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[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

update: good news guys, the film industry is finally starting to figure out that queer people want fluffy Christmas romcoms that aren’t centered on homophobia and coming out! “The Christmas Setup” is still my favorite of this category, but here are more:

The Holiday Sitter (2022) A yuppie with an aversion to commitment gets roped into watching his niece and nephew right before Christmas, and the cute guy next door ends up helping him out as an “uncle consultant.” Extremely Hallmark, but it does a good job of what it’s trying to do, and you can tell real queer people were involved in making it. Also features a heterosexual couple and their adopted kids depicted as a completely normal and valid family configuration with no adoption-specific angst, which isn’t too common.

Season of Love (2019) Three interlocking stories about sapphic couples, all young and beautiful and thin and trendy: an almost-bride left at the altar and her almost-husband’s sister, a brewery owner prepping for a New Year’s Eve grand opening and a Deaf welder working on the construction, and a shy busker afraid to sing along to her guitar and her girlfriend who takes a video of her singing without consent and posts it online, which is the part of this movie I liked least. But overall it’s well-done, I liked how the storylines interacted with each other.

Under the Christmas Tree (2021) A State of Maine government representative finds the perfect tree to use as the official state tree, but it’s on private property, and the Christmas-knickknack-selling owner (in the process of taking over the business from her retiring parents) is not up for relinquishing it. Also they end up as a team in a gingerbread house competition. The plot isn’t great, but the chemistry is, and it features a charming bakery and the guy who plays the dad in Veronica Mars.

Dashing in December (2020) and Christmas at the Ranch (2021) A successful urban professional comes home to the family ranch, which is struggling to stay afloat despite a heartwarming hayride business, and tries to convince the rest of the family to sell, but the older female relative running the place hired a hot ranch hand three years ago (whom they hadn’t met because they’ve been too busy being professional and successful in the city) and the hot ranch hand loves the place enough to convince them that instead of selling they should use their professional connections to rebrand the business. Yes, this is the plot of TWO queer Christmas movies that came out a year apart. Christmas at the Ranch is lesbians, better at character dynamics and chemistry, and has a There Was Only One Bed moment; Dashing in December is two guys, has Andie MacDowell as the mom, and the writing is a bit sharper, but I found the yuppie son too much of a dick to deserve his charismatic Colombian-American love interest. (Content note: both have dead-parent backstories prominent in the emotional narratives.)

Friends & Family Christmas (2023) I think this is Hallmark’s attempt at incorporating a queer found-family vibe? It still has the parents involved, but they visit their daughter in the city instead of the other way around, and there’s an artsy community studio type place with lots of queer folks. Anyway, it’s still Hallmark, which means there’s a partner-track lawyer and a down-to-earth artist and well-meaning nosy parents and a VERY contrived fake-dating plot. Fluffy, not too substantial but fun.

Queer Christmas movie recs

Breakfast with Scot (2007) An absolutely delightful feel-good movie about a retired NHL player and his partner reluctantly taking in an effeminate boy they are extremely not equipped to handle, and eventually becoming a family. One of my favorite movies of all time. Content notes: homophobia, sexism, mild violence, bullying, brief vomit, shitty parenting but I promise they learn their lesson.

The Christmas Setup (2020) The first gay Lifetime Christmas movie, and it's exactly what you'd expect based on that. Big-city attorney visits his hometown for Christmas, falls for his high school crush, saves the beloved local train station from demolition. There's a really sweet element of queer history involved, and Fran Drescher is great as the nosy matchmaking mom. Content notes: dead dad backstory, hilariously inaccurate depiction of computer algorithms.

Single All The Way (2021) Another home-for-the-holidays romcom with a nosy matchmaking family, this one with a fake-dating premise and a Black love interest. Jennifer Coolidge makes a good kooky aunt, and the main character's love of plants is very true to the queer experience. Content notes: infidelity (not committed by the main characters), looks like I didn't take notes on this one while I was watching so there might be more I'm not remembering but nothing too major.

