furiousinks

[furiousinks]

So... I found this and now it keeps coming to mind. You hear about "life-changing writing advice" all the time and usually its really not—but honestly this is it man.

I'm going to try it.

[furiousinks]

I don’t know what to do with all this anger in me. The people around me sit me down and tell me the virtues of patience, of swallowing my anger, of staying silent and enduring.

And yet, they’re not always wrong.

What I’m truly afraid of is taking everything too far. I’ve seen generations of women in my family endure in silence, and be unhappy but stationary. Rooted where they are instead of escaping with their feet that will take them anywhere. They let go of their anger. They seemingly let go of all their resentments. The language to express such things was taken away from them and eventually they forgot how to.

And so I hold on to that language instead. I cling to my anger, my resentments and my hurts so tightly that sometimes it feels like they’re all I know.

The most baffling thing is that those women were not always wrong. Sometimes their advice to avoid conflict and unnecessary escalation was truly mature and effective. But they took it too far. So far that now I’m afraid to take steps towards it.

It fills me with an animal panic anytime I see myself nearing that

It feels like defeat. It feels like humiliation. They didn’t paint a pretty picture.

But now I’m refusing to listen to what they said, I’ve become a mangled one. I now understand why quiet women breed furious daughters.

[furiousinks]

having a bit of an ego is essential to the artistic process

[furiousinks]

thinking about how Robin alludes to everything falling apart early in the book but then you realize he specifically meant that the world broke in half when Ramy died and it's never been the same

[furiousinks]

Andrew had shit to do this afternoon, but for the past hour, he’s been trapped in a beanbag chair by Neil’s sleeping body weight. He doesn’t even have the remote in reaching distance, so he can’t change the channel away from ESPN.

Neil — whose legs are across Andrew’s lap — is going to be so mad when Andrew fails his sociology paper and gets kicked off the team because their captain couldn’t locate his own mattress.

Whatever. Neil’s head is on his shoulder, so Andrew amuses himself by wrapping a particularly ringlet-y curl of Neil’s around his finger and stretching it, letting it spring back into place again and again. Neil’s arm is draped loosely over Andrew’s middle, so Andrew keeps two fingers pressed to his wrist, lulled into patience by the steady beat of Neil’s pulse.

Suddenly, Neil twitches. A short, startled whine punches out of parted lips, muffled against Andrew’s collarbone.

“Neil,” Andrew says firmly, and Neil curls in toward the sound of his voice, fingers gripping at the fabric of Andrew’s shirt.

“Baby gator bit my ankle,” Neil mumbles.

Andrew, who had been steeling himself for the resurgence of a gory memory or a dream-induced panic attack, finds himself huffing in amusement.

“No, it didn’t,” Andrew says.

The tension bleeds out of Neil immediately.

“Oh,” he says, and then his breathing evens out once again.

When Andrew looks up, Kevin’s imperious face is on the screen — ESPN has decided to torture Andrew with a segment on the National Exy League’s star rookie. Andrew sighs, rests his cheek on the top of Neil’s head, and resigns himself to the reality of the moment.

[furiousinks]

Said this before but there's something about Baz not really feeling close to anyone, feeling completely disconnected from his surroundings ("because he's dead and he can't connect with the living, they all have something he doesn't have" he says, talking about vampirism, but it's also how good ol' depression can be like) while Simon is obsessed with being close to him, specifically. All that following him around everywhere, keeping tabs on him, growing restless if Baz isn't around or if he doesn't know what Baz is doing – already telling us he's concerned about Baz's safety and wellbeing – wanting to be on Baz's mind as much as Baz is in his own, wanting to be part of Baz's hobbies. Wanting to be the person who knows him best, and fighting for that whenever he feels he has competition for Baz's heart.

I'm equally thrilled and haunted by “as soon as Baz is unhappy, I can’t think of anything else,” which Simon shares in awtwb alongside something like "I want to make it better. The mere idea is very thrilling to me." I don't doubt Simon would've been obsessed with Baz regardless because is Baz, but this stands out in hindsight, because Baz was in a constant state of sadness... And Simon thought about him all the time. Again, he was obsessed either way... but Baz’s sadness must have driven him crazy (it’s another thing where they match, as Simon carries profound sadness too) (Watford and being a hero brings happiness for Simon, but he’s desperately holding on to roles and expectations that do make him miserable. Heteronormativity fucks him up.)

