frogginlosingit

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Goodbye Mr. Lynch I’ll see you in my dreams

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make this law >:(

Weed gummy should cost 50¢ and be sold out of vending machines and at corner stores

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today was my birthday

and all i could think about was my quickest exit. iykwim. i hated it. being around my family just makes me want to go down a slide of the sewer variety.

it was like whiplash. with my friends, i am like their little baby princess angel. I got gifts and they were extra sweet and let me pick food and movies and all that junk. they dont have to /buy/ anything but its the attention that was so sweet and just being like "oh OP you pick where we get food!" and they were quite generous. Hell im starting to think my friends are altruists! it was unbelievably sweet of them to shower me with so much love. but then came the family side of the weekend.

SO i went to a relatives house for a family birthday party and it was okay. I got some good gifts mostly from my favorite uncle (crime and punishment and a bunch of other Dostoevsky works). However, the men in the family largely ignored the festivities to argue about politics and religion despite all sharing the same opinion.... I was thrown into a somewhat babysitter role and as soon as the teenage kids wanted to leave it was pretty much over about an hour and a half after starting. Now you might think that sounds normal, but family events are usually all day and at least 5 hours. So i was like okay??? And i went home to have the house to myself for a bit while my parents ran errands. My mom at the party kept trying to embarrass me, humiliate me, and minimize me at every opportunity. My family threw this big party all to make me feel so fucking small and barely talk to me. it was just...humiliating. Being sung happy birthday by people who haven't called in 10 years but now that youre in easy reach it's happy birthday OP? it just felt so...anger inducing. but maybe my new meds just need to kick in?

then today was my birthday. I did my normal Sunday routine as I was not willing to deviate despite it being my birthday. My parents made me a special breakfast and I am glad I knew it was coming ahead of time bc I was able to smoke beforehand so I could actually eat. I hate breakfast. The food is so bussin but eating in the morning is so disgusting to me esp on the meds I am on. I cant help but be an IF queen now. Anyways that was fine except that sportsball had already started... So when I was opening gifts and trying to talk my parents just didnt hear me. I got some clothes which was a surprise! And a new monitor which was not a surprise lol I explicitly asked for it but had a few things I wanted for compatibility sake and guess what? I wasnt heard. So we had to take it back and get a new one which thankfully worked. But after dinner tonight I was so depressed and upset I couldnt even use it. My computer has been out of commission for months and I was supposed to be pumped but I am crushingly depressed tonight. After getting off the phone with my best friend I finally broke down and sobbed for the first time this weekend.

I used to love my birthday now I cant remember why.

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you can be both a pretty girl AND a sicko. btw

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we had literally everything why wont you just come back? we never lost it. that's wht is so fucked up. we still talk everyday. everyone I have seen since I look for you in them. I never find you. how could i when I feel like our souls are intrinsically ted togehter and anything else would be a hollow husk. a mere imitation of what we had. a facade. we talk about it all the time. you want me. i want you. so why do you pull away when i finally give it my all? I even tried to make you jealous a few times and it didnt work but boy did you make jealous. the worst boyfriend you have ever had and then the online guys. I still waited. I said I wasnt jealous when i was and then I fessed up and i get told t be patient? I mean I listen to Symphonia IX and cry over you already but this really adds a layer doesnt it?

I even fixed everything wrong. I finally got help and found what I am passionate about. I am getting my shit together for you. Learning how to cook and cleaning for the first time. I know youre proud, because you tell me but youre so dense you dont know its for you even when I tell you.

why wont you love me again?

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i wish i lived somewhere in real silence...

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name him. name your son

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Wait a minute I could've sworn your bio used to say 26

Damn, I wonder what coulda happened

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*grits teeth* im hopeful i believe there is good in the world im fucking hopeful

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Love is a gentle thing Yours is thicker than a velvet ring.

Velvet Ring - Big Thief

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maybe i should start walking again

Morning light

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