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Literally every episode of My Cat from Hell

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liking john basically feels like this

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I've recently got into dpxdc fics (im not into either fandom's source material but this fanfic and fandom is fun, screw me), and the character of John Constantine shows up quite a bit.

Just now I searched up about something related as I was a little confused, and happened upon the fact that he's from Liverpool.

Now here's why I'm yelling about this.

In no fic i've read so far is this mentioned. He is always described as a guy with a "British accent."

Now, if you're actually British you know its a thing you see and roll your eyes at (there isnt a "british accent" guys) but will understand whats being referred to is normally that one common accent that is sometimes called Standard English, or Southern Standard.

Nowwwww John, is from Liverpool. He is Scouse. SCOUSE. This is one of the wackest accents in England, and verrrrryyyy not like Southern Standard. Its a riot, and no offence to Scouse people but when i met a Scouse guy once i thoughthe was doing a bit when he said the word knife, but turns out thats just how he says it. Think John Bishop (actor and comedian, was a companion in S13 of Doctor Who.)

So I'd like people who don't know about regional english accents to realise what he actually sounds like, and it isnt your average BBC reporter.

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// hellblazer dead in america issue 10 spoilers

and that's how Johnstantine was never able to have children ever again. Thank you for your service, Noah Ikumelo.

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Ok so Billy is a journalist, a good one. But what if he had done other odd jobs. For example, he was an assistant in a tattoo parlor. He took care of the reception, the cleaning and sometimes the tattoo artist taught him a few tricks. He ends up becoming interested in it and in particular tattoos throughout history and the magic that is involved in it (Billy is an expert in ancient history and nothing will make me turn back).

He got a job as a tattoo artist in the magical world in addition to his job as a journalist and although he is very good he is little known since he does not advertise. However, he can get a little bit every month.

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Can't express how stress free being open minded is.

Some lesbians use he/him? Oh cool.

Some people have people inside their head and sometimes it's fictional chars? Sick your brains like a pirate ship they're all working to run.

Some people like being treated like a pet dog? Bark bark bro.

Being fat isn't unhealthy but a perfectly normal type of body to have? Kinda beautiful how different we can all be.

Something doesn't make any fucking sense? Cool an opportunity to learn. And even if I can't figure it out it's cool we still have mysteries today.

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I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes.

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Theories About Marvel

The Justice League and many others have theories as to what Marvel is.

Theorist: “What if Captain Marvel is Kryptonian?”

Theorist 2: “Bro what? Dude, he’s had Kryptonite thrown at him and he doesn’t flinch at all.”

Theorist: “No, but hear me out! What if he’s a higher level, or at least a different type of Kryptonian? Who’s to say they don’t come with different powers and weaknesses? Superman and Supergirl are cousins, right? What if all the lasers and cold breath are exclusive to them and them alone? What if Marvel is Kryptonian, and its just that his powers include lightning instead?”

Theorist 2: “That’s actually insane dude! But it also kinda makes sense. Actually wait, let me add on. He could be weak to Kryptonite, but not as much as Superman and Supergirl. Some Kryptonians could be more sensitive to it than others!”

Clark actually got asked about this.

Supes: “What…? No? Marvel’s not Kryptonian. Kryptonians don’t just have mix and match powers. We all have the laser vision and super strength and X-ray vision.”

People still believe this theory even if it was proven wrong by Supes. Though, it’s mostly civilians. Key word: mostly.

Then there’s the magic users theories:

Constantine: “I always thought the bloke was a golem that looked like a human. That Wizard guy he talks about could’ve made him.”

Zatanna: “Really? I always thought he was a lightning elemental.”

Zatara: “He’s the Champion of Magic. It’s more likely he’s made of pure magic…”

Constantine is the closest in Billy’s nonprofessional professional opinion. There’s also Batman’s and Martian Manhunter’s theories.

Batman: “I believe he’s an immortal shapeshifter. There are multiple mentions of him in scriptures, architecture, pottery, and artifacts.”

MM: “I too believe it’s likely. Some of the texts and artworks depict him as women. It’s also likely he changed physical characteristics as well. The nose on this statue is different than described in this scripture.”

Then there’s Diana, Donna, and Cassie.

WW: “I thought it was obvious he was a demigod?”

