fornael

[fornael]

Welcome, June.

To My Favorite Person, Nael.

May wasn’t easy.You were carrying so much—things I know about, and maybe even more that you never said out loud. Still, you stayed strong. You kept showing up, even when the weight felt too much. And I see you. I really do. I know it hasn’t been fair, and I know you’re tired… but I also know you’re trying. And that means the world.

We had our own hard moments too, didn’t we?For the first time, we faced real conflict. We doubted. We hurt. But somehow, we found our way back. We stayed. And I’m so thankful that even in the middle of all that pain, you still chose me. Chose us. Thank you for not giving up.

I hope June gives you a breather. I hope it feels lighter on your chest. I hope your heart doesn’t feel so alone in its battles. And I hope I can be better—more patient, more gentle, more present. Not perfect, but real. Steady.

I want to make this month easier for you. I want you to feel peace when you’re with me. No pressure, no pain—just comfort. Just warmth. Just love.

So please, June—Be kind to him. He’s been through enough. Let this month feel like healing. Let him feel safe. Let him feel loved.

[fornael]

phi nael,

it’s been a long time since I last called you that, and honestly, it sounds a little strange now. do you remember when you told me to stop calling you “phi nael” and just say “nael”? I struggled with that at first. but just when I finally felt okay calling you "nael," suddenly you didn’t like me to call you that. from phi nael to nael, el, sayang, seng, by, sayangku duniaku, maybe next is adek sayang? but somehow, that shift feels so perfectly you. it’s funny how names can change, but the person behind them only grows more special with time.

being with you feels like walking through a quiet storm, so much happened beneath the surface before we even reached this point. I never thought a simple moment, one gentle conversation, or one brave message could lead to something this warm, this close. but here we are. we made it through the awkward starts, the missed messages, the long pauses… and still, somehow, we chose each other.

I’m not going to pretend it’s all been easy. I’ve doubted myself, wondered where I stood, got lost in the silence, and chose to trust you even when it hurt a little. but loving you has never been a question, it’s a choice I keep making. and every time you say my name, or let me stay beside you when you’re not okay, I feel like that choice is returned in your own quiet way.

this isn’t just about the past two months. it’s about the way I feel when I think of you. how, even in the smallest moments, you find your way into my heart again and again. you’re not just someone I fell for. you’re someone I waited for, even before I realized it.

so, happy 2nd monthsary, sayangku. you’re still my favorite risk. I’m proud of us, of how far we’ve come, and of how far we’ll go. I’m lucky it’s you.

[fornael]

“When I first met her, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there’d be room for her to stay.”

— Brian Andreas

[fornael]

Welcome May.

To My Favorite Person, Nael.

I’m not asking for a perfect May. Not that I’m expecting anything near perfection, anyway. I just want us to have a month where we choose each other every day, even when we’re tired, moody, or secretly wishing the other would break first and say, “come here.” I want to argue less and laugh more, even if it’s just over dumb inside jokes or teasing each other for no reason at all. I just want us to be us—messy, moody, and stubborn, but still in this together.

I hope this month is softer for you. I want more mornings where you’re not rushing through the day, where we get to take it slow and just enjoy each other’s company. I want to see you smile more than you frown, and I want the world to give you more peace than chaos. And, yeah, I hope I can be part of that peace—whether it’s with my questionable jokes, my constant need for affection, or just being the clingy presence in your day that somehow makes you feel better. No one else can do that, right?

And even when we’re not okay—when things feel a little off or we’re just not in sync—I want us to hold on. Maybe it won’t be perfect, maybe it won’t be graceful, but I want to stay. I want to keep being that person who steals your kisses, who gives you a kiss out of nowhere, who’s always there to annoy you with too much love. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, even on the hard days, even when we’re both just so tired.

So, here’s to May, please be our month. I’m not hoping for perfection or an easy ride, but please be gentle with us, especially with Nael. We’ll tease, we’ll laugh, we’ll steal kisses, but most importantly, we’ll show up. I’ll be the first to admit when I mess up, I’ll call you out when you do the same, and I’ll love you through it all. No matter what May throws our way, I’m staying. Always.

Love you, El. Always 🩶

[fornael]

Hey,

I don’t say much, and maybe that’s on me. But if there’s one thing I need you to hold onto—it’s this: I’m really damn glad you exist in my life.

You’ve got this quiet kind of strength. You’re not loud about it, but it’s there. Steady. The kind of presence that doesn’t need to prove itself, but ends up meaning more than anything else.

I know I’m not always easy to be around. I get distant. I overthink. I go quiet when I’m trying to feel okay. But through all of that, you’ve never asked me to be more than I am. That kind of space you give—it’s rare. And I see it. I feel it.

You’re not just someone I care about. You’re the one place that feels safe when everything else gets too loud. The one person who makes the weight easier to carry, just by being there.

