flannel-queen

[flannel-queen]

A NEW SEASON OF LIFE (FAREWELL)

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, & live righteously, & he will give you everything you need.” -Matthew 6:33

I’ve been a Christian my whole life. Went to church. Always listened to Christian music. But then 2013 came. November came & I was at my lowest point ever. I almost killed myself. Then I heard “Will You Be There” by my favorite band, Skillet, for the first time, & I was in tears. It was then that I knew that no matter what, God would always be on my side. It was at that point that I let go of everything & used my life to glorify God. From this point on, everything changed. Ever since then, I’ve been bringing people to Christ non-stop. God used me to save quite a few lives when they were on the verge of suicide, & help people out with their addictions by showing them Jesus. My main goal in life was & still is for people to see Jesus in me. Shortly after being saved, I decided to make a fanpage on Instagram for Jesus & the ones who brought me close to Him, Skillet. I named it “PanheadOfGod”. It was absolutely insane how fast the page was growing. I’ve had so many people message me, thanking me for showing them the love of Christ & it would always bring the warmest of feelings to me. The page has grown to having 11,000 followers to this day. It STILL blows my mind to this day, honestly. 2014 & 2015, I got to meet some of my best friends to date through that page. So many people have accepted me & given me a love that I don’t even deserve. I’ve gotten to meet so many wonderful people through the fan-base, more than I could ever have imagined. Then 2016 came. I took the most risks that year alone than I have my whole life, & I’m grateful for that. Each of those risks were totally worth it. That’s what made 2016 one of the best years for me. God has shown me so much throughout the years & I am beyond grateful for the abundance of blessings He CONTINUES to throw onto my lap. Fast forward to now, 2017, when I am writing this. I continue taking more risks & telling people about Jesus almost every day. I now lead groups at my church. Life is good. Recently, I’ve been called by The Lord to let go of anything that has been holding me back & follow Him above all else so He can use me to show the light of Christ to those in need of it. I’ve been called to become a spiritual leader. I’ve been called to let go of everything that might hinder me from pursuing the future that God wants me to have. That being said, I’m leaving all of social media except for Instagram. I’m deactivating my Twitter. I’m deactivating my Snapchat. I’m definitely deactivating Facebook too, as well as anything else I may have. Now, is that all really necessary? Yes. Social media isn’t too bad a thing if you’re able to keep it from controlling your life, but I’ve seen it do some damage. Between marriages/any type of relationships to eating out with your friends, it can take you away from the things you love most if you let it do so. For someone very active on social media, I’m going to take a step back & follow what God wants me to do, & that is to let go. So why am I keeping Instagram up? One reason is to help me pursue my dreams of becoming big on photography. Another is to allow you guys to continue to have at least some sort of snapshot of what my life is like from now on. That being said, I’m allowing myself to keep it, but under certain conditions. I will not be following anybody for a bit until I get rid of the urge to check my feed often. Once that urge is gone, I will start following back my friends & family. I’ll continue to use it to glorify His name above all else. My main goal right now is to rid it of any temptations that may come my way. But what about your page @PanheadOfGod? I’ll still be behind it/owning it, but I will hand off the primary ownership to my best friend, Jess. He has a passion for Christ that you don’t get to see very often in many people & he’s a very dedicated Skillet fan. He’s working his way up in ministry, & he has a good vision for the page. He will be taking charge of daily posts & growing the page as a whole. I’ll still be on it to keep myself updated every now & then, maybe even posting once in a blue moon. But the page is under the care of Jess now. I’m almost certain that all of my followers will love him a ton more than me hah.

I look forward to unplugging myself from everything else & being able to have some fun moments with my friends & family, all face-to-face. This will help me with many other things as well: my college life, helping me improve musically, improving personal relationships, &, for the main part, with my spiritual life. This could also eliminate the possibly of any future relationships ending due to the dangers of social media, which I’m glad about.

I’ll continue to keep contact with all of my friends, especially the ones I met through @PanheadOfGod. I’m going to be using any time that may have been spent online to give Christ my all & grow stronger in Him every day. I am beyond grateful for all the good times you guys have given to me. I am unworthy. It’s a new season of life, & I thank God for that. Nothing but love for you all. Thank you for everything. Can’t wait to see you all on the flip side.

[flannel-queen]

Tumblr¿

[flannel-queen]

There is not God, only monsters.

[flannel-queen]

DREAM (part one)

