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sometimes i find myself thinking about how stupid aziraphale’s choice to leave was, for thinking that he can actually change heaven, then i remember how he must’ve been feeling for more than six thousand years: of all the times he had to follow those mad instructions, all the times he had to ignore crying children for the sake of being obedient, of all the times he knew what the right thing was, but still had to do the “heavenly” thing, of all the times he wished he could matter in an environment where he didn’t matter at all.

“we can make a difference” is such a powerful quote, once you realise that aziraphale has not made a difference in his six thousand years of existence. he’s only followed rules which he didn’t even believe in, he’s sick and tired of this, he wants to matter, he wants the truth, he wants to be the one to make the rules so no one else has to live through what he did.

and here comes aziraphale’s innate selflessness, because crowley makes him matter. to crowley, he’s the most important being in the world, but that’s not enough, he needs to know that everyone that feels the way he felt will be treated good, he needs to know that he has been able to defeat the system that constantly belittles and ignores his employees.

crowley on the other hand, he already has lived through what aziraphale is feeling, he knows what it’s like to reinvent yourself completely, to be the one to make the rules instead of following them, he knows that to be truly free you need to let go of the system that damaged you, and you need to do that fully, but aziraphale has not come to that conclusion yet, they’re the perfect opposites.

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i’ve drank four coffees, the sky is cloudy, my bus came late so i pulled out my headphones, my friend hugged me tight, my boyfriend of two weeks gave his scarf and told me to keep it (it smells like him), i read a beautiful book, i’m going out tonight, my tummy hurts whenever i eat. my father asked me how i was doing when i was looking at my phone and i yelled “fine” before even having the time to think about it, and now i’m thinking a lot about it. life is good.

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yes i just saw this, yes op wrote this like a year ago, but i can’t help but imagine aziraphale as the literally most grateful being in receiving a certificate.

you know the feeling when you have to take a class, either forced or to learn something, and they give you a little piece of paper that is honestly useless as you only needed to take the class/learn the skill? aziraphale loves those. aziraphale is definitely the type of being that tears up when he receives those and has the most precious reactions.

“oh no but are you sure i deserve it? i mean, have i really done that well? are you sure dear? oh i’ll treasure this forever! i shall hang it in my bookshop.”

“sir this is a participation certificate for a pottery class.”

crowley most definitely makes fun of him for all those classes he took and the certificates he still keeps but secretly just does it because he loves hearing the angel passionately taking about all the good experiences he’s had.

bc of how he learned French 'the hard way' and his private magic lessons, i wonder if Aziraphale sometimes goes to the most random classes and workshops just because he enjoys acquiring human skills and if there’s a stack of certificates somewhere in his bookshop. he doesn’t even need those skills bc he can miracle his way through the issues they deal with. he just likes the process. i can imagine him having the time of his life while learning. perhaps he’s mostly awful at it. but there’s so much value in the fact that those are his own skills, not heaven’s, they can’t be taken away - they’re fun, they’re perfectly imperfect, they’re uniquely his - and that's such a human thing

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i’m in my analysing good omens era and i was just thinking at how aziraphale’s and crowley’s love languages are a big part of the reason it took them so long to figure out their reciprocated love.

when you’re a demon, an unforgivable creature, you don’t deserve to hear that you’re loved. demons don’t go around telling each other nice things, what they do if they want to show it, is acts of services.

a demon wouldn’t tell you you’re good, but they would cover up your duties for you and say that it’s so you owe them a favour which they will never claim, they wouldn’t say they love you but they would linger on your doorstep for a bit too long and steal your scarf as an excuse to meet you again.

and that’s what crowley does, he keeps aziraphale company and he makes him try food, he says that it’s to tempt him when it’s just an excuse to see the angel happy, he saves you from death situations and says that it’s because your substitute would be more of a bother than you are.

crowley never tells aziraphale anything, and that’s his way of showing him he loves him.

but when you’re an angel, doing nice things for each other is the norm, it’s the way to show the universe that you’re Good.

angels don’t go around giving each other’s things or doing your work for you, because that should be what you would do to anyone. if an angel gives you money, it’s not because they love you, it’s because they’re a good selfless person.

