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The crazy thing about personal growth is that every time you think you finally have life figured out, it will throw you another curveball just to keep you on your toes.

The goal isn’t to never have to worry about anything again. The goal is to get better and better at handling the curveballs life throws your way.

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Mend a hole in your sweater with a crochet hook

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eye makeup in chinese gufeng style by 桃芝芝

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Tomorrow

Gym - work out that anxiety - pray that I do not smell a certain someone

Apply for jobs - work is probably going to implode

Go grocery shopping (need: ground beef, water, oats, and milk)

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Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List

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Admist the millions of projects I have started and some finished! I have decided to try to (again) to do a non-committal blog. With no purpose other than to share my experience for anyone curious or stumbling upon it.

I've shared with some people who follow me on Instagram that I have been diagnosed with ADHD, primarily inattentive. At age 27, after seeking three opinions because of two individuals who saw me frequently in my personal life said that I should seek the diagnosis to get medicated. Once with Cerebral, bc I didn't want to spend $3000 + for a full evaluation. The second time was through my works employee assistance program with a social worker therapist and the third time was with a doctor who actually had who worked with patients who struggled with addiction and also has a background of how trauma can affect the brain. I felt fairly confident with my therapist, but was open to being challenged by a doctor because I truly don't want my medical providers to think I'm seeking drugs for any other reason than to ensure a better quality of life. After me blabbing at him for more than an hour and I think thoroughly frustrating him with how I answered, he prescribed me Strattera and sent me on my way. I had opted for non stimulant to start with because I thought it would have made me jittery and really anxious the way caffeine does for me.

Strattera absolutely helped me focus. I was in complete shock that I wasn't thinking of a million different things at once. The first time I took it, I took it without food, I ended up lightheaded to the point where I felt I couldn't stand up confidently. From then on, I ate food beforehand, but I realized I had to eat a certain amount to avoid feeling nauseous. This was an ordeal bc I didn't eat breakfast really until an hour into my workday, so I had to shift my dinnertime to ensure I woke up hungry enough to eat something. But I needed to be hungry enough to eat an actual meal, like I dogleg just eat a slice of toast, it'd have to be today and an egg at the very least. The more food, the less likely I'd have be lightheaded, but then I could possibly be too full and not feel too hot from that. So, after a couple of months of this and my first migraine, I reluctantly made another appointment with my doctor (reluctantly because the cost is ridiculous). I told him that I'm open to stimulants this time around.

He put me on Concerta which was soooooo expensive. I started taking it last week, and I've noticed a significant increase in focus and mood as well. The frequency of feeling like an impostor at work has decreased significantly, which is probably why my mood went up. Perhaps the most significant change I've seen was when I didn't take it this past Sunday and went out. The amount of thoughts that flooded in by being out in public made me feel very excited or made me realize how easily excitable I can be. The amount of thoughts I was having could have been overwhelming, but instead I think I took joy in the chaos of my mind and appreciated the way my medication was working on a daily basis.

Hopefully the medication would cost less next month. Or if not, I hope I'll find a better alternative 😵