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4: How To Be Alone

I found this quote on Pinterest one time (said every white girl ever) about this guy who was traveling abroad alone, and somebody asked him, “Aren’t you afraid to travel alone? Isn’t it dangerous?” To which he replied, “Don’t we go through life alone anyway?” Which is very Modernist haha but also very true. I found this quote like right when I got to Oxford and it honestly hit me really hard. I think a lot of the problem with our generation is that we’ve forgotten how to be alone, and be okay with it. We are always posting every moment of our lives on Snapchat and on Instagram, we are writing the most mundane thoughts on Facebook and on Twitter (remember in Easy A when the teacher is all like “Brian just bought a Cherry Coke from the gas station, woot woot raise the roof” in a really sarcastic way? No? Me neither…), we are dating people who aren’t right for us just because we are scared to be alone. One of my friends recently cut out another friend for a list of really stupid reasons honestly but one of them was that she couldn’t do anything alone. Like she broke her phone and they dropped her off at the mall to fix it and she was like “wait isn’t anyone gonna come with me??” Like no dude no one wants to waste an hour + doing nothing while some tech geek who didn’t go to college fixes your phone.

I found another quote one time that I really love because I think it describes Greek culture in college but also Americans in general. It was something along the lines of “Beware of those who cannot be alone, because they are nothing when they are alone.”

When I was in Oxford, the first 4 ish weeks I spent with these two girls basically every single day because we really hit it off first of all and secondly, it’s really hard to be alone in a new place without being scared. But then I got really sick and spent a couple days in bed and something snapped inside of me and from then on I spent the majority of each day alone at the library or walking around town alone or in my room reading or writing alone. And I felt better. I didn’t feel like I was drowning being away from friends and family and my (ex)boyfriend. My happiness significantly increased and I stopped drinking just to feel sad (which is a discussion for another time). But my point is that being alone gave me time to have experiences unique to myself, rather than sharing them with other people and developing reactions based on theirs. Being alone gave me the space I needed to work through my problems.

During this time, my best friend in Athens went on formal with my (ex)boyfriend (because I told her to stop giving her a dirty look) and I had thought that I was going to be so jealous because formal last year was literally the most fun event of the entire year. But so she calls me gushing about everything and tells me how the hotel messed up or something so there were like twelve of them crushed into the same hotel room and they were all being really good sports about it and had made a giant bed on the floor and someone had done something and almost been arrested and someone else had done a thing and been pick pocketed blah blah blah and honestly I could not have cared less. I was so glad to not be in that stuffy room in that stuffy city and having to deal with all those people and be social. I was happy to be alone.

So now here I am at the beach, alone for the next few weeks because though I invited some friends they don’t know when they’ll be able to come down. And I am totally okay with it. My aunt (whose condo I’m staying at) was like I’m sorry you’re alone, and here are some of my friends who would love to make you dinner one night, and also you should come up and visit us in Orlando, and we’ll be down on Saturday to take you boating. And then my cousin messaged me this morning and was all, come up to Orlando whenever I’ll take you around town! And it took me a minute to get past my thankfulness and realize that they were sorry for me, because they think I don’t have any friends (I have like 4 okay don’t be sorry for me). But that is far from the case. I invited a bunch of people to come visit for a weekend or so, but, knowing that it’s a 6+ hour drive for them, really hoped they wouldn’t come. I’m here because I want to be alone, at my favorite place on earth. I’m choosing to be alone here. I want to feel like myself again.

And that’s what our generation doesn’t get. We drown our thoughts in books and Netflix and alcohol and weed and we forget that it’s okay to just be. I’ve done it too, I understand. But here I am at the beach, and I’m going to be here for a while, and I’m going to be alone. And I know I’ll get lonely at some point, and I know I’ll get bored and want somebody to come by. But for now, I’m working through my shit and I’m going to be alone. And I’m going to like it.

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I go out with my friends and waste money on liquor I don’t even want to drink and flirt with random guys because it helps me to forget about you

Drunk Thoughts #2

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Lit Review: To the Lighthouse

hello friends!