aziraphale does that countless times, he gives people his stuff, he never asks for money, he uses more miracles than necessary even if it means that he’ll get a reprimand just so he can help strangers on the street. acts of services for an angel are just intertwined in their essence.

so the only way to actually show it is to talk. if an angel loves someone, they have to tell them, if they love someone they tell them that they’re good and that they’re worth it. aziraphale positively lights up any time someone compliments him, because that’s what he needs to know that he’s loved.

so aziraphale tells crowley he’s good even if he knows that will make crowley skittish, aziraphale tells crowley that he always comes to save him to praise him for his caring, he tells crowley that he needs him and that’s the most loving words he could say, because what does an ethereal creature capable of anything need from anyone? their love, probably.

but they don’t understand each other.

crowley uses acts of service and aziraphale takes it as his way to show his forbidden goodness to the world, aziraphale uses words of affirmation and crowley thinks that’s his way of feeling better about himself for consorting with a demon.

why is 1941 and crowley saving his books so important for their relationship? because i think that’s when aziraphale realised the truth, crowley had already done his “good” act, he had already proved as he did countless times that he is not the usual demon and he’s actually nice, but saving something just because he knows aziraphale cares about that, and giving no excuse for his action, that’s something else.

it was the first act done, in aziraphale’s eyes, for no reason other than love.

aziraphale then tells him that he could do something for him in return, people interpret it as sexual (which i find very funny, mind you) but i think it’s just aziraphale’s way of telling crowley that he can also show him his love through acts, if that’s what crowley wants, he can save him back if that will mean crowley will realise that he loves him too.

and that’s why i also think that crowley is not very sure about the love being reciprocated, because he never had the realisation that aziraphale is always around him and telling him nice things because that’s how he can show his love.

and it is even worsened in the end, because if crowley knew, he would have waited for him.

it can be seen as a selfish act on crowley’s part, wanting your lover to put you over saving the universe, but i think it’s because crowley doesn’t know what aziraphale is doing. he can’t know that aziraphale is actually disregarding all of his feelings for the greater good, because crowley doesn’t know about these feelings.

what he thinks is that what he always thought was true, his angel doesn’t love him back and he chose heaven over him.

if they actually talked, it would’ve been resolved.

but the problem is that they don’t talk, they cling to their love and beliefs and they think that the other has finally caught up, and they are so convinced that they know everything of each other that they don’t find the need to do it.

[frvmewxrk]

why am i just studying in english class about an author called t. hardy that wrote a novel in which a guy named alec takes advantage of a girl named tess?

broadchurch brainrot is so real

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i keep ending up using this account for self promo lol but i’ve been writing this fic (on and off, mind you) since july and i finally worked the courage to post it, i would be very grateful if anyone would find it interesting enough to read it and maybe share their thoughts :)

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i was just thinking about aziraphale and crowley being opposites and total complimentary halves when something else occurred to me:

aziraphale is the only constant in crowley’s life, crowley is the only change in aziraphale’s one.

crowley changes haircut, outfits, he changes his modus operandi, he changes the temptations he does according to the year’s innovation (ex. the telephone line one), he changes his hobbies, he changes the music he likes and the humans he hangs out with.

the only thing that doesn’t change is aziraphale, because no matter the age, the period or the demon he’s become, the love for aziraphale is always there.

aziraphale has had the same haircut since before Time started flowing, he wore the same shades of colour, he wore the same kinds of outfits, he had the same hobbies (ex. eating, reading), he did the same thing just with slight changes (good can only ever differ), he stationed himself to stay in the same place as soon as he managed to, he lied and tried to protect himself in the same way he did ever since Eden.

then he meets crowley once and he thinks it’s nice to see an acquaintance of his, then he meets him again and it’s also quite nice to have someone to talk to, then crowley becomes an enemy he must avoid, then he has to still his hands to not reach out to him, then he almost dares to call him a friend, then he avoids him for a century or so, then he thinks he finally has the courage to damn himself and agrees to the Arrangement, then he rejects him coldly, then he invites him to drink and slurs a love confession under his breath when he’s not hearing. then crowley saves his books and he’s ready to drop it all and follow him into damnation, then crowley is going too fast.

he tells crowley that he’s going too fast not because he has tried to accelerate their relationship but because he’s not even at half of the process of discovering his feelings for him, meanwhile crowley has it all figured out and in front of him, ready to put it into action.

the only thing that changes throughout the years for aziraphale is his love for crowley.

