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8/6/17

Where in the world have I been?

Doctors, mostly.

I got an ear infection flying down to dad.

Two months later I’m on my fourth attempt at an antibiotic. Here’s hoping.

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Real Talk. Has anyone ever encountered the dreaded over zealous social justice warrior? And I mean, more then criticizing racism or sexism? Like stalking over it and starting witch hunters over a slip up? I'm beginning to think its an urban myth designed so people don't call out inappropriate behavior.

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#JKW

Home but horribly sick. Rant to follow.

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See Also: F--- YOU I’M ALLERGIC TO TOFU AND OTHER SOY BASED MATERIALS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD I EAT ON A VEGAN DIET?

Repeat after me: - Veganism is not affordable - Veganism is not cruelty free - Veganism is not the best choice for everyone

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5/29/17, #JustKeepWriting

Role Play Hiatus in Effect, Personal Shit below the cut

I’m-I’m feeling a sense of malaise. My time dysphoria isn’t helping. I tried to work. I think I was doing a part time job for a month before I had to step away. I mean I’m no closer to finding out what’s wrong with my shoulder then I was a year ago. I just realized my period’s been absent for a while, and it is actually impossible for me to be pregnant. So now I have a whole bunch of issues, and because I live in New England the sun won’t be seen for days, even though its May.

On June the 4th, I’m flying to Virginia to see my Dad. For two whole weeks. I’m kind of hoping it will clear my head.

I’m doing that spiral thing I do. Where I’m so starved for interaction I make a gazillion RP blogs. And then feel stupid about it.

I caught myself trying to make a new OC today. I have drafts piled up and I wanted to add another to the agenda.

I think I need some down time. So I’m going to try to keep posting here, just here, once a day.  Maybe drabble. Maybe thoughts and feelings.

But I think I need to chill, recharge my batteries. Do something while I wait for doctors to call me back. But I think I need to tune out the tumblr problem for a bit.

Love you guys, and my askbox here is always open.

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#JustKeepWriting 5/16/17

Okay I’m feeling a little better right now. Sorry about the mood shift. I haven’t been feeling great. I started working at the local grocer. It takes a lot out of me. I’ve been out of work for a year with what is either a shoulder or spinal injury. I honestly love the work. Love my co-workers. Love the hours.

But god am I tiring out easy. I have to wear a corset, which puts off how long before the pain flares up-half an hour vs five hours.

But my stamina is shot. And it gets to me.

Not to mention the ibuprofen I was taking regularly to manage the pain was fucking up my depression.

POINT IS I will try to make my presence. But I have no energy half the time.

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Just Keep Writing

I just want to be able to work a five hour shift without wearing a damn corset. I want that to happen without feeling dizzy with pain. I want the doctor to at least let me finish describing my symptoms before he sends me off with another referral. I want to stop feeling so tired

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Love and Marriage: A Greek Myth Drabble || JKW 5/6/17

Love and marriage had never been linked in her mind. It was an odd fact about the Goddess of Love and Beauty, Aphrodite, but it was true. Her father’s marriage to her step mother, poor Hera the Goddess of fidelity, was marred by countless affairs and bastards. Some of his dalliances had been with mortals, some with nymphs, some consensual, some otherwise. Her father, Zeus, the king of the gods had ordered her own marriage to Hephaestus, and it was not a happy match. But unlike her father, her affairs were mostly with one other individual-Ares, the God of War. He understood her more then most-how a spark of passion could lead to a rash decision.

Years had melted away. Someway or other her marriage had been annulled, and Aphrodite had been allowed to to follow her heart. That’s why it was an odd moment when she was alone with Hera, observing a pair they had match made in her chambers. Aphrodite had spoken with her about the whole marriage thing, and one thing had developed to another conversation: polyamorous marriage instead of monogamous. And then Aphrodite proposed to her step mother. The two had since courted, and she saw another side of Hera she had never expected. She realized as time went on that her father not only was a cheating bastard, but perhaps mistreated his wife in their marriage.

She spent a few weeks spoiling Hera, and finally the Summer Solstice came upon them. That evening she had presented Hera a token of her affections. Things were tense, but that was expected. She’d spoken to Ares [who was oddly thrilled by the news of their secret romance], and retreated to her chambers. It was a wonderful evening.