Today I am rolling out a new post series which is Book Reviews! For my courses this semester at Oxford I am taking Modernism in Literature, Italian Language (sixth semester!) and Italian Literature.  Because literature (and books and poetry in general) is one of my passions (and I know y’all’s too) I really wanted to share what I am currently reading with you guys.

This week I read To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf (surprise! Modernism!) and let me tell you this book was a struggle.  It is very important to the Modernist canon of literature and in fact Woolf’s most widely read and acknowledged of her nine novels (the only one to win some prestigious French prize if that tells you anything) and thus was on my list for some time.  But I always find stream of consciousness novels hard to read (even though this one was free indirect discourse) and because of this I had a lot of trouble forcing myself to read the book.  That said, I loved it once we talked about it in class! I love her symbolism and quotes and shit gol’ durn that really burns me up and her prose is so poetic I think because it mirrors our consciousnesses and we’re all poetic on the inside unless you’re a math major or something not that there’s anything wrong with that...

So a word on Modernism before I begin: Modernism is the school of literature that came about in Great Britain (and throughout Europe? not sure) after WWI in response to the war and also to the disillusionment that plagued society at this time.  It is characterized by focus on certain ideals like Freudianism, interest in the subconscious, trying to represent the way humans think rather than their surroundings and shit, the perils of contemporary society, the perceived inability of individuals to relate to each other, etc.  Modernist writing is characterized by stream of consciousness (writing like the way someone thinks, full of semi-colons and run-on sentences and sometimes hard to follow like the way we all think) or free indirect discourse (following someone’s thoughts but in a third person omniscient point of view) writing styles, which is emblematic of this attempt to get into someone’s head and accurately represent what they’re thinking and the way they think.  For example, in her essay/speech Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Brown (1923), she states:

“In the course of your daily life this past week you have had far stranger and more interesting experiences than the one I have tried to describe. You have overheard scraps of talk that filled you with amazement. You have gone to bed at night bewildered by the complexity of your feelings. In one day thousands of ideas have coursed through your brains; thousands of emotions have met, collided, and disappeared in astonishing disorder.”

This is what Modernists try to reenact in their writings.  Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they don’t.  It’s debatable.

The main Modernist writers are T. S. Eliot, James Joyce, Virginia Woolf, and Catherine Mansfield.  The past two weeks we have spent reading T. S. Eliot, and so To the Lighthouse was a real change of pace let me tell you.  Even though Eliot is my favorite poet he is so gd pessimistic and not conducive to happiness.  Woolf, on the other hand, despite her really sad gd life, manages to write such hopeful novels.  I won’t say happy because literally in TTL there’s imagery of death everywhere and a lot of people die (hellooooooo WWI?).  So I’ll just hop right into it and give you a real quick little summary.

So TTL is all about the Ramsay family, Mr. and Mrs. and their eight kids, and their summer house on the Isle of Skye (debatable) in the Hebrides in Scotland.  It is about the relationships between the family members, their friends, the people staying with them, their thoughts, their pasts, and their world.  This is important because there is a section pre-WWI and another post-WWI, which really serves to illustrate the effect of the War on the family, the island, and the society of contemporary times. There is also a character named Lily who is an artist and who may or may not be in love with Mrs. Ramsay (because in a VW novel you have to have a lot of feminism, shirking of traditional female roles, and a suggested homosexual love interest) but the glimpse that we get into her mind and her thoughts really illustrates the creative process and how artistically inclined people (vs idk math minded people or something) view the world.

I’m not going to tell you how it ends or what happens because I want you to actually read it! That said if you have read it please message me and we can talk about it ~

My diagnosis: I thought it was really well-written and easy to read (once I could force myself into it) despite nothing interesting really happening.  There’s a lot of symbolism which is always fun and I really liked reading a book written by a female author who was experimenting with feminism and sexuality at a time when women were not allowed to have a strong role in society and when homosexuality was less acceptable.  I admire her for having the lady balls to write something so revolutionary for the times and not being afraid of what people would think or say.  I also really love her writing style and how she tried to mimic organic thought and the way we think.

