” “Me too. But that wasn’t the question.” “No, I don’t drink.” “Do you have sex?” “Sex?” “Sex, Ari.” “No, never had sex, Dante. But I’d like to.” “Me too. See what I mean? We’re nice.” “Nice,” I said. “Shit.” “Shit,” he said.”

“Maybe the difference between being a boy and being a man is that boys couldn’t control the awful things they sometimes felt. And men could. That afternoon, I was just a boy. Not even close to being a man.I was a boy. A boy who went crazy. Crazy, crazy.”

“Then I looked down at the floor. “They hurt Dante,” I whispered. “You can’t even tell what he looks like. You should see his face. They cracked some of his ribs. They left him lying in an alley. Like he was nothing. Like he was a piece of trash. Like he was shit. Like he was nothing. And if he would have died, they wouldn’t have cared.” I started to cry. “You want me to talk? I’ll talk. You want me to tell you? I’ll tell you. He was kissing another boy.”I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stop crying. And then I stopped and I knew I was really angry. More angry than I’d ever been in my life. “There were four of them. The other boy ran. But Dante didn’t run. Because Dante’s like that. He doesn’t run.”

“Senior year. And then life. Maybe that’s the way it worked. High school was just a prologue to the real novel. Everybody got to write you—but when you graduated, you got to write yourself. At graduation you got to collect your teacher’s pens and your parents’ pens and you got your own pen. And you could do all the writing. Yeah. Wouldn’t that be sweet?”

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Excerpts from Normal People by Sally Rooney rating: 1/5

"He knows that a lot of the literary people in college see books primarily as a way of appearing cultured ... Connell’s initial assessment of the reading was not disproven. It was culture as class performance, literature fetishised for its ability to take educated people on false emotional journeys, so that they might afterwards feel superior to the uneducated people whose emotional journeys they liked to read about. Even if the writer himself was a good person, and even if his book really was insightful, all books were ultimately marketed as status symbols, and all writers participated to some degree in this marketing. Presumably this was how the industry made money."

"...he was also a very insecure person, obsessed withpopularity, and his desperation had made him cruel. Not for the first time Marianne thinks cruelty does not only hurt the victim, but the perpetrator also, and maybe more deeply and more permanently. You learn nothing very profound about yourself simply by being bullied; but by bullying someone else you learn something you can never forget."

"Marianne is so happy for Joanna and Evelyn that she feels lucky even to see them together, even to hear Joanna on the phone to Evelyn saying cheerfully: Okay, love you, see you later. It gives Marianne a window onto real happiness, though a window she cannot open herself or ever climb through."

"Marianne wanted her life to mean something then, she wanted to stop all violence committed by the strong against the weak, and she remembered a time several years ago when she had felt so intelligent and young and powerful that she almost could have achieved such a thing, and now she knew she wasn’t at all powerful, and she would live and die in a world of extreme violence against the innocent, and at most she could help only a few people."