from-a-tiny-spark

[from-a-tiny-spark]

Overwhelmed

Calm - on the outside Maybe a little stand-offish at first, But mostly friendly, courteous. Willing to help, happy to lend a hand A ‘Yes” man.

Screaming - underneath Wondering what’s it’s like, not to die But to cease existing. Fantasising about how it would be to feel nothing Maybe light, maybe free, anything but weighed down, crushed.

[from-a-tiny-spark]

Excuses to be mean

Back chats Frowning, pulling faces Acting like everything is unintelligible Like you’re blaming me for your lack of understanding, But the only thing lacking is your willingness to attempt understanding.

Oh, I��m sorry - honestly I’m just too tired for this. I had a headache. I didn’t get a nap today. I had no caffiene. I haven’t eaten. 

Yeah, I’m sorry too - sorry that all of those things eat away at your ability to be nice, even just courteous. Sorry that all those factors eat away at my willingness to stay friendly to you.

More frowning Blankly staring through me as I say hello, bring in the groceries Continue back to your work at the table. Headphones on like an autistic child - no sense of what I’m saying, asking you Have I done something wrong? What did I do this time? I’m ignored.

Oh, sorry - I’m grumpy this morning. I didn’t sleep last night. We have no milk, I haven’t had a coffee.

Yeah, I’m sorry too - sorry that all those things meant you couldn’t take off your headphones and say hello when I walked in. Sorry that I deserved that unapproving stare when I walked in. I’m sorry that all those factors eat away at my willingness to one day marry you. 

[from-a-tiny-spark]

Fairweather

They say, empowered women empower women But in my experience, the opposite is most certainly true.

Insecure, petty women make other women feel insecure, do petty things.

Is it ever enough for you that I’m trying? Is it ever enough that’ll I’ll happily sprint the extra mile While you take the path and litter it with rocks, sticks, boulders? It’s never enough that I’ll happily hold you above water, singing your praises out to the world from underneath the waving, swirling surface.

Gasping. Drowning. 

And whilst I take you on my boat whenever seas are rough,  At the first sight of inclement weather, you throw me overboard.

Tie me to an anchor, leave me to sink.

Is it worth convincing you to throw me a life ring? How many planks shall I walk until I learn to walk on water, stand up and walk back to shore myself?

Fairweather friend, mentor, confidant. Lately, it’s been raining.

Pouring.

Flooding.

And here I am, all yours. Here’s an umbrella.