Because we don’t think in structured paragraphs or ordered sentences (unless you’re Oscar Wilde I guess idk if I believe that tho).  Human thought is chaotic and prismatic and spastic and disorderly and confusing.  I get confused by my own thoughts sometimes but that’s besides the point.  I think it’s important to read these Modernist works because they reveal the truth about our lives.  Life is not a carefully planned out novel with dramatic events.  Day-to-day life is boring and routine and you have to do stuff that you don’t want to do.  Life is chaotic and prismatic and spastic and disorderly and confusing because humans are.

Idk man that’s just my own two bits.

Until next time!

~good vibes~

-fiona

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3: How to Keep from Drowning in School Work

hello friends!

Sorry for being AWOL. I was sick for like three weeks and then I had to spend some time catching up on school work.

~ which brings me to my next blog post ~

(yes I made this on paint lol)

There’s always that one part of the semester where you fall behind in your work and you feel like everything is coming at you from all sides out of  n o w h e r e  and then you have a mini heart attack and google “how to get a successful job without going to college”. Am I right ladies?

If you’re me, you realize everything you have to do, get stressed out, freak out, call your mom, call your best friend, take out your frustrations (undeservingly) on your SO, cry a little, and then  W O M A N   U P  and put your game face on.

What’s the game plan?

Step 1: DON’T FREAK OUT

This is the most important step I promise you.  Freaking out will NOT help anything!  Sure it seems like a lot right now, maybe it is actually a hell of a lot to do, but you’ve made it this far!  Everything will work itself out in the end and if it doesn’t then it wasn’t the right path for you.  Freshman year I had a freak out because I thought I wasn’t going to make As in all my classes (you know, the things you worry about as a freshman?) and I called my mom crying because I’m dramatic like that and she told me (and I will never forget this as long as I live) she told me, “As long as you’re doing your best, that’s the best you can do.”

#thanksmom

So do your best, don’t give yourself a heart attack, REMAIN CALM, and move on to step 2.

Step 2: Make Some Plans

When you have a lot of work to do in a short amount of time, it’s time to break out your planner (or if you don’t have a planner, a piece of paper I guess idk).  Plan out your next week by pulling out your syllabus and marking down when everything is due in your planner.  It is most helpful to plan out every hour of this week so that you will be able to easily see when you have free time.  

Realize this: it’s not as much as you thought it was.  Every single time, I freak out because in my head I’ve convinced myself that I can’t possibly get everything done by the time it is due, but when I write everything out, I always realize that I have more time than I thought I did.

Now write in all your other obligations, like work or babysitting or church or something.  I don’t go outside much so I don’t have to worry about this (jk (kind of)).

Step 3: Make Some Lists

Now pull out sticky notes or another piece of paper or your target receipts idk and, for each assignment due, write out all the tasks you have to do to accomplish the assignment. So for example if I had to write a paper on Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, my tasks would be:

1: read book

2: do research

3: write outline

4: write rough draft

5: edit

6: print & turn in

Now, estimate how long it will take you to accomplish each task.

1: read book – 3 hours

2: do research – 5 hours

3: write outline -1 hour

4: write rough draft – 3 hours

5: edit – 20 minutes

6: print & turn in – negligible

Step 4: Apply Plans

Now, go back to your planner and block out the times that you will be working on each task.  So, for Monday, let’s say I have class from 10:00 to 13:00 and then a meeting at 18:00 and then I have to meet someone for dinner at 19:00.  I would mark out 14:00 to 18:00 to read Mrs Dalloway  (I always give myself more time than I think I’ll need to make sure I don’t fall behind – if I finish earlier I can start on the next task) and then from 20:00 to 23:30 to work on research.

If you have more than one assignment to do, you’ll have to make room for multiple tasks every day. I like to do a little bit of everything each day so I don’t get bored or overwhelmed.  