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i think that we, as a society, put so much shame in rejection/not being reciprocated in your feelings that now many people see that as the worst thing in the world to ever happen, even in books. as if the lack of love is the most devastating thing you could find.

meanwhile, i think the possibly more heartbreaking thing there could ever be is reciprocated love. it’s a love that is there, the love is there, it just can’t happen. they both love each other but they can’t kiss, they can’t hold hands, they can’t say it out loud but they both know. the love is there.

“oh but x never loved y that’s why he did that!” i hate this type of accusations, x loved y and he did that anyway, the love was there, aziraphale loves crowley and he still went to heaven, the master loved the doctor and he still will never forgive him, sherlock loves john and he still hurt him, how do you cope with that? if you know that the love is there, what explanation can you find now behind those actions? i care about you and i still will hurt you and i will make bad choices and i love you and i will claw my way out of my own skin if i ever have to say that out loud.

and you still look at him, you still yearn for him and you pretend not to see the hand that lingers a bit too long on your shoulder and you pretend to adjust his tie just to catch a glimpse of his bare neck on your fingertips. i can’t, i can’t.

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how did i JUST NOW, after one year, make the connection:

the metatron came to aziraphale with a coffee, he made the proposal to him at the coffee shop, the coffee shop called “give me coffee or give me DEATH”.

it was literally a metaphor for his faith, either he accepted the coffee (so the role as supreme archangel) or he accepted the death of himself and crowley. this also makes sense on why the metatron asks nina “does anyone ever ask for death?” as in “is anyone ever that stupid to not accept the proposal that will save your life?”

fuck the coffee theory this is much more interesting, i know maybe im stupid to have realised this just now but fuck. the foreshadowing is crazy, this is genius.

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i’m about to write a thoschei fic. uh huh. yes i am.

underrated trope: “i’ve lost my memory and idk who you are but i just have this feeling that i’m supposed to trust you”

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thinking so hard about writing a kinda saltburn au with thoschei in their academy era.

i think it’s canon that koschei came from a rich and powerful family while theta probably didn’t (depends on which version of his backstory you decide to use ahaha), so they meet at the academy in their first day and they become friends.

and everything is great because they start becoming best friends, doing everything together, they do experiments and hang out, they run in koschei’s dad’s red fields, theta attends the oakdown’s parties as koschei’s plus one

and then people start being like “oh that koschei boy is mad, he is starting to become threatening to the time lords, the drums, he is aggressive bla bla.” and koschei can’t even tell how that starts because wtf? hes just a normal dude (not in his mind, but they can’t know his thoughts). theta defends him with his whole life because “that’s my best friend, he’s the only one that accepted me, i love him, don’t you even dare say that to him.”

and meanwhile he’s the one spreading the rumours about the drums, he’s the one poisoning drinks at the party so the time lords could blame it on his family, he’s the one putting the ideas in koschei’s mind about his next lethal experiment.

and they start getting more and more attached, theta starts sleeping at his house because “i usually sleep in a barn, not many bed in my house.” and he is there more and more often. he starts helping koschei’s mother and he starts hanging around with his father, his siblings already adore him. and he slowly, very slowly, inches towards his goal.

they buy him clothes, because you can’t really hang out with them if you’re dressed badly (and he thinks of the escapes he made every morning to tear holes in his robe and rub the dirt on his body), and they buy him the same things as koschei, because he was using them all the same.

and all while doing that his mind spirals and he can’t help but think “i love you, i wanna be you, everyone loves you just because you’re charming i want to be loved like that too, i want to be effortlessly beautiful, i want to be in your skin, i want to sleep in your bed at night and eat breakfast with your parents, i want to kiss you on the mouth and stab you in the stomach, i want to lick the sweat from your body while you work, i want to have your brain, i want to have your body parts hung around in my room, i love you.”

and then the rock incident happens. but torvic is not the one that ends up dead.

one afternoon theta runs to the oakdown’s family house with blood on his hands and a split lip.

“he killed him.” he yells and no one hears other than the maids, koschei’s parents come running down the stairs. “he killed him and tried to kill me too.”

they find koschei’s body lying next to the river, his head still underwater, there’s another body next to him.

they believe him immediately, because of course they do, and one less is to go.