Carol (2015) Oscarbait '50s period drama with Rooney Mara as a young saleswoman and Cate Blanchett as an older divorcee. I actually didn't love this one the first time I saw it, but last year I got an urge to watch it again and if you're in the mood for cinematic eyefucking it will come through for you on that front. It's a little bit of a downer, lots of homophobia and societal obstacles and ennui, but it's a very pretty film with a... maybe not happy, but at least cautiously optimistic ending. Content notes: homophobia, custody conflict, blackmail, mentions of infidelity.

Happiest Season (2020) I do recommend this movie BUT you gotta go into it with the right expectations. It was billed as a feel-good Christmas romance and it is not that! It's the coming-out story of a closeted lesbian (Mackenzie Davis) who treats her wonderful girlfriend (Kristen Stewart) like crap instead of telling her family they're dating, and you will come out of it screaming about how the wonderful girlfriend should have ended up with Aubrey Plaza's character (which, by the way, Aubrey Plaza wholeheartedly agrees with at 3:36 of this video). But it's well-made, it's really funny, there are a lot of good characters and good moments—it's worth watching as long as you know what you're getting into. Content notes: homophobia, bullying of an autistic-coded character, and honestly I think a lot of the shit Mackenzie Davis's character pulls counts as emotional abuse.

Tangerine (2015) A low-budget movie filmed entirely on iPhones, set in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve, centering around a day in the life of two trans sex workers of color. Rough and gritty, hysterically funny, a little dark at times but not tragic. Content notes: transphobia, lots of infidelity, racism/slurs, mild violence, drugs, one very brief scene involving the death of a pet (not shown).

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

if anyone wants to hire me as a consultant on queer film trends, this tweet (posted 2 months before the book's release date) is my resume

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

Queer Christmas movie recs

Breakfast with Scot (2007) An absolutely delightful feel-good movie about a retired NHL player and his partner reluctantly taking in an effeminate boy they are extremely not equipped to handle, and eventually becoming a family. One of my favorite movies of all time. Content notes: homophobia, sexism, mild violence, bullying, brief vomit, shitty parenting but I promise they learn their lesson.

The Christmas Setup (2020) The first gay Lifetime Christmas movie, and it's exactly what you'd expect based on that. Big-city attorney visits his hometown for Christmas, falls for his high school crush, saves the beloved local train station from demolition. There's a really sweet element of queer history involved, and Fran Drescher is great as the nosy matchmaking mom. Content notes: dead dad backstory, hilariously inaccurate depiction of computer algorithms.

Single All The Way (2021) Another home-for-the-holidays romcom with a nosy matchmaking family, this one with a fake-dating premise and a Black love interest. Jennifer Coolidge makes a good kooky aunt, and the main character's love of plants is very true to the queer experience. Content notes: infidelity (not committed by the main characters), looks like I didn't take notes on this one while I was watching so there might be more I'm not remembering but nothing too major.

Carol (2015) Oscarbait '50s period drama with Rooney Mara as a young saleswoman and Cate Blanchett as an older divorcee. I actually didn't love this one the first time I saw it, but last year I got an urge to watch it again and if you're in the mood for cinematic eyefucking it will come through for you on that front. It's a little bit of a downer, lots of homophobia and societal obstacles and ennui, but it's a very pretty film with a... maybe not happy, but at least cautiously optimistic ending. Content notes: homophobia, custody conflict, blackmail, mentions of infidelity.

Happiest Season (2020) I do recommend this movie BUT you gotta go into it with the right expectations. It was billed as a feel-good Christmas romance and it is not that! It's the coming-out story of a closeted lesbian (Mackenzie Davis) who treats her wonderful girlfriend (Kristen Stewart) like crap instead of telling her family they're dating, and you will come out of it screaming about how the wonderful girlfriend should have ended up with Aubrey Plaza's character (which, by the way, Aubrey Plaza wholeheartedly agrees with at 3:36 of this video). But it's well-made, it's really funny, there are a lot of good characters and good moments—it's worth watching as long as you know what you're getting into. Content notes: homophobia, bullying of an autistic-coded character, and honestly I think a lot of the shit Mackenzie Davis's character pulls counts as emotional abuse.