So currently, I have three assignments due by Tuesday for three separate classes. So I took my planner and mapped out all my meetings, meal times, and events for the next week. Then I made my lists, which came out like this:

Modernism: Read book on WB Yeats and write paper

1: read book – 170ish pages a day for 3 days

2: do research – one afternoon

3: write paper – 3 hours ?

4: edit – 20 minutes

5: print

Italian Literature: Find news article(s) to discuss in class

1: find articles – 15 minutes every day

2: print articles

3: look up unknown words in article – 30 minutes ?

4: prepare short summary of article – 1 hour

Italian Language: Prepare translation, also do grammar worksheet

1: look up unknown words in translation – 30 minutes

2: work out translation – 1 hour

3: double-check translation – 1 hour

4: 4 grammar problems – 30 minutes each

And this is how I keep from stressing (:

I hope this helps you! If you have any questions or comments or you want to tell me how much I suck please feel free to message me!

~ good vibes yo ~

-fiona

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I know you won't see this for a while if ever but I just want to tell you about my life. Some days I wake up and I want nothing more than to be with you and talk to you and tell you about my day. But some days I have nights like tonight where I go out with my girls and we have a great fucking time where I don't even flirt with anyone and it reminds me that I am whole all by myself. I don't need anyone to complete me. And I know that tomorrow I might feel differently and the day after I might want nothing more than to be back in your arms, but every single day I am going to remember this feeling, when I ran through the snow and I laughed like it was my last night on earth and I watched my friends be themselves and I didn't need you. And that's important to who I want to be.

Drunk Thoughts #1

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Poem of the Week: Week 1

hello friends! 

 So I recently started this thing where I read a poem everyday for a week straight when I wake up and when I go to sleep. This week I read Bukowski because I guess I wanted to punish myself. I really enjoy this poem because, in a really dark, pessimistic, Modernist way, I think it really accurately represents society today and also how we all try to fill that empty space inside of us. It also represents the crazy and unhealthy ways men and women deal with their problems, which in turn originate from those empty spaces inside of us. And also it progresses this idea of there being "the one" for all of us. What do you think? Do you agree? Message me!

~ g o o d  v i b e s ~

-fiona

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2: winter playlist

hello friends!

So sometimes I wake up with Gypsy stuck in my head, and sometimes I have to write down lyrics or tweet them just to get them to stop bouncing around inside of me. Does this ever happen to you?

Music is a very important part of my life.  I am always jamming on the way to class or to school or when I get ready in the morning or when I work out.  Music affects my mood and my mood determines my music.  So I thought I would share with you my current winter playlist.

When I make playlists on Spotify I always name them after the month I found them in.  So I’ve had Spotify for like three years now and therefore I have like three September playlists.  I figured this winter since I’m in Oxford for most of it I’d just name my playlist “winter” (except in Italian lol so it’s actually “l’invierno”).

Here are some of my favorites from my winter playlist:

Not Enough- J Mascis

this song convinced me to break up with my boyfriend in tenth grade I’m serious.  Super chill.

and I know my love, I know my love is over… and I wish I did, I wish I didn’t know…

Family and Genus- Shakey Graves

Shakey Graves is one of my new favorites. I just discovered them in October.  This one is also very chill (do you see a pattern?)

where // where we // where we would wait for friends and family

All Those Friendly People- Funeral Suits

This one is not so chill.  (just kidding about the pattern)

YOU NEVER ANSWER ON THE PHONE // WITH YOUR NICOTINE LIPS AND YOUR HEART OF STONE

Fail!- Rainbow Kitten Surprise

I love songs with strong bass like this.  Also this song just sounds like an adventure to me.  RKS actually came to Athens not too long ago and I missed them ): so sad

these words sound like a song I used to know but never wrote, cause it was beautiful and predictable…

Bridge Burn- Little Comets

I’ve never heard a song quite so original.