Then she heard the yelling. Her father’s shouts had always been loud, booming with the thunder he commanded. Aphrodite sprang up, hearing Hera’s name, and dashed out in little more then her pink night gown and sleeping robe. Ares barely realized she’d wandered off, snorting slightly in a ‘whats going on’. Oddly, they had not had sex that night-she just worried about him leaving alone.

When she reached the chambers of Hera, where she’d been afraid he was, Zeus was tearing off the necklace and tossing it and his wife to the ground. Demanding to know “who is he”. As he smashed the necklace with a bolt, Aphrodite strode forward without thinking to shield the Goddess she had come to love.

“Back. Off!” She growled and with a snap of her finger summoned a wall of fire between the immortal spouses.

Of late the Gods of Olympus had begun to consider the fact that their power and energy was based on belief in them from the mortal population. It couldn’t be ignored, but for the most part, it didn’t seem to change the balance of the deities. That however didn’t count Aphrodite in, simply because she liked to be low on the radar normally. But Aphrodite-people prayed to her constantly. Love and beauty seemed to be the top concerns of mortals, so their belief in her was more then all of the other Olympian Immortals combined. And thus her power had grown so much, she rivaled her father, and had learned how to command the flames of passion.

Zeus stared as she gathered up her stepmother. He began to shout at her about staying out of their business. And Aphrodite turned to glare him down, keeping the wall of fire keeping him away from Hera blazing as she helped her up.

“Actually, it is my business, father. I gave her the necklace. I am her secret love. I am her betrothed. And tell me, father, if you can think of a match more meant to be then love and marriage?!”

“By Tartarus you defiant girl-“

“Do not test my power, father,” Aphrodite snapped, “As though you were ever truly. I was born of Chronos, not you! From the ballsack you tossed into the ocean! It should surprise no one that I have grown in energy and worship to rival you! And I will love my wife like you always should have!” She paused, picking up Hera in her arms then, “Bye, Felipe.” She concluded before walking out, and vanishing from Olympus to find somewhere a little quieter.

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#JustKeepWriting, 4/22/17

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted"

The quote above rises from the Declaration of the Independence. If you are an American, this is basically one of the foundations of our nation. Originally I was looking up this quote to discuss the unalienable rights-but then I noticed the following.

“-That to Secure these rights, Governments are instituted”.

In other words, the Declaration of Independence states, as noted by our founding fathers, people can’t be left to govern themselves and maintain life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. They will only seek to obtain it for themselves-and in turn, will block others from doing the same-whether they realize it or not.

The government exists to make sure every citizen has an equal chance at having a free and happy life.

That is the American Dream.

Not going into debt because you can’t afford medical care. Not starving because you don’t get paid enough. Not getting pneumonia because you can’t afford a place to live.

But being able to live safely, freely, and happily.

Basically, by the word of the declaration, the government should be getting involved. Now, while the Declaration itself has no law, it is considered a cornerstone of the foundation of the nation of the United States of America.

So I suspect, I know what our founding fathers might say (after initial culture shock wore off) if they saw us now.

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4/15/2017, #JustKeepWriting

Depression isn’t being sad.

You shouldn’t mix up depression the condition with being depressed, the emotion. I won’t say people can’t be depressed. Sometimes something terrible will happen, and you’ll enter a severe sadness and become depressed, unable to function for a little while because the pain is just overwhelming.

Depression is similar to being depressed, but there’s no clear cut cause. Sometimes its the chemical imbalance in your brain.  At least that’s the running theory I think.

I don’t know if I have Depression anymore. But something is wrong with how I process it. I feel numb. I’ll be excited for a moment, thinking about novel ideas, or the big move, redecorating my room, or visiting my lady love. I turn Netflix on on my phone, but I’m barely paying attention. And I am. I’m numb. I went out with my mom earlier. We went to the beach. I walked in water. Wore a bikini. I felt great. Not that long ago I got a hair cut. I felt like I was on top of the world for three days. I’m free of a job I hate. Oh god. I’m at the peak of an episode. I have these huge ideas about road tripping down to Texas. Last time I hit the hard part of an episode, the highest, the most strained and numb, I decided going to Denmark was totally the solution to all of my problems. And I couldn’t focus on any of the things I need to do. I missed my therapy appointment because I mixed up my numbers. I thought it was at Eleven on the Eleventh. Nope. Ten. I really need to see her. The 20th at 2pm. Five damn days. I don’t feel right. I don’t want to go to the ER. There’s nothing they can do but be judgemental. I’ve been there before for this sort of thing. I think I need a new psychiatric evaluation. Maybe a new medication.I don’t want to tell mom, either. I just...don’t feel good. I don’t feel right. The world is my oyster, I should be great.Instead I’m just...numb.