Can't help but wonder about Simon's "Baz has only 3 expressions and they're all variations of disgust towards me" ... because we know he's bullshitting. At this point, he has been "observing Baz's soul" (which he uses as an argument as Baz "being alive" later in CO) meaning that he knows very well Baz has much more depth. That he feels much more deeply. He has seen it in the catacombs. He has heard it in his music, he has seen it in the ways he plays, in the passion with which he studies, etc etc. It must’ve been one of his greatest desires, inaccessible and impossible to decode to the Simon he was back then, for the alluring, competent little jerk he was rooming with to look at him with anything other than a practiced mask of "disdain." For him to let Simon in (Simon not listening to Baz basically confessing he's a vampire because Baz is pushing him away vs being all ears when he's letting him in) instead of having Simon follow him everywhere (when Simon thinks he's enchanted by him and would follow him anywhere in WS, it hits, because he has been that all along, hasn't he.) For him to not be so pained all the time (Simon notes, when Baz plays his violin after they have sex, that he didn't even know it could make happy sounds, that it always sounded sad in Watford).

Where Baz feels cold and disconnected, Simon yearns to connect with him (to keep him warm. It's a whole thing, Simon noticing his literal coldness and using his own body to warm him up, with hands, with lips) Awtwb brings up lots of desires, including those that have been buried for a long time. And one of those is the following: Simon wants Baz to be happy. And he wants to be the one making him happy.

[furiousinks]

"Look at me."

Illustration from Chapter 3 of Someone Wicked

[furiousinks]

“But I also want to do this, whatever it is that works between us. With Agatha, it – ” 

Even in isolation, this packs so much. Because of the way it’s written, you can fill in the blanks pretty easily. “With Agatha, it (wasn’t like this)” 

In this part, Simon is telling us he’s too turned on to think, he’s so in love (“I love him, I love him” – the repetition is both emphasis and his thoughts being derailed because of sexual desire… he doesn’t have the mental capacity to be poetic here, he simply repeats it). “But I also want to do this” is not calling back to “I wanted to, until I didn’t,” or something, which he uses to express how he tried (but failed) to have sex with Baz before, otherwise Agatha would not be brought up at all. If it was about “failed attempts” at intimacy with Baz, it would have been about how he can do this, rather than he wants to do this, because wanting it isn’t new when it’s with Baz (Simon has thought and said he wants sex with Baz plenty of times, highlighting that lack of wanting was not at all the problem). “I’m so turned on I can’t even think, I’m so in love, I also want to do this” is redundant. “Romantic love” + “lust” = “desire for sex” is obvious enough you don’t need to spell it out. No need for a “but” there. 

“But I also want to do this,” with emphasis on do does indicate that there was a time he didn’t want to do this… Follow that with “With Agatha” and there’s your answer. It’s only when the comparison it’s done with Agatha that “I want to do this” is a new thing that needs to be highlighted in italics. “With Agatha, it (wasn’t like this) (I didn’t want to do it) (it didn’t work)” … you keep going back that paragraph in order, and you even have “(I wasn’t in love) (I wasn’t turned on at all)”

This is about sex, and we get Simon expressing how he actually felt about having it with Agatha without outright saying it, including the fact that he interrupts the thought with “no, never mind, that doesn’t matter” … because he doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t want to think or process that, he doesn’t treasure the memory, he doesn’t want it in his head, and he doesn’t want to give it any importance. He dismisses it, he wants to leave it behind. That scene in Fangirl where Baz goes “have you ever done this before?” and Simon goes “not when I actually wanted it,” which the author has shared as informing Simon’s sexuality and experiences are encapsulated in this. In “But I actually want to do this.” 

I have posted about this before, but I was thinking about this again because, while this is about sex… it’s not just about sex. It also applies to the relationships. With Agatha, he didn’t have any romantic or sexual feelings, so he didn’t actually want to do “this”–“this” being his role of boyfriend. “It’s not my job to tell her what to do” is clearly disinterest, avoidance. “I never put her first” acknowledging this isn’t how a relationship should work, while also never concerning himself with changing it. Again, disinterest and avoidance. With Baz, he wants to do “this,” whatever it is that works between them. He wants their relationship to work. Which means communication, even when it’s uncomfortable. Simon talks, even about the things he would rather not. He doesn’t go “fine, it’s not my job to tell him shit, I’m not his boss” in SFC when Baz is upset and goes out to get some space. He immediately apologizes when Baz comes back. He doesn’t just go “I got it wrong” or linger in that line of thought because they had a discussion – he extends an olive branch when things cool off, even if he’s not fully getting it yet. There’s no avoidance; Simon is making the effort to make it work. Simon telling Baz “whatever you want, always” when discussing their Christmas strategy is not just a romantic gesture, it’s also about wanting to put Baz first. 

