for-gilded-cups-are-empty

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

Whenever life gets me down, I always think of a specific 1 star review on Google reviews for Paulo Coelho’s the Alchemist.

For context during the pandemic, myself and my friends had a lot of post-dnd session late night chats over zoom. It evolved into a book club, each person suggesting a book that was classed by our own definitions as ‘interesting’; they didn’t have to be ‘good books’ or classical novels, heck they didn’t even have to make us feel good after reading it (Susan Hill’s I’m the King of the Castle being a heck of a depressing read but still an interesting one at that). One friend of mine who had suggested to me her own master pieces of Hermann Hesse suggested for our group to read The Alchemist.

We did. It’s definitely one of those books that I call ‘Marmite’, in that people either love it or hate it. I was more into stories with deeper philosophical exploration, however for those who aren’t familiar with philosophy, I think that book is a good place to start. An honest 7-8/10: not too special but I’m glad a book like it exists.

During our discussion another friend decided to Google reviews… and found THIS goldmine of the most pretentious, most OTT response to a reasonably small book ever:

Maybe it was the mania of being stuck inside for months at that point, but we couldn’t help but laugh our heads off. Some notes on why I hatefully love this review:

It reads more like a wizards’ curse than a review, and thus my friends and I have read it all in multiple austere voices

I’m sure halfway through this person just opened a thesaurus to find more words to use, which is why they sounds like a Victorian scholar with some of the longer words used

“I seldom do this: writing reviews” I’m sure is 87% a lie, the 13% uncertainty being that this person writes like the journal entries of a Lovecraftian protagonist, and thus keeps their writings to themselves.

My friends and I have agreed this was most likely penned by a cis man, and one that may have watched too many episodes of Netflix’s Ancient Apocalypse while in college for business studies.

My friends and I agreed that if any of us get any opportunity to make merch, we’ll get the entirety of this review reconstructed onto a replica of The Emerald Tablet. It seems fitting.

(… not sure what this post is, just felt like sharing it. XD)

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

Jacek Yerka, Eruption 

www.artsytoad.tumblr.com

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

I think one of your gods has breached containment 😬

It sure is great that even the broadest and most on-the-nose satire is no match for modern reality, yeah

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

"How about I grant you Decimal Honors to my Heir?"

From: Purview Pickup Lines That Will Get You Shot, Vol.68

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

Ominous collection for your viewing pleasure.

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

"Old Town Square at Night" by Józef Pankiewicz (1892) vs the same place on November 28th 2023 (Warsaw)

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

CHARLES FRÉGER

http://www.charlesfreger.com/portfolio/lepopee-de-jeanne-darc/

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

Evansville Press, Indiana, February 8, 1913

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

I will say this out loud

"this is unbecoming of me" is genuinely a useful thing to have in your mental toolbox

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

what the fuck are these donations man

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

Person with migraine aura today: Ow ow ow my head hurts and all I can see is TV static :(

Nineteenth century doctors describing migraine aura with the manic horror of a lovecraftian horror protagonist:

At first it looked just like the spot which you see after having looked at the sun or some bright object; I thought it might be an eyelash in the way, or something of that sort, but I was soon undeceived when it began to increase…

When it was in its height it seemed like a fortified town with bastions all round it, these bastions being coloured most gorgeously... All the interior of the fortification, so to speak, was boiling and rolling about in a most wonderful manner as if it was some thick liquid all alive. (Hubert Airy, 1856)

[for-gilded-cups-are-empty]

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF HARRISON II (LONG MAY HE REIGN):

I've come to make an announcement, the Union Investigative Bureau is a bitch ass motherfucker they hanged my fuckingfather. That's right, they took their alien loving hippie laws out and hanged my fucking father and they said their jursidiction was THIS BIG and I said "That's disgusting." so I'm making a call-out post on my Omni dot com. Union Investigative Bureau you got a small Bicameral Choir, it's the size of this Orrery except way smaller, and guess what? Here's what my Bicameral Choir looks like. That's right baby, all points, no quills, no pillows, look at that it looks like two Bicamerals and a bong! They hanged my father, so guess what? I'm gonna become Immortal! That's right, this is what you get! My super laser Decorp! Except I'm not gonna Decorp as a Humunculus. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing off THE MOON! How do you like that Union? I PISSED OFF THE MOON YOU IDIOT! You have 23 hours until the Think Tank breaks the fucking FCA, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too