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April 9th, 2017. #JustKeepWriting

My guardian angel reminded me its been a while since I wrote. He was being patient, but he noticed be sharing Facebook posts at 4 in the morning last night and reached out to express concern.

I had woken up because I needed to relieve myself, but that’s besides the point.

This blog needs an update.

So, bonuses. My new phone arrived. My case went okay. I got a small settlement. Its good to help me through so mom isn’t supporting me completely. And Mom bought me a PS4 with her portion of the house sale, so yay! Might post some game reviews in the future.

But I feel off. The last few days the world was my oyster. Now I’m on a down, spoonless.

And of course I can’t see my therapist when I was supposed to. Because mom has an appointment in Boston. And we only really have one car at the moment.

I’m worried my depression was misdiagnosed. I’m worried I’m having manic episodes.

I’m so confused. The future is bright, but I’m so-

I don’t know.

For now I’m just going to get my binder and try to work out an Agenda with mom for the week.

Apparently she’s concerned when I don’t leave the house, which backfires because she sends me out on tiny errands that compound.

I need to work this out.

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JustKeepWriting, 3/27/17

Things are intense here.

For better or worse, my worker’s comp case is 99% likely to close tomorrow. My arm injury appears to be muscular, which means there is literally no imaging to back up my claims of pain. There’s inflamation, but the MRI’s showing it are old. None of the doctor’s want to back me up, and there’s definitely some ‘she’s twenty-five years old of course she’s healthy’ going on.

I have no illusions. I’m probably going to drive two hours each way out of my way tomorrow, and be told my benefits are being cut off.

However.

I feel awesome.

This heinous game of call them, get things approved, is coming to an end.

Mom is in the rare financial position to support me for the next year. And the Cape is not really a good place for anyone to live-not even the filthy rich, though they’re the ones who can afford it the easiest.

There is nothing to do, and no way to make social connections. I may have just lost my own local friend because I found out he didn’t believe in Transgender rights, or in Transgender being a real thing.

[We debated this quite a bit one evening]

Also he has a new girlfriend who is...odd. Unusual. Super Christian and already planning their future. (She’s 18, he’s 22).

That’s their bad decision to make or not, whatever.

But my lawyer asked what I would do with my future if she could me a settlement.

I knew it was get off Cape Cod. But no way can I afford to move to the North Shore on my own. Heck, Mom and I couldn’t figure it out together.

But then.

I have someone I love, who loves me. And we want to spend our lives together.

And they happen to own property and have discussed with me getting a double or triple wide. Thus after meeting with my lawyer, I contacted them, and we talked.

So in 400 days, I will have relocated to a small town in Texas, to live with one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, four dogs, five cats, and counting.

Its terrifying and thrilling.

Ten years ago, hell, even five years ago, Texas would have been out of the question. I considered it a red state with a Horrible Job Market and awful people.

New Flash to Younger Self: In the year 2016, the USA elected Donald Trump for president. Apparently there are awful people everywhere. At least in Texas they’re honest about it and I can avoid it.

And they’re not all awful.

There’s also different forms of awful.

Oh yeah, and younger self, that English Degree we decide to get? Useless for real world job market. Because you had tendonitis and an anxiety episode, and you weren’t able to learn how to make unit plans. You have credentials, you just have no idea how to do the actual teaching thing.

[Granted, it did help you learn how to write better].

However, congratulations, you’re now flailing about the world trying to find a good job to pay the bills that doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself.

[So far you’ve only had one of those, and it was only part time.]

Here’s the deal. If you continue to live in the United States of America, which you know you will because you believe the only way to change the future is to fight for it, you need to know currently there are narrow minded bigots everywhere, to live somewhere liberal and safe requires money you don’t have, and the job market sucks. Everywhere.

[Stupid specialized requirements.]

Anyone who assumes you’re going to go back to college for a different degree is on serious drugs. Of somehow directly benefits from it.

So, if you have to live in a questionable area with a higher ratio of conservatives, and competing for the same work that pays minimum wage and might not have benefits, at least you can do it with someone you love.

Our generation is screwed. The job market wants super specialized training for everything. So now no one has those fancy six figure jobs. Not unless they got vocational training instead, which you didn’t.

