fromcttoks - Tumblr blog

[fromcttoks]

I think about you way more than I should.

I miss the taste of your lips and the feel of your arms around me.

[fromcttoks]

I'm sick of getting my hopes up for nothing...

[fromcttoks]

“We’re just friends”

Hahahaha fucking hell. Murder me with a spoon.

[fromcttoks]

I thought about you a fuck ton last night. To the point that I couldn’t sleep. I cried a little because something in me misses you terribly. At this point, you’re just another “what if”. Just another connection that burnt hot and bright and fast before disappearing into nothing, like a sad and fucked up magic trick. I can’t seem to get over how alive you made me feel.

[fromcttoks]

[fromcttoks]

∞ 𝒾𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉ℯ𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒾𝓈 ℊ𝒾𝓇𝓁 ∞

[fromcttoks]

Me: Being a hopeless romantic with a tender heart and a free spirit sucks. Everything feels like love. And everything hurts like heartbreak

N: I’m sorry

[fromcttoks]

Cold concrete under bare feet. The early morning chill. I face him, dancing away. A teasing smile on tender lips. He reaches for me, grabbing my hoodie with his big hand. I dip away, shy despite our flirting. A flash of disappointment. Words spoken and forgotten. I wrap myself around his arm. Giggling, I tilt my face towards his, a slight press onto tip toes. He kisses me. The world narrows to the beat of my heart and the gentleness of his lips on mine. I am love drunk. Infatuated with the soft way he handles me.

[fromcttoks]

Four letters sent. So far unanswered. You said we’d be pen pals. You said we’d stay in touch. You said you were excited. I was excited. I wanted to get to know you better.

Why am I always so stupid?

[fromcttoks]

[fromcttoks]

If you’re going to toy with someone at least be honest about it when they ask you to your face if that’s your intention

[fromcttoks]

We held hands under the covers, exhausted from lack of sleep and a chaotic weekend. He was warm and butterflies settled in my stomach from the touch of his skin. I dozed, lulled by the heat of him. My hypervigilance resting in how safe he made me feel.

Sometime during our nap, we shifted and I woke with his arm around my waist, tight in his embrace. For once I didn’t panic at being trapped like that. His hands shifted, cupping my ass possessively as I pretended to still be asleep.

He sat up and the moment was broken. Words exchanged with another while I continued to pretend I wasn’t awake. I held onto the feel of him for as long as I could, basking in the gentle afterglow of a late afternoon nap and his body heat.

[fromcttoks]

[fromcttoks]

𝒾𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉ℯ𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒾𝓈 ℊ𝒾𝓇𝓁

[fromcttoks]

Craving someone else’s attention sounds so codependent but I definitely crave his attention.

[fromcttoks]

Me: I’m sorry yall are struggling. I wish I could help. Meanwhile I’m just over here pining over some dude like a pathetic bitch 😅

L: Oof!

Me: He made me feel safe and I liked kissing him 🤷🏻‍♂️ Plus he sat with me during a massive break down and still told me I was pretty. He was intellectually stimulating and good looking. So yeah, I was smitten. Now [redacted] keeps asking me what’s wrong and why I’ve been so quiet since I got back

L: Cause [redacted] can GET FUCKED 🤣

Me: I think it just hurts because I believed him when he said we would at least remain friends and that doesn’t seem to be a thing so I just feel stupid

L: It does seem unfair

Me: Especially because I asked him like the day before he left if he was serious about keeping in touch and he said “yes” and I told him he could be honest with me if he’s just toying with me because he wouldn’t be the first but I value honesty above all else. He swore he wasn’t and that he actually liked me beyond being attracted to me

L: I wish I had words to quell your stress about it. But I love you!!

Me: I just feel dumb for like missing his presence

L: It happens when you finally feel safe with someone.

Me: But that’s the other thing that doesn’t make sense to me. If I just turned him on and that’s it, why drag it out for days??? Why not just shut it down the minute [redacted] started to have bitch fits about it? Ugh. Men.

L: Right

Me: It doesn’t make sense to me. Like he wanted my number from the jump but he doesn’t talk to me 🤔 for why!?

L: Right?

Me: Ugh. I’m sorry I keep rambling about this. It just hurts

L: Get it off your chest. Its important.

Me: Idk. It just hurts. It was a happy weekend. And him and I connected on so much stuff. And that’s like rare for me. It just doesn’t make sense. Why want my number and snap and what not but not talk to me or worse, leave me on read?

L: I don't know babes.

Me: I’m just sad and like depressed over the whole thing

L: I can understand that

Me: Sorry I’m a big baby lol

L: You’re not. You’re just going through feelings!!

Me: A lot of feelings. Which feels dumb to me because like I knew him for like 5 days not even so why am I so upset and depressed over him?

L: Because he gave you what you were craving.

Me: Yeah I know. Logically I know that. Emotionally it’s a whole other story.

[fromcttoks]

∞ 𝒾𝓃𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉ℯ𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒾𝓈 ℊ𝒾𝓇𝓁 ∞