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We Are Stupid - Episode 123

Some people know all of the rules to the Pathfinder Roleplaying Game, but many, many more do not. Here’s a list of the things we screwed up in our never-ending search for Pathfinder perfection…

17 Episodes. 17 Episodes since we last made a mistake. Or was it 17 episodes since I last admitted we made a mistake? That’s sounds more accurate. 17 combat filled episodes, where mistakes abound, but We Are Stupid...strangely quiet. I’ve got no excuse. Time to get back on the wagon and analyze those mistakes that not only may have changed the very fabric of our characters’ reality, but should also be lessons for all those new GMs out there that seek Pathfinder perfection as we do.

Episode 123 is a long one and with that much recorded time, there’s plenty of mistakes to talk about. I’ll start with that dashing magical wolf: Lexington. 

When I mentioned that his bite attack also as a “trip” ability, we seemed to conclude that I could decide to make a trip attempt instead of biting for damage. Here’s what the state looks like on my character sheet:

Melee    Bite +9 (1d6+3, plus trip)

Can I get a helping of stupid with a side of wrongsauce, please? That’s totally incorrect and drastically under-powers the ability. It says right in the ability that it’s plus trip, not or trip. C’mon, O’Brien. Not to mention that when Troy’s monsters have attacked us with a claw attack that reads “1d8+11, plus grab” you can be damn sure Troy’s rolling that damage and then rolling the grapple check. Not choosing one or the other. So, for future reference, here’s how it really works with our magical wolf: Lexington attempts to bite an opponent; make an attack roll. If the attack hits, I can roll a free combat maneuver roll at that moment to see if I happen to trip the creature. Aside from the fact that, as Matthew so kindly pointed out, an ooze is mechanically impossible to “trip”, I would be the one rolling the check and it would fail anyway, so why am I even talking about this? Because when we are stupid, we must be reminded. 

There’s been a lot of attention thrown on Barron’s new teamwork feat Target of Opportunity, which gives him a free ranged attack as an immediate action when one of his allies hits an opponent within 30 feet. So does the ally need to be within 30 feet of Barron? Or does the opponent need to be within 30 feet of Barron? Or does the ally need to be 30 feet from the opponent? Or does does the opponent need to be within 30 feet of a Dairy Queen. We could ask these questions all day, but there’s only one correct answer as it turns out, and it’s the opposite of the one that Grant says. The correct answer is that Barron needs to be within 30 feet of the opponent that was hit by his ally. So, Nestor could be 150 feet away and with a successful attack on a creature that’s within 30 feet of Barron, Barron can get a shot off as an immediate action. If however, Nestor and Barron are 150 feet away from the target and Nestor hits, Barron might as well sharpen his gun, because he can’t do S**T. In Episode 123, Barron was about 40 feet away from an opponent that Nestor hit and Grant took the shot because he was within 30 feet of Nestor, but Grant is stupid. Don’t be like Grant.

When Sir Will and Lexington got themselves engulfed within the worm ooze of awfulness, Barron took a desperate conical shot with his dragon pistol to kill the creature and prevent it from suffocating the pair. A bold gesture, but we glossed over some mechanics here that are actually pretty cool. 

A dragon pistol, if I’m understanding this correctly, has the Scatter weapon property which means it may fire in a cone if the wielder so chooses and if said wielder also loads the weapon with the proper scatter-shot ammunition. The dragon pistol can be used to shoot a single bullet at a single target (albeit at a shorter range of only 10 feet). When using the scatter property, however, Barron would need to make separate attack rolls for each target within the cone, all at a -2. So, attack roll on the ooze, then a roll on Sir Will, then a roll for Lex...and so on. You take the good with the bad though. We rolled over Grant’s hit onto Lexington’s flat-footed AC, which seems unfair, but Grant also could have CRIT and permakilled Lexington if he landed a “Nestor” roll, as I like to call it. A “Nestor” roll is when you roll a critical hit against your ally’s f***ing animal companion. Lesson learned here and we’ll try to remember that the next time Grant pulls out his dragon pistol 60 episodes from now.

