fonthoura

[fonthoura]

just read the bicentanial man and now am drawing data soong because HOLY SHIT

[fonthoura]

"but you headcanon too many characters as autistic."

Well, I would stop doing that if writers realised that when they pick traits for their "eccentric" character, the traits they end up picking is just AUTISM.

[fonthoura]

Fuck the question "which companion is your favorite?", I want to know which companion you think the doctor would KILL for, which one they would go insane just for the chance to see again, which one you think did irreplaceable damage on them, the cut that always bleed if you will.

[fonthoura]

I don't organize my posts with comprehensive tags, I just post my thoughts scrambled in here and you all can open my blog like a fun little drawer and we can all be surprised by it.

[fonthoura]

The Julian Bashir/Data conversation around Data’s human features and Julian’s fascination with them is so important because here is a man who’s creators (parents) tried to modify him to be as close to an android as possible (super intelligence, super strength, enhanced senses etc) talking to an android who’s father (creator) tried to modify him to be as human as possible.

[fonthoura]

Sometimes all a girly(gn) needs is to open ao3 in the tag hurt (insert character) to relieve all the stress from work days.

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Julian Bashir is important representation, never in my life I've seen a completely rizzless autistic person depicted so well.

[fonthoura]

First and foremost, fuck you???

Secondly - you are absolutely insane for this, and also insanely talented, I'm honoured that a silly musing about how my favorite book correlates with Bashir could inspire such masterpiece. Fantastic.

Thank you so much for the emotional scar it caused me.

"A child may not know how to feed itself and what to eat, but it still knows hunger."

Daniel Keyes - Flowers for Algernon

Julian Bashir's favorite book is Flowers For Algernon. That's it, send tweet.

[fonthoura]

Julian is gravely injured.

In an away mission, set after By Inferno's Light but before DBIP, in a planet taken by the Jem'hadar and Cardassians, he and Garak (who's in the mission as a type of consultant after insisting on going with the doctor because he was interested in the newfound allyship between his people and the dominium) are exploring some caves, when they have an unexpected encounter with three Jem'hadar.

There's a shoot out, Julian is hit by a shot, Garak kills the shooter, the other two flee, shooting at the stones of the cave as they leave, there's a huge tremor, the stones fall, there's no way out, Garak gets his leg crushed by a rock, but he doesn't even register it, because he is looking at Julian, who was much closer to the falling rocks.

Julian is on the ground, his stomach bleeding from the shot, his right arm bent in unnatural positions and his left hand stuck under a rock.

And yet, he's still awake.

Garak is shocked by this, he goes to him, elbows scraping the ground, there's only the light from their flashlights on the floor, he takes one to go examine Julian.

Garak rarely feels panic like this, but he does that time, he takes the emergency med kit, he tries to close the wound since there's nothing he can do about the doctor's hands and arms, but the wound is not closing, the blood is not stopping, Julian is awake, but in so much pain he can barely speak, so Garak gives him an analgesic, he's more present now, still in pain, but he's there to calm Garak down.

The blood won't stop flowing, so he suggests Garak do stich him, it will at least help, Garak is nervous, he doesn't understand why, but he can't stop shaking, can't help thinking that if it was him there, the doctor would be able to help him without breaking a sweat.

But he does it, he stitches him up, the best he can, but the blood seems to be persistent to spill, a small thread and needle helps but it's not a permanent solution.

Julian tells him this will do, he even tries to smile, and Garak almost wants to punch him for it, Julian is soft spoken as he tries to calm him down, tells him to test the combadges again, it does not work, so Garak changes Julian's medical tricorder to emit an SOS, and now, all they can do is wait.

Wait, while Julian is bleeding out on the dirt and Garak can't fix him, while his arm, hand and Garak's leg are disfigured, wait while there's no other thing to do other than talk among the fear and pain.

Wait, while right after Julian is taken care of, and the SOS signal is out, Garak realizes how enclosed he is, and the panic attack comes at full force, Julian, mengled and weak, tries to talk him down, make him breathe, and to distract him, he starts telling him things he doesn't know.

Secrets.

It works, mostly, and so they start talking, sharing small things, both of them refuse to acknowledge that the newfound confort is because they are sure to die there, but they talk.

Garak gives him analgesics every hour, the blood keeps pooling, the time is passing, and the panic in Garak is rising as Julian's words start to slur.

Garak goes to give him another hypospray, the last one, at the hour 6, Julian refuses it, tells him to take it, since he's not going to last another hour.

Garak can't accept it, so Julian tells him he should've been dead two hours ago. And, since he's going to die, he tells him why.

He tells Garak about his augmentations, tells him the story, why he never told anyone, and how he is alive because of the resistence it gave him.

Garak doesn't have much time to react to it, Julian starts fading in and out of conscience right after, and he can only hold his not injured hand and watching horrified as he dies.

Just like that, Julian is dead.

He takes the hypospray, lays his head above Julian's chest, and panics alone in the semi dark, until an hour later, when Worf, O'Brien and Kira finally show up.