I sat up in a field with grass exceeding my own head questioning my own existence, feeling nothing as the blades of grass gracefully danced with the wind. It seems as if the wind itself was mocking me and telling me I was a failure for it was letting the grass feel the chill of its own while I sat there, wallowing in my own existence. It felt as if I was floating among the stars as nothing was touching me, not even myself. My body as a whole was numb, just like the way my mind has felt in the past few years of my life. I contracted the muscles in my neck to syncopate together and forced my head to look up, and what I saw before my eyes I couldn't believe. Even though I've seen many beautiful creatures and extraordinary views of nature, the sky before me looked like it seemed to be some sort of environmental anomaly. It was black. Yes, I know what your thinking, "Well, technically speaking, the sky is actually black at night." But no, this was some sort of color that my mind can't seem to gather the words to explain. In my life back home, the sky posed the idea that it was millions and maybe even billions of miles away, but here, it felt like I could just lift up my limp arm and caress what seemed to be the smooth, black sky. As I tried to do so, my fingers couldn't quite reach what this thing before me was. The harder I attempted to actually feel the sky in this numb state, the farther away it seemed to get. The more I lifted my arm to stroke it, inch by inch, it became farther away until my mind wouldn't let me even try anymore. Admitting defeat, I flopped back down onto the graceful blades of grass and stared up into the endless nothing that was before of me. I started to think, and God, we all know that isn't a good thing for me to do. I slowly sunk farther and farther into my thoughts and eventually my mind automatically made the muscles in my face that are used to cry, tense up and forced my body to go into this state of depression that I never gave it the permission to do. It seemed like I couldn't even escape these thoughts, even though I so dearly wanted to. Staring at the flat night sky, all of those harsh feelings vanished as my eyes examined this this thing in front of me. I watched as a majestic butterfly-looking creature gracefully flew before me. It was beautiful. It had an aura of blue surrounding its lengthy, and very intricately detailed, wings, creating the mind boggling visual that made it seem like it was floating in a bubble. For once in my life I felt the smallest amount of joy seep into my head, causing me to feel the warmth of happiness that I was so longing for. My whole body jolted back up and forced me to look back up into the endless atmosphere, and it started to transform before me. Once again, I examined the darkness as it changed from this constricting, depressing color, to a new baby blue like shade that seemed to represent a new, happy day. I conjured up all of the power within me to somehow gather the energy and will power to stand up. Through all of the small activities and intense workouts that I've done in my past, this one thing had to be the most body-wrenching experience that I've ever put myself through. I zoomed in and examined what was in front of me; an eternal field of nothing but the hills of grass to accompany me. All I could see was black as my eyes were closed, staring at the backside of my eyelids. I laid there, hoping my mind wouldn't come back to its senses and take me back into this depression we call reality. But soon enough, my mind forced myself to realize where I was in that moment. I felt a drip from the faucet match up with my heart beat like they practiced in syncopation together. I sat there, focusing on nothing but that and how odd my hands felt. Along with the rhythm of my heart and the drops of water, the pulse in my hands slowly increased from the over exposure to the water. I drew my fingers across them and they felt like a prune that an old woman would eat in her oatmeal on a Sunday morning before heading to church. I opened my eyes and the light rushed in and brought me back into real life. I stood up while feeling the creak of my bones from sitting an extended amount of time, stepped out of the shower, and swaddled myself in the only thing that seems good in my life at the moment; a warm, fluffy towel.

[flannel-queen]

We live in a world that encourages everyone to express their own opinion... Unless it's the wrong opinion. Sometimes I go to comment on something just simply to express my own view on the subject and then I don't because all it would do is spark up an argument. So, we live in a world that wants you to voice your own opinion, but secretly knows that you can't.

[flannel-queen]

One of the saddest things ever is having to see one of your friends who loves and is amazing at writing, slowing lose interest in it and drift away from something that they once loved so much

[flannel-queen]

"She's beauty. She's grace. She's hashtag go buy Connor Franta's memoir A Work In Progress on audible.com"

[flannel-queen]

Friend: "What's that in the distance??" Me: "It's... It's..." *turns to nonexistent camera* "It's hashtag go buy Connor Franta's memoir A Work in Progress on audible.com"

[flannel-queen]

You know you've reached a new low when you look at your dog, yell "KITTY" and walk away in disappointment realizing that you just called your dog a cat

[flannel-queen]

Sometimes you may have toxic people in your life. The ones that you’re always with but you may not be with for the right reasons. You’ll be hanging around them and you’ll treat them like they’re your everything, and they are. But then they go back and treat you like you’re an invisible rock, they don’t even acknowledge you. You try your hardest to be someone to them even though you never will be. Sometimes you just need to disappear from them and their lives. It’ll leave them asking themselves what they ever did wrong, but you know what? It’s all worth it because you’re going to go and find someone who is worth your while and will make you feel like you’re worth something instead of sitting on your toxic friend’s couch while they roast you with insults. Sometimes, a little pain of the breakup will always be worth the sunshine that comes with a new, clean friendship.

[flannel-queen]

I think I'm going to start a story on here because I wrote something and I have no where else to put it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[flannel-queen]

HAPPY 100TH VISIT SNOWBALL 💕 Snowball is the only love of my life I swear

[flannel-queen]

You mean my mind?

[flannel-queen]

Pumpkin is a polite cat. He minds his own business. Pumpkin doesn't do meth. Be like Pumpkin.

[flannel-queen]

*cries for ten years because I thought the brochure would be something important but it actually was just an ad for a game I already have because I have no life*

[flannel-queen]

You know, Breezy reminds me of that one crazy person you see on the street in the middle of Manhattan. You know? The one that’s just kinda like, “Feel intimidated. I am the lord of all bags.” *slowly crawls towards you* and the you start running feeling like you’re about to get mugged and all you hear is a faint “Yeah, you better run"