You’ve always been enough. Even in the mess. Even when you feel like you’re too much. Especially then. So don’t keep holding on to the weight other people left you with.

I know there are words that were thrown at you once—sharp ones, said like truths but built from hurt. Things that weren’t fair, and never should’ve been said. But I also know how deep they must’ve cut. How much they still echo when it’s quiet.

I just hope one day, you’ll see what I see. That you’re not what they made you believe. You’re not here breaking people. You’re just someone who’s been hurt and still chooses to show up. And that? That’s powerful as hell.

I won’t pretend I’ve got all the answers. But I’m here. Still here. Choosing you, again and again—even when you can’t see why someone would.

Because it’s you. It’s always been you. And I’m not going anywhere.

[fornael]

hope u okay nael.

[fornael]

HAPPY 1ST MONTHSARRY!

Sometimes I still find myself surprised that we made it this far. From the start, I didn’t expect to fall for someone, especially not like this. But then you came along, and slowly, things started to make sense. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t rushed. It just felt… right.

You feel like home, not because everything is perfect, but because with you, everything feels possible. Just knowing you’re here is already more than enough.

But I also know life isn’t always light and easy. Sometimes, you get tired. Sometimes, you feel low, and sometimes, everything piles up. When that happens, I just want you to remember one thing:

Bobby – Lean On Me (0:35-1:03)

You can lean on me whenever you need to. You don’t have to explain everything, just say you’re not doing okay. I won’t force you to talk. I’ll just be there, quietly, until things feel a little lighter again.

I might not be good with words. I might not always know the right thing to say. But I want you to know this: I’m here for you. In good days, in hard ones, in between all the noise, you still matter. You always will.

Bazzi – I.F.L.Y. (0:49-1:09)

I love you, Nael. Not because everything is easy, but because even when it’s not, you’re still the one I want to choose. I want to keep learning, keep trying, and keep being someone you can count on.

ONE OK ROCK – Wherever You Are (0:55-1:06)

And through whatever’s ahead, I still want to be in this story, with you.

So for this first month and every step that follows—I’m here. I may not be perfect. I may mess up. But my heart’s yours, and it’s staying. Thank you for being someone I can love like this. Thank you for letting me in. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being mine. And letting me be yours.

happy first monthsary, Nael. we’re still writing our story. and maybe we’re not rushing, maybe we’re still figuring things out... but if this is how it starts, then i can’t wait to see where we go. I love you, El 🤍.

[fornael]

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ᕼI ᑎᗩᗴᒪ🐐

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀

Well, banyak yang pengen aku bilang ke kamu. Tapi buat pertama ini, kamu harus usaha dikit dulu ya, sayang. Aku selipin semuanya, hal-hal yang pengen aku sampaikan, lewat potongan lirik lagu. It’s about how our story began, I guess.

aku kasih clue menit di setiap lagunya, kamu rangkai sendiri. ini list lagunya

HONNE – Day 1 ◑ (0:25-0:30)

HONNE – Day 1 ◑ (0:18-0:23)

LANY – you! (0:40-1:14)

Dan + Shay – Glad You Exist (0:23-0:39)

Keshi – Inside Out (0:26-0:45)

Keshi – Understand (1:10-1:28)

Keshi – Understand (0:34)

Daniel Caesar ft. H.E.R – Best Part (1:11)

ONE OK ROCK – Wherever You Are (0:30-0:35)

nanti, kalau kamu udah berhasil, aku kasih hadiah, bebas kamu mau minta apa. GOOD LUCK SAYANG 🤍

[fornael]

Nael, your words hit me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. The way you opened up, shared your pain, and let me into the parts of you that you once thought would stay locked away, it’s overwhelming in the best way. I know how hard it must’ve been to let someone in again after all you’ve been through. But you did, Nael. You chose me, and that means more than I could ever explain.

You say I made you believe again, but the truth is, you’ve done the same for me. You’re the one who taught me how to trust it again. The way you opened up, shared your fears, and still chose me, it feels like the greatest gift. It’s not just your words, though they mean the world. With you, it’s not about fixing what’s broken but it’s about creating something better together. You make me believe that love isn’t something to fear, but something worth holding onto.

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering how I got so lucky. But then I remind myself it’s not just luck. It’s you. You’re brave, kind, and patient, and you see me in ways no one else ever has. And maybe that’s why I’m here, Nael, because we deserve this. We deserve to be seen, loved, and valued for who we are. Together, we’re proof that love can heal, even when we thought it was impossible.

I won’t lie, I’m scared sometimes. Scared that I’ll mess up, scared that I’ll hurt you, even when it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. But then I remember your words, your belief in us, and it gives me the strength to try. You’ve shown me that love isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up, being present, and choosing each other every day.

