fremxscidae

[fremxscidae]

disclaimer : inspired by ariana grande's song called "POV" which made me think of this certain ship. i am quite aware that some of you, who is reading this now, have an idea what ship i am talking about. i use this headcanon for this fanfiction ^^

tw ! ANGST , SLIGHT LOVESICK

Kaveh was a lover, only to love with pure intention of getting married and be with someone with utmost loyalty and faith. She wanted a love so pure just like her parents—full of warmth and protection, it was a lullaby for her, she felt fuzzy whenever she had thought of it. It was like a fairytale that she wished she could have. But, alas, no matter how much she falls in love—she still and always is a giver, as tiring and draining as it is; she is stuck in this love paradox. Ever since she was ten years old, she was already exposed to the wonders of gender identity, fascinated with the aspect of having female pronouns despite being born as a male. Kaveh has self-declared himself as demi-girl, because of that—she was in constant judgment from her peers for her gender identity that does not befell with the system’s two genders.

December 29th was the day she fell in love with her first and greatest love—it was like a dream come true for her—a dream that will end in a nightmare. Kaveh was overjoyed the moment her greatest love confessed to her, she did not hesitate but said yes to him. Why? Simple, the man was nice, he was patient, he was understanding with her. He puts effort when it comes to her—just like her father did with her mother. This is it, she thought, a smile shining brightly on her beautiful face: I finally found the man who I want to marry, her thoughts were all over the place as she stared at the man. Kaveh was infatuated with her greatest love, she was happy to have someone like him.

Her fingers gently traced the outline of the wedding ring with its inner carve with simple words: until the end of time, she found it romantic, it was the ring of her mother before she left for Fontaine to remarry. Kaveh fully understood her mother’s reasoning, love cannot be defined from one single person—love comes with many forms; as her mother taught her. She knew her father didn't want them to suffer because of his death. Brushing the thought aside, Kaveh was ready to propose to the man—ready to spend a lifetime with her greatest love—she blinked as she jolted upwards, her senses slowly returning to her.

It was a fragment of her memories. 

A failed proposal that left her heart broken into a million pieces.

She could not help but laugh at how pitiful and stupid she was during her wedding. How could a bride walk down the aisle when her groom is nowhere to be found? She could still remember those horrifying days like it was yesterday, people were muttering—wondering where her groom is. She was silent, listening to everyone shouting and increasingly worried and annoyed. 

She stood at the altar, overlooking the crowd with her gaze locking with their light turquoise eyes—Kaveh gritted her teeth and hurriedly left the venue, not bothering if she bump into the guests, she only want to get to her room without confronting anyone and being questioned with something she did not know. All she could feel was betrayal, pain and sorrow mixing within her. She wanted to cry but all she did was laugh as she ran, her fist clenched tightly almost turning white—she took a deep breath, ending up on the balcony west wing from the venue. The view was beautiful—so ethereal, a place where she could feel a sense of comfort; oddly. She held onto the railing, leaning forward as she screamed on top of her lungs.

She cursed the first man she ever loved, she hated him so much for making her fall in love—a fool in love, she was a puppet that he played for entertainment, disregarding her once he had enough.

Kaveh sob quietly, trying to drown out her cries—not to attract attention. After all, she did not want others to see her like this, so broken, so… empty. She slowly slid down to the ground, her knees scraping the cold pavement, her nails chipped from gripping the stone railing. Her wedding was simply a mistake, a disaster.

She did not regret loving, but she did regret loving the wrong person.

Kaveh was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from today’s event—she didn’t have the strength to pull herself together. she simply let herself, leaning against the stone railing, freezing as the cold breeze cuddled her form.

Her eyelids slowly close themselves, too tired to do anything, too tired to move into a more comfortable and warm place.

‘I’m so tired… So tired of loving, when will I get the love I deserve?’

She slowly fades away.

‘Love is so tiring… I’ll take a break from love…’

She blacked out.