gnomegnowledge

[gnomegnowledge]

Fun fact: even though I am fine because it was just a bit of a scratch and not a full bite, I did get grazed by some second teeth on my knee. So. It’s been aching and causing some issues with the surrounding muscles recently. Hinders the physical aspect of my research considerably though, so... perhaps... I should find an apprentice...

[gnomegnowledge]

just finished watching the Witcher on Netflix and honestly? Geralt of Rivia could de-gnome my garden and entire local area, setting me back years of important research, and I would thank him for so much as looking at me.

[gnomegnowledge]

David Overton,,, confirmed gnome adjacent. Cheesecake is the new official Gnome Food even though pretty sure that rich cream would clog up the second mouth teeth... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[gnomegnowledge]

About to move (semi temporarily) around 250 miles away, so I’ll be able to observe some different gnome colonies and their behaviors at length!! Stay tuned for new gnowledge! Maybe they’ll even be a different and specialized local strain!!!!

[gnomegnowledge]

The gnomes have learned the word FUCK, exclusively shouted.

[gnomegnowledge]

THE GNOMES SAY TRANS RIGHTS!!!!!

[gnomegnowledge]

Love that this implies forest gnomes normally DO have fashion sense... which... I can confirm... is very much not the case - at least not in my forest.

A forest gnome with no fashion sense

[gnomegnowledge]

sometimes i may as well have the prehensile strength of a snowcone and no amount of whipped cream and naps can fix that

[gnomegnowledge]

Heyyyyyy if y’all are curious what I do when I’m not gardening... it’s this. This is what I’m doing.

BEHOOOLLLDDDD my first full original soundtrack!! All written and preformed by me in garage band or with my shitty earbuds mic for any vocals.

Romeo and Juliet was a b l a s t to write for and I’m super glad I got to do it for one of my senior year shows, with possibly the best Rom and Jom cast ever!

There’s lots of thematic elements and motifs and things woven in, so if y’all want a big ol’ explanation post, lemme know!

[gnomegnowledge]

Gnömé

[gnomegnowledge]

when a gnome dies - some bits and pieces fall off or decay slightly when rigor mortis sets in, like the insides do, hence why most “lawn gnomes” (hollow gnome corpses) look so nonthreatening. along with the decay reshaping things like ears and fingers and rounding the face, discoloration is what causes the typical ‘blue and red’ coloration and the ‘rosy cheeks’. the pupils shrink down to a more classically dinural size as well, hence why most ‘cute lawn gnomes’ do not have haunting black blinkers.

[gnomegnowledge]

Orgy Offsprings’ second mouth teeth are, in fact, highly venomous. They barely break the skin when gripping to pull in prey, but just a scratch is more than enough to almost instantly paralyze. It is eventually lethal if untreated, but then, it’s quite hard to treat yourself when you are paralyzed.

It is recommended that you never venture out into more populated Orgy Offspring territory alone, if you are wise.¹

I am... not that wise. Just incredibly lucky to have a couple of recklessly loyal brownies. Though, I did get a few bowls of porridge dumped on my head throughout the next week as retribution for scaring the daylights out of them.

[gnomegnowledge]

Over my studies in the summer, I actually found out about a gnome-specific seasonal disease that I hadn’t previously noticed. Typically gnomes with the parasitic illness are dragged away to a sort of macabre mass grave in a stagnant pond that seems to be filled with centuries worth of decay.

I finally witnessed it because I suppose the parasite had not been yet detected in a gnome that died attempting to eat through the banana peels lining my house, so I saw as I dragged the gnome out to the treeline that it was still twitching. Obviously, I dropped it immediately and retreated back inside (those beasties are ravenous in the summer). I looked out the window to watch and see if it was still alive.

It was like a horrible version of that parasite mushroom thing that affects the rainforest ants and turns them into zombies. I watched until dusk as the gnome gnawed through my garden. As soon as the sun set, a hoard of healthy gnomes emerged and dragged the squirming, deadened one away. I, of course, out of a foolish and reckless curiosity, followed - which is how I know about the pond and also why I was nursing a rather nasty scraped knee for a while since I tripped over a root on my sprint back to my house and inside. Jumping over swarming angry gnomes barreling towards me on all fours at my 163cm and therefor short-legged speed is... a feat.

[gnomegnowledge]

The gardens thrive once more in the cool air!!! Later than usual because even in the dead of winter, it is early autumn temperatures where I reside, which is... unfortunate.

If global warming does not kill us with floods first, the gnomes will mate far earlier and later than usual and overrun and devour us all. If it comes to that, our only hope is to hide and reside with The Shunned, who are much gentler and kinder (and also do not have the capacity or interest to eat most mammal meat).

Live green, lovelies!

[gnomegnowledge]

apologies for my recent absence. i tend to remain largely dormant in the summer (minimal academic excursions to study the beasties) as that is when the gnomes are most active and mate most heavily during the full moons, overwhelming the area (and my poor gardens) with sheer numbers. this has been a particularly heavy year, so i’ve been scrambling to try and tend to my plants since they’ve almost all been torn up by the more rabid new gnomes that have wildly overtended them out of inexperience. i even had a few succulents i was rather fond of that didn’t last more than a month because they were drowned very swiftly by new gnomes over-watering them (gnomes do tend to struggle more with non-area-native plants, but i was still disappointed to lose my aloe as well as my more tropical ferns). 

i look forwards to autumn, when i hopefully won’t have to continue lining my window and door frames with bananas any longer. neither i nor my lovely brownies are very fond of the constant banana smell (which isn’t a bad smell, it just gets old very quickly) or having to toss away the occasional gnome corpse after a night of attempts to chew through to get to our two kittens and any bugs that have tried to escape them by coming inside.

autumn, please bless me with your cool temperatures and pumpkins and let me relax again for a night or fifty.

[gnomegnowledge]

Gnomes have a terrifyingly excellent sense of smell, and a horrible singing voice.

[gnomegnowledge]

What do gnomes do in their spare time

there’s no real distinction between time to do things, honestly. they do what they do when they aren’t sleeping - eat, mate, seek vengeance against the humans, run away from more powerful things that would eat them or whack off their bits, raid the occasional compost pile, and digdigdigdigdig around making sure the plants grow!