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i was in a car ride and an old song i used to listen to when I was in middle school called “I chose you” came on and I was like fuck, thats thoschei. so yeah, here’s me translating yet another song bc im bored and i see them everywhere.

oh god

“until death comes and it’ll have your eyes”

“now i’m free”

i’m not crazy, tell me i’m not crazy.

all this part. all of it. i can’t.

CMON

“I try to love you and you know I struggle to” 🧎

I can’t add more pictures smh but

i’m dying. wtf. am i hallucinating?

“Save me as if you were my God and love me when I don’t seem like myself.

“Because you know who I am, and that’s why I chose you.”

😔

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THABK YOU this is like the best review i’ve ever read, you’re too kind 🥹 i love the idea of 14 just being so paranoid that it’ll all start hunting him again so he’s just… anxious, but i also, have to say, love to imagine him not caring. at all. like ruby comes and says shit like that and he’s like “nuh uh nah nahhhhhhhhh. donna pack your bags we’re going to tokyo for a month, try to follow me universe, try it.” and ruby is worried, nonetheless, but she understands him a little bit.

im very glad you liked it!!!! :)

can you guys (if this ever reaches anyone) submit any prompts or tropes you want to read about tensimm, or the tenth doctor in general? I will write it for you, I wanna write about something but I have lost all my ideas.

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yeah i may have gotten a bit carried away… but hey, it was a very fun idea @icarusredwings thank you!!!

(also don’t mind the sad title, it’s a very silly fic i just cannot in my right mind choose titles that are not mitski song’s lyrics.)

can you guys (if this ever reaches anyone) submit any prompts or tropes you want to read about tensimm, or the tenth doctor in general? I will write it for you, I wanna write about something but I have lost all my ideas.

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the most of the things i know about them i honestly got from the wiki, bc i can’t somehow find any audios or prose to read from T-T but.

they were inseparable as children as op said, as they had a lot in common except that the doctor said, and i quote, “he enjoyed being scared of the dark a bit too much”.

they used to create weird shit to disrupt each other’a experiment for fun, because they were very good and it made things better ig.

the master, koschei, is actually the one that canonly taught the doctor hypnosis. yeah. he used to go around and hypnotise people for fun but never get punished for it and he actually taught it to his friend.

they played in a band.

the master played the drums in that band.

they were part of a clique of students named “the deca” because there were ten of them i think, which were rebel gallifreyan students that wanted to change the universe, in some parts its said that they were all top grades students but its also said the doctor’s grades weren’t that good (although I think he said himself that it was to not draw too much attention in case he wanted to leave? i’m not sure really.)

there are both things that say that the master earned better grades than the doctor and was overall better at the Academy, and some that say that the doctor was the better one. they were both tutored by Borusa, which took the doctor as his favourite, and some say that the master actually started hating him from that.

there are a lot of sources honestly which say even contradictory things so i’m not sure everything i said it’s true, but those are the things i remember (and like) the most regarding them at the academy, thanks to @icarusredwings for letting me rant about them with a reason :}

hi i would like to indulge you 🫶 can i get a History Of Thoschei lesson please please please i dont know very much about their lore and it looks so so interesting..........

SPOILERS!

And slightly graphic content!

Mentions of child murder 😅

(Also, please remember that technically, Doctor Who doesn't have a canon, but if someone asks you to cite your source of information, please do not be rude. Civil debates are welcome!)

Ill admit im not the most qualified to awnser this but- I learned mainly from the doctor who the 2005 reboot.

So far I've seen all of 10s run with the master and snipets of 12 and 13s run with their masters. Ive also seen snipets of Delgado and Ainely and ive heard snipets of Big finish audios.

(Theres different incarnations of the master, just like the doctor) ANYWHO- there's books on them too, but I haven't had the time to read them yet. I know others who have and told me about it.

I've also read all of THIS, which is helpful if you can't get ahold/ dont have time to read the books/ watch classic. Im not sure how accurate this website is lore wise but they do cite sources.

The Masters name is Koschei.