Tangerine (2015) A low-budget movie filmed entirely on iPhones, set in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve, centering around a day in the life of two trans sex workers of color. Rough and gritty, hysterically funny, a little dark at times but not tragic. Content notes: transphobia, lots of infidelity, racism/slurs, mild violence, drugs, one very brief scene involving the death of a pet (not shown).

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

Fluffy queer romance recs

When I say I've seen allllllll the queer movies, a lot of people ask me to rec good queer romcoms with no homophobia plot or Struggling With Sexuality, just a basic fluffy romcom about people who are queer. There is exactly 1 of those in existence. However, there are several others almost fitting the brief that might scratch your itch, depending on what matters to you.

The 10 Year Plan (2014): This is the single actual answer to that question. Super cute movie about two guys who make a pact to be boyfriends in 10 years if neither of them is taken by then. Zero queer angst! Tropey goodness! Quality traditional romcom climax!

Big Eden (2001): New York City artist goes back to his tiny rural hometown in Montana to take care of his sick grandpa and develops a love triangle with his old high school crush and the sweet, shy owner of the local general store. This one tends to be lauded as homophobia-free, which it is definitely not, but the homophobia is pretty much all internalized rather than explicitly articulated. It does hit the romcom beats well, and the characters and relationships are excellent. (Content warning for non-queer death, and also an absolutely terrible opening scene that you just gotta trust me and push through.)

Trick (1999): Two dudes catch each other’s eye on the subway, decide to hook up, and spend the rest of the movie wandering around New York City trying to find a place to do it. Quality is a bit iffy, there are a few extremely cringey moments and a racist song, but it’s got lots of heart and I’ve rewatched it multiple times.

Nina’s Heavenly Delights (2006): A lesbian Indian Scottish woman tries to carry on her late father’s legacy and save his restaurant by winning a curry competition while navigating her feelings for the woman who co-owns the restaurant. Contains homophobia/coming-out angst.

Hawaii (2013): An Argentinian movie about a rich guy hiring a down-on-his-luck childhood friend to do odd jobs around the house. A bit overly artsy and serious for me, but I still liked it. (Content warning for a scene in which one character gets inappropriately handsy while trying to wake up the other.)

BearCity (2010): An interesting immersion in bear culture, focusing on a twinky newbie to the scene. There are some really embarrassment-squicky moments (honestly I would just fast-forward through the shower threesome scene altogether) but I did like how it handled fat-shaming and weight issues, and I found the central relationship compelling.

Saving Face (2004): The story of a Chinese-American doctor’s relationship with her mysteriously-pregnant mother, mostly, but it does have a strong romance arc with an unbelievably beautiful dancer. Content warning for anti-black racism.

Shelter (2008): Surfer bromance involving a cute kid. Lots of homophobia and bad parenting (not on the part of the main characters), but also lots of sweetness and a happy ending. Warning: will make you want to learn how to surf.

Jongens (2014): A Dutch coming-of-age drama that does a really good job of capturing that bored-but-tense adolescent summer mood. Teenage boys doing lots of dumb shit. (Contains infidelity and a dead mom backstory.)

Being 17 (2016): More dumb teen boys doing dumb shit, in France this time. Basically they punch each other until they can’t stand continuing to not kiss each other. The eyefucking is unreal. (Content warning for violence, animal harm, background war theme, minor character death, mentions of miscarriage.)

East Side Story (2006): Latino family restaurant setting, closeted main character, pretty good but lots of homophobia. Contains death (of a character you won’t mind dying), racism, and some stuff that might be a problem if you’re sensitive to consent issues.

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

A few more I thought of:

Alto (2015), a mafia movie with an incomprehensible plot but some pretty cute character moments

Strange Frame: Love & Sax (2012), a weird artsy animated sci-fi movie with Tim Curry and Alan Tudyk in the voice cast

Girls Lost (2015), a pretty fucked-up Swedish movie about teen girls drinking magic nectar that temporarily turns them into boys (I actually lost interest and didn’t finish watching this one, but it might appeal if dark fantasy is your thing)

What about SFF/genre stuff? I pretty much never watch a movie unless it has magic, superpowers, assassins or murder mysteries, and most lgbtq films are about normal people having lives.