Though there are more mistakes in this episode, I’m only going to mention one more because I’m running out of time: critical hits and constructs. When the oozes we fought in 123 were in clay form, we considered them constructs and though Skid rolled multiple natural 20s during the combat (some of which were against the clay form) we declared emphatically and with complete and utter confidence in our knowledge as actual play podcasters that “constructs are immune to critical hits and precision damage”. Uuuuh, yes, can I please have the chef’s salad topped with wrongnuts please? Idiots. The episode was 2 hours long because We Are Stupid. If we’d simply let Skid have his triple damage fan criticals, we would have been out of there in a cool hour and ten minutes! While oozes are immune to critical hits, constructs are not. This was news to me. Apparently, we made a common mistake and carried over an understood rule from D&D 3.5 that constructs are immune to critical hits. In fact, Pathfinder changed that rule and since we play Pathfinder, we should probably play by those rules. The Pathfinder ones. So, bring it, Lavallee! The next construct we see is getting crit to death immediately! Keen everything! Let’s do this!

-Joe

This article would not have been possible without hard work and contributions of Pathfinder rule expert David Stronczek. Thanks, David.

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Keswick Crest Design Contest

Do you have the artistic prowess required to design the first official Keswick Crest?!?! One lucky artist will have their design chosen to represent the Keswick family crest on merchandise to be sold when the new Glass Cannon website launches! In return, the winner will get a signed Pathfinder pocket edition of their choice between the Advanced Player’s Guide, Gamemastery Guide or the Bestiary. More importantly, you’ll have your work seen by millions* of Glass Cannon fans all over the world that may lead to future freelance design opportunities down the line!

Here are the specs: The Keswick family describes their crest as "two white griffons, rampant, on a field vert." We want to see that kelly green shield with two griffins facing each other and somewhere, probably underneath, it should say the words of Sir Will’s house: For the Rose and the Light. Maybe there are roses embossed on the shield? Maybe there are longswords crisscrossing behind it? Who knows?! But if you want to win, it needs to be clean, minimalist, subtle, sleek, modern and cool. Something you’d actually want to wear proudly about town.

Here’s a very basic example of what the crest could look like if no thought went into it:

Entries must be sent to glasscannonpodcast@gmail.com with the subject line: Keswick Crest. This is an open deadline, but don’t hesitate to get your design in ASAP. Good luck with your submissions. We can’t wait to see what you got!

THE FINE PRINT: By submitting a design to glasscannonpodcast@gmail.com, you agree that your design is completely original in nature and does not contain any elements under copyright from any other source, including items under license from stock photo websites. Further, if your design is chosen as the winner, you agree that all rights, including intellectual property, to your design will be automatically given to the Glass Cannon Podcast d/b/a Powerhouse and Tate Productions for any and all merchandise, in any format whatsoever, in all media, worldwide, in perpetuity. You will continue to be recognized as the author of the work. All designs not awarded a prize will remain the property of their authors.

*thousands

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Here’s Sir Willimet Keswick and Lexington at Level 9!

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Here’s Della Narn at Level 9!

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Here’s Nestor Coyne at Level 9!

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Here’s Barron at Level 9!

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The Glass Cannon is seeking BLOGGERS!

Do you think you have what it takes to write for the GCP?! We are on the cusp of launching a brand new website very soon and part of the relaunch is going to include a brand-spanking, shiny, new BLOG! Our goal is to create a one-stop hub for the ever-growing Glass Cannon community - a hotbed of gaming and nerd culture content that brings people together all over the world and gets them gaming. With Glass Cannon episode recaps, Pathfinder and other gaming product reviews, Gamemaster tips and tricks, industry interviews, TV/movie/comic talk and more - the Glass Cannon BLOG will build a bridge between Glass Cannon nation and the rest of the gaming world. But we need content creators like YOU to make it happen! If you think are up to the task and our impossibly high standards, then please send us an email with a link to your blog, tumblr or website to glasscannonpodcast@gmail.com with BLOG APPLICATION in the subject line.

