frenchnoodles-blog

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April 16, 2012 D'awh. >:

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I'm not meant for him.

I mean, I guess I can make him happy. But like, I feel like most of the time, I just disappoint him. /:

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Right before Basketball (for him).

Him: I love you. When I'm with you, I'm myself. Like I don't need to think twice with what I say or anything. You're special, never thought I'd find you and now i got you, I don't plan on losing you.

Him: ALRIGHT NO MORE LOVEY DOVEY. IM PLAYINGGGG. I just got the ball thrown at my face 'cause of you.

Gosh, I love him. Didn't think I'd find someone like him either.

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You know that feeling when you know a guy is too good for you?

Yeah, I think this certain guy is.

I don’t know what he sees in me.

He said I’m different from many.

I feel like he deserves better, much better.

Yet he still stays with me.

He has many girls in the palm of his hands,

Yet he chose me.

What’s so good about me?

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"Babe, let's play the Pocky game."

Him: What game's that? LOOL

Me: You buy a box of Pocky, take the Pocky sticks out, two people take an end, take bites till you reach the middle, when the middle is reached, the first one to pull away loses.

Him: Doesn't that end up with two people kissing or something?

Me: LOL. Maybe. But I always wanted to do it.

Him: LOOL "maybe"

Me: Yes, maybe. Unless the person pulls away before they reach the middle >:

Him: One bite and I'm out. HAHAHAH

Me: WHAT. Why would you ...

Him: LOOL why would I what ..

Me: "One bite and I'm out."

Him: What about it... LOOL

Me: Nothing ;___;

Him: Why play that when I can kiss you whenever I want? You're mine, aren't you?

Me: LOL omg. I love you.

Him: AHAHAHHA. I love you too

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April 12, 2012 -

Yup, this fatkid is talking about me.

I love him, yup. Forever my best friend. LOOOOL.

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I tell you "I love you" at random times ..

Only because you don't expect them. And your reactions to them mean a lot. It doesn't seem like it, but if I tell you "I love you" when you actually do expect them ..... where's the surprise? Knowing that you'd say "I love you" when something happened .... well, where's the real love?

I truly care about you, and making you happy is one of my top priorities.

Why?

You're mine aren't you?

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I want to kill myself, no joke. Time to overdose. Haaa.

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Something's off.

You automatically know when something's not right.

And I'm afraid to say that right now, something's off.

I don't want to admit it, but it's true.

I don't want to tell you this.

I mean, trust me when I say this, I'm happy with you.

But why does it seem like you're the one who doesn't want me.

Are you hiding something?

I truly love you.

You're one of the closest people to me.

So please, don't do this to me.

My head wont stop spinning.

You won't show your face during FaceTime, all I get are pictures.

I can't hear your natural voice, only recordings.

If you feel uncomfortable during the entire time, just let me know, I'll stop.

But please, promise me, that you won't keep anything hidden from me.

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All I want to do is talk to you, day and night, with no distractions. Talk about the silly things, serious things, laugh at the lamest jokes you tell, cry about the forgotten past, rage at you when you tease me, fall asleep when we've had enough, and repeat. Yet, I feel so clingy that I just need to give you space. I tell you to put family first because I don't want you to put back the distance you used to have. I tell you not to drink so much because I don't want people to take advantage of you, but then I realized, it's your life. You're pretty much my best friend, and I love you. You are now my boyfriend, and I really cherish you. I'm scared to lose someone like you. You're amazing. That is why if and/or when we break up, I want us to stay best friends. No matter what. Deal?

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Do you see that scar on my neck?

On October 2011, I had to go through surgery because for some rare reason. I honestly can’t remember. During my recovery, I wasn’t supposed to talk as much, or sing especially. But what do I do when I’m depressed? I would sing my heart out. Now, I sound so horrible, I’m not even lying. It breaks my heart knowing that I can’t sing as well as I used to. I’d always back away from karaoke with my cousins, or I’d softly sing in private. My friends would force me to sing in front of them, and they’d all say I sound great. I know they’re lying to make me feel good inside. But hey guys, I know my singing voice is off-key, scratchy, and/or I sometimes die out. I know that. So please, stop lying to me.

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This is where it all began.

On April Fool's day ;

And I couldn't be happier.

I'm glad I met you.

You made my cloudy days fade away.

You always make me happy.

You always make me laugh.

You're always there when I needed you.

You're my best friend. ♥

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I don't want you to leave.

Whenever we have to go our separate ways and say goodnight, I ache. I want to keep talking to you till the very end. But you're dealing with things. And I don't want to be a bother. I like you. I probably shouldn't. Why is your voice so soothing? It's my new lullaby.

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March 28, 2012 -

Sometimes I wonder why I try.

There's really no use sometimes. Trying my hardest on someone who thinks of me as just a friend, kinda useless. It also hurts making someone a priority when they just make you an option.

I mean, I tried super duper hard for him* and all he does is ignore me, or make up some bullsh*t excuses.

'' My phone was dead. '' When I called, it rang.

'' I was busy. '' Maybe he was, but a simple text wouldn't kill anyone.

'' I love you. '' Yeah right.

It hurts, when the one you love doesn't talk to you throughout the day. Does it really take 12+ hours to reply to one text? I feel like I just died inside.

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03202k12 ; I honestly feel like I'm never good enough. It's not because of what happened in the past. It's what it's currently happening now. My own boyfriend isn't talking to me, and everything i cherish? All going down the drain. This new guy I sort of started liking, kinda getting over it .. I feel like he doesn't even want me, or ever wanted me. I'm not a good enough daughter. And most likely, not even a good enough friend. Every night, I would lay in bed and think of the bad I've done. Sucks. I'm a horrible person. I just wish I was worth it, you know? I wish I had a dog. You know, to talk to.

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Can I have this?