There is sadly not much at all. The only really straight-up excellent one that kind of fits the bill is Undertow (2009), which is one of my favorite queer movies, but I don’t know that I would call it genre–it does have a strong supernatural element, but it’s more of a romantic tragedy. The ones that are true genre are not great quality, but here they are:

Bound (1996): Cheesy noir with lesbians and a happy ending (content warning for violence, including one torture scene that still makes me wince when I think of it). This was the Wachowskis’ first film! It’s not amazing, but it’s good fun.

DEBS (2004): Secret government spy agency recruits teenage girls in schoolgirl uniforms to do clandestine mission things (content warning for consent issues). I know several people who really like this one–I didn’t, but if you’re into campy spy stuff it’s worth a try.

Mystère à la Tour Eiffel (2015): A French historical lesbian murder mystery surrounding the newly-constructed Eiffel Tower, involving stage magic. Has a POC love interest and a happy ending, though they go through a lot to get there (don’t remember specific content warnings but there was an insane asylum involved). Could definitely have used a firmer touch with the editing.

Nuclear Hurricane (2007): Okay, so I am PISSED about this one, because it was originally lesbian and when they released it on DVD they recut it to make the main couple sisters instead of lovers (which makes nooooo sense, there’s a whole jealousy plotline involving an ex-boyfriend that just becomes confusingly incestuous). If you can get your hands on the original, it is a super hilaribad disaster movie featuring an evil AI taking over a nuclear power plant during a tropical storm, and it is great fun to watch drunkenly with a big group of heckling-inclined buddies.

Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011): Boy, this one is weird. I loved it, but you gotta go in with the right expectations. It’s black and white, no budget (the spaceship is literally a takeout container), and features a lot of long awkward dialogue scenes. On most levels it is very bad, but on a core emotional development level it’s absolutely genius. Another one that works well in a rowdy group.

There’s also The Covenant (2006), which I would not call a queer film despite its one extremely sudden and narratively inexplicable gay kiss, but if you are the type of person who is looking for queer genre movies there’s a solid chance you’d enjoy it. Twilight-esque magic systems with weird arbitrary rules, a creepy prep school setting, many ridiculous action scenes, tiny babyfaced Sebastian Stan… it’s deeply awful, but in a very watchable way.

Anyone have others? Really seems like some enterprising production company could make bank here.

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

What about SFF/genre stuff? I pretty much never watch a movie unless it has magic, superpowers, assassins or murder mysteries, and most lgbtq films are about normal people having lives.

There is sadly not much at all. The only really straight-up excellent one that kind of fits the bill is Undertow (2009), which is one of my favorite queer movies, but I don’t know that I would call it genre--it does have a strong supernatural element, but it’s more of a romantic tragedy. The ones that are true genre are not great quality, but here they are:

Bound (1996): Cheesy noir with lesbians and a happy ending (content warning for violence, including one torture scene that still makes me wince when I think of it). This was the Wachowskis’ first film! It’s not amazing, but it’s good fun.

DEBS (2004): Secret government spy agency recruits teenage girls in schoolgirl uniforms to do clandestine mission things (content warning for consent issues). I know several people who really like this one--I didn’t, but if you’re into campy spy stuff it’s worth a try.

Mystère à la Tour Eiffel (2015): A French historical lesbian murder mystery surrounding the newly-constructed Eiffel Tower, involving stage magic. Has a POC love interest and a happy ending, though they go through a lot to get there (don’t remember specific content warnings but there was an insane asylum involved). Could definitely have used a firmer touch with the editing.

Nuclear Hurricane (2007): Okay, so I am PISSED about this one, because it was originally lesbian and when they released it on DVD they recut it to make the main couple sisters instead of lovers (which makes nooooo sense, there’s a whole jealousy plotline involving an ex-boyfriend that just becomes confusingly incestuous). If you can get your hands on the original, it is a super hilaribad disaster movie featuring an evil AI taking over a nuclear power plant during a tropical storm, and it is great fun to watch drunkenly with a big group of heckling-inclined buddies.

Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011): Boy, this one is weird. I loved it, but you gotta go in with the right expectations. It’s black and white, no budget (the spaceship is literally a takeout container), and features a lot of long awkward dialogue scenes. On most levels it is very bad, but on a core emotional development level it’s absolutely genius. Another one that works well in a rowdy group.

There’s also The Covenant (2006), which I would not call a queer film despite its one extremely sudden and narratively inexplicable gay kiss, but if you are the type of person who is looking for queer genre movies there’s a solid chance you’d enjoy it. Twilight-esque magic systems with weird arbitrary rules, a creepy prep school setting, many ridiculous action scenes, tiny babyfaced Sebastian Stan... it’s deeply awful, but in a very watchable way.

Anyone have others? Really seems like some enterprising production company could make bank here.

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

Because of you i watched being 17 and absolutely nothing could have prepared me for watching Damien exploring his sexuality by having his crush drive him out into the boonies for his grindr hook up, only to chicken out and then have his crush bond with the hook up that wasn't over farming of all things Fuck

It somehow had not occurred to me until this moment that running a queer movie recs blog would result in getting to see people’s reactions to the movies I recced. I am now extremely excited to hear from further variously emotional readers. FARMING OF ALL THINGS FUCK. #testimonials

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

Queer movie reclist preview

Here are the queer movie reclist themes I’m currently planning:

Romance

Sports

Main characters of color

Trans main characters

Coming-of-age stories

Coming to terms with identity later in life

Kids/parenthood

Historical settings

Cream of the (ludicrously gigantic) queer-tragedy crop

If you have other ideas for themes I might want to use, or if you'd like to register an enthusiastic vote for which of these lists I should prioritize, feel free to shoot me an ask. I'll try to respond if you don’t submit anonymously.

[franklymyqueeridontgiveadamn]

Q: So, what’s the best queer movie? A: Quality is subjective. Whatcha looking for?

Q: Okay, what’s the best queer movie that is fluffy and sweet and acknowledges tough queer realities but lets the characters get past that shit and be happy? A: That movie would be Breakfast With Scot (2007), about a closeted former pro hockey player and his partner getting stuck taking care of an effeminate little boy they have no idea how to handle.

Q: What if I’m looking for something about connections and community and people looking past their differences to unapologetically and unrelentingly build each other up? A: The queer movie you want is Pride (2014), the true story of a group of queer activists raising money to support the 1985 UK miners’ strike.

Q: What if I like having my heart dug out of my chest with an ice cream scoop and stomped on? A: Get ready to be devastated by Undertow (2009), a beautiful Peruvian movie about a fisherman and a ghost.

Q: What if I want something historical and feminist and character-oriented? A: You’re gonna love The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister (2010), a biopic about a badass 19th century lady from Yorkshire who refused to let anybody shame her out of living, dressing, and fucking as she damn well pleased.

Q: What if I’m really into pretentious literary references and witticisms? A: Then the best queer movie for you is The History Boys (2006), about snarky British teenagers trying to get into prestigious colleges.

Q: What if I want these kids off my damn lawn? A: Then you should watch Cloudburst (2012), about an old lady breaking her longtime partner out of a nursing home and taking off on a road trip to Canada to get married.

Q: What if all I want from life is to watch French teenage boys beat each other up in between eyefucking across the room as the sublimely executed sexual tension causes my skull to explode? A: What a ridiculously specific request I have been presented by this fake entity that definitely does not represent my deepest psyche! Buddy my bro, you want Being 17 (2016) and you want it now.

Q: What if I want content warnings/more detailed summaries/additional recs organized by theme/occasional tangents about queer identities, fiction, and tropes in queer film? A: Follow this tumblr and stay tuned! I have a spreadsheet of about 500 queer movies, 236 of which I have watched, and I am all set to share the wealth.