girlfailureblog

[girlfailureblog]

[girlfailureblog]

i can't believe dan and phil just confirmed their relationship on a casual monday

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[girlfailureblog]

i actually don't understand.

[girlfailureblog]

I wish I was able to talk about my ed struggles openly online without being accused of encouraging harmful behaviour. I have a deep direct experience of how toxic those online spaces can be, and they have done real harm to me.

But then I also wish I could discuss these issues in a neutral manner in the same way other mental health issues are talked about on this website. Like, I understand the witch hunt, but I also don't understand the witch hunt.

Like, I'm not in a position to recover right now, it would only make my relapse worse. But I know a lot of my other mental health issues are being affected by my lack of nutrition atm. So I'm kinda stuck between a rock and a hard place and I'm really struggling to find a community that has a bank of anecdotal harm-reduction resources because this topic is so taboo.

Again, I understand why public online conversations about this topic are so heavily moderated, but I'm literally going nuts and I feel very alone. And I'm nervous about speaking about this in the first place because I don't want to be accused of being a horrible person or being fatphobic or whatever. I'm not, I'm genuinely just not well at the moment.

[girlfailureblog]

i'm actually like. . . not doing so well? Before you say it, yes, I am indeed in therapy. I don't even feel depressed I just feel super agitated all the time like there's a billion bees inside me.

Please free me.

(I want to say like I am materially fine - I'm doing well at work, I have a roof over my head. I'm just Biblically Suffering in the cage of my own being).

[girlfailureblog]

If you could instantly be granted fluency in 5 languages—not taking away your existing language proficiency in any way, solely a gain—what 5 would you choose?

[girlfailureblog]

Just ‘crashed out’. Can’t go out to have post-cry pee bc people are up. None of you will read this.

[girlfailureblog]

genuinely crying over the holiday pics. like, tears pouring down my face. they did it, they made it!

and maybe i can do it. maybe i can have that too, one day.

SOBBING

[girlfailureblog]

it's so difficult to:

be a primary carer for a parent

work a full-time job that ur underpaid in and also hate

trying to find work experience opportunities for the industry you want to get into whilst simultaneously working a 9-5:30

trying to write the novel that will save you from your miserable groundhog day life

having to do tutoring side gigs with snotty teenagers because you need more money to help ur mum pay rent

trying to be consistent with therapy for you Mental Illness

Most of your friends have ditched you because they don't make an effort to understand that you have Real Responsibilities and can't always drop everything for last minute Wednesday cocktails

I know i'm immensely lucky to have a job at all, and a roof over my head, but i'm finding it really difficult not to crack under the pressure of everything, like i'm trying my hardest to be the Most Responsible 22 year old ever but I also want to try to at least follow my passions.

I'm just really isolated right now. I'm caring between 7-8:30, then at work from 9:00-17:30, then caring on-and-off between 18:00-22:00, and then like I need to shower and brush my teeth and eat (lol who does that), and then at some point write AND apply for jobs. . . it's impossible. I know I should be grateful with what I have but I just want the life my friends have. I don't want to be constantly worrying about money and my life prospects and people leaving me because I'm not in the capital city like them. Since graduating university I've lost a couple of friendships because I'm frankly just not as rich as they are. I already have £74k in student debt like I can't affford to do a masters.

Idk it's the Sunday scaries back to haunt me again I guess, just kill me now.

[girlfailureblog]

I love oversharing on tumblr because no one sees it. No one in my real life sees it and also i don't enough followers for like. . . my three guys to see it either

[girlfailureblog]

I HATE YOU SUNDAY SCARIES I HATE YOU PAID LEAVE COVER I HATE YOU WORK I HATE YOU IMPORTING I HATE YOU CUSTOMER SERVICE FREE ME FROM THE CHAINS OF WORKING IN INTERNATIONAL FOOD SUPPLYCHAIN I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE PAID A WHOPPING £25K A YEAR TO HANDLE THIS SHIT I DESERVE ENOUGH MONEY TO MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE WITH THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE MODEST SAVINGS EVERY MONTHS AND ALSO EAT FRESH FOOD

kill me now.

[girlfailureblog]

youtube just recommended me the dan and phil japan haul video and I can't tell if it's because the japhan 4.0 (engagement edition) truthers have caused the vid to be pushed by the algorithm, or if Youtube is trying to send me a supernatural message about Dip and Pip's where abouts help me help me help me

[girlfailureblog]

i must not kill myself . killing myself is the myself killer

[girlfailureblog]

crazy to think that if my mum didn't get gastroenteritis in 2001 I wouldn't be alive today to read My Immortal

[girlfailureblog]

crumb comics dump

[girlfailureblog]

was gonna make a post about The Character but then i looked at my dash for 5 seconds and it would appear that everyone is also having the same experience so