Thank you for trusting me with your heart, Nael. Thank you for letting me see the parts of you that no one else gets to see. You’re my reason, too—the reason I smile a little more, hope a little harder, and love a little deeper. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know one thing for sure, I’m here, Nael, and I’m not going anywhere. Thank you for loving me, for seeing me, and for letting me see you in a way no one else has. You are my reason, too.

[fornael]

Dear Nael,

I hope, in the quiet spaces where the world feels still, you find the kind of peace that wraps around you like a soft embrace. You carry so much, more than anyone sees and I hope you know that you don’t have to hold it all alone. I see your strength in the way you keep going, even when it feels impossible, and I hope you feel that it’s okay to rest, to breathe, to simply be. You deserve mornings that feel light, where the sun touches you with warmth and gentleness, and nights that ease the weight in your heart, letting your thoughts finally rest.

You are not the storms you’ve weathered, nor the doubts that creep in during the quietest hours. You are the light that endures, the quiet beauty in the way you keep moving forward, the softness that remains even in the hardest moments. You deserve a life that feels gentle, where love comes to you without condition, and where you are reminded, every single day, that you are enough. You don’t have to be brighter, stronger, or more than who you already are—because as you are now, you are worthy of everything good, everything soft, everything true.

Even in the shadows you think no one sees, you are radiant. Even in your most fragile moments, you are whole. I hope the love and kindness you’ve given to the world find their way back to you, filling every space you’ve kept hidden, until there’s nothing left but warmth and light. And when the days feel heavy, when you question everything, I hope you never forget that you are deeply endlessly loved, by the world, by the universe, and by me.

[fornael]

You know, we’re like two awkward souls who somehow found each other, both too careful, too hesitant, always overthinking, yet always in sync. It’s kinda funny, actually. Like the universe decided, here, take this person who understands your weird silences and overcomplicated thoughts.

I’ve never known love like this before. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for you. You’re steady in ways I’m not, carrying so much without asking for anything in return. And yet, with you, I never feel like I have to be more than I am. You don’t ask me to change, but for the first time, I want to be better. Not because I feel unworthy, but because you make me believe I can.

You always listen to everyone, carrying their stories, their worries, always understand, even when no one does the same for you. But even the best listeners need someone to listen back, right? So let me be that for you. I may not be as good at giving advice as you are, may not always have the right words, but I can be a good listener for you. I will always have the time and the patience for you.

I know I’m not the most exciting person, maybe a little quiet, a bit predictable, maybe even kinda boring. But if you’re still here, still choosing to stay, then either I’m doing something right…or you just have really weird taste. Either way, I’m lucky.

So stay with me for a long time, Nael. Just two awkward souls, figuring things out together, growing, and finding happiness in the little moments, hopefully with plenty of laughter along the way. Love ya.

[fornael]

Unexpected chapter of my story.

You know? I almost didn’t send "Tidur phi, besok lagi upcharnya." I hesitated, overthought it, almost left it unsent. But I sent it anyway. And somehow, that one small message led to this. To you. To us.

But before that? You were the one who reached out first. You were the one who unknowingly started it all. And you maybe don’t know this, but that one moment, so small, so simple, ended up meaning everything to me.

So, thank you, for replying to my message that night. I never expected that one text would turn into my favorite plot twist. But here we are. And you? You’re the best unexpected chapter of my story.

[fornael]

I've built my walls high, keeping my distance from everyone because I don't want to hurt or be hurt. I've spent so much time protecting myself, choosing solitude over the risk of pain. I thought I didn't need love. I convinced myself I was better off without it. That I was better off alone.

But then you came. And suddenly, my walls don't feel so necessary anymore. With you, everything feels different, effortless, real. I don't have to pretend, I don't have to force anything. I just have to be, and that's enough.

To be honest, this is my first time falling in love with a guy, and it scares me just as much as it excites me. I don't know all the answers, and I won't pretend to. But I do know this, I want you close. I wanna let you in.

It's funny, every time I try to distance myself from you, you somehow get closer. Not by pushing, not by demanding, but just by being you. And maybe, for the first time, I don't wanna run. Maybe, for the first time, I wanna stay.

Whatever you wanna do, just do it, I'll match your energy, your chaos, your quiet moments. If you ever need time for yourself, just tell me, I'll wait for you. if you ever think about me or have something to ask, don't hold back. Don't overthink it. And if you ever want to tell me something, just tell me. No matter what time it is, I'll listen. I'm here.

I think this is how I love you now, Nael.

We’ve already said the words, admitted how we feel, and honestly, I think we both know there’s no point in waiting any longer. Every second with you feels easy, like this is exactly how it’s meant to be. I don’t need some big moment or the perfect setup—because the truth is, you’re the only thing that matters. I’m grateful for you, Nael Nicario, for everything you are and everything we share. So why wait? We already know this is real. Let’s stop holding back and make it official. So, will you be mine?