the way the waves wash empty words away…

Pneumonia- Me Like Bees

Because walking down these Oxford streets I sometimes feel like I’m contracting pneumonia (:

now when it comes to gallows humor, it’s a slippery slope…don’t ever ask a hangman to show you the ropes. I know you meant it as a “ha ha ha,” you just might end up with a twiny collar

Mouthful of Diamonds- Phantogram

for when you’re walking down the street and it’s cold and you want some weird trumpet like shit coming at you from all angles

and if it isn’t me, then pack your bags and leaveeeee

We’ll Be The Light- The Dirty Guvs

These guys used to come to Athens all the time but sadly they are broken up now.  This song gets stuck in my head all the time I love it so much

~ put your hand in my pocket ~ I’ll be your favorite song ~

Hypnotized- Fever Fever

I shit you not I have been singing this song all day.  I really like songs that change halfway through, whether via a drop or a change of key.  This is one of them.

I’M HYPNOTIZED BY THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES

Okay thanks once again for reading my ramblings (if anyone’s even reading this)!

Music is seriously so important to me so I hope you realize that this is me sharing a part of myself with you <3 I don’t particularly care if you look up any or all of these songs, but if you do and you happen to like any of them please feel free to message me and we can talk tunage (:

~ sending good vibes to you and yours ~

-fiona

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1: A Guide to Oxford

hello friends!

so for my first post I wanted to write about what I know best at the moment.  That for me is Oxford!

In case you missed it: I am currently studying abroad in Oxford, UK with my university (go dawgs!) on a program with the School of Public and International Affairs (SPIA) even though that’s not even my major hahaha I still don’t know how I got here anywayyy…

This city is literally so breathtaking.  I’ve been to Florence and Rome and Venice and Prague and Paris and Oxford is so different. It’s got that old-timey brick-housed feel and those cramped pubs that are both too small and perfectly cozy at the same time.  It’s got sprawling marble castles and ivy-covered red brick hole-in-the-wall stores. It’s got three story bookstores and national history museums and urban sprawl and hipsters smoking around corners and tiny coffee shops full of intellectuals I love this place.

So in case you ever decide to visit this beautiful subject of English culture and architecture, I’m going to share with you my favorite places in this town.

Sites of Interest: Random places where I like to hang out

The Covered Market: Okay this place is really cool.  It’s just off Broad Street in the City Centre and it’s a coalition of stores and shops and food places and is honestly just super cute.

The University Parks: I actually went on a run through this place this morning! It’s just a giant ass park off Banbury Road (by Keble College) that has a bunch of soccer fields and random pathways and in the middle there’s this gorgeous ass rickety ass bridge like wtf.  I kinda actually got lost this morning haha but it’s so peaceful and atmospheric and picturesque and existential.  Lots of puppies.

Cafes: Why is it that I get the majority of my work done in cafes? Is it the ambiance? Is it the coffee that I don’t have to make for myself for once?

Society: Society is this adorable little hipster café that always plays the literal best music and is very cheap and very good.  We went there for two weeks straight to converse about the readings for Dr. J Money’s class when we were in that class.  I haven’t been back since but that’s where I went to get all my work done when I still had work to do haha.

George Street Social: I walked past this place maybe 50 times before I realized it was a café. It looks so legit like an actual British cottage but the inside is really kitschy art deco and some beautiful ass little nooks and crannies and natural lighting it kills me you need to go here.  V cheap also dank ass salads.

Pubs: Where ya go to pick up a cheeky pint

Lamb and Flag//Eagle and Child: These pubs are right across the street from each other and are known hangouts of C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkein, & friends.  Dank beer, cute and cozy.  V ambient 10/10 would recommend.

King’s Arms: This my home base.  The Kappa Alpha House can never lead me astray.  They have the best English food (not saying much ja feel) and the best mulled cider around!!! Also cute bartenders, always remember me when I go in (which is frequent).  I used to go here for a cheeky pint and lunch for the first couple of weeks I was here but I haven’t been back for a while which is v sad. Definitely my favorite place around.

