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[gdhouse]

तमन्ना : एक चुटकुला

तमन्ना : एक चुटकुला

आज कुछ तमन्नाएँ ख़त्म हो जाए, तो बेहतर रहेगा। दिल काफ़ी दिनों से पिघल सा रहा है। पत्थर ही बनना था जब मुझको, किसका दीदार नही करते बना? शुक्रगुज़ार हूँ उन हसरतों का, जो कभी मंज़िल तक पहुँची ही नही। क्या ये मुमकिन है अब भी, की वो तस्वीरें फिर से धुंधली हो जाए?अब तो आईने से भी डर लगता है। सच को झूठ में पिरो कर दिखाता है।क्या था सोचा, क्या मिला। अब तो सुकून भी घुटन सा लगता है।लम्बी रातें हैं ये,…

[gdhouse]

छोटी मझधार

यह एक छोटी मझधार ही तो है रेत में पिरोया था नौका को क्या सोच के ले चला था तूफ़ानों में सोच की आप ही तैर चल पार होएगी आख़िरकार, यह एक छोटी मझधार ही तो है पर्वत भी चढ़ जाएँगे, ये सोचा था घटाएँ से भी लड़ जाएँगे, ये देखा भी था बड़ी लम्बी साँसे भी रोक नही सकेंगी आख़िरकार, यह एक छोटी मझधार ही तो है मख़मल सा एक कबूतर आया तैर के पार करना चाहा फिर क्यों नही की वो एक पक्षी ही है क्या रेंग के…

[gdhouse]

A Piece of Flesh

A Piece of Flesh

That when it decided to sell Not knowing what the price would be It had its own whims, its own fancies Less it knew it was about to dwell For what it had believed to be pure Gold, pious, temple The roads took it on a thorny way Those thorns, piercing the flesh A piece of flesh is all it had Shying away, tender and gay For what it was worth it It showed true colours – green and…

[gdhouse]

The wrath of the Imperials

The wrath of the Imperials

The latest news in international media is the occupation of Talibani forces in Kabul, thus throwing away the Afghanistan government, leading to thousands evacuating the capital. This brings to highlight the various repercussions being felt in other parts of the world due to centuries of western occupation, a platform that has shunned in silence now. The problem in Afghanistan didn’t trigger with…

[gdhouse]

It's Gone

It’s Gone

Would you believe, The flower that I had thought would bloom The snow that I thought would fall The nightmares I believed would go The chaos that I had hoped would surrender It’s gone. Beneath the wilderness of my heart Was sown a seed deep and pure It felt like heart melted Every time the sorrow was like a heap Blatantly, shamelessly The soul would scream and weep But its all shallow…

[gdhouse]

Its a chaos

In the chaos, What once happened, Took a turmoil. What had once happened, Hit a roadblock. Never meant this to see What a shame Doesn’t matter what it be And the stars that once shined above my dome And the moon that once lit in my pondering home It now shattered What was once my dream It now scrabbled What was once a silk gown And there is nothing, that one could stop from…

[gdhouse]

The cool breeze of Arabia

The cool breeze of Arabia

What happens to the cool breeze of Arabia?One would dream about it at nights. It’s windy but it comes outOf a seemingly wonderful sight. It blows by the seasOf the deep blue horizon. That which touches the point Where lived a certain citizen. The citizen of a certain cityThat reaches far yet tiny. He had certain hopes shining dimSo big but yet so puny. The citizen wanted to be wantedAnd never…

[gdhouse]

Amusement Park

I had this unfortunate privilege to enter into an amusement park a couple of years ago. We all have been there actually. I call it as Parc de l.amour. An overwhelming oceanic tide of flesh and bones dancing on virtual tunes. The park had everything to get intoxicated for. Lustrous visuals, stunning audience, superficial twinkles. I paid for a ride. Then another, and another. Over a dozen rides I…

[gdhouse]

Anxiety Trigger

Things have become so vile these days. One can’t talk about religion or politics without getting attacked or yelled. My anxiety has shot up badly in past few weeks and there looks no possible solution to this. It vents out on social media, especially Facebook - the battleground for all - resulting into hate phone calls and hate messages. That further escalates the anxiety. And then this mechanism of making a shield around yourself starts creeping in. What I have realized that certain people need to have an sexual outlet to calm down their anxiety. Or even an emotional touch of opposite sex works out. But people are scared of emotions, they feel it will deter them from their goals.