Donna: “Yes, isn’t he one of Zeus’ children? He’s our brother!”

Cassie: “He’s a really good brother too!”

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choose your fighter. Yasstantine or Jeff Constantinople

the sight of both of them makes me want to kill myself

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Friend on the wall

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It's my 19th rotation today

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Just so everyone is sure, I think about him daily, he gets me through everything going on right now, I love him so much

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gay limp wrist

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DP x DC writing prompt: Danny/Constantine

i love the vibes of danny freaking constantine the fuck out, really, but like. my favorite bits of hellblazer are when this disaster man smoothtalks his way out of something. like, the audacity of that time he talked his way into curing his lung cancer and then lit up a cigarette!

anyway what im getting at is danny trying to rattle johns cage and then halfway into what he thought was an extended interrogation he realizes they're on a date, he talked danny into a DATE, what the fuck is going on, is this why no one's collected on this jackass's soul?!

meanwhile john's thinking it's worth the potential wrath of the ghost king if he can pull this off because this is by far the most attractive repo man sent for his soul.

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Custody battle for the ages thought dump:

-Selling your soul USED to mean that you had to do whatever the person who bought your soul wants you to, but after the defeat of Pariah Dark the Ghost Zone had some massive judicial reforms. Danny isn’t the Ghost King but that’s because he was like “Uh, what? I’m 14 why don’t you guys have an election or something?”

-Pandora is the current prime minister of the Ghost Zone

-I am not coming up with an in depth system of government for a silly idea but I see them as having a parliament and local governments for different parts of the ghost zone and working on a judicial system and all that fun stuff.

-I’m not sure who exactly Danny’s “Ghost Parent” would be but I think it’d be fun if it was Pandora

-Constantine sold his soul to her after the reforms and she’s just like “Ah a little brother for my halfa son how lovely”

-Younger ghosts acknowledge the fact that Constantine is a grown ass man (and a kinda terrifyingly powerful one at that) but the ancients think he’s adorable

-“Awwwwww baby’s first immortality spell 🥺”

-They think him doing magic is cute the same way little kids making mud potions is cute

-Constantine hates it but will also take any advantage he can get, sometimes they’ll do magical favours for him

-Danny calls him baby brother specifically to piss him off

-Danny has been learning ghost magic but isn’t that good at it yet, Constantine mostly only really knows non ghost magic but is slowly picking it up through osmosis

-Danny gets the Fenton tall gene and grows up to be slightly taller than Constantine (To Constantine’s absolute dismay and displeasure as the baby brother jokes increase in frequency)

-Danny just randomly starts showing up at the watchtower whenever Constantine is there to bother him

-The JL is just like “whose lost sassy floating child is this and how the fuck did they get here?”

Bonus:

The bat siblings: “There’s no fucking way they’re siblings they look and sound nothing alike.”

Danny and Constantine: (Have a full blown magical duel because Danny hid Constantine’s cigarettes, Constantine accidentally lands a hit on Danny and immediately regrets it.)

Danny: I’m gonna tell mom!

Constantine: (Panicked English bargaining)

The bat siblings: “Oh, nevermind.”

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Y/n: “I’m gonna touch you magic man”

John Constantine: *half drunk* “you promise”

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I just had a DPxDC crossover idea that I thought was funny.

What if every time John Constantine sold his soul he was basically agreeing to being “adopted” by the entity he was selling his soul to.

He thinks all of the entities he sold his soul to are leaving him alone because they’re too busy fighting/have a truce to not fight as long as none of them claim his soul, meanwhile he’s got like a dozen or so ghost/demon parents ready to go to court to fight for custody when he finally dies.

Danny, having been taken in as a ward by an older ghost since he technically counts as a baby ghost until he’s 100 or something, meets Constantine for the first time and is like: “Why are you 1/15th my brother?”

Bonus points if Danny is technically the big brother in ghost terms because he’s been a ghost the longest. Sure Constantine may be a little liminal but that doesn’t count he doesn’t even have a death day yet.

Like:

Danny (Certified little shit): “Baby brother why do you never come to dinner? :(”

Constantine, too sober for this: “The fuck did you just call me?”

Constantine vehemently denies any relation but they bicker like siblings.