Go. Be happy. Get whatever joy in life you can. Make home your happy place.

-

Wow. 400 days. To sort through, donate, and throw out shit. Digitalize. Make digital wishlists for movies you do not already own.

Recheck your 20 Blu Rays. Consider cutting down on video games.

Write your novel.

Wow. It seems like a long time. But I know its not.

...

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3/20/17 #JustKeepWriting

I did a stupid. I tried to ween down my zoloft. Not by a lot. Just half a tablet. It was stupid. I’m back on full dose. It messed me up a day or two, and I have a bug or something. Maybe I’m just working myself ragged.

Oh yeah, and more bank bullshit. And medical delays. And all of the above.

Okay so today I’m grabbing from my “Write the Story” book courtesy 5 and Below. Now its time for a drabble. Drabble postponed because I got distracted looking at Blackberry.

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fluffandfiteme:

So at long last, I have twiddled and sorted, and I have but a few main log in blogs. So I decided to make a post listing them all so I can do a quick reblog to all of my feeds.

@ofrosesandash : Margaery Tyrell, the Muse who reminded me just how much fun writing on Tumblr can be. A muse I have taken great strides to have a verse for all occasions and have many many friends, and one or two enemies. On her side blog resides @killedtherightpeople , though Bronn is mostly a crack blog

@carafortunae Kyrie was born based on an idea. What unites all the fandoms? What personification, what ideal, can I use to roam them all? The answer was Death. Kyrie is an Angel of Mercy to the dying, and a Guide to the Dead.

@oblitiregina Inspired by the antics of @twiicetheheart , @soldier306, and @lordnegan mending their amazing muses into Game of Thrones, I decided to take my own hand: adapting Elsa and considering how her story might fit into the tales of Westeros.

@definelady Seiran Hadley is a beloved original of mine, who has evolved beautifully since the beginning of my time on Tumblr. Of my big four, she is the one who remains, suited for virtually any genre.

@sheshalllive

Virtually created because of @killthebxy , Ygritte is a new edition. Granted, it doesn’t take a lot to coax me into playing fiery red heads, and realizing this is a surprisingly underutilized character in my favorite fandom.

Update: 5 Blogs, Five Days of the Week. SO I’m going to try to be remotely organized, and probably fail horribly.

When I’m on a blog for the day, I’ll probably reblog some meme’s and try to do Drafts for the queue.

Mondays: @ofrosesandash , The Magnificent Margaery Tyrell

Tuesdays: @carafortunae​ , Kyrie, the Mysterious Angel of Mercy and Guide to the Next World

Wednesdays: @oblitiregina​ , Elsa of Arrendelle, Wandering Through Westeros

Thursdays: @definelady​ , The Charming “Lady” Seiran Hadley

Fridays: @sheshalllive​ , Ygritte the Wildwoman

Weekends who the fuck knows I may be anywhere I may be no where I will probably be on Skype and if you ask nicely I’ll share my contact info with you. I may be trying to write my own fiction, or else its my girlfriend, dearly beloved time off and I’m choosing to write with her.

Desiree Role Plays: A Directory

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Desiree Role Plays: A Directory

So at long last, I have twiddled and sorted, and I have but a few main log in blogs. So I decided to make a post listing them all so I can do a quick reblog to all of my feeds.

@ofrosesandash : Margaery Tyrell, the Muse who reminded me just how much fun writing on Tumblr can be. A muse I have taken great strides to have a verse for all occasions and have many many friends, and one or two enemies. On her side blog resides @killedtherightpeople , though Bronn is mostly a crack blog

@carafortunae Kyrie was born based on an idea. What unites all the fandoms? What personification, what ideal, can I use to roam them all? The answer was Death. Kyrie is an Angel of Mercy to the dying, and a Guide to the Dead.

@oblitiregina Inspired by the antics of @twiicetheheart , @soldier306, and @lordnegan mending their amazing muses into Game of Thrones, I decided to take my own hand: adapting Elsa and considering how her story might fit into the tales of Westeros.

@definelady Seiran Hadley is a beloved original of mine, who has evolved beautifully since the beginning of my time on Tumblr. Of my big four, she is the one who remains, suited for virtually any genre.

@sheshalllive

Virtually created because of @killthebxy , Ygritte is a new edition. Granted, it doesn’t take a lot to coax me into playing fiery red heads, and realizing this is a surprisingly underutilized character in my favorite fandom.