freckleflakes

[freckleflakes]

candy coated kisses

your kisses are a delicacy to me

the most delicious thing i have ever tasted

like nothing i can describe

a flavor made just for me

as if you were created to satisfy my cravings

and all of the time that i have spent

consuming only bitterness

has been regained

you taste so sweet that i experience things with a newfound vibrancy

the richness of your flavor overwhelms all of my senses

it opens up my mind

it makes me feel alive

[freckleflakes]

nothings

i am nothing

nothing more than

a selfish bitch

a hypocrite

a manipulator

but i am also your savior

or so you said

at night when you called me crying in your bed begging me

please

don’t go

i’m sorry

i’ll change

and i fell for it

i took the bait

knowing fully well that the change promised was a fairytale

and while i was certainly no princess you were no prince charming

the harm that we were doing the one another should’ve been alarming

should’ve been a sign

but we were so focused on keeping each other

that we lost ourselves to one another

and together we turned each other into nothing

one fight at a time

[freckleflakes]

growth

i am afraid of forgetting

progressing

never reconnecting

i fear of regretting

of making you the past

but i’m putting myself last

something that i’m used to because of how in love i was with you

and i know

i cannot change anything or right your wrongs

the only thing i can do is move on

all of the chances i gave you were based on past

emotions

memories

feelings

moments fleeting

tears streaming

down my face every time you would look at me and say

i love you

just to turn around and say you loved her too

so

this is my way of letting you go

of letting me go

of letting us grow

into the people that we made each other into

i’m sorry i can’t be there for you

it’s just too much to put me through

i hope you find someone new

who can show you the things that he shows me

how things are supposed to be

and hopefully one day when you find her

we cross paths again

and make amends

become the friends we should’ve stayed

[freckleflakes]

follow for daily quotes

[freckleflakes]

How do you tell the boy that loves you that you can't be with him because you don't love yourself?

[freckleflakes]

October 2014

In the fall of 2014, I became friends with the first boy that I ever loved. It happened on the practice lot during marching band rehearsal, in the stands during football games and on the bus rides home from long competitions. And I could tell that I wasn’t the only one who felt that spark. He looked at me the same way I looked at him. I had a boyfriend at the time, but I didn’t care. There was something about this boy that negated any attraction that I felt towards my boyfriend of a month (who I quite honestly never even liked). I was a sophomore in high school and I was desperate for the affection and attention of a lover, so I settled on the first guy who I happened upon. Little did I know that the end of this middleschool-esque relationship would spark the most impactful and life-shaping relationship of my life to date. I broke up with my boyfriend and immediately started talking to the boy with the beautiful heart and humorous words. As soon as we started talking, everything clicked. It was like I had known him my whole life. I remember feeling as though everything in my life was finally coming together. In late October, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a long overdue question that began our journey together. We were both 16 at the time we started dating and we stayed together until February 2017. In the roughly 2 years that followed, we both experienced many life events and changed in so many ways. We grew together. He was my rock. I was his best friend. But in the end, we grew apart.

[freckleflakes]

To whom it may concern...

Hello. Welcome to my new beginning. In the process of transforming my life into one of a functional human, I have decided it to be best for me to have an outlet for my inner thoughts and emotions. As I struggle with the ability to be vulnerable and completely open with anyone real in my life, anonymity offers a wall of protection. No name, no one to blame. Since I was young, I have kept the grand majority of my life suppressing my emotions and thoughts in fear of making other people uncomfortable by my feelings. This is where I will express them. Not everything is pretty, but everything is real. Names will be changed for privacy.