[furiousinks]

still a bit insane to me how sasuke didn’t know for so long that naruto broke the seal because of him. they meet at the reunion and he sees kurama and is like “i didn’t know you had such thing in you” my guy because you weren’t awake to witness the best gay awakening in media

[furiousinks]

My dear boys deserved to know only happy moments like this with each other:

The way they are each others positive motivations. They were always the happiest together. For a moment, Sasuke probably forgot about Itachi, Naruto wasn't thinking about being the kyuubi, they were both just training with a friend.

Sasuke worried about Naruto 😭:

[furiousinks]

You don’t own fanfics. They’re inherently public domain because they aren’t your IP. Agree or disagree with AI, there are no grounds for “protection” from AI because it isn’t your IP to begin with. That’s what you chose when you chose this medium

Oh dear.

Okay, you get an answer, because at least you took the effort to write your ask out properly, even if you are hiding behind the grey, sunglassed circle.

Do I, or any fanfic author for that matter, have any legal claims to our work? No, not really, no. (Although if someone took a fic, filed off the serial number--deleted the fandom specific elements--, and then had it published for financial gain, yeah, that would be a case.)

BUT

Fandoms are built on a social contract that says we respect each others work, the effort people put into their art. We don't steal or disrespect the work of our peers. By feeding people's fanworks to AI you both steal and disprect it, and we need to make people realize that before it's too late--before fandom falls apart, because there will be no more real, actual fanworks.

Disrepectfully,

Orlissa

(i can't believe I have to say this)

[furiousinks]

Fanfiction is becoming people’s primary form of entertainment right now because most media right now is so cheap, bland, recycled, and sponsored by people who love money more than the source material. Fanfiction is written for free by people who genuinely love what they’re writing about. That’s why it’s better. That’s why it’s more satisfying. Fanfiction is a home-cooked meal made for yourself and for your friends. Media today is junky fast food spoiled by too much grease and the knowledge that the people producing it are being criminally mistreated and underpaid. 

[furiousinks]

hi everyone i updated my fic master list for the first time in years, so check that out if you’re looking for reading material! would like to recommend crossed out, which i’ve decided is one of the best things i’ve ever written, and also acoustic (the nerve ending remix), which is cute tbh

[furiousinks]

“yOu HaVeN’t rEaD tHe cLaSsiCs”

oh. i’ve read the classics.

[furiousinks]

Neil when Andrew only let in 13 goals from 150 shots on net:

[furiousinks]

I could write a whole essay about this, but.

Fanfiction as a collective exists as a combination of the ideal state and all the broken pieces that are left behind. Fanfiction shows us all the things that should have happened, if the world was a little bit kinder: someone adopts Harry Potter, the Avengers live domestically together, people fall in love and admit it. Fanfiction says, things are awful but we’re kind anyway, because we can be, because kindness costs little and gives much. It is democracy at its best, a collection of people solving problems together, solving plotholes and heartbreaks and deaths, a conversation of solution responding to solution because the whole of fandom is, itself, its own canon.

But at the same time, fanfiction is about all of those holes and jagged edges and wounds left unhealed, about what happens when the war is over and everyone who’s left needs to go back home. It’s about the fact that surviving is usually the hardest part, and we rarely get to choose what’s done to us but we do get to choose how we survive afterwards. It’s about the child soldiers who no longer have a war, and about the trauma of getting past the trauma you’ve survived. It’s about injury and depression and PTSD. It’s about recovery, yes, but also about those things that do not recover, those things that will never recover. It is a reminder that we live in a world where many people don’t get white picket fences and 2.5 kids and a happily ever after, but also a reminder that there is life beyond that, survival, yes, but also life. It is a reminder that characters’ lives don’t end with the last page and nor too do people’s lives end with their trauma, but that after that hurt comes comfort and healing and putting one foot in front of another because the best way to get through hell is to keep going.

[furiousinks]

Hey guys, happy black history month!

I hate to beg but I recently went back to college and I’m paying super high interest rates for loans because I’m an immigrant and I don’t have a super lengthy credit history. 

You might recognize these from edits/pinterest/telegram etc. I made them! So if you’ve ever wanted to support my work, you can share this post around and/or tip me on ko-fi. anything is super appreciated and goes towards my student loans ♡ 

ko-fi.com/swordknight