Turf Tavern: Okay so Turf is right around the corner from KA and I shit you not apparently this is where Bill Clinton famously “didn’t inhale” or whatever idk I still haven’t found that little chair.  Turf is huge and has a great little patio where you can sit outside and chat though idk why you would when England is so gd cold all the time.  Also they have the best (and most alcoholic) cider on tap which is Rosie’s so deff go here.

Restaurants: When you need something to soak up all the alcohol in your stomach

White Rabbit: When I tell you this place is DANK I mean that literally you could probably walk in with dank and they’d be like ayyy.  This place has it all, such as lots of pints on draft including my favorite Czech beer, authentic pizza italiano, and hot boizz yeah buddy.  Frequent this place with your friends and sit for hours doing absolutely nothing but eating, drinking, and talking.  Very conducive to great conversations.

PieMinister: When I think of British food, I think of meat pies.  This place in the Covered Market is the cutest and coziest and has the BEST pies I’ve ever had.  The first time I went was my first day here and I’m a sucker for goat cheese so I immediately grabbed a goat cheese and sweet potato pie and I died right there on the floor they had to mop me up I swear. Seriously-- go here.

Bill’s: Residing in the residence directly above Society, Bill’s is a convenient hop and skip from Broad Street in the City Centre.  This place is delicious dude they have everything from fried chicken sandwiches (it’s not Chik-Fil-A but hey) to ridiculously good chocolate donuts (I cried and then I licked the plate).  Would recommend especially for brunch.

DISCLAIMER: This is not everything Oxford has to offer, and honestly I’ve only been here for a month now.  These are just my favorite hangouts that I wanted to share with you. If you ever end up in Oxford, feel free to hit me up and consult with me // share your experiences!

Some pictures taken by yours truly (: (the others were taken by the internet)

~sending good vibes your way~

-fiona

[fwiona-blog1]

intro

hello friends!

before I get started I just want to introduce myself.  My name is Fiona.  I am a 21 y/o female attending the University of Georgia (go dawgs!) where I currently reside.  I am a linguistics major and an italian minor.  I really love literature, music, art, languages, travelling, and meeting new people! Please please please contact me any time I would really love to just talk to you about life or any of the above!

I live to travel.  I have lived all around the US and I have visited Saudi Arabia, Italy, France, Spain, Denmark, Czech Republic, Germany, and the UK.  This past summer I studied abroad in Florence for four weeks and then went backpacking so I hope to post some about that in the future!  I am currently studying abroad in Oxford, UK with my university and you will definitely see me post about that.

I wanted to create this blog for a couple reasons.  Firstly, I want to share my knowledge of travel (packing tips, backpacking tips, where to stay, where to go, etc.) in the hopes that I can help others get abroad.  It is the most important thing I have done with my life.  It honestly is essential to travel and I hope through this blog I will be able to help others enrich their lives in much the same way.  Additionally I want to share the things that interest me in the hopes that it will touch someone out there who shares my passions!  Finally, I am choosing to start this blog at this time because my life is kind of in a shambles right now.  I am in the midst of emotional turmoil (I won’t tell you why-- you can message me if you want to talk!) and I hope that by putting all my thoughts and passions into this blog and into my (hopefully many) readers, then I will be able to sort out my own life.

So I’m not making this blog just to help you guys, I’m hoping you will be able to help me in return.

Okay so a little about my passions:

-my favorite color is periwinkle (like the cat on blue’s clues) because it is so calming and it always makes me happy

-my favorite bands are the Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Maine.  I can’t tell you my favorite song because it changes every day.  I like to listen to a genre of music that I call “hippie music;” if you think a hippie would listen to it, odds are that I would too.

-my favorite poet is TS Eliot and my favorite poem is The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.  If you don’t know it holy shit you better look it up because I promise I will bring it up over and over

-my favorite writer is James Joyce and my favorite book is A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man. 

-my favorite artists include Dali, Botticelli, and Bosch.  I like weird shit that makes me think and challenges the way you see the world.  Same thing in my favorite books and poems.

and if you want to know anything else about me please do not hesitate to contact me!

-fiona