Growing up, I always believed a good man is the one who always listens to his elders, never hits anyone - men or women - always is loyal in relationships, never cheats, etc. I did everything. Yet the anxiety part overshadowed every single good deed I did. People tend to freak out seeing my anxiety burst-outs. Losing friends, love-interests, co-workers. I make maps and read about history and post it seeking some validation or appreciation. Or play Age of Empires 2 (even 3 at times) or watch some movies or web-shows. Never shied away from revealing my truest desires to people. The turmoil doesn’t seem to stop.

I am being told “there are bigger problems in the world. Stop making things up, its all in your head”. Its in my lungs and diaphragms as well. Its on my face, in my eyes, in my legs. In my dick that is constantly pumped up racing heart up and down. Anxiety isn’t related to head alone. It cripples your body as well.

People are celebrating quarantine and isolation. Man, my whole life has been in quarantine. Chasing people to meet, just to fucking hangout, calling people only to hear busy tones and unanswered messages and calls. You think anxiety is really related to only ‘head’? Every morning is dreading and just feel like a never-ending wheel being pushed and pulled by tight ropes that are really tight and impossible to break. I break down watching dogs and cats videos, not because they are sweet. But because them getting hugs is something I am craving and not getting access to. Imagine, I have become so lonely and isolated, that a mere ‘i love you’ text will also work.

Its not gonna go in just 1 or 2 or even 3 years. It takes decades. Soul is sad from inside and constantly worrying and overthinking all the time. As if the brain doesn’t want to stop thinking. Anxiety isn’t in my head, overthinking is. Worrying is. Fear is, hatred is. Sorrow, pain and a feeling that everyone will leave - that is in my head. And that’s not going to go out unless someone actually makes some genuine everlasting efforts.

I am not seeking any sympathy from anyone here. I don’t even know how many followers I have here on Tumblr. I can’t post this on Facebook as it’s a pothole of judgemental people. This is just a vent out. I shall continue doing it from time to time. Anything that eases my pain.

[gdhouse]

Bhojpuri, Hindi and the UP-Bihar syndrome

Bhojpuri, Hindi and the UP-Bihar syndrome

A language tarnished for a long time results into formation of a stereotype. Albeit its sophisticated origins, usage of any language defines its shape more than its roots. Let’s talk about the ill-fate of two such Indian vernaculars – Hindi & Bhojpuri.

Coming from a Hindi background, it irks me a little when it is improperly used on print media which attempts to walk on the promenade of…

[gdhouse]

At 28

28 is a harsh age. It’s an age when you are nearly ending your 20s, and knocking at your 30s. It’s an age where you have seen a lot and are aware to see a lot more.

It’s an age where it’s hard to make new friends. Some people are battling mental illness and hence aren’t open to the idea of accepting new people instantly. Some people are bittered in their past and hence aren’t accepting anyone at…

[gdhouse]

Best Friend

“I have a best friend. His name, I wish to keep it as anonymous. But let me tell you his story.

We met a year ago at a house-warming party of a friend. He was quietly sitting in the corner as everything was new to him. I offered him some chicken and something to drink. Now I might be a party animal, but clearly, he wasn’t. He looked different.

At least he felt that way.

Soon we started to hang…

[gdhouse]

Dear Ego

Hey dear Ego,

It’s been a while we talked. Actually, I never got a chance to talk to you. And it’s been 28 years, funny. Well we have been through a lot, right? You made some pretty cool friends – Happiness, Sadness, Joy, Fear, Anger, Love, Lust. Well, the last one was kind of weird, but he was pretty stable as well. But today I wanted to talk about you.

How are you? I know you have had a rough…

[gdhouse]

[gdhouse]

EVERYONE WARNED ME ABOUT THIS EPISODE BUT I WASN’T READY

[gdhouse]

[gdhouse]

ISLAND

Uninhabited a land, Devoid of any mercy.

Was a sublime naturalistic work. Island, it was one.

It had vegetation, flora and fauna. Finesse in their creation, their beauty.

Many were witnessed as spectators, Few were takers.

The Island gave it to all.

Kept giving. Kept giving.

A fine tragic day, a Lucifer arrived, As Satan, in disguise.

But the spirit gave as well. It reciprocated.

The Island breathed. It had been 27,000 years.

The Island gave more than it could. Flora, fauna, vegetation – it all flourished.

There were rainbows, unicorns, Blessings, harmony, love.

The spirit rejoiced as well. “You are my last hope”, said the Lucifer

For the Lucifer was also in pain, Just like the Island.

The Island trembled, An earthquake.

It was just an island, after all. It had to tremble.

The Lucifer perturbated, “HYSTERIC !!”, was labelled to the Island.

And Lucifer left.

Abandoned.

Flora left. Fauna left. Vegetation died.

The Island sunk.

It was an island, after all, It had to sink.