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god the inherent tension in all the books between artemis being a genius vs colfer going on weird tangents that imply his child-prodigy main character still believes in like, the geocentric model of the universe

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artemis: [rolls down the window] what seems to be the problem, officer?

cop: get the fuck out of my car

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Artemis: I have a black belt.

Holly: In taekwondo?

Artemis: From Gucci.

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the first 6 artemis fowl audiobooks are on youtube for free if yall are interested

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Icb it is 2018 and Artemis Fowl is trending

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Souvenirs from interdimensional travel.

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Person A: “Do you know something I don’t?”

Person B: “I know lots of things you don’t, you’ll have to be more specific.”

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oof.

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A reminder that you're gross if you ship an adult with a minor. It doesnt matter if you age the minor up! You're the problem!

Anyways, if you ship Artemis with Butler you’re gross. I cant believe I have to even write that but apparently this fandom needs a wake up call.

It doesnt matter if you age Artemis up to 18. Shipping him with Butler shows that you thought this relationship that this child has with his bodyguard and father figure, a man that is canonly in his 40s when artemis is 12, was romantic in nature. Seeing it in the tag normalizes this trash for anyone that might be vulnerable, such as previous victims of csa or younger kids. Remember that this series is first and foremost for children and teens.

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Do you harass people about other ships too, or are you a baby anti?

I made that (one) post in response to actual po/rn of Arte/mis Fo/wl and Bu/tler in the main tag. You know, where kids can look? Kids being anyone under 18 in this case. Vulnerable kids being under 16. I explain why I feel that way in the post. It applies to all ships that stick an adult with a child.

Do you often harass people anonymously or are you just that lonely?

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Breaking news: local author’s fic gets 5 notes but their tirade about “how gross” another ship is gets over 150! Will the author’s desperate need for attention at any cost Trump their basic human decency? Stay tuned to find out!

I literally have no idea what fic you're talking about. I don't write fics?

But anyways, it's gross to ship Artemis Fowl, a child, with an adult. I dont care who that adult is. I don't care if some excuse is made to age him up.

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when will people realize that my opinions are facts

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Happy birthday to our favourite crime boy, Artemis Fowl jr

Just an absolute bastard

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well, well, well, if it isn’t the feelings i’ve been trying to avoid 

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Helping My Injured Muse Sentence Starters

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I love making people who already hate me hate me more