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tell your people you love them while they’re still here, give them their flowers

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i just... i don't have much to say, but i will say this.

i'm angry. i'm really fucking mad. but while i work on dealing with the anger and sadness and frustration that is bubbling within me, there's also a LOT of gratitude.

liam was a part of a group that became MAGIC. they were MAGIC. they were so much to so many people and he was a part of that. it's because of liam being a part of one direction that everything happened exactly how it did and i somehow ended up here, and i am SO thankful for that. it's because of one direction that i have some of the closest friends i've got in my life. it's because of one direction that i know as much about myself as i do and that i was able to be able to get through some of the hardest times of my life, and he was a part of that.

i want to remember him how i remember him on stage. i want to remember him smiling so big his eyes are mere slits and his mouth open wide laughing. i want to remember IT'S A SNAKE HABITAT TURN AROUND! and the sheer joy that he and the others brought me.

so thank you liam. i'm still mad, and sad, and frustrated, and feeling helpless in a lot of ways. but i'm also really fucking happy to have had felt the effects of the magic you brought into my life.

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Zayn: Love You Bro ❤️

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Louis and Liam pouring gatorade on each other during Best Song Ever, 28/07/15

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Liam was a boy, and then a man, who suffered so much trauma and pain. He was bullied as a child and then lived a nightmare that I think none of us can really imagine of having that triggering experience replicated on a literally global public scale. He became a man who inflicted trauma on others. He was an addict who was unable to find a way out of that disease, and now never will, but who was open and vulnerable about his struggles. He was an incredibly talented musician and artist and an absolutely integral part of one of the most important bands of a generation; his voice and songwriting and skill in the studio shaped every aspect of what One Direction became at their best. He loved that band and being a part of that experience with his whole being and would never have stopped celebrating what they meant to us and to the world. He had problems and did bad things; that doesn't mean he was a bad person who didn't deserve to be loved and helped to heal- everyone deserves that- and the fact that that's not something that can ever happen now is devastating. I was very distressed by many of his actions; and I cared deeply about this man I didn't know and wished for better for him than this outcome.

I'm so deeply, deeply SAD tonight. I'm sad for Liam, who will never now have the chance to look back on this hard time and reflect on how far he's come, and for Liam's family, for his parents and his sisters who loved and supported him so much, and for everyone in the 1D band family and circles. And I'm sad for us. It feels like nothing will ever be quite the same, and that's hard and sad and shocking. It's a special kind of doubled grief, to mourn the loss of the person, and also of what he meant to us in this strange world of parasocial fanning, for the real him and also for the version of him that we made up and attached so much meaning to and for the escape that brought us. For him, and also for the easy uncomplicated joy of listening to those beautiful songs from happier times, which might never feel the same again. For the other boys, who we love so much and wish we could shield from suffering and loss and pain. For our fellow fans, who we also worry about the impact of this on. Everything about this is terrible, and I am sending so much love out to all of you. We are not alone, and it's okay to feel complicated emotions and it's okay to mourn and it's okay to care about how it effects you and your life, whatever you're feeling- it's okay. We are here with you. We are 1D family.

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Liam Payne accepting the British Artist Video BRIT award for 'History’ by One Direction (x)

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Kansas City, 28/07

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Louis and Liam pouring powerade on each other during Best Song Ever, 28/07/15

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tonight i got a lot of messages from people i met through one direction in the past 11 years and we are all sharing a thought while trying to process this shocking news. this made me realise how much these guys changed the music world, the concept of fandom and the lives of so many people, including mine. as silly as it might sound, i wouldn't be where i am now if it wasn't for this band. one direction created something no other band did, they united an entire generation who still feel attached to them no matter how many years have now passed. these five guys will forever be my home and no matter where we all are at the moment or will be in the next years, a part of those who experienced this band like me will always be at the bottom of those stairs with the boys, in this world or the other.

a hug to everyone🩷

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idk if i’ve seen a post like this cross my dash yet BUT i’d just like to take a moment today specifically to celebrate the incredible fic writers who have created and continue to create such wonderful stories for the people in this fandom. you guys have provided hours of free entertainment, rollercoasters of emotions, catharsis, & pure joy to me and everyone else here with your words through the years. it might feel like the opposite sometimes, but i can assure you, we do NOT take that for granted. we cherish you and your work. and today, like every other part of the band & fandom, we honour you 👏🙌🙌 whether you’ve written 100 words or 1000000000000, whether you’ve published one fic or hundreds. 

on a personal note: y’all have taught me so much about writing in the past 7/8 years i’ve been here and i feel so grateful, as a writer myself, to be telling stories alongside giants like all of you 💫💓

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I just suddenly remembered why I never had any other fucking hobbies in 2012-2015 fuck. This band.

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to each person i love who has ever been in my life because of this band, i am celebrating you today too honestly

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There are blogs I follow that have been dormant for YEARS or entirely different aesthetics that have suddenly come back as 1D stans and I am HERE for it

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WALLS IS JUST SO GOOD YOU GONNA LOVE IT