They rescue them, Garak is silent, eyes never leaving Julian's body as they take him away, no expression, he barely feels when they drag him out. He barely registers as, aboard the ship, Jadzia starts to cry, he barely notices Chief drying his tears, Sisko's anger, it's all too much.

But an idea comes to him.

He stops everyone in their tracks at the infermary when he tells them "Try to bring him back."

Everyone thinks he's crazy, doctor Bashir is dead, but Garak is resolute, still, no one hears him.

He insists, he cries out, they try to contain him, his leg is better now, if a little numb, so he gets up, takes a phaser and tell them to bring Julian back, now.

If Julian can stay alive for two hours more than a normal human, he can be brought back, it has to work like that.

So, now, at gun point, the substitue doctor works, and after many tries, after the crew telling Garak he's gone, it finally works.

Julian's vitals are responsive, as Garak knew it would be.

No one knows what to say, no one knows what happened, but Garak drops the phaser and sits beside Julian's bed, watching his chest rise and fall, and everyone is too puzzled and happy to put him in the brig.

When asked how he knew it would work, hours later, he just says "Doctor Bashir is a strong young man, he wouldn't die that easily."

No one understands, but it's all he's willing to give them.

And when Julian wakes up - that's all everyone cares about.

[fonthoura]

Enough with the cuteness, I raise you :

Garashir Wuthering Heights au.

Thoughts?

[fonthoura]

Julian Bashir's favorite book is Flowers For Algernon. That's it, send tweet.

[fonthoura]

Recently finished Voyager and...

Guys... Why didn't Janeway and Chakotay kissed?

Seriously, guys... Where's the KISS?

[fonthoura]

tag yourself: trek flavoured autism for us autistic trek girlies

[fonthoura]

Hc where Julian Bashir is always in pain.

He has head splitting headaches almost every other day, that's one of the reasons he's Like That™ in "The Wire", he deeply understands the physical pain, and he cannot help himself, but he can help Garak, so he will go above and beyond with that. He has this migraines since he was a teen, and he started to do everything in his power to suppress his augmentations, he is always aware of everything but always ignoring it, he is overwhelmed all the time and masks it so much that he can only relax alone, and that gives him these migraines all the damn time, and he cannot help it, he can only live with it, with yet another burden that comes from this secret that isn't even his to begin with, so if he can make it better for Garak, he sure as all hell will.

Not only that, but he suffers from back pains, constantly, no amount of hyposprays or orthopedic mattresses can aid him with it, he constantly is sore on his shoulder muscles, his hands, his legs, his muscles are always tense, he knows fully well why, he is always on edge and stressed, his days are spent worrying, he flinches at noises and tries to hide it, his body is used to holding back, his hyper agility isn't made to be held back, as a result, he is always sore due to stress and the suppression of his real capabilities.

At last, his stomach hurts all the time, he feels it burning to the point where he is sure he's burning alive from inside out, it's a constant, every second of the day he is burning inside due to the extreme anxiety that keeping himself locked away from the world because his existence is a crime causes, it is always eating at him, he is constantly having to mask his discomfort living inside himself, but it's fine cause nobody notices.

And it's true, they don't, they just think he is strange, because that's how he presents himself, so if he seems fidgety, it's just Julian being Julian, it's normal, and it kills him, how he can have a head splitting headaches, his muscles can be so sore he finds it hard to keep himself standing up, and he can be almost throwing up from anxiety, but still nobody notices, because how could they? That's what he wanted, right?

At times he just wants to scream at them to see him.

And after his secret is out, the pain slowly stops, it persists, of course it does, hiding is a habit not so easy to drop, but he has help, they see him, they notice now, he has support.

Miles plays with him - he can let himself go, he can use his agility to the fullest because Miles will not let him go easy on him. He even starts to fight with Jadzia to finally let himself loose, he starts to learn his limits of lights, noises and all, with the help of mainly Garak, he has no more secrets to keep, so his anxiety starts to dissipate slowly, and with time, it's only a ghost. He is free, he gets better.

He is still in pain - but it becomes more bearable each and every day.

(you can send asks about this and other hcs I have in my blog.)

[fonthoura]

Gotta love Kieran Culkin being typecasted as a charming and charismatic guy who shuts his own light out cause of his fucked up little brain, forever doomed by his circumstances and his warped vision of himself and what he needs to do to the world and to others.

It's very enjoyable, bring him his Oscar.

[fonthoura]

So I was thinking about a very scientific question :

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Do you guys ever just think about how Miles once casually called Julian "Jules" and Julian reacted just as casually, he didn't got uncomfortable, he didn't got angry, it was just another day, as if that was something he has done before and Julian is okay with him doing it, but only him?

I am curious as to how y'all interpret it, because for me is a sign of acceptance to what happened to little Jules, and, most importantly, a clear sign of how much he trusts Miles, to trust him with the name of the child that he was, the child he has grown up feeling like he killed.

Idk man, I just have a lot of feelings about a one second clip.