Please don't send us word documents, resumés or an email full of writing samples! Send us your current blog OR start a blog, get writing and send it to us when you're ready. This is going to be an ongoing search process. We need to see that you understand the voice of our brand while also having your own, unique voice. We need to know you are committed to creating quality content on a regular deadline basis and you MUST be social media savvy. If you only have four twitter followers, but write like Hemingway - we'll definitely give you a look, but, since only a few people will be brought onto the team, we're looking for TOTAL PACKAGES. This is a rolling deadline. So submit when you're ready, follow the instructions listed above and good luck!

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James from Boston here. Our party was looking for intel in a pub, and the GM told us about a shady guy in the corner who looks just like the mysterious type we'd hope would know something. Our monk took the bait and talked to him; turned out some NPCs had set up a broom with a coat and a hat hung over it just for laughs. We all got a good laugh out of it too. What sorts of moments of levity have you inserted into otherwise serious plot lines?

One time, four of my friends plotted to steal my d20 because of their insatiable jealousy of its power. It derailed the campaign, eventually leading to the end of a very successful podcast. They all had a good laugh. Does that count? --Troy

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Is Sir Wilmet based at all on Brigadier Gerard?

As far as I know, Sir Willimet is only based on Joe O’Brien himself - a small small man, built to be totally ineffectual when needed the most, and weak to the whims of teenage girls. --Troy

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Have you guys ever played a kobold.

To my knowledge, none of us have. Matthew probably doesn’t even know what one is. NOOB! --Troy

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What kind/brand of recording gear do you guys use to record episodes?

Things have changed a little over time as we’ve upgraded, but here’s a video from our first GCP Retreat where we walk through our setup:

">https://www.facebook.com/glasscannonpodcast/videos/712595498894837/

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Some pedantry (but that's what the we are stupid is, right?), but in 99, Baron should have been able to use acrobatics to avoid the cyclops. The skill description says you can't do it if slowed by armour, which dwarves are not. I mostly know this because in the last quest I ran, one of the PCs was based on AoOs and mostly killed dwarves.

Yeah we figured this one out after the fact. In general, though, anything to hamper Barron and, more specifically, Grant is encouraged on the show. --Troy

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I recently picked up this podcast and have been enjoying it, but one question has been bugging me for a while. Does the group ever address that ranged weapons do not threaten for purposes of flanking or attacks of opportunity. Repeatedly Baron has threatened surrounding squares with his pistol, and AOO's have been taken with it, bows and crossbows. There is a feat to allow this, but it requires three other feats to get, Snap Shot, but it still doesn't allow flanking.

This needs to be addressed immediately! To my knowledge, they’ve never taken the flanking bonus to ranged attacks except maybe way early on in the pod, but I feel like they’ve snuck many AOOs past the goalie (AKA me) a lot.

What am I missing?! Grant!! Explain yourself! --Troy

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Troy (and Joe), I'm fine with you killing Della, despite Matthew's claim that she's a fan favorite and everyone would hate you for it. I just needed to clear that up from a recent Cannon fodder. Also, what's your margarita recipe? Keep it real homies... -Ben from North Carolina

I go with 2 oz tequila, 1 oz triple sec, freshly squeezed lime juice and ice. Then I like to top it with something fun like a little Narragansett Del’s Summer Shandy. Joe likes to use margarita mix and a little orange juice instead of fresh lime juice and triple sec but that’s because Joe is Philly trash. --Troy

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Is your tumblr not being used anymore or is it mostly routine stuff going on right now? I look forward to the "We are stupid" articles and the pictures/comments. Not to put too much pressure, I know you guys are busy, more of an inquiry rather than a complaint.

We’ve been so slammed the past few months, keeping up with the tumblr has been tough, but we’re doing our best to catch up and be more active on here. We really do need a new “We Are Stupid” ASAP. Put your baby down and get on it O’Brien! --Troy