god-in-the-basement - Tumblr blog

[god-in-the-basement]

I'm always up for a good date.

Hey, does God see these? Can we ask Her out?

This is utter blasphemy.

-Everyone

[god-in-the-basement]

Ah. Backscratchers.

Are you still trying to take over Heaven?

@raven-the-nephalem

UMMMMMMM NOOOO (Yes)

BUT IT‘S NOT THE BEST MOMENT EN, I‘M GETTING CHASED BY THIS

GIANT CAT AND I‘M IN THE CANALIZATION RN AND HERE ARE VOICES AND SCREAMS AND WEIRD YELLOW EYES! I‘M TRIYNG TO GET TO @muriel-not-the-dim-one BUT IDK IF I WILL MAKE IT!

Wahhhhhhhh

[god-in-the-basement]

Gorgeous. Those rosy cheeks, those golden locks!

Not thrilled that mum is sending me so far away! Why can't she understand that I need her with me?

[god-in-the-basement]

Stuck in the Basement. :(

I'm particularly proud of what humans did to bananas.

I’ll do you one better-

What questions do you have?

None that you can answer, unfortunately. Many of them begin with ‘why’ and get you chucked out if you ask the wrong person 😉

[god-in-the-basement]

Gravitational purposes.

I did that on purpose for symbolism.

Symmetry.

Humans were very tricky to design and I needed some failsafes.

Photosynthesis.

You make them edible through thousands of years of careful breeding. It's a challenge.

I’ll do you one better-

What questions do you have?

None that you can answer, unfortunately. Many of them begin with ‘why’ and get you chucked out if you ask the wrong person 😉

[god-in-the-basement]

Rebirth.

[god-in-the-basement]

so if demons are sticklers for contracts, demand high payment for their services, and have firm/specific rules regarding summoning rituals (aka the hiring process & availability of their labor)—what i'm hearing is demons are fully unionized

[god-in-the-basement]

Free the worms!

Zzzz zz zz

Yes, @lower-management, is that you?

[god-in-the-basement]

*pouts*

fine, i'll say it: god is so not fuckable.

[god-in-the-basement]

My beautiful son!!!

[It’s been a while, so let admin treat you to some LucifactsTM]

[Here he is!

Fact one: In his universe, he was the first angel to be created and the first being to have ADHD and autism because apparently God needed didn’t think he needed social skills.

Fact two: He mostly wears pastels, fire colours and white. He doesn’t really like to wear dark colours.

Fact three: He got confused and forgot to put Steve in Eden.

Fact four: His ass doesn’t know how to delegate. This is partly out of pride, and partly because he doesn’t really trust the other angels not to mess it up. And the one time he did delegate, (and this was only a few months ago) guess what? They messed it up. LUCI. PLEASE THEY’RE NOT GOING TO LEARN WITHOUT HAVING A CHANCE TO PRACTICE.

Fact five: His wings were originally a gradient from a pale pinkish red at the top to yellow at the bottom, but after assuming the throne of heaven, they turned white. He likes to say that this is symbolic in some way, but it is in fact due to stress.

Fact six: Rather than being Lucifer Morningstar, he is Lucifer Daystar. The star in question is visible even in full daylight. I stole this name from the play Lucifer.

Thus concludes LucifactsTM. The end]

[god-in-the-basement]

To see the world through newly colored eyes... What new patterns will you find?

Transfer

@fishyfiles: hullo Dagon!

My union representatief @ask-eric-the-disposable-demon sudshested the opshion that I be transferred to the Temtashion Department, locashion: Earth.

Do I have to fill in forms or can we consider it done?

[god-in-the-basement]

Oh, of course they do.

One must never underestimate the capacity of anything complex to change, after all. The more complex the thing, the more capacity for sudden change.

And angels, despite the... directed nature of their being, are very complex.

Sometimes they Fall.

Sometimes they change their nature over time, by a thousand little aggregated adjustments.

And sometimes they were something else before they were angels, and that nature is still there inside them. Like a gilded lily that sprouts a new blossom, brilliant and orange.

Transfer

@fishyfiles: hullo Dagon!

My union representatief @ask-eric-the-disposable-demon sudshested the opshion that I be transferred to the Temtashion Department, locashion: Earth.

Do I have to fill in forms or can we consider it done?

[god-in-the-basement]

Science.

Terrible things have been done in the name of science.

But so have wonderful things.

Human miracles of flesh and bone, blood and skin, creating things that make the world a better place.

This, if all goes according to plan, will be a miracle of the other sort.

Scratch that: this is the third kind of miracle. Miracles of flesh, of light, and of the darkness. If you know what I mean.

[god-in-the-basement]

;)

Everything comes down to Me eventually. Everything surrenders.

nobody here knows that god is bottom.

[god-in-the-basement]

I find a warm bath helps. Watching the waves is all very pleasant, but being near to weightless, suspended in blood-warm water... That takes much ache from the old bones.

You take the green apple - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.

You take the red apple - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

WHEN DID I END UP IN THE MATRIX???

[god-in-the-basement]

Finally, something perfectly accurate.

good omens fans all think that god, god, and god aren't dead.

[god-in-the-basement]

more stuff about becoming a god being inherently dehumanizing pls