So bassically-

*BIG BREATH*

(There's speculation that the War Cheif is also the Master but I personally think otherwise seeing as theres some scenes where they both speak and it's odd to think he talks to himself but honestly this IS the Master were talking about but it would be weird if everyone went along with it too)

The Doctors name is Theta Sigma

(Thete for short in some cases. There's also speculation that the Doctor's mother is human but who actually knows)

They met as children and became friends the very first day of the Time Academy.

From then on (in my head at least as to how I understand it) They bunk together in a room/dorm (think Harry potter but alien time lord shit) and have multiple adventures together as kids.

Another time is when Theta lost a game of chess and whole ass cried like a baby.

One of my favorites is the fact that Theta hid a pet under his bunk for a while until she went into heat and started yoweling.

Or that time when Koschei asked if he wanted to come drink with his friends and Theta said no, you know. Like a NERD.

One of the most noteable things though is the fact that both Theta and Koschei got bullied quite a bit as children. Theta ussually was able to shrug it off but something happened and He stoned Koschei's bully (Torvic) to death as a child.

Literally- Killed him with a rock. Blood on his face and everything.

(This is fanart)

(And im pretty sure that he just... stood there.. and stared at the body. 8 year olds usually don't do that)

(This is also fanart)

(I like to say he Patroclus'd him)

After this, an entity of death (?) Wanted to know whose hands were bloody from the stone, and they blamed Koschei. Because of this, something else (that im not too entirely certain about) happens and bassically? It turns him insane.

(This is why during 13s run, Dhawan master says it's the Doctors fault for how he is, because he lied, which isn't wrong. But thats what 8 year olds do. They get scared and lie.)

So many people on Gallifrey have mentioned his inanity and how long it's been going on. If you think about it, its kind of ridiculous how many adults shrugged off the fact that this child was having a TERRIBLE time and horrible mental health, and when he did do anything crazy they either A. said, "Yup, that's Koschei for you." Or tried to excile him.

In 12s run, S10 Saxon mentions that Gallifrey "mutually kicked him out" for treason because he borderline electricuted the president of Gallifrey (Rassilon) for putting The Drums (TM) into his head a child and making him suffer for so many years for his own selfish benifit, plus that whole time KNOWING he was suffering and just dismissed him as "Insane".

Can you imagine? Being a full-grown adult leader and deciding to terrorize an 8 year old for his entire life and then Galsighting the ENTIRE planet into belieivng hes just nuts, and there's actually nothing wrong with him?

Anyways-

Im getting riled up, but that's only the tip of the ice berg, so I'll let others explain it further.

Lore dump in the comments for me, my brave soilders <3

@acetheta

@roxannepolice

@frvmewxrk

Not just these specific people, but anyone may loredump Thoschei in the comments. Im going to read them all. <3

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just thinking about the valiant again, i think it just shows the simm!master’s very need for the doctor: his attention. he needs him to see what he’s doing, he needs his audience, he had shown the whole thing on tv but the whole human race seeing it wasn’t enough, he needed him. he could’ve easily killed him before or locked him underground when he couldn’t see but no, he kept him there right where he brought his plan to action, he made him see every torture he inflected on the human race, he made him witness him turning his friend’s family into slaves, he made him watch his friend get tortured. he danced with him, he hurt him, he carried him around, he showed him to his wife like a precious trophy, i just know they had so many conversations that always ended in the same way “it’s not over yet” “i’ll kill them all and then you”.

what must have thought lucy about this? the faithful wife that never went against her husband’s wishes, even when he was defeated, watching him treat this alien in the exact same way he did with her, with love, with torture, with callous hands and attentive reverence? what did martha and jack think when they saw the man they considered their saviour, their friend, their equal, lulling the dead body of their capturer in his arms? did that ever change their conception of the doctor? them, that were both in love with him and knew it wasn’t reciprocated, did they realise that this was how the doctor loved? unconditional affection, painful adoration, obsessive needs of control, loyalty to a cause over his very heart. did they appreciate that despite his feelings, he still put the the human race over the master? did they loath him for that? what even happened between them? they’ll never know, he won’t talk about it.

i just need like a whole new spin off for the valiant, it is one of the main reasons i love tensimm so much, they’re both insane and everyone can see it.

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can you guys (if this ever reaches anyone) submit any prompts or tropes you want to read about tensimm, or the tenth doctor in general? I will write it for you, I wanna